Arizona Skies: The Muse (36 page)

I feel empty and lost without you
.

I need you desperately, my beautiful girl
.

Oooooh…oooooh…hmmm…hmmm…

My life is on hold and my heart is broken
.

I’ll never be the same without you
.

I love you desperately, my beautiful girl
.

Please, I’m begging you, come back to me
.

Oooooh…oooooh…hmmm…hmmm…

He played two more bars of the melody, and the spotlight went out. Suddenly the spotlight was on me. I looked up at Jesse with tears in my eyes as he put his guitar down and jumped off the stage.

He’d just told our story, and I was in shock at how beautiful the song was. The audience was up on their feet clapping as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me in front of everyone. Tears were flowing down my cheeks as he held me. I was overwhelmed with emotions and clung to him as he stroked my back.

“I meant every word, sweetheart,” he whispered, pulling my chin up to look at him.

He wiped my tears and smiled down at me as everyone cheered around us. I never expected that he’d write such a beautiful song about me. I was in shock as the stage lights went out and the rest of the band joined us.

“I hope this means that she liked the song,” John smiled at me. I wasn’t able to speak; I just nodded and tried to smile at him.

“See what you did to my boy? He’s a fucking poet,” Scott said, patting Jesse on the back as he pulled Shelly into his arms. We were all celebrating as the crowd approached us, eager to separate us girls from our boyfriends. I knew I had to share him with the fans and excused myself to go to the ladies’ room to clean up. Shelly and Liza went with me as we left the band to deal with their adoring fans, which were eager to get their hands on them. I looked back as I rounded the corner to see Jesse smiling and signing autographs.

“A look into the future!” Shelly said, standing there watching them.

“I’m afraid so,” I said, turning toward the ladies’ room.

“That song Jesse wrote was beautiful,” Liza said from one of the stalls.

“I know; I can’t believe it,” I said, trying to repair my makeup.

“That boy’s in love with you, girlfriend,” Shelly said.

“Scott was amazing tonight,” I said to her.

“I know; his voice is so sweet,” she gushed.

“You’re her, the girl he sang about tonight, aren’t you?” a beautiful, blond woman asked as she and another woman walked into the bathroom.

I looked up at her. “Yes” was all I said. This was the second time I’d been approached by a person from the audience, and it made me feel uncomfortable. They were studying me as I looked at them through the mirror.

“Your boyfriend is really talented; I’m going to buy his album when it comes out,” she said.

“Thank you,” I said.

“I wish I had been the one he noticed on this cruise, lucky bitch!” the other woman said, pushing open a stall door and slamming it.

“Let’s get out of here,” Shelly whispered. I put on some lipstick and fluffed my hair. We waited for Liza and left in a hurry.

Jesse looked back and spotted me as we walked into the room. He held out his hand to me. I smiled demurely at all the women surrounding him as he pulled me into his arms. He was mine for one more night, and we were going to make the most of our time together. The crowd parted as the ship’s captain made his way over to our table.

“Congratulations on another successful performance,” he said.

“Thank you, sir,” Jesse said, shaking his hand.

“I’d like to extend an open invitation to your band to join us for another cruise sometime. It was a pleasure having you on board,” he said to John.

“That’s very generous; thank you,” John said.

“I wish you all good luck on your upcoming album; I’m sure you’re going to be a huge success. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a ship to run,” he said, shaking hands with everyone.

Jesse

I
left Bailey resting in bed, because I had plans to keep her awake all night tonight. This was our last night onboard the ship and the band’s final performance. I planned on singing my song for her tonight. John was going to tape it and send it to the record producer.

I had a long talk with Scotty after we wrapped up our practice.

“Scott, you asshole, I almost lost the woman I love today because of your big fucking mouth,” I yelled, holding his shirt in my fist.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, looking shocked by my anger. He didn’t know, apparently Shelly hadn’t enlightened him.

“Your post-orgasm confessions to your girlfriend asshole. I’m fucking pissed at you,” I hissed.

“Sorry, man, I’m not sure which one you’re referring to,” he said.

“Fuck, how much did you tell her? The threesomes, you moron. Your little spitfire blurted it out to Bailey this morning and nearly broke her heart.”

“Shit, Jesse, I’m sorry. I was just being honest,” he said.

“That’s fine, but keep me out of it. Bailey is not ready to hear that shit yet.” I yanked his shirt back and forth, trying to shake some sense into him.

“I’m really sorry; I never thought she’d spill to Bailey,” he said.

“Well, she did, and I nearly lost her,” I told him.

“I’m sorry Jess. I promise, man; I’ll keep your secrets, but you should be honest with Bailey,” he said.

I let go of his shirt, shoving him back slightly. “Scott, I know, just not now. She’s so inexperienced. I don’t want to scare her away,” I confessed.

“She loves you, man,” Scott said.

“Yeah, and I’d never do anything intentionally to hurt her, so keep your big fucking mouth shut about my past!” I warned.

“You got it, man. We OK now?” he asked, fixing his shirt.

“Yeah, we’re OK,” I said, fake punching him. I pushed his head back instead. “Damn, Scott, I was scared shitless she was going to dump me.”

“I need your input on something; care to come with me now that you’ve torn me a new asshole?” he asked.

“Yeah, OK, Scott, we’ve got time; what do you need?” I asked.

“I want to get something for Shelly,” he said.

“How about a filter for her mouth,” I hissed. Scott turned to glare at me. “OK, lead the way,” I said, following him. Scott felt bad and apologized over and over to me as we walked. He promised that no more of our deviant ways would be discussed in the heat of the moment. I was glad that he and Shelly had such an open relationship, but I wanted to be the one to tell Bailey about the not-too-wholesome life I led before I met her. She was innocent, and I knew someday I would have to face my past transgressions. I needed to have a secure relationship with her before I went down that road.

I warned him that next time, I was going to use his face as a punching bag. He just laughed, he knows I’d never hit him, he’s my best friend and knows me better than anyone. Scott was like a brother to me, but this girl was way too important, and I needed her in my life. He told me he understood as he gave me a one-armed hug and patted my back.

I was anxious to see Bailey after being away from her for several hours. I watched the door every time it opened, hoping it would be her. I was not prepared for the vision in red that stepped through
that doorway. She blew me away with her beauty. She sparkled as her gaze met mine, and a smile crossed her face. She started to walk toward me with those long legs; my heart skipped a beat, and I instantly became hard.

We had been invited to dine with the captain tonight. John said he was looking forward to meeting us and that he had been in the audience for our first show. I wanted tonight to be fun, not sad. We made our way to the captain’s table, where he greeted each of us. He was very charming and quick-witted, making us relax and be ourselves at his table. Scott, of course, the goofball that he was, rolled out the jokes and kept everyone laughing. The captain had some interesting stories that he told about some of his adventures aboard his ship as we dined on a delicious dinner. We laughed and joked with the captain and his crew, having a great time.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Bailey; she was so damn beautiful. I held her hand in mine as much as I could while eating. She’d just smile at me and pull her hand away so she could drink her wine. When it was time for us to leave, we said our good-byes and headed out on deck to see the sunset one more time. Its beauty was already captured in some of Shelly’s pictures, and she didn’t disappoint tonight either. She pulled out her camera to capture me holding Bailey as we watched the sunset over the ocean.

I’d never noticed things like stars, moons, and sunsets before Bailey came into my life. I confessed that to her as we stood there. I guess you could say I was going through life with blinders on. I could understand now why my father was so disappointed in me; he wanted me to slow down and enjoy the world around me. I wanted to embrace the fast life of a rock star, sleeping all day and carousing all night. I was never really living up to my full potential; that was what John was trying to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen. It took this gentle, sweet girl to show me what I was missing in my life. Beauty was all around me, but I never saw it.

Listen to me
—Scott was right; I was turning into a fucking poet!

Everyone’s spirits were high tonight. John was excited to be seeing Natalie again.

We all were pumped to be cutting an album and had a lot of work ahead of us getting my words turned into songs. The rest of November, December, and January were going to be crazy.

I was up for the task, eager to get busy and be creative again. I was going to miss Bailey like hell, but I knew she was going to be busy finishing up her degree. I was proud of her for sticking to her plan; as much as I wanted her with me, I respected her decision. I couldn’t be selfish; I had to let her do everything on her own terms.

We walked into the Green Room and took the stage for sound checks. John went over our playlist, and I watched the girls settle into the center table. That waitress took care of them and left beer for all of us, glancing at me as she walked away. We had a little time before the place started filling up, so I sat with Bailey, holding her hand as we all chatted about nothing in particular.

When room began to fill up, John rallied us all together, and we hopped up on stage. The curtain closed, and we strapped on our guitars and waited for eight o’clock. The noise level escalated. We could feel the excitement in the room. I never got nervous; I enjoyed the adrenaline rush before I performed. I think every man on that stage felt the same way—Keith with his quiet confidence, Scott with his quirky antics, and John, who sat there strong and stoic. Just before the curtain went up, they all looked to me to make sure I was ready to rock. I’d never let them down, always ready with my head in the game. I faced them and looked at each man and nodded as the curtain rose and I began to count off on my fingers the start of our first song.

When I turned and moved to the front of the stage, my confidence kicked in and I dug into the archive of songs in my head. I never missed a lyric or hit a bad note. Maybe if I had, I would have realized what a fuckup I was and could have saved myself many years of foggy memories. Tonight my girl was out there waiting for me to
perform, and I was not going to disappoint her or any member of that audience.

I turned and spotted that red dress and the beauty wearing it smiling at me as we started our first set. I felt calm and contented inside; my life was definitely going in the right direction for a change. I felt whole and sang from the bottom of my soul.

We always tried to mix the old with the new, and when Scott sang that Sam Smith song, even I got goose bumps. His voice, although much higher than mine, was amazing, and how he could play the keyboard and sing with such emotion never ceased to amaze me. I had to write one of my songs in a key that he could sing; he was a phenomenal musician and had a crystal-clear voice. He learned that song and musical arrangement in one night. We weren’t sure he was going to be ready to perform, but he blew us away that afternoon when he sang it perfectly. The boy was a genius.

“Put it in,” John said, beaming with pride. Scott just smiled and acted like he usually does, nonchalant, how could I be mad at him after he pulled that off?

Our first set was over, and the audience was on their feet. That to me spelled success; when they just sat there, I got nervous. I knew I’d done my job when the crowd was as sweaty as I was at the end of the night.

I jumped off the stage to join my girl, grabbing her before anyone could get to me. I looked around the room, noticing a lot of people standing against the wall. Some of them were crew members taking in our show. We definitely were a hit on this cruise, and I would be eternally grateful to John for booking us. Our half hour went by too fast; one quick kiss for luck, and I headed back to the stage.

I introduced each member of the band, each one getting a round of applause and shouts from the audience. I knew this first song always made Bailey tearful, but it was the first song I ever wrote, and I loved it. We followed it up with “Crazy Love” and three more fast songs to get the crowd back up on their feet. I planned on singing my
new song last, and when the time came, I pulled the stool from the wing and sat there strumming my guitar. I didn’t know how Bailey was going to react as I told everyone that I wrote this song because of her.