As I Fade (One Breath at a Time: Book 1) (19 page)

“
Duties,
” Jane said indignantly. “She’s a horrible nurse.” Jane gave something between a snort and a laugh. “Actually, she’s not even considered a real nurse here, but a volunteer from America. She’s going to mess up terribly. She’s been so distracted these days. Haven’t you noticed?” Jane asked pointedly.

“
She’s in love, Jane. Give her a break.”

“
No, I want her gone.”

“
Well, you’re going to have your wish soon.”

Jane piped in, “What do you mean by that?”

“I heard he’s going to propose to her. She’s so lucky. She will have to resign at that point. So she’ll be out of your hair before you know it.”

“
What, who told you that?” Jane asked, her anger bubbling over. “I won’t allow this to happen.” I heard something slam into the wall. “He
can’t
marry her!”

“
Jane! What is your problem?”

“
She’s in love with the Doc, dumb ass, and she’s a jealous bitch! Jeez!”
I inwardly blurted.

“
I hate her. I can’t allow this...it’s so unfair to me,” Jane bitched. “They hardly know each other. I have to stop this.”

“
You need to calm down, Jane...what are you going to do, tell me now?” The female demanded to know, her voice sounded shaky. I imagined she wished she had never told Jane anything.

I accidentally let out a cough that had been lingering in my throat.

“Is she awake?” the raspy-voiced woman asked. I felt the edge of my bed compress. Someone was close to my face.

There was a beat of silence. I struggled to open my eyes but to no avail. I wanted to sit up and tell them to get the hell out of my room and take their hospital drama with them.

“Don’t worry she’s drugged and can’t hear a thing we’re saying. Besides, no one will believe her, even if she can hear us. Doctor Tagorski thinks she’s insane,” she snickered. They were now talking about me.

“
So what’s your plan?”

Tell her your plan already, or are you making this up as you go! I want to know, too.

“Well, I’m going to make it look as if Katharine screwed up—big time. I am going to give this little patient here a lethal dose of Sodium Pentothal and then blame it on Katharine.”

What the fuck!
My pulse raced twice the beats it should have.
She planned on murdering me! Why me? I couldn’t believe my ears. Murder me! Then frame Katharine in order to get rid of her. Holy shit. This can’t be happening!

If I lived to tell, she would claim that I was a liar or worst yet psychotic, but apparently that was the consensus already.

“What! Jane, are you crazy?” the other woman shrieked.

“
Can be. Besides, all is fair in love and war,” Jane retorted with a sinister laugh.

“
Tell me you’re joking? You’re talking insane now. Killing someone is out of the question, on all accounts,” the female said, firmly. I struggled to open my eyes.
Who was she
? I wondered. Thank God she had a little sense. “Doing this doesn’t mean that Doctor Tagorski will marry you. Is that what you are thinking? Lord Jane, I don’t know you right now. Can’t you just make her deathly sick and then blame Katharine for being incompetent? But to actually kill her is totally mad on your part. Please tell me you’re kidding.”

“
Oh, Maryann, you are such a do-gooder. I suppose I could, but if we put Miss Eden one out of her misery for good—Katharine will to jail for a long time, which will increase my chances with Doctor Tagorski. If we just make her sick Katharine might talk herself out of trouble. She’s good that way. She’s very manipulative. She’ll start crying and batting her long dark lashes and everyone will feel sorry for her. The worst thing the hospital would do is fire her. That’s not good enough. We can’t take that chance.”

“‘
We?’...what do you mean, ‘we?’ Stop with the ‘we’ talk! I’m not a part of your plan,” Maryann insisted.

Jane ignored her and continued explaining her insane plan. “With Katharine gone, Doctor Tagorski will be weak, and heartbroken that his little girlfriend has to spend the rest of her life behind bars. Sure, he will visit her for a while but that will get old. My greatest hope could only be that prison life causes sweet Katharine to break. Soon she’ll lose her beauty, and after that, why else would Doctor Tagorski want to visit her?”

“Love. Jane.”

Jane ignored Maryann’s good sense and rattled on, frothing at the mouth...like the mad dog
Cujo
! “Maybe she’d do herself in while she’s behind bars. There’s no way she’ll be strong enough to withstand the horrors of being locked up. She’ll definitely take the easy way out. Suicide will be her freedom. That’s how I see it.” She continued, each word radiating madness.

“
During this entire tragic, tragic time, I will be the one there to comfort Doctor Tagorski...if you know what I mean. He will then realize that I’m the girl for him, not some redheaded bimbo who can’t administer the right amount of meds. He will resent everything he ever loved about her. In no time at all he’ll fall in love with me.” The room fell silent for a moment. “Maybe, I will seal the deal by getting pregnant,” said Jane. “He is a good man and will then marry me for sure.”

“
I can’t let you do this, best friends or not. It’s wrong. Doctor Tagorski doesn’t love you. He loves Katharine. Everyone knows it. He’ll stand by her until the end.”

Jane growled, “That’s right until the end when she cuts her wrists.”

“Jane, that’s an awful thing to wish on someone. You will eventually be caught. Jane please stop this, you are scaring me!”

How the fuck do you think I feel right now? I’m drugged, I can’t move and this demented nightmare of a nurse wants to kill me for no reason!”
My heart felt as if it was going to burst.

They both argued; I wished I could have too. “Take that back, and her...she’s innocent in all this,” Maryann protested on my behalf. Thank God!

“Quiet. No one is innocent!” Jane scolded her. “Look how she behaved. She’s part to blame. If it wasn’t for her big mouth,
sweet
conniving
Katharine would’ve never had to rescue her, and I wouldn’t have been reprimanded in front of everyone. How I see it—they are both at fault.”

“
This is wrong. I won’t have anything to do with it. I can’t let you go through with this. I’m warning you, I will tell if you even attempt such a crazy thing.”

That’s right! Tell her she won’t get away with this
, I screamed, but my mute words couldn’t reach anyone’s ears. I couldn’t open my eyes or my mouth.

“
Fine, Maryann, hand me that,” Jane ordered, a beat passed. “Perfect. See, now you’re involved.”

“
What? No. I’m not. You’ve lost your senses!” Maryann stammered. “I’m leaving!”

“
You’re not going anywhere. See, your fingerprints are all over the syringe. Look, I have gloves on.” Jane tittered out a sound that resonated evil. “So if you tell anyone, you will surely go to jail too. Stick with me, and I will give you an alibi. So, shut up and stop your whining,” Jane threatened.

I could hear them wrestling around.

“Give me that back...now!” Maryann bellowed.

“
Let go or you’re going to get hurt,” Jane warned.

Fuck!
I screamed so loud it shook my insides.

I needed to get out of this place. My life was in the hands of Maryann. She had to overpower Jane. Hating to face the facts, but Jane was right that the doctor would never believe me. My mind spun, hopelessly.
Maryann, save me please!

A pair of hands gripped my arm
.

Oh my God, no...no! Let go of me you fucking bitch! Ouch!

That was it. The prick of a lifetime entered me.

“Now look what you made me do. I wasn’t going to give it all to her until tomorrow,” Jane’s repulsive, shitty-ass voice slurred in my ears.

A hot burning sensation streamed into my vein. Then darkness, no more voices. Jane did it. She had given me the lethal dose.

* * *

My life was over...

Hot tears streamed down me face; tears I would never taste. It was over.

I drifted farther into the darkness, and then a beautiful flash of light swarmed around me. There he was, the man with the gorgeous eyes, waving to me. Behind him was a halo of light, a loving warm light drawing me closer. He was smiling.

Then the world fell away, and I was back to the time I had first met him. It was all so clear now.

If I had known who he really was I would have thought twice first before allowing him to steal my heart. He hypnotized me with his ghost of a smile, exuding confidence that was more attractive than his looks. I found myself engaging in his conquest, his hocus-pocus; however, I was on the wrong side of the smoke screen, under his spell. He had a primal quiet nature that captured me in his web. I tangled with the fibers of his being, surrendering to the phenomena of who he was—of what made him—
Him
.

My Achilles heel was tall, dark and handsome. A fact that I wanted to know was...why me, why had he chosen me? I ached to understand the reason for the journey that had led me to
Him
. It was a compelling enigma he’d set into motion, playing on my need to be claimed by him. The certainty of our connection was unwavering.

All I could do was ask myself, why? Why did he play me, and his cards so close to the vest? Why...because he could.

Was our connection real, or was it merely my perception of who he was to me, or more appropriately, who he
is
to me?

Where is he now?
I wanted to know.

The feelings that I felt for him, above any other moments in my life, were deeper than any I’d ever known. But, before I could grasp it—it was over! Emotions squeezed the breath from my lungs, and I doubted my ability to let go when he disappeared like magic, extinguishing the flames between us.

His sudden vanishing act only recaptured my intense desire to relish him—all of
Him
. His breath touched all corners of me. Regardless, he was a breath that could not be captured, almost like life itself.

I realized that it was a deadly combination playing with fire and trying to change our destinies. My heart was on the line, as was my life. Despite the slow death of losing him, there was no denying that he ignited the fire in me like a candle without a wick. I melted into him like hot wax, penetrating into his skin, and we were one, filling timeless voids again. Who could resist even the merest chance of having a love like that?

In my memory, my eyes scanned his face—his regal features still tarried in the catalog of my mind. I still yearned to trace the faint lines of his face and explore the darkest corners of his heart.

His dark eyes were like smoldering ash, warm and sensual, with unusual vectors of midnight blue that swirl at the heart of every flame, burning into mine. I knew the chill of his touch snaking across my bare skin, so well, that at times, I swear I could still feel his hands on my curves.

No matter how well I thought I had known him, or how the touch of his gentle hands were etched onto my memory, now it felt like a memory that belonged to someone else. Sometimes I’d suffered to remember if he was actually real, or just a dream that I had concocted in my mind.

I still want him, I long to feel him by my side. Did I sacrifice my future when I chose to follow him
?

The lethal overdose coursed through my body, I sank deeper into nothingness. He was fading. He was now translucent, nothing more than a shadow and as sheer as a veil. Was I
Fading
away too, along with his warm musky scent that had not long ago permeated my soul, and filled the chambers of my heart?

Who was this gorgeous man? I knew his face, his features his hands to his feet and the inches between. He was someone special to me. This god of a man painted my world in shades of color.

The light was gone. He was gone. I was going. In just a flicker of a moment, my vitality hung on the edge of the moon. I was prepared to face the obscurity of life—my life, death and the last breath in my lungs that sustained...love, the love that I felt for him—a memory. I loved, Greyson. Greyson
Rain
. That was his name. I remembered in the last moments. Tears streamed down my face as I whispered his name aloud.

Damn it, I am dying.
I must let him go. It was time to release the vague memories of him, along with my life. A noir of darkness enveloped my sight and the apparition of
Rain
dispersed like a shadow lost without the sunlight.

I felt someone shaking me, furiously and calling my name.

“
Brielle, answer your phone! Damn it, Brielle,”
a woman’s voice called out.
It was Nuilley. She’s calling me...