As You Wish (15 page)

“I know.” Todd's eyes fixed on Christy. He reached over and stroked the side of her face, gazing at her like a boy who had just been told the boogeyman wasn't real. “It doesn't change anything, then? I mean, now that you know what you do, you still want to move forward in our relationship?”

“None of what you told me changes anything. Todd, you are who you are because of what God has done in your life. And you are incredible in so many ways. I love you just as you are.”

Everything around Christy seemed to come to a sudden stop.
Did I just say I loved him?

Todd's steady gaze rested on Christy, waiting for her to continue. He looked neither surprised nor relieved at her slipped-out declaration. He seemed to be waiting.

I said I loved him just as he is. That's different than saying I love him. Isn't it?

Christy felt flustered. She knew her cheeks were turning red. Looking away, she said, “You're wonderful, Todd, just the way you are.” Then she took another bite of her salad and chewed the lettuce to a pulp.

The day I tell Todd I love him, it will
not
be in a noisy cafeteria over chicken strips and salad!

Todd didn't seem at all tortured the way Christy was. He calmly finished his dinner and waited for Christy to finish hers.

In an effort to change subjects, Christy said, “Do you have any plans to go home soon?”

“Home? Do you mean to my dad's in Newport Beach?”

His answer reminded Christy of Todd saying he felt at home with her. He had lived at his dad's beach house for several years, off and on, but that apparently didn't seem like home to him.

“I was thinking I should visit my aunt and uncle one of these weekends,” Christy explained. “Let me know if you have any plans to go, and I'll go with you.”

“We can go tomorrow, if you want.”

Christy didn't really want to; she felt she should. If Todd came with her, Aunt Marti might tell Todd of her plans, and then Christy wouldn't be the only one concerned about her aunt.

“What time would be good for you?” Todd asked.

“I should call my aunt first to make sure they're going to be home.”

Todd suggested they use the phone in the cafeteria's
lobby. On their way out, they saw Matt and Katie coming in to dinner.

“Guess what?” Katie said. “Matt fixed the lights on Baby Hummer.”

“Does that mean you're going to play on his team?” Christy asked.

“I guess it does,” Katie said.

“When's the game?” Todd asked.

“Sunday afternoon at three,” Matt said. “You want to play?”

Christy noticed that Matt seemed to direct the question to Todd and not to her. That was okay. She had had her moment on the field at the first game. Now that they were recruiting all the “professionals,” Christy didn't think she would enjoy playing as much as she had before.

“No,” Todd said. “I was wondering if both of you wanted to go to Newport Beach with us tomorrow.”

“Sure!” Katie said.

“I've been wanting to go to the beach,” Matt said. “I only went twice last spring when I was here. Both times I went by myself, so I didn't know where I was going.”

Christy said, “You can't be this close to the beach and not go every chance you get. Todd, you have to take Matt surfing.”

Matt's expression lit up. “You have a surfboard?”

“Yep,” Todd said. “You want to go surfing tomorrow?”

By eight o'clock the next morning, the group was on their way to the closest beach, which was San Clemente. Christy didn't mind that they weren't going to Newport, the beach where her aunt and uncle and Todd's dad lived.
She could confront her aunt another time. Today was a perfect autumn day, and she was on her way to the beach with Todd and the gang.

Five cars formed their group. Sierra, her roommate, Vicki, and two other friends rode with Katie in Baby Hummer. Matt followed Todd's van in his truck and took his roommate, Pete, and another guy with him. Todd had Christy and four guys in Gus the Bus with three surfboards strapped to the roof. Wes drove by himself because he had to leave early, and Paul, Sierra's “just good friend,” as she called him, was driving up from San Diego.

Todd led the way as they drove over the Ortega Highway with all the windows open and the radio blasting out Christian music from a station Todd had told Christy he now listened to all the time. Christy was using her beach towel for extra padding on the decomposing front passenger seat. That helped to make the hour-long drive more comfortable.

They parked close together and found Paul already there, waiting for them. Christy watched carefully to see how Sierra and Paul greeted each other. She was surprised to see how casual it was, as if he was just one of the guys. But then Christy remembered how casual she had been around Todd the first few years. It was better that way. Their friendship had plenty of time to grow through the ups and downs that would come along.

The group headed to the beach with their arms full of gear. Christy marched beside Todd. “We have a few memories at this beach, don't we?”

Todd nodded. “We broke up on this beach at sunset. How many years ago was that? Three? Or was it only two? That was one of the worst days of my life.”

“Mine too,” Christy said. “The worst part for me was that we didn't talk to each other the entire drive back to my parents' house.”

“The worst part for me was that it forced me to follow through with all my big talk. I kept saying I was going to live in some faraway country, and you made me actually do it.”

Christy stopped walking. “You're saying I made you go to Spain?”

“Yes and no. I always thought I wanted to go to Papua New Guinea. I ended up in Spain. But you made me live up to all my big talk. What I really wanted was to stay right here and be with you.”

Christy could hardly believe Todd. She dropped her towel and bag in the sand and put her hands on her hips. “You're telling me, after all these years, that you wouldn't have left if I hadn't told you that day we should break up?”

Todd thought a moment before saying, “Probably not. Maybe. It's hard to say.”

“Todd, how could we have been so bad at communicating with each other?”

“I'm not saying it should have been any different than it was.” He lowered his orange surfboard, which he affectionately had nicknamed “Naranja,” into the sand.

“You're saying it's my fault you left because I said we should break up.”

“Not at all!” Todd protested. “I'm glad we broke up that day.”

“You're glad?”

Katie approached them cautiously. “Sorry to interrupt
you guys. But if you're going to fight for a while, could I borrow your board, Todd?”

“Here,” he said, practically shoving it at her.

“Sorry, but one more thing. Chris, did you bring any sunscreen?”

Christy thrust her whole beach bag at Katie. “Thanks. I'll go ahead and take your towel, too,” Katie said. “I'll put it over there by mine, and whenever you want to come on over, it'll be waiting for you.”

With that, Katie slinked away, leaving Todd and Christy alone by the lifeguard stand, both of them with their hands on their hips.

9
Christy,” Todd said with an edge to his voice, “you're missing the point of what I'm trying to say. I believe God directed you to break up with me, which prompted me to move forward with my dreams. I don't regret any of it. The time I spent in Spain was life-changing. Then, when God brought you all the way to Spain, and you didn't even know I was there, well, it was the confirmation I needed.”

Christy still was fuming. All she could think about were the buckets of tears she had cried over Todd, the months of missing him, never knowing where he was or why he didn't write. She couldn't remember any wonderful changes for her as a result of Todd stepping out of her life.

“What confirmation?” she finally asked.

Todd looked at the waves and let out a deep breath. Then he directed his gaze at Christy. “It confirmed I wasn't supposed to be a full-time missionary to some tropical isle, like I had always thought I should be.”

Christy calmed down a notch. She and Todd had talked about this once before. Todd had said then that he had learned a need didn't constitute a call. Just because an opportunity
existed on the foreign mission field, that didn't mean God was calling Todd there.

“While I was in Spain I found out I was pretty good at leading a group of younger teens, leading worship, and teaching. I don't know if I would have figured that out if I had stayed here. That's what prompted me to change my major to Bible and to consider going into youth ministry.”

Christy folded her arms across her stomach and looked down at her feet. The sand had filled her tennis shoes, and she wished she had taken them off or had worn a pair of sandals. During the short summers in Basel, she had kicked around in a beat-up pair of sandals but hadn't brought the shoes back with her.

“I guess I wouldn't have gone to Switzerland,” Christy said slowly. “Since you went to Spain, I started to think beyond what I had expected for my life. I didn't even know if I'd go to college; yet here I am, within view of a Bachelor of Arts degree.”

“You know,” Todd said, relaxing his stance and moving closer to Christy. “If it were only up to you or me to determine what should happen in our lives, we would have reason to be upset about decisions we made in the past. But God is very much involved. Both you and I have surrendered our lives to Christ and given Him the controls.”

“Not that I don't try to take those controls back every now and then.” Christy brushed her hair off her face and looked up at Todd. His expression was tender.

“We can only go on from here. We can't change the past.”

“I know,” Christy agreed. “Instead of saying, ‘What if,' we need to say, ‘What next?' ”

Todd nodded. “And let's be completely honest here. I'm the one who seems to have a pretty clear view of what I
think should happen next. You still have doubts or hesitations or something.”

Christy was about to protest, but Todd held up his hand as a request for her to wait and let him finish what he was saying. “I want you to know that's okay. You don't have to decide about me or our future or anything until God makes it all clear to you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. And I'm staying here. I'm trusting God that He will make our paths straight. He'll show us the next step to take at the right time.”

Christy felt a wonderful peace as Todd spoke. Her anxiety about having to decide if her love for Todd was the kind that could last a lifetime began to float away. Ultimately, the decision wasn't hers to make on her own. God was in control. All she had to do was trust Him and wait. Hadn't Todd said the other day that trust was the most important foundation for any relationship?

“You're right.” Christy offered Todd a weak smile. “God was working in our relationship the day we stood on this beach and broke up. And He's working in our relationship now.”

“He is,” Todd said. “All we have to do is trust Him.”

“Thanks for reminding me of that.”

A slow grin warmed Todd's previously set face. He was looking at her “that way.” Without hesitation he said, “I love you, Kilikina. I will always love you.”

Christy leaned forward and stood on her tiptoes to kiss the lips that had showered those beautiful, giving words over her. The kiss was sweet and tender and lasted only a moment.

From their friends who had planted themselves closer to
the water, there arose a chorus of cheering and applause as Todd and Christy's kiss ended.

Todd waved casually, then grinned and waved some more. “Our first big argument in public, and we practically get a standing ovation.”

Christy grinned at the audience and then looked back at Todd. “I think the applause is over our decision to kiss and make up rather than break up.”

“I couldn't agree more,” Todd said, then looked toward heaven. “Nice going, Lord,” he said. “I can't say I always understand your plan or agree with your methods, but I sure like it when you surprise us with good things.”

Christy was used to Todd breaking into prayer at unusual moments. They looked at each other and smiled.

“How about it?” Todd asked. “Are you ready to go in the water?”

“Sure,” Christy said.

With that, Todd scooped her up and dashed to the water. Christy squealed, “Wait! I'll go in by myself. I don't want to get this T-shirt all wet!”

Her cries had no effect on him. Before she could squirm free, both she and Todd were in the water. That seemed to be the cue for the rest of the gang, and within a blink they were all in the salty water, splashing each other and laughing like crazy.

Christy noticed that Matt was particularly enjoying the romp and that Katie was his target for splashing. A glob of seaweed floated near Christy, and she picked it up and heaved it toward the shore. She hated slimy seaweed with its rubberlike tentacles.