As I Fade (One Breath at a Time: Book 1) (22 page)

“
I’m not afraid of thunder,” I defiantly replied, making certain she understood my covert message. Despite my fear of her I’d never show it to her.

“
It’s okay...I saw you jump clean out of your skin. When I’m afraid of something what I do is hug myself like this.” She crossed her arms over her breasts. “And squeeze really tight and remind myself I’m not alone, I have me. Sometimes you have to remember all you have is yourself to protect you.” Obviously, she was sending me a fucked up message. Her Mary Poppins routine didn’t fool me.

I wanted to tell her,
remember to hug yourself when you’re alone sitting behind bars.
“Hmm, well I’ll remember that. Thanks.” I smiled pleasantly, seething inwardly at her demented psychobabble.

Doctor Tagorski lifted his eyes from the pad he was jotting notes in. “Jane used to work on the children’s ward.” He glanced at Jane and softly smiled. “I think you miss it sometimes.”

“I do. You know how much I love children.” She turned and picked up one of the syringes from the tray. While holding the syringe, curiously appearing to examine it, she lifted her ring finger wiggling it towards me, tauntingly. “Doctor, is there anything else you need? I can administer this if you want.”

“
I’ve got it handled, Jane.” Good answer I thought; otherwise I’d go ape shit on her if she came near me with a needle ever again.

“
Okay. Anything else I can do?”

“
Not for me. You can make your rounds now.”

She stood there staring—looking for something else to do.

God, what did he have to do to get rid of her desperate, dumb ass!

Jane slightly swayed her hips back and forth with her hand clasped behind her back, buying more time, looking like the fool she was. “Hey Doc, are you going to the hospital picnic this coming weekend?”

Doctor Tagorski examined the syringes she had set on the tray. “I’ll be there,” he mumbled, carefully opening a bottle of liquid and pouring it into a smaller vial.

“
Great.” Jane pivoted on her heels and walked towards the door, adding a seductive swing to her curvy hips. “If you need anything else please be sure to let me know,” she called out over her shoulder. Still, she stalled, checking that the bathroom door was closed tightly. She even stopped to pick up something that didn’t exist on the floor, pretending as if she was tidying up the room.

“
Thanks Jane. I look forward to seeing Harland and you at the picnic. I will be attending with Katharine. She’s finally agreed to be seen in public with the likes of me.” He chuckled.

Jane froze in her footsteps and flung back around. “You’re going with Katharine? How can you—hospital policy says...”

“Ah yes, I’m working all that out. I hope to have an announcement to make.” He winked at her and opened my folder.

Inwardly, I grinned, hugely.
Take that bitch!
He was definitely going to propose to Katharine before the weekend. Sweet victory settled around me. This was my resolve, dispelling my anger to seek revenge and justice. Jane lost.

I looked at Jane, smiling like a sow whose ears had just turned to silk.

Jane’s fake happy expression caved. Her mouth went limp.

Hey Jane don’t frown it causes wrinkles
, I said to myself.

Suddenly, she looked like an old hag. “I see,” she said disappointedly. “Harland won’t be able to make it so I thought you and I could spend time together like old times.”

Doctor Tagorksi seemed to have a soft spot for Jane. He dropped the clipboard to his side. Maybe he knew she had a secret crush on him and felt sympathy for her. Too much, in my opinion, explaining his blinding lack of good judgment regarding her. “We’re still friends, Jane.” Surprisingly, he admitted in front of me. “I’m sure Katharine wouldn’t mind if you join us.”

I supposed he felt the need to reassure her of their friendship, even though his timing was unprofessional. Maybe down deep he knew she was a loose cannon, capable of anything.

Jane squared her shoulders and before my eyes seemed to snap into another personality as if a lightening bolt from God had struck her to her senses, finally. “Well, this changes things,” she said pointedly. Clearly, I’d reached my conclusion too soon. She was up to something—no good. “I look forward to seeing you both there. Save room for dessert, I plan on baking those scrumptious cupcakes that you like so much. I’ll be sure to share that recipe with Katharine sometime.”

“
Thanks, we’ll talk later. And be sure to tell Harland, he’s a lucky man.”

Jane smiled brightly and confidently said, “Ooh, he knows.” Before exiting she turned and batted her lashes at me. “Have a great day Miss Eden. Hope you start feeling better.” She winked and grinned the sweetest smile in my direction.

Jane should have been an actress. There’s no way I would allow her to let me lose my resolve. I know I hadn’t imagined her entire devious plan. Paranoia had never been one of my psychological issues, and I didn’t believe a little bump on the head could produce a chemical imbalance. I was a pretty logical person for the most part, one who reasoned out the facts, the truth and the obvious, before succumbing to the outlandish. In the case of Jane, I had no doubt she was one sick puppy.

Doctor Tagorski stole me from my thoughts. “I’m really sorry about your interactions with Jane. I’m not sure what all this means, it seemed as if you two are not on the best of terms. Did she do something that has upset you? Is that what you were going to tell me before she came in?”

“No. Not really.” I thought for a moment. Prior to witnessing their friendly banter, I considered telling him everything that Jane had done and said, but at this point I couldn’t tell him; he’d never believe me.

“
She just—well, I don’t like her. There’s something fake about her. I don’t want her around me. Okay? Please?” If nothing else I’d beg him to keep her away from me. “Please?” I made one last attempt.

“
Jane has good intentions. As you heard she’s a good friend and one of my best nurses. We’re like a family here.”

“
Yeah, I see that.” I slouched further into the bed.

“
But, my first duty is to my patients. I want you to get well...so I will assign her to another case.”

I sighed with relief. “Thank you for accommodating me on this one.”

“You’re welcome. Is there anything else?”

“
About Jane?” I looked at him suspiciously.

He shook his head. “Not particularly.”

“Actually, yes.” I wanted to give him something back, because he agreed to keep Jane away from me and to show him I was recovering. It was time to earn my wings.

“
What is it?” he asked curiously.

“
I had a dream, but it was more like a vision. It was about someone I had met recently. His name is Rain. Rain de’ Bluche. After the dream, I’d realized he was the same man that stood in my doorway the other day.” I smiled feeling confident about my breakthrough and that I’d made the right decision to share this with the doctor. “I just didn’t recognize him for some reason.”

The doctor tilted his head. “Rain de’ Bluche.” His eyes grew thoughtful. “I’ve heard of the de’ Bluche family. They’re well known for bringing the best champagne to France. I believe they’re originally from Italy. They own many vineyards throughout Europe.”

“Yes, I know,” I nonchalantly said, inwardly surprised by the news. He was telling me things I didn’t know, or perhaps hadn’t remembered. But I had to convince the doctor I had known Rain well enough.

“
I haven’t heard of Rain though—what an unusual name—but it doesn’t mean he’s not related to that dynasty. It’s very likely he is. The de’ Bluche family is one of the most powerful and wealthiest families in all of Europe. But you must know this already.” He eyed me suspiciously.

“
Oh you haven’t heard of Rain probably because his birth name is Greyson. Does that ring a bell?”

“
Greyson de’ Bluche, yes, I do recall the name Greyson de’ Bluche. I believe he is the families’ youngest heir.” He lowered his voice and spoke barely audibly. “It’s odd, though I thought I had heard he was ma—” he stopped speaking mid-sentence...which I paid no mind to anyway. I was lost in the thrill of seeing Rain again soon.

I grinned from ear to ear, which hurt my stitches but the doctor’s validation left me feeling elated. “Yes, that’s right,” I said, truly I had no idea. “He’s the youngest son.”

“You keep good company, Brielle. I’m glad to see your memory seems to be recovering quite remarkably. Interesting, but we still have to figure out how you got in this condition and if you are who you say you are.”

My heart sank for a moment. Disappointment settled in me. I’d thought I was home free. I decided not to cause any more waves. Doctor Tagorski seemed to believe me now. It was time to operate from a place of gratitude. Jane was taken off my case, and my memories were returning. And hopefully so was the man of my dreams. “Yes, of course and when Rain confirms who I am then you’ll let me go, right?”

“The de’ Bluches’ are good people but very private.” He paused and nodded. “If their son is a suitor of yours—which actually explains why he came here looking for you— I’m sure there won’t be a problem after he identifies you.” The doctor smiled kindly at me. I was growing accustomed to the old fashioned way he spoke.

I felt as if I’d just scored some brownie points with him. I assumed Rain and I were dating that’s why he had come looking for me. I hoped this didn’t blow up in my face. The scope of my relationship with Rain was still unclear. I couldn’t remember if Rain was actually my boyfriend or merely an acquaintance. Or if he was only a gorgeous memory of a man who had made a very strong impression on me, causing me to dream of him. I hoped he was more than just a beautiful face that materialized in my dilapidated memory.

I nodded. “Yes, he’ll verify who I am...since we’ve been dating and all.” My tone sounded pitchy and maybe a tad dubious. I lied by omission because I couldn’t recall the truth. “So can you call him for me?”

“
Yes. When the phones are back up, give me his local number, and I’ll see what I can do...okay?”

I nodded, agreeing to his request in the interim. “Thank you, Doctor Tagorski.” The fact was I didn’t know how to reach Rain by phone, but maybe the doctor would be willing to track him down. It dawned on me, I may have his contact information in my phone, but I didn’t want to reveal my cell to anyone, just yet. I shut my phone down from time to time, preserving the battery. The last time I’d looked it had one bar left and still no voicemail messages from anyone.

I wondered why Rain hadn’t simply told them who I was when he was here the other day? And, why was he lurking around and behaving so slyly? It seem suspicious, even to me. All these unanswered questioned left me feeling uneasy. Maybe I’d read about him in a
Fortune 500
magazine—saw his picture, and the rest is just a fantasy. I now doubted if he had really even been there—why hadn’t anyone else seen him? Something wasn’t adding up, but I chose to stick with the story that he was my boyfriend, especially after seeing how much it impressed Dr. Tagorski.

“
I’m going to give you a little something to help you relax for our session today. My hope is that it will aid in guiding your lost memories to the front part of your conscious mind.”

“
More meds...” I simply said.

“
Just a little.”

At that point, there was no sense arguing or tempting the good doctor, or even fate with my temper. That was if I didn’t want to end up in a padded cell.

“What is it?” I asked.

“
Sodium Pentothal,” Dr. Tagorski said as prepared a syringe.

Crap, not that!
After my nearly fatal ordeal with Jane, it wasn’t my drug of choice
—how about a piece of chocolate cake or a glazed donut instead? They do wonders when I’m feeling out of sorts!
I really needed a dose of sugar.

“
Is it safe?” My heart skipped a beat. I worried if Jane had tampered with the solution.

He set the syringe down. “Perfectly safe. It sometimes works as a truth serum, but I have found it mostly calms patients down just enough to help unlock any suppressed memories. It also depends on the dose, of course.”

That sounded familiar.

My words came out shaky. “Yes...but, I only want a little...is that okay?” I asked, with rising panic.

“I understand your concerns. I assure you that I only administer small doses during my evaluations. So that you know...it will make you feel a little drowsy, but with me here coaching you along we shouldn’t have any problems with you falling asleep. Does this sound okay to you?”

Are you giving me an option? Hells no!
I didn’t think so!

“
Sure,” I agreed nervously.

I watched him tie a rubber tourniquet around my arm. He then smacked the inside of my elbow, hard, until my vein popped out. Typically, the sight of blood never bothered me, but I couldn’t look after I saw the length of the needle.