As I Breathe (One Breath at a Time: Book 2) (36 page)

Wow, he didn’t react to my accusation like my ex would have, becoming a defensive asshole and shooting back something rude, or in the flavor of; “
No, what are you accusing me of?”

Rain wasn’t that kind of man. That, I’d determined already. He proved to me that a truly confident man would not react to a woman’s insecurities by making a snide comment back to her. He didn’t need to point out the obvious to boost his ego. His confidence was that of a steel Trojan.

My mind wandered for a split second into the gutter. I was losing my religion. I craved him, I wanted to drink him like wine and allow him to melt on my tongue like warm chocolate.

I stood looking him squarely in the eyes—actually I was a foot below him—searching for a sign. My wayward thoughts continued to wander.

A slight smile curled at the corners of his lips. His incomprehensible gaze toyed with my emotions. I wanted him to like me so much. Too much. Why? Would he be just another toxic relationship where I did all the pursuing? God knew I was no stranger to tears and heartache.

“
Who are you Mister de’ Bluche?” Upon asking so boldly my heart pounded out a fanatic drum roll.

“
A man with hope.” His husky deep voice caused my legs to turn to Jell-o. My mind was clouded in the stage of his presence.

I bit on my lower lip, contemplating a response. Allowing the fullness of my lip to slide through my teeth, I lifted my mouth into a smile. “For?” I simply asked. I coyly probed his eyes, again. doing my best to flirt with my own.

The delivery in his tone was deep and serious. “I’m keeping the faith and hoping for something that has never been seen.”

I knitted my brows together. “Woo, that’s complicated. So you want something that you can’t see or that may not exist?”

“
I hope for the impossible, but if I strongly believe that it is possible, then it shall be.”

“
Then, my hope for you is that it comes true.” And I did. My wish was that I was the impossible catch he wanted. I desired the real deal and hoped he was it.

With my hands in his and standing so closely, he felt real enough to me. Too real. Although his hands were ice cold, his energy was sizzling and intoxicating. I knew his heart had to be steaming hot! Damn, I wanted him to touch more of me than just my hands. I felt inexplicably drawn to him. I hoped he’d take this opportunity to steal a kiss.

I leaned in toward him and my stiletto heels wobbled noticeably. What a big moment spoiler. He gripped my forearms, balancing me and said, “Would you like to know how I inherited the bath?”

“
Yes, I would love to.” I was so close I could smell his expensive cologne mingling with his natural pheromones. It was delicious, too good to be the scent of a human.

“
There’s also a great love story behind it that I’m sure will inspire your writing.”

“
Really? A love story. Sounds intriguing.
I’m all ears.”

“
Please, excuse me one moment.”

“
Sure.” I nodded as I watched him retreat into the misty gray chamber.

***

When he returned, only a few moments later, in his hands were two long-stem glasses and a bottle of champagne. Rain walked so light-footed with pure refinement. It seemed like he almost floated across the floor.

Out of the darkness behind Rain, the white-haired gentleman named Pierre, whom I had semi-met earlier, appeared. He was pushing an antique serving cart. I mentally laughed at the sight of this seven-foot giant hunching over the tiny, elegant cart. Adding to the humor was the fact that he made me look like a dwarf.

Upon the tray were the largest chocolate-covered strawberries, small sandwiches and sorted pastries. The details were exquisite! I especially adored the dainty embroidered linen napkins. What a fine touch. They looked antique too.

Why was he doing this for me? Should I ask? All I could do was stand there in awe.

“Thank you, Pierre,”
Rain said with such politeness.

Pierre nodded and then disappeared without a word.

Rain turned to me and said, “I thought you may be hungry.”

“
Oh my, this is so lovely.” I stared down at the magnificent spread. “But it’s getting late.” My eyes panned dreamily into the space of the dimly lit chamber. I didn’t want to over stay my welcome, but I didn’t want to leave either. Between the champagne and candlelight, and the mysterious ardor that I wanted to be loved by this man forever, suddenly everything seemed too intimate without the properness of a first date.

“
Do you have somewhere to go? I’m sure you haven’t eaten all day—it looks like you did plenty of shopping, so I thought this would give you a little boost.”

What kind of boost do you have in mind, other than offering me food and drinks?
I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression of me. As much as I wanted to hang out with him for all eternity, I wanted him to consider me as dating material. Hell, even more than that!

“
I don’t have any plans, I just didn’t expect—

He interrupted. “Are you getting nervous again?”

“I’m not nervous...never,” I gushed, lying my ass off, realizing I had been inadvertently twisting my fingers together. I didn’t think he had noticed since the sleeves of his jacket hung far beyond the length of my arms. I glanced at the champagne knowing that too much alcohol made me emotional and lowered my inhibitions. The glass I had earlier was definitely enough already.

He arched a single brow at me. “Never, huh?” he asked pointedly, putting me in the hot seat. “Life is short Brielle, and we don’t have forever to figure it out, but we have more time than you know.” His words were perplexing. What he’d said could have been taken two ways. In my opinion, it was definitely a mixed message. Did he want to skip wining and dining me and go straight to the boudoir? A yellow caution light flashed in my brain. “Everyone deserves a break now and then. We should let the
past
go and live in the moment.”

Was he making a pass at me, or just using the expression loosely? Why had he referenced the past with such emphasis on the word?

“Uh. The past?” I whispered. I didn’t have much of a torrid past to let go, but I wondered if he did?

Rain covered the cork of the champagne bottle with a white bar towel. He twisted at the waist and held the bottle away from my direction and popped the cork. The sound caused me to jump.

“Oh wow.” I giggled nervously and realized I hadn’t accepted his invitation to stay. Still, he proceeded with the refreshments, assuming I would.

“
I love that sound,” he said as he filled the two glasses with champagne. Every time he spoke, even the simplest words, my heart stopped beating. It seemed unfair that he had that much power over me.

“
No matter what, it startles me every time,” I confessed.

My ears remained focused on the sound of his baritone voice. I admired him as he filled the glasses and carried on, “I want to take my time with you...I failed to do that in the past.
But
...” he emphasized, his words fell short, and he paused.

I quickly interpreted he wanted to go slow with me, which was fine with me, but still, his words were laced with something that pinged my womanly intuition. I supposed he was trying to tell me he had rushed things with someone in the past and maybe he just wanted to be friends with me. This would be the point where he would set me straight, despite all the flirtatious banter that had gone on between us.

“Please, don’t say to me the famous, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line.” I half-laughed and half-joked, to cover up for what I totally meant. I didn’t want to hear him say he wasn’t looking to pursue a serious relationship.

“
No. Not at all. Actually, I’m the one who doesn’t want to put any pressure on you. There’s no need to feel nervous. Let those feelings go.” I didn’t like that he kept insisting that I was nervous. It felt a little presumptuous on his part, even if it were true.

I didn’t flinch a muscle. “I’m not nervous,” I denied argumentatively. “Not in the way you are suggesting. And I don’t feel pressured by you at all. Unless you’re going to try to sell me something I can’t afford,” “Okay...I was just trying to put you at ease. You seem to be overly thinking things.” It shocked me that he’d pointed out my covert insecurities. I thought I’d hidden them well. This man was out of my league and too insightful.

“What? I’m not over thinking anything,” I snapped at him without thinking, sending a piercing glare toward him. I found perplexed smoky eyes looking back at me. Notably, he felt as disappointed as I did. I quickly smiled trying to rein in my disdain.

“
I’m trying to share with you and evidently I’m failing miserably. Opening up is not my best skill.” His confession drew a line in the sand, which caused me to question him. I wasn’t buying his excuse. Damn it—it didn’t feel right, considering he was articulate, well-spoken, poised and extremely secure, but surely he wasn’t intimated by the likes of me. His voice projected, “I’m sorry if I’m upsetting you. You’ve been nothing but a breath of fresh air to me today. Can we make the last two minutes a part of the
past
now too?” He joked, but put a strong emphasis on the word “past” again.

Why did he keep mentioning the past? He seemed bothered by something that had happened in the past, and he felt the need to mention it...I believed this man didn’t do or say anything that he didn’t intend. A man of his caliber didn’t find success by spouting off at the mouth.

“Hmm, I thought you told me earlier to never apologize for something you didn’t do wrong.” I inadvertently winked at him, making up for my previous snippy tone.

“
I suppose I did.”

“
But, you keep mentioning the past so is there something you’d like to tell me?” I asked, probing his face for an answer.

I believed this was where Rain, the man that seemed too good to be true, would tell me he had a girlfriend or had just recently broken up, and it was too soon for anything serious. Clearly, he had already told me let’s live in the moment. And surely he sensed I wanted more with him. My body language screamed of this. I imagined I wore an invisible neon sign on my back that only Rain could see that flashed, “
Pick me, pick me, love me, love me!”
How pathetic that I wanted him to love me that much.

Why was I totally enthralled with this man?
Why?
It’s entirely unnatural to meet a man and fall utterly and completely in love with him at first sight. At least for me. Lust? Yes, but love? Hell, no!

“
Nothing at all, but I’d like you to stay.” Oh, I sensed he had plenty to tell, but he just didn’t want too. He looked at me with his bedroom gray eyes, waiting for my reply.

Was he grieving over the girl in the photo? Was this what he was trying to tell me? I felt baffled. My insecurities swarmed around me, kicking into a higher gear. Then I wondered if I had mistaken our flirting as more than what it was? Just simple friendly flirting! My heart sank. I didn’t want to act hastily by making any more conclusions or accusations. Actually, I wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it.

Parisian men were naturally flirty, and this could mislead most American women into thinking they’re into them more than what they may actually be. As for the spread of champagne, cheese and hors d’oeuvres, most elite stores in Paris offered champagne and wine, so Rain’s gestures were typical.

To my surprise, I parted my lips and blurted out, “Are you trying to tell me that you are still hooked on the girl in the photo?” Inwardly, I gaped although I didn’t feel I was prying by asking about his love life. At this point, he owed me a simple answer. I felt foolish for previously swooning over him. “That’s fine with me if you are. I just...” I murmured. “I get it.” I shrugged and flipped my hair behind my shoulder, glancing around for where I’d laid my purse. I felt like running. “You keep mentioning the past so I figured—well, we all have a past and maybe you’re still working it out.” Inadvertently I smiled, trying to regain my equilibrium.

Inwardly, I trembled, feeling a sense of rejection, one I was creating myself. Relationship sabotage! What was wrong with me? It was almost as if I was asking him to reject me before I heard his answer. I called this committing an act of potential relationship murder. I continued to stab at him.

Rain stared at me with sincere eyes. “Brielle...have I done something to make you question my intentions?”

One way or the other? Yes and no,
I thought, squirming inside. Maybe I just wanted to know what exactly his intentions were with me, if any at all? Long term, short term, no term? Fuck, why was I so desperate to know?

“
So are you going to answer me or I am going to leave here, feeling like the jackass I’m behaving like?” My tone was filled with self-pity and self-resentment.

Heat coursed through my veins, awaiting his response. Holding my ground, I stared intently into his unwavering smoky dark eyes. Still, I hoped for an answer, even if I had blown it, despite that I really didn’t deserve a respectful answer at that point.