Arizona Allspice (5 page)

I stood at the stove scrambling eggs. I absolutely hated eggs. I hated the smell, I hated the look of them, I hated the taste, but I had to hold my breath and cook them because Daddy demanded them for breakfast. He had to have his scrambled eggs and waffles or he’d be inconsolable all day.

Manny was sitting on the couch in his boxers watching SpongeBob
SquarePants
.

Why did he watch me here gagging, making eggs almost every morning and never once offer to cook them for me? Because it was a more womanly duty that Manny never once thought to do or even realized was being done. Like the laundry, or the dishes, or the mopping and dusting and watering the plants, or scrubbing the bathroom, or making sure we had all our food and toiletries, organizing and filling out paperwork and getting bills paid on time, or making sure Dad got all his medicine, even when he made up his mind that he wouldn’t take them some days, babysitting Dad, feeding Dad, sometimes clothing Dad, keeping Dad entertained, calming Dad down when he was upset, taking Dad’s violent outbursts, being a damn punching bag for Dad.

I scooped the lumpy yellow eggs onto a plate and threw some waffles down alongside them. I slid it across the table to Dad, causing some eggs to jump out of the plate.

“Elaine! Now I’ll have to eat half my breakfast off the darn table!”

“Hush and eat your breakfast, Dad,” I said sternly as I walked to the stove. I grabbed the dirty pan from the stovetop to wash it.

“Laney,” Manny called from the couch, “Be more careful next time.”

“Yeah,” Dad agreed, “and I’m your father. Watch your attitude.”

The pan crashed down into the sink filled with more dirty dishes. “Give me a break! I have a reason to be pissed off right now.” I pressed a finger to my chest. “
I
just had my heart
broken
. I am not a
freakin
’
Stepford
daughter,” I glared at my father and then at Manny, “Or a
Stepford
sister who will just continue to smile and make you breakfast! So let me
be
angry, for God’s sake!” I clenched my eyes and hands closed. “I just need a damn break, okay?” I opened my eyes to find Dad and Manny staring at me with their mouths hung open. Briskly, I walked into my room and shut the door.

“Laney?” Manny called from outside my door a few minutes later.

I didn’t answer. I was in a cocoon of pillows and blankets held together by wet tears.  I heard the doorknob turn and then a click as the door closed. I felt a weight on the left side of the bed and a tug on one of the sheets that I enveloped myself in. “Laney, I’m sorry.” I squeezed my arms tighter around myself and tried to block out his voice. “I know you just ended it with Raul which, even though it was a good decision, was hard for you to do. He did love you, but not enough.”

“Shut up.” I mumbled through the cotton layers.

Manny pulled at the blanket again. “Why did you bury yourself in these covers like this?” He chuckled. “Can you even breathe?”

Slowly I unrolled the blanket enough to expose my head so I could look at him. He had the decency to put on a shirt and some pants before coming into my room. “I wrapped myself up like this because it’s like when you’re a baby being swaddled, it’s almost like being held. Almost like Raul or Mommy holding me again,” I fought back the tears. My eyes closed, I felt Manny stand up from the bed. He slowly loosened the blankets. The warmth was chased away by room temperature air. Manny sat me up and hugged me to him, my face at his shoulder.

“Laney, I don’t want you to feel like this anymore. We can’t do this for the rest of our lives. We can let Mr. Jimenez go as park manager and then sell the park to Mr. Jeremy at the convenience store. He’s been offering to take it off our hands ever since…you know. We can sell it and move to California, both of us could go to school there, you could become an award-winning journalist,” he smiled, “and I can become a little known civil engineer.”

“But my scholarship is with University of Arizona.”

“Well, couldn’t you just transfer, or something?”

“You wouldn’t have even gone, would you?”

“What do you mean?”

I lifted my head from his shoulder and Manny’s arms fell from around me. “You weren’t going to go to Caltech unless you could’ve found a way to have me come to California too.” Manny’s gaze fell to the bedspread. “I guess what happened to Mom and Dad kept you and me here together. So Mom dying was kind of convenient for you. You and I never separated.”

He cut his eyes at me. “Don’t say that.” He shook his head.  “Don’t say it like that.”

My gaze fell onto the bedspread. “I don’t know why I said that. Forgive me.” He was silent. I
did
know why I said that to him. Getting under his skin seemed the only way he would talk truthfully with me at the time. “So we move to California. Where’s Dad in all this?”

 “We get him into the program at Mental Health America. There’s an MHA Village in Long Beach. He could live there and really get help.”

“No.” I couldn’t believe he already had abandoning our father all dreamed up.

“Laney, just admit it. You can’t take care of Dad forever.”

“No. They are going to stuff pills down his throat until he is glassy eyed and complacent. I’m not taking him to those inhumane drug testing facilities disguised as mental health centers!”

“They aren’t going to test drugs on him! Now you’re sounding like Dad or something!”

“You go to California if you want. You’ll be going alone.”

Manny gave me a sore smirk. “You are the most stubborn person I know.”

“I have to be. My twin is a pushover.” We smiled.

“I love you. And I love Dad. Think about that, okay? Please.”

I nodded, scanning his eyes. His eyelids were heavy, his forehead lined, his eyebrows furrowed. I was difficult to deal with, a chore, I knew it. I didn’t understand why he hadn’t left for California yet.  If he’d just hurry up and leave it would make our separation hurt less, like ripping off a
Band-aid
. One day he was going to marry Denise or whoever he might meet and we’d have to split up anyways.  Marriage was not in my future anymore. A lot of things weren’t. I wished he would go.

******

 
“Man, why aren’t you going?!”

“Did you not hear what she said?”

“Tell her she doesn’t have a choice in the matter.”

I laughed. “You’ll have to help me tie her up and throw her in the back of the truck ‘cause that’s the only way she’s going to California with me.”

“You’re her twin brother! Don’t you know anything that will change her mind?”

“Wait a minute. You
want
us to leave for California?
Me and Laney?”

“Well,” Joey paused. “I mean, no, not really, but in the big scheme of things anything is better than
Merjoy
Trailer Park in Cadence, Arizona with your unpredictable father.” Joey positioned the automatic BB gun in his hands.

“I know, I know! I know it’s not safe for her to be alone with him all the time but I can’t get her to listen to me.”

“Then try harder,” Joey replied.

 I glared at Joey as he positioned his eye along the gun’s sight and pulled the trigger. One by one the bottles exploded, the shards falling into the tall dry grass below the warped wooden saw bench.

“Besides, I’ll come visit you guys in California,” he grinned and handed the BB gun to me.

“Sure. Who says you’re invited?” I smirked and took the gun.

Joey smiled and turned toward the trailer. He’d heard the screened door creak open. 

“Awesome. Laney’s bringing out some beer,” Joey said and ran towards her. I saw my sister walk out of the house with a bag of chips and some drinks. I smiled and set up another line of beer bottles. Then I heard Joey’s phone go off. Joey had left it sitting on one of the flatter bone white stones out in the backyard. I walked over, picked it up and looked at the caller ID. I stared at it in confusion. I watched the phone chime and vibrate in my hand. Eventually the call went to voicemail. Without hesitation I pressed 1 to listen to the voicemail. I put the phone to my ear.

“Hey Joey.
I just wanted to thank you so, so much for last night.
How about I make you a good Mexican dinner tonight.
There’s nothing my dad can say. So, call me later. Love
ya
, Joey. Bye!
End of new messages
.”

******

Raul was pissed. Elaine wasn’t answering his calls. He needed another chance to prove to her he was sorry.
Just one more chance.
If what he had to tell her wasn’t good enough then there was no one but
Manny
to blame. If he hadn’t opened his stupid mouth all the time, always telling Laney something or the other to get her to leave him, they’d still be together. If Laney was going to cut him off like this, then Manny would have to pay. As he walked in the direction of Elaine’s trailer he ran the fingers of his left hand over the knuckles of his right hand and then over the cool surface of the rings that he’d slipped onto four of his fingers; the heaviest metal rings he could find. Raul’s hands were hidden in the front pocket of his hoodie as he walked in the direction of the Robert’s home.

******

I watched them in the backyard using beer bottles as targets. The back of our trailer opened up to a long stretch of barren land mottled with rocks, the perfect place to practice your aim. I watched as Joey positioned his BB gun. His mouth was going and Manny had an annoyed look on his face. They were arguing, as usual.

I’d been a real jerk lately, to both my brother and Joey, so I decided to bring a bag of chips and a six pack out to them to be nice. I looked out the window over the kitchen sink again. Joey hit all ten targets. I left the trailer with the snacks. Joey came running towards me, hopping over rocks, to grab the food and drinks from me. He was smiling the whole way, the slight breeze and the movement of his running body made his curly red hair lively. I was caught off guard. I’d never seen him smile like that before.

“Let me bring that over for you. You don’t need to stumble through this field.” His blue eyes shined up at me as I stood on the steps at the back door.

“Thanks. I thought you guys might be thirsty or something. So…here you go.”

“We appreciate it, Laney.” He took the chips and beer from my hands, his fingers brushed against mine. “See you later,” he said, then spun around and jogged back to their makeshift firing range. I went back into the house. Dad was having his afternoon nap. I returned to writing in my journal. The first few paragraphs of my latest story were alright, but I was stuck. I didn’t know what direction the main character should choose to go.

******

“Here are the provisions provided by
Señorita
Laney,” Joey said smiling as he walked up behind Emanuel. Joey set the food and beer down on the flat stone where he had placed his cell phone. “Dude, where’s my phone?” He turned to find Manny holding it.