Arsenic and Old Puzzles (22 page)

“Ratface wouldn’t do that.”

“Wanna bet? And don’t call him Ratface. There’s five bodies kicking around. The prosecutor’s so eager to charge someone, he’ll take anything he can get.”

“Can I quote you on that, Chief? The prosecutor doesn’t care who’s innocent or guilty as long as he can make a case?”

“You do and we
will
have trouble,” Harper said. He took a bite of his California bun, chewed it around. “You know Barney’s wife slapped Becky Baldwin?”

“I was there.”

“How was it?”

“It was beautiful. She swung from the hip, got her weight behind it. It was pretty loud. I gotta tell you, Becky was shocked.”

“How’d Becky take it?”

“Not well. She couldn’t place the woman. Asked who it was. Mrs. Cushman had to fill her in.”

“Do you buy that?”

“What? That she didn’t know who it was? Half the people in this town I know by sight but I don’t know who they are.”

“Yeah, but you’re not sleeping with their husbands.”

Cora gave him a look.

Chief Harper blushed bright red.

“You got anything on the crime,” Cora said, “or would you rather just gossip?”

“You know as much as I do.”

“I certainly hope not. I haven’t had Dan Finley making phone calls for me. What’s he found out?”

“Basically nothing.”

“You identify the lodger yet?”

“No.”

“Well, that doesn’t add up. It’s been over forty-eight hours. He should have been reported missing. Unless he’s foreign, in which case you would expect him to have a passport.”

“No one of his description has been reported missing. At least within the given time frame.”

“What about outside the given time frame?”

“Nobody’s been reported missing at all.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Tell me about it. A perfectly ordinary man killed for no apparent reason. And when you go to check him out, he’s a total mystery. A complete nobody. The man who wasn’t there.”

“A movie title. That should mean something. It’s a shame to think it doesn’t.”

“What about your movie?”

“What about it?”

“You said this crazy nephew was just like one of the people in it.”

“What about it?”

“How do you account for that?”

“I don’t account for it. Just chalk it up as another bizarre circumstance.”

“Yeah, but there’s been so many.”

There was a knock on the door. Alan Guilford and Becky Baldwin came in.

“I see you brought reinforcements,” Harper said.

“Arlene thought I should have a lawyer.”

Cora cocked her head. “Arlene suggested you bring Becky Baldwin?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Doesn’t quite compute.” Cora waved it away. “Never mind. What’s up?”

“What do you mean, what’s up? You asked me to come in here.”

“
I
asked you to come in here. I’m the chief of police. Cora only
appears
to be running things.”

“That’s just it,” Alan said. “You asked for me
again
. It’s getting to be a habit. Makes it look like I’m your chief suspect. Arlene felt I should protect myself.”

“That’s really not the case,” Harper said. “I wanted to talk to you about your brother.”

Alan rolled his eyes. “Ah, my dear, sweet brother. Just shows up and moves right in.”

“What?”

“How do you like that? Accuse your aunt of murder, and move into her house.”

“Wait a minute. Are you saying Edith invited him to stay?”

“What do you mean invited? He just moved in.”

“How can he do that?”

“Why not? He has his key.”

“Sebastian has keys to the house?” Cora said.

“Of course he does.”

“I’ll be damned.”

“Did you run into him last night?” Harper asked.

“I avoided him last night. I stayed at Arlene’s. I’ll tell you one thing, I’m not going to sleep in the same house with that man.”

“You’re afraid of him?”

“I’m worried about him, that’s for sure. You know what he used to do when he was a kid? He used to steal things, blame it on me.”

“Wait a second,” Becky said. “My client is not making any accusations against his brother. He is merely pointing out that he did not have an easy childhood, and that his brother’s sudden appearance is a totally unexpected occurrence that he is attempting to adjust to.”

Alan looked pained. “See, that’s what I don’t understand. You and Arlene both seem to feel I need to watch my tongue. I am not in any trouble and I’m not going to get in any trouble. Nothing I can say will hurt me. And I certainly trust these people not to twist my words around. May I speak plainly without fear of being quoted in some legal action taken by my brother?”

“Absolutely,” Cora said. “Anything you say may be used in evidence against you if they arrest you for murder. But in terms of a civil suit for defamation of character, our lips are sealed.”

“Is that right, Chief Harper?” Becky said.

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Stop it, Chief,” Cora said. “We’re all friends here. Even if the kid did bring a mouthpiece. Becky, I know you want to earn your money, but we got five killings to sift through. Can we kind of speed it up?”

“We can speed it up if you’re not going to treat us as adversaries. To begin with, I’d like to clear my client of this crime. Do we have a time of death yet?”

“Don’t you know?” Harper said.

Becky frowned. “How would I know that?”

“You’re confusing her with Perry Mason, Chief. She doesn’t have Paul Drake and a flock of detectives. She’s got me when she can afford to hire me, which hasn’t happened lately, and that’s about it. So go ahead and tell her. What’s the time of death?”

“It would appear she was killed yesterday afternoon somewhere around one o’clock.”

“Aw, hell,” Alan said.

“What’s the matter?” Cora said.

“I got an alibi from two o’clock on. I was with Arlene.”

“Where were you at one?”

“I went out to the mall.”

“Did you buy anything? Do you have a receipt?”

“Now here,” Becky Baldwin said, “I would like to speak to my client before he speaks to you. Not that he has anything to hide. But these are matters I have not yet discussed with him, and I’d just like to know what his answers are before he makes them.”

“That’s certainly fair,” Cora said.

Harper turned on her. “
You’re
deciding which of my questions the witness should answer?”

“I really don’t see what I’m a witness to,” Alan said. “I didn’t see anything. I didn’t hear anything. I wasn’t there.”

“You’re still the last person to see Charlotte alive.”

“Really? Counting Edith?”

“Edith saw her earlier. Charlotte said she was going shopping. As far as Edith knew, she went. Did you happen to see her in the mall?”

“Here again,” Becky said, “I would like to confer with my client.”

“Oh, nonsense,” Alan said. “There’s nothing to discuss. I went to the mall. I did not see Charlotte there. The last time I saw Charlotte was when I had a conversation with her earlier that morning.”

“To get back to
my
questions,” Harper said, “I want to know about your brother. I would like to know, without some paranoid concern that you are going to be sued for slander.”

Becky started to complain.

Cora jumped in. “I’m sure the chief means no offense. He’s just a trifle stressed by the fact the mortality rate in this town is beginning to resemble that of a PlayStation videogame.”

“Can he talk off the record?” Becky said.

“Of course he can,” Cora told her.

“Is that right?” Becky asked Chief Harper.

“With her assurance, why do you need mine? Fine. Talk off the record. Just talk.”

Alan looked to Becky, who nodded okay.

“My brother was the type of kid who pulled the wings off of flies. Cruel, mean, vindictive, sly, sneaky, cunning. He never got caught. At least, not in the beginning. A newspaper would disappear. A page of it, folded into a paper airplane, would be found in my pants drawer. Sebastian would bring me a present. I’d open it up, it would be Aunt Charlotte’s ring. I’d get caught putting it back. One time he held me down and poured pudding down my throat. Butterscotch pudding. Five or six times, I don’t know how many, until I got an incredible tummy ache. Then he went to our aunts and told them I ate all the pudding. It was hard to deny it. I was throwing up pudding in the bathroom.”

“And eventually he got caught?”

“He got more and more daring, the more he got away with. One afternoon when they were out he took the car for a joyride, smashed it into a tree. I’m sure he would have pinned that on me, too, if there’d been any way, but he got picked up on the scene. He also broke his arm. After that they took his stories with a grain of salt. When they cracked down on him, he left.”

“And his accusations against you?”

“Are lies, plain and simple.”

“What about his accusations against Edith?”

“Absolutely disgraceful and utterly absurd. Edith wouldn’t harm a fly. But if he’s really pushing it, I would start looking at him for the crime. It’s just what he always did. Do something bad and blame someone else.”

“And you didn’t see him in town before he showed up at your aunts’ last night?”

“No. It was an absolute shock.”

“You recognized him at once?”

“He hasn’t changed. Even as a kid he looked deathly ill. That’s how he’d get away with things. Look frail and helpless, poor little boy.”

“And yet he was strong enough to hold you down?” Cora said.

A flash of anger crossed Alan’s face, but was quickly suppressed. “He was older. Six years older. Made a huge difference.”

“And you hadn’t seen him from the time he left home until last night?”

“That’s right.”

“Could he have been around here for a while without you seeing him?”

Alan’s eyes narrowed. “What are you getting at? If I didn’t run into him, sure. If I saw him, I’d know. You don’t forget that face.”

“I really think we’re done here,” Becky said.

“One more thing,” Harper said. “The last time you saw Charlotte. Yesterday morning. You came over to shave and she asked you about breakfast. Have you given that any thought? Anything come to mind?”

Alan looked at Becky.

“That’s sort of a touchy subject,” Becky said, “what with you claiming Alan was the last one to see his aunt alive.”

“Arlene didn’t like it,” Alan explained. “She thought it was antagonistic. Like saying I had the most opportunity.”

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Cora said.

“I just want to know about the conversation. In case I could pick up a clue.”

“Afraid I can’t help you,” Alan said. “I told you everything I remember.”

“Tell us something you don’t remember,” Cora said.

Alan looked confused.

Becky rolled her eyes, put her arm around her client, and steered him out the door.

“Do you have to antagonize everybody?” Harper said.

“A lawyer and a client? Come on, Chief. They’re already hostile.”

Harper sighed. “Well, we didn’t get anything.”

“Yeah, we did. Alan Guilford doesn’t want to talk about his meeting with Charlotte.”

“That’s because he was the last person to see her alive.”

“That’s what he says. But it’s not necessarily true. He has his lawyer primed to intervene. And he trots out his girlfriend as an excuse. That’s particularly telling.”

“Why?”

“It’s an irrelevant detail. He’s explaining without being asked. It’s defensive as hell. Under normal circumstances, a guy doesn’t volunteer the fact his girlfriend doesn’t want him to do something.”

“Is that so?”

“Didn’t you ever date anyone?”

“Not in this lifetime.”

They were interrupted by loud, angry voices and a cackle of laughter.

“What the hell is that?” Cora said.

“I don’t know, but it can’t be good.”

Cora followed the chief outside where all hell had broken loose. Alan Guilford was attempting to kill his demonically grinning brother, who kept taunting him and dancing out of range. Becky Baldwin had gotten between them and was trying to restrain Alan. Rick Reed and the Channel 8 news team were filming gleefully.

“The jig’s up, little brother,” Sebastian cried. “I wasn’t in time to save Charlotte, but you’ll never get Edith now that I’m here.”

Chapter

48

“Becky’s got some
nice moves,” Aaron said.

“I thought you promised Sherry not to compare her with your old girlfriends,” Cora said. “It’s not fair to a new mom. At least not while she’s still nursing.”

“I was referring to the way she ducked under her client’s right hook. Very impressive, considering she was holding him back from his brother at the time.”

“It was a nice move,” Sherry said. “Strong and agile. Marvelous qualities in a woman. It’s a wonder she’s still single.”

“Oooh!” Cora said. “Look at the claws on mama cat. If I were you, I’d ease up on praising the lady lawyer, Aaron.”

“Well, they keep showing it,” Aaron said.

They did indeed. The shot of Becky ducking the roundhouse right was not only being replayed on Channel 8, it had also made the network news and had gone viral on YouTube. Over a million people had seen Alan Guilford swing wildly at his brother.

Cora, Sherry, and Aaron were having dinner in the living room in front of the TV, just like in the good old days. Cora wasn’t seeing Barney Nathan that night. The doctor was the speaker at some dinner function in Danbury. Cora wondered if he took his wife.

Jennifer was in one of those low, plastic highchairs on wheels, more like a cart with a tray. She was motoring happily around the room, leaving a trail of Cheerios and chicken. Buddy was vacuuming them up, and being a good dog and not grabbing food off her plate.

Jennifer piloted the highchair into the wall, looked offended when it didn’t go any farther.

“She got a license to drive that thing?” Cora said.

Jennifer pushed off the wall, headed toward the TV, where Rick Reed was waxing eloquent. She picked up a piece of apple, hurled it at the screen.