As I Breathe (One Breath at a Time: Book 2) (43 page)

I felt like I had fallen into some erotica novel where the characters fall in deep lust in the first chapter and by the second chapter they fall into bed, or wherever their naked bodies land. Then soon an intense love would follow.

“
Brielle, you are so beautiful,” his voice encircled me. “I am dying to be with you,” he spoke against my ear, drawing a breath in. “I mean that.” He sounded so serious it almost scared me. The distraction of his fingers teasing my flesh was maddening. “I don’t ever want to h—you, my Angel.”

I didn’t understand what he had said, but the words I did hear, loud and clear, echoed in my ears.
My Angel...

My body felt tormented, bereft and needy. Oh, how I wanted to please him and to be pleased by him. I tuned into my internal siren. I needed the strength of my intuitive mind to coax him into making a move;
it was time
...

Apparently, he read my thoughts; he spoke, whispering in my ear, “Yes, it’s time.”

His deep voice brought tears to my eyes and chills radiated across every inch of my body.

I returned his whisper with a whisper, “Yes,” I mewled breathlessly.

He gently released his embrace, staring deeply into my eyes then held my face with both of his hands. He lowered his face back towards mine and kissed me like I’d never been kissed before. For a moment it felt like a kiss goodbye, but I knew better. I grew lightheaded when his lips eased away from mine and he said, “It’s time…” He paused for a second too long. “It’s time for you to go.”

“
What?” I automatically blurted out. He had to have been joking.

I couldn’t believe my ears. I silently yelled out.
No!—No!!

He slowly stood up, never breaking the connection with my eyes and his. I saw something darkly cross over his face. I reached out and caught the tips of his fingers, holding on to him tightly.

“Why, what happened, are you okay?” My eyes pleaded. He carefully relinquished my hand. My heart plummeted.

The loving gaze, almost broken look in his eyes did not match his words. “You must never return here—take the key and go.” He paused in an unusual way, and added, “The spa is yours. I will have it delivered to you.”

His voice vibrated like strings on a bass guitar, and I sat there stunned that he was asking me to leave. I also didn’t remember telling him where I had lived. I was confused and didn’t know how to respond.

A heavy rush of blood with a dose of adrenaline pushed through my veins, collecting my heart into a wave and sank it like a rock into the pit of my belly.

I stuttered, “I’m confused...” My words hinged. “I mean you don’t even know where I live.”

“
That’s the easy part...I will find you, again.” At the time, I barely heard what he had said. Nothing was registering in my cognitive mind. A mental fog swallowed me whole. My brain felt like bland soup.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I had been blindsided. Here, I was ready to surrender to a man that I absolutely knew nothing about, nor did he know anything about me. I was willing to make love to him. A complete stranger! But, I didn’t care. I wanted to be with him. I was so convinced of this. I felt it. We were one with each other. Not in a physical way, it was something much deeper, connective. So, why was he asking me to go now?

“I don’t understand. What about this? I felt something special, an energy between us that was undeniable—I mean you even said that you like—”

He interrupted, “I told you it was powerful—don’t be fooled. Are you sure you still want the spa?”

“No, yes. Rain it’s not the spa I want—it’s more than that, I felt it before we—what about our talk. Have you forgotten all you said to me earlier?” I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself to cover my nakedness, ashamed and feeling like the naïve woman I clearly was.

I held back the tears that swirled in the edge of my eyelids. A stone had been dropped on my chest. Shame washed over me. The chamber seemed to lose its glorious charm of enchantment. I watched in disbelief as he slipped on a black robe that was draped over the edge of the spa. I could hardly look at him.

Rain’s forearms leaned on the rim of the spa with one knee up in a marriage proposal position, and he said, “You are perfect. An angel, a gift to a man like me, and it was a privilege to spend time with you today—please, understand—it’s complicated.”

“
Complicated? Are you going through a divorce? Is that the pending urgency you spoke of?” The tears built in the corners of my eyes. I refused to allow them to release. Great, I had almost surrendered my virginity to a married man. Had he lied to me all along, and then what, suddenly a sense of moral guilt had taken him over?

“
No, Brielle, I’m not married. I told you this earlier, there’s no one.” His lips twisted into a tight line. I sighed with immense relief. He seemed disappointed that I had second-guessed what he had told me earlier. Fuck, what did he expect?

“
Then, why? You can’t just leave! What is wrong?” My words hinged on the edge of anger. “I can’t believe I allowed you—allowed this to happen. I didn’t question you one bit because I felt it—you did too, something beyond words.” My voice broke into a whisper. “Something powerful...”

As I spoke, he seemed to shrink before my eyes. My tears broke, and I began to cry, “Rain, in these moments when we were—oh, you have no idea, do you? I must look like a fool because I feel like one right now...why did you bother with me in the first place?” I asked between my sobs. “I have never felt so humiliated. I feel as if you made me fall for you on purpose. I would have never allowed another man to win me so easily, not even one that I had dated.”

He nodded, “I know, Brielle.”

I spoke over him, vehement tones radiated from my mouth. “And now you are making me beg you. I want to understand what has happened? What did I do wrong?” He just stood and stared down at me as I rambled on. “Have we met before? Is this some kind of pay back? Are you going back to your ex? Answer me, damn it! You said it was over now I don’t believe you. ”

I saw a wet gleam form in his eyes; maybe tears, but they didn’t break the crest of his lids. And they probably weren’t for me. He still loved the girl in the photo...after all she donned a prime spot on his wall still. He answered, “You came too soon and so unexpectedly, yet I expected you. I knew you would come. It was no surprise to me that you came here today.”

All I could do was sit there, stunned by what he had just said. What kind of game was he playing? I felt anger. Then in the catch of the moment, seeing the despair in his eyes, I felt real love for him. Not sorrow or pity but conditional love.

There was something happening between us beyond my understanding. I’m a mystery writer, I know people, and I knew this was not some ploy just to be with me sexually. That was obvious. With his perfect good looks, he could have any woman he desired—it had to be something else. I felt heartache and rejection.

I thought to myself. God, is this a dream? One of my crazy dreams, again? Maybe, I was drugged, and I’m just now waking up, and I don’t want to...

“Brielle, you are not dreaming and
no
, you haven’t been drugged,” he answered my questions without hearing my words spoken out loud.

I whispered, “Why then? You knew I was falling for you. I thought you felt it too.” I argued my point, “Why are you shutting me out? Can’t we just talk?”

“It’s complicated. You must leave now and never return. This was a mistake,” he said again, his face frowning.

“
You’re the one who asked me to stay. Why?”

His eyes meet with mine. Damn him, and his smoky eyes...I’d probably jump off a bridge with him if he asked me to.

Again, I felt a thin line between disdain and love for him, all at once. A wrack of emotions wavered in me. And, there it was again, a look, something in his eyes, a personal war battled within him. Barely could I look at the stress etched across his handsome face. I sat there struggling with a long line of questions to ask…but regardless I relented.

How could he be so turned on one minute then so done with me the next? How could he not understand that it’s wrong to lead someone on, then—snap your fingers and ask them to disappear? I inwardly wished if I he truly had intentions to ever see me again that he’d leave me with more...

I felt his gray eyes staring down at me, darkly. I didn’t have the strength to face him. I was worn out, parched and felt like I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

“
Don’t hate me, please.” I could detect the tension in his voice. “Yes, I was wrong for bringing you here today and into my life. I will make it up to you somehow, someday, I promise—I must go now.” He sounded genuinely gutted and it made me wonder.

It dawned on me that he answered my questions without me asking them out loud. Come to think of it, he’d done this several times. I was just too caught up in the moments to notice.

“How are you able to answer my questions without hearing me ask them?” My anger steeped. “Oh, you’re good all right. Just as I thought earlier...when you were trying to seduce me—now you want me to think you can read my mind—what a cheap trick—And, what do you mean by—bringing me here? I came here on my own to buy a damn spa,” I stammered as I hit the water with my hands. “I don’t even want the bath now!”

He stared at me in silence—his jaw muscles tightened. I could tell I was hurting him.

“Answer me” I cleared my throat, then in a soft audible voice I uttered, my words were mixed with stifled cries as tears streamed down my cheeks. “I was letting you into my heart.” Raising my tone I added. “I swear to God, I will never let you into my head. You will never cross my mind after I leave here tonight. So, you best tell me the truth, this is your last chance.” Where was the ultimatum in that?

I couldn’t believe I had lashed out at him—threatened him so terribly with my words. I had never fallen so hard for someone in a matter of hours, and I was behaving like a woman scorned. What was wrong with me? The rejection I had felt in those moments made no sense in terms to how long I’d had known him.

Rain’s answer was more bemusing than the one before. He spoke soft and clear with a strong point of sincerity in his voice, “I understand. I forgive you for being so angry with me. Surely, you know the answers. Brielle—you must know it’s not my intention to ever hurt you. My heart and yours were drawn together...I will treasure this short time I had with you forever.” He reached for my hand and I pulled away.

My eyes fell into the murky water, along with my tears. “Forever?” I said breathlessly.

I cried inwardly.
There is no such noun—place or comfort in the word, forever. You’re either here, gone, or going into forever which doesn’t exist. Live in the moment, our time is now that’s what you said.
I later wished that I had told him my thoughts out loud, without all the emotions.

I tilted my eyes back toward Rain, and he was gone! Vanished again! I looked over the edge of the spa and saw only his footprints and traces of bubbles across the floor.

The magic was gone too. The room felt cold and void of life, like my heart—empty, vulnerable and naked.

I sat there for a moment longer, the water turned cold sending chills across my bare flesh. My eyes flashed to a thick white towel that had appeared on the edge of the spa. I hadn’t noticed it there earlier—again, more cheap magic tricks. I swiftly wrapped myself with the towel and dried off.

I sat at the vanity, fastening my shoe and I began to cry, softly. Through my tears, I caught in the mirror the reflection of my packages on the floor behind me—I was so intent on things appearing and disappearing in this spa room that I almost forgot about my purchases, which now seemed unimportant and unfulfilling.

My eyes burned into the corner where I thought a hidden camera might be planted. I angrily glowered. My blood boiled inside. “Stop! Enough toying with me! You’ve had your little joke at my expense.” Overcome with tears, I lowered my tone, “Rain, come back and explain to me what happened. If you don’t...I’m done! And, don’t come looking for me.
Ever
!” My emotions twisted back and forth. I had always handled pressure well on the outside. No one knew my inward emotions, unless I’d put them out there, now weakness over-came me, inside and out!

I glanced back at my packages and noticed there was a light gray linen note clipped to the outside of one of the bags. I assumed it was the bill for the spa.

I hurried over to the packages. For the first time, I really hoped that he might be watching me. I bent over very seductively with my ass high in the air; a lame attempt to give him something to think about and then snatched the note from the bag. I stood upright, placing my hand on my waist and nonchalantly stuck my hip out to the side as I read silently to myself. Slowly, I read the note.

We met and we will never part, my beautiful angel, Brielle...please, believe me, I’ll be thinking of you for as long as the days are long...I want you to know that you live on in my heart...Rain

I looked up into the corner where I thought a hidden camera might be stationed. Anger stirred within me, causing my fist to clench. I crumpled up the paper into a ball, so that he could see me clearly, if, in fact, he was even there watching me at all...