As I Breathe (One Breath at a Time: Book 2) (37 page)

A coy smirk crawled over Rain’s face. Was he amused by my curiosity? Or did he find my jealousy repulsive?

He exhaled heavily. “Brielle—

Before he got a word out, I interrupted him again. “I guess you don’t have to explain. It’s not like you owe me anything. But you’re the one who invited me back here and—” I stopped short, knowing I’d overstepped my boundaries.

His voice was calm and patient. “I like all your questions and no, Angel, there’s no one in my life. Not anymore.” His lips tightened to a thin line. “There hasn’t been for years and years.”

Angel? Years?
Both of his replies hit me like a shockwave. Then why did I feel as if he was still pining over someone, or something? I was definitely missing something, and I had no clue or any idea what that was. Still, he didn’t disclose his intentions with me. The scene I’d made was becoming painfully embarrassing.

I recoiled into myself, shame flooded me, but still I gave him a hard time. What did I have to lose, except for the last hour or so I’d spent with him and the possibility of a chance of a lifetime with the most gorgeous man I’d meet in years?

Pursing my lips, contemplating briefly, I said in a ragged tone, “Then, I guess you’re trying to tell me you’re not looking to date—and to just
live in the moment
and do what comes naturally. I get the picture now. Is there a
lit
round here somewhere,” I breathed out defensively, darting my eyes around the room. Surely he understood the word “lit” since I used his native language.

He remarkably and patiently said, “There’s no
bed
that I’m aware of.”

I blanched, realizing I’d behaved so badly. He hadn’t deserved my horrible accusation. I swallowed back the lump that caught in my throat. “I’m so sorry, Rain. I don’t know where this is coming from. I’ve never done anything like this before.” As cliché’ as it sounded, but I really hadn’t.

“I know.” He reached out and handed me my purse. “I noticed you looking for this.”

“
Thanks,” I sheepishly whined, expecting him to ask me to leave.

“
Don’t apologize. Actually, you’re not letting me get a word in edgewise, but carry on. Get it all out. Is there anything more in there that you want to express?” he asked with a sardonic smile although his smoldering eyes darted over me adoringly as he spoke.

My feelings for him were unexplainable and magnified beyond question. I felt as if a tiny monster had crawled into me and made me behave as if I were possessed. Flustered and thoroughly vexed I said, “I can’t believe I just accused you of—you’ve been nothing but a gentleman. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“
No, it’s really not. I shouldn’t have. I hardly know you. You don’t deserve this.”

Desperately, I tried to push back the chagrin that I’d previous felt. I lost that battle, and my mind continued to reel. My inexperience with men was evident.

“Brielle, I’m sorry. I’m not sure what I’ve said that may have given you the wrong impression. I didn’t bring you here to try to take advantage of you. That’s never been my intention. Is it my accent?”

I sank further into myself, feeling a wave of guilt. Here he was telling me he only had good intentions. If only he’d known, I wanted to melt into him from the moment I’d laid my eyes on him; with an insurance policy of course, and that he’d be mine to have and hold, forever!

“Maybe,” I mumbled breathily. “You speak in riddles sometimes.”

“
I’m just trying to put you at ease. Honestly. But, instead, I’ve caused you much anxiety. I feel our language barrier has caused a little misunderstanding—I don’t want to ever hurt you. As I said, I’ve done that before,” he said with a pointed edge.

There it was again, communication failure. He spoke as if he had let
me
down before; validating there was definitely a language barrier. He was clearly talking about the other woman and sharing with me That he’d had a past relationship that had failed.

Still in the course of his response, he didn’t say he would like to see me again and again. Damn it, I liked him so much. I didn’t want to leave him without knowing we’d see each other again. I had blown it big time! What was wrong with me? My reaction was overkill and unacceptable. Now, he’d never want to see my crazy ass again.

In my opinion, leaving a relationship was heartbreaking but meeting someone of your dreams and wanting to start one was painstaking too. Trying to put your best foot forward, coupled with analyzing every word of the ‘man of your interest’ was overwhelming! I was a hot mess.

Rain’s full lips turned into a luscious smile. “You remind me of someone I used to know. And trust me it’s a good thing.”

“Hum,” I mumbled. What could I say? I didn’t know how to respond.

I assumed he was talking about her. God, I hoped not, even if she was picture perfect and extremely beautiful. The thought made my stomach twist, confirming he still had strong feelings for her. It was now apparent to me he had hurt her and deeply regretted doing so. The past haunted him and it was obvious this woman still had his heart.

I wondered what had happened between them. I dared not ask. It was none of my business. Still, I couldn’t imagine Rain hurting a fly.

Who was I kidding? He wasn’t a boy, but a man with years of past experiences. We’ve all failed and have been failed by someone. Either way, I knew I didn’t want to leave his side. I wanted to stay with him
forever
, which was ludicrous since we had only just met.

I liked how he made me feel, even though, some things about this place came across as weirder than weird. Like my receipt falling out from inside my wallet and how he disappeared for only a moment, returning with items that would’ve taken longer than a few seconds to retrieve. The entire situation was peculiar. Of course, who was I to judge? I had followed a stranger to a backroom of the beautiful gallery. And no one even knew I was there with him.

It was time to end the confusion for both of our sakes. “Rain, I’m sort of a straight-forward kind of girl.” I shrugged. “As you now can see,” Pausing I whispered, “yeah,” to myself then raised my voice. “And I’m not good with mixed signals.” I called out his one flaw, feeling a need to vindicate my rude behavior. “However, I appreciate all your thoughtfulness and sharing. Thank you.” I paused, gazing into his face but avidly avoided any eye contact. Contrary of being straightforward, I wasn’t giving him much back either. It came to the time to make my exit.

I stepped forwarded to retreat yet kept my eyes on Rain. I nodded, trying to bring a smile to lips.

Rain’s eyes were deadpan. The light in them dimmed. It felt like good-bye.

“
Brielle, I’m not sure if you understand what I’m telling you.”

My posture was erect and rigid. “It’s okay. I believe I do.” My heart sank to my knees.

“
Brielle, I don’t mean to cause you any confusion. Why don’t we just enjoy the time we have today? Let’s not talk about our past life. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” Again, I wasn’t buying this; he very well meant to bring it up.

“
You mean our separate past lives. Not our past. See, when you say it that way, it sounds as if you are saying we had a past together.” I explained some of my frustration.

“
Ah yes...I see. I understand it’s too much.”

Oh boy...he wasn’t getting my point. “You’re right...I guess it’s your accent, which I love by the way.”

“Thank you for saying so.”

“
You’re welcome.” I smiled, feeling silly for pointing out his grammatical faux pas. Nonetheless, I was suspicious that he didn’t get it. Surely he knew he was using ‘our past’ in the wrong form. I crossed my arms and stood proudly ready to take my “walk of lame” out of the chamber.

“
You are better now. Yes?” He narrowed his eyes, holding back his amusement of me.

“
Yes,” I mumbled, trying to sound aloof. At least he was still being polite, unlike I had been. I had figured when he handed me my purse that was my invitation to leave. I didn’t need him to spell it out. “I’ve had such a wonderful time with you. Thanks for showing me the chamber and the spa, but perhaps I should go now.” I bit the flesh on the inside of my cheek and blinked at him, sheepishly.

I stepped a few more feet forward, holding back tears that crested on the edge of my eyelids. I toyed with the button on his jacket. I wanted to burst out crying. I had met the perfect man who was still in love with a woman he hadn’t seen in years. Just my luck. This sucked for so many reasons.

“Here’s your jacket back.” When I went to remove it, Rain gently gripped me by the shoulders. I wanted to fall into him and wrap myself in his arms forever.

“
Stay for a while longer. Please.”
He fisted one hand through his hair, then took my hands in his and kissed them with his soft lips. A powerful temptation rushed over me. He tilted my chin upward.

Oh, I want to more than you will ever know. My heart battled with my mind. Stay? Oh sure! Let me doodle over you with the possibility of never seeing you again because you’re still in love with Miss Perfect who you can’t get over. In fact, her picture still hung on his wall. I’m such a fool.

“I feel so stupid,” I confessed.

“
No, please. I know I have confused you, and I don’t want you to leave. Brielle, I don’t have much time left. The truth is I’m stricken with...” he paused, clenched his jaw and hung his head.

Oh my god, he was dying. This must be why he was rather pale.
No wonder he had made the reference that life was short. My heart lurched into my throat.

“
Oh Rain, no.” I wanted to hug him but held back doing so. “I’m so sorry,” I carried on, “why didn’t you tell me earlier? Isn’t there something the doctors can do?” Maybe this was the cause of his past relationship breaking up.

“
Brielle, I’m not dying, Sweet Girl.”

My emotions reeled. “Oh my god, thank heavens.” Wow, talk about a communication barrier.

“
But
...Brielle.”—
Here it comes
—“I’m going to be leaving the city for a long time and that’s why I want you to stay. I enjoy spending time with you, and I don’t want it to end. Not yet.” Which clearly meant it would.

I sighed breathlessly. “But you’ll be back…” I nodded. “Right?”

“Not for some time.”

“
I see...gosh, I feel so stupid for accusing you of—well, you know.” I fiddled with my purse strap.

“
Don’t, please.”

A glimmer of hope enveloped me. “The good news is you’re not dying, thank God,” I said enthusiastically, noticing Rain’s serious expression didn’t resolve. “I had no idea what you were talking about. Time and the past and all. You were making my head spin,” I breathed, raising my hand to my heart.

“Language barrier?” he questioned me, a short smile rose to his handsome face.

“
Hmmm, yes I believe so,” I smiled wryly. Still, I felt it was something more than that. There was something he was holding back. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

“
You’re right, it’s not you, it’s me,” he empathically teased and threw his hands into the air. That sounded familiar but I knew he didn’t mean it as in the break-up catch phrase. It was an effort to make light of our communication blunder.

“
Ta! You’re right it was definitely you,” I teased back, making my own effort and smiled softly at him. “So when will you return from your trip?”

“
I’m not sure,” he clearly said, offering nothing more.

“
Oh...I see.”

“
I have some pending things I need to take care of.”

I wanted to ask him what, and where he was going and why, but seriously I had no right too. Again, it was really none of my business. Maybe he was going to tell this other woman he had met someone new, which was I...and then he’d be over her once and for all. Wishful thinking, because meeting me wouldn’t validate something that had been pending.

“So are you going to stay now? I’d still like to tell you about the legend behind the bath.”

My eyes darted to the bath and then to his eyes, remembering the reason why I had entered his store in the first place.

He stared back at me with a strand of melancholy lingering in his eyes, waiting for my response. “Please stay.” His tone radiated deep and raspy but so smooth and effective. “Besides, I can’t eat all this by myself.” He offered me a soft smile. Then he added with strong conviction, “I know you want to.” Placing his finger under my chin and lifting my eyes to his, I turned my face from his touch, fighting the urge to run. “That settles it,” he confidently said.

“
You really want me to, even after my outburst?” I winced.

Rain lowered his stance to my level, and tilted his chin down, looking up at me over his dark thick brows. His expression reminded me of the actor who starred as 007, Sean Connery. That man had some serious bedroom eyes and so did Rain.

“Brielle, I want you to know that I like you very much.”