As You Wish (11 page)

Todd opened his Bible and taught a simple, straightforward lesson from John. He used the verse Christy had mentioned to him the other day about how those who believe and receive Christ are given the right to become God's children.

When the group dispersed, Christy carefully watched Todd's face. He was holding his easygoing grin steady, but she could read his eyes. His heart was breaking. This wasn't what he had hoped for, and she knew it.

“It went well,” she told him quietly, giving his arm a squeeze. “It's the first week. They're trying to decide if they like you and feel safe enough to come back next week.”

Todd nodded, but Christy could tell he was still heavy-hearted. All during the church service she sensed he was battling with himself over how the class time went. She knew he was thinking through every angle, evaluating, restructuring, and planning.

She liked the service and the pastor and the way he presented the sermon. She told Matt afterward, “This church reminds me of our old church in Brightwater.”

“That's why I got involved last year.”

Two older women came up to greet Matt, and he introduced them to Christy. Todd got in on the end of the introductions, and the women made a fuss over how delighted they were that he would be working with their young people. Matt was at ease with these women, but Todd looked nervous, as if he didn't know what to do or say around elderly people.

“I'm supposed to go to lunch now with the pastor and some of the leaders,” Todd said to Christy. “Do you want to go with us?”

Christy looked over his shoulder at the pastor and two other men who appeared to be waiting for Todd. “Why don't you just go this time. I'll come with you the next time.”

“Okay,” Todd said. “Can you guys find a ride back to school?”

“Sure, we'll be fine,” Christy said.

“You sure?”

“I'm sure.”

“Okay, then I'll see you later.”

“Yeah, later,” Christy said with a grin. She wasn't used to seeing Todd so nervous. No one else would realize his actions were expressing nervousness, but she knew. It was kind of funny.

Donna gave Christy and Matt a ride to Rancho and dropped them off in the parking lot behind the cafeteria.

“If you guys ever need a ride on Sunday, just call me,” Donna said. “Anytime. And I mean that.”

As soon as Christy and Matt sat down with their lunch trays, Christy plunged in. “I have to tell you something.”

“Sure,” Matt said. “What is it?”

“I don't know if you knew this, but Todd and I are together.”

“Together together?”

“What does together together mean?” Christy asked.

“Are you two serious about each other?”

“Yes. We have been for a long time.”

Matt stared at his plate of spaghetti a moment before saying, “By any chance is he the guy Paula told me about?”

“Probably,” Christy said. Paula, her best friend from childhood, had been crazy about Todd the summer she had come out to California to visit Christy.

“Is Todd the guy who taught Paula how to surf?”

“Yes.” Christy smiled at the memory. Paula and Christy hadn't kept their friendship going much after that summer when Christy turned sixteen. But when they were close, they had had some good times together. Paula had married while Christy was in Switzerland, but Christy didn't hear about it until a few weeks after the wedding. When they were young, Paula and Christy had promised they would be bridesmaids in each other's weddings. Christy still felt a little sad that that was one promise she hadn't been able to keep.

“If you can believe this,” Christy said, “Paula and I had an agreement before we were in high school. We agreed that whoever went out on a real date first would get five dollars from the other person.”

“Who won?” Matt asked.

“Me,” Christy said. “And guess who my first date was with?”

Matt looked at his spaghetti again. “Must have been Todd.”

“It was.”

“When I met him at lunch yesterday, I didn't remember that he was the guy Paula told me about,” Matt said. “I knew you had had a boyfriend for a long time, but I thought he was gone. Gone, as in spending the rest of his life in Fiji or something.”

“The last time I saw you, Todd was gone. He was in Spain, actually.”

“But now he's back,” Matt said.

“Yes, Todd's back. And I'm back from Switzerland, and we're together. Together together.”

“Well, you made a good choice, Christy,” Matt said. He had such a straightforward look to him. He reminded her of her dad.

Christy remembered something her grandpa had said when she had asked her grandparents how they knew they were right for each other. He had told her,
“The real way you know he's the right person is to evaluate his background. Do you come from the same place? Then you have a much better chance of making it through the hard times.”

Her grandmother had disagreed. She had told Christy it was a choice and then repeated that annoying line,
“When it's right, you'll know.”

Christy glanced at Matt.
I don't know for sure that Todd is the right one, but I do know for sure that Matt isn't.

Just knowing one thing for sure in her life felt really good.

“You know what?” Matt pushed his tray to the side and continued to look at Christy in a straightforward way. “I'm going to put myself out there and say something. I hope
you don't mind my saying it.”

Christy felt so buoyed up by the insight she had just come up with about Matt that she welcomed anything he had to say.

“I think very highly of you, Christy.”

“And I think very highly of you.”

“I hope you'll keep me in mind if things don't work out with Todd, but I have a feeling things will work out pretty well for you two.”

“I have a feeling they will, too,” Christy said.

“And you and I can still be friends?”

“Of course,” Christy said. “I know Todd really appreciates all your encouragement with the youth group.”

“I told him I'd help any way he wanted me to.”

Christy debated whether she should say anything about Katie. She was about to suggest that the four of them go out on a double date. Then she decided it would be better not to say anything until she had a chance to talk to Katie.

Matt and Christy spent the next half hour comfortably talking. Matt filled her in on news of family and friends in Brightwater, and Christy told him about her time in Switzerland. When they left the cafeteria and were about to go their separate ways, Matt gave Christy a boyish grin and tagged her arm the way he used to on the playground at recess.

“Eenie-meenie boo-boo!” Matt called out, then took off running.

Christy laughed. She wasn't about to chase him and tag him back. Those days were long gone. She strolled to her room smiling.

That felt like a phone book lifting off me. Next phone book is for me to decide on a major. And to make sure Katie is okay. And
to figure out what to do about my aunt. And . . .

She stopped herself before adding any more phone books to her stack.

One thing at a time.

When she arrived at the dorm room, Katie wasn't there. The only evidence that she had been was her khaki skirt, which she apparently had worn when she went to church that morning. The skirt was wadded up in a big ball in the room's corner.

Christy changed her clothes and wondered if she should go to the rematch softball game that was scheduled for four o'clock. She didn't feel like playing softball. They had enough players yesterday, and she didn't think she would be missed.

If Katie comes back in time, I'll send her in my place. Matt will be there, and it will give the two of them an opportunity to start over.

Christy opened the window, letting in some fresh air. She thought how convenient it would have been if Matt and Katie had discovered each other at the same time. That didn't mean it was too late for Matt to find out how terrific she was.

Staring at the clear, periwinkle sky, she wondered aloud, “Is Todd the right man for me? Is he the one I'm supposed to marry? Why can't I be certain enough to tell him I love him?”

She wished God would send her the answer in writing. He could just lower it on a long string and dangle the message in front of her window. No one else would need to notice it. Only Christy. All it had to say was
Marry Todd.
She wouldn't tell a soul. Not even Todd. He would have to propose to her and everything, but at least in her heart she
would know he was the right one, and she would have no doubts.

Christy blinked. The silent sky hadn't opened up. No message on the end of a long string had come her way. She would have to figure this out the hard way. The normal way. Step by tentative step with lots of prayer.

Stretching out on her bed, Christy considered writing her thoughts in her diary. It always helped her to write from her heart and then look at the words later.

Not this time, though. She didn't want anyone coming across her diary and reading those thoughts.

Christy looked at the poster she had hung on the wall. It was a picture of a bridge near Hana, Maui. Todd had jumped off that bridge into the deep pool below. Christy had driven over that bridge in a Jeep right after she turned sixteen. It was “their” bridge. Now they were at another bridge. She knew Todd was ready to “jump.” He was ready to move forward in their relationship and make a lasting commitment. She had been “driving” through this decision, which took a lot more time than getting there by jumping. Todd was being patient. But Christy was stuck.

“There are no guarantees, are there?” she said aloud to God. “There weren't any guarantees for Todd's parents. It doesn't look like there are any for Bob and Marti. So how can I possibly be certain that a marriage started at such a young age will last for the rest of our lives?”

Just then the dorm room opened. Christy stared at the red-haired woman who entered. She barely looked like the Katie Christy knew by heart. Her roommate's medium-length, swishy red hair had been cut short. It feathered across her forehead and to the nape of her neck in wispy, uneven layers. Katie looked completely different. This was a
new look. A softer, more sophisticated look.

“You cut your hair!” Christy examined it from all angles. “I really like it! When did you decide to cut it?”

“This afternoon.” Katie tossed a few shopping bags on her unmade bed and kicked off her shoes.

“You look completely different.”

“That was the idea,” Katie muttered.

“Are you okay?”

Katie flopped on her crumpled bed next to the shopping bags. She held her pillow across her middle as if she had a stomachache.

Christy moved the bags and made room for herself at the foot of the bed. “Katie, what is it? What's going on?”

Katie looked away. “I'm tired of myself.”

Christy had no idea how to respond.

“I've been thinking a lot about what happened with Matt yesterday. I realized I presume too much and I assume too much. I want to change, Christy. I really do.”

“Change in what way?”

“I don't know. That's why I started with my hair. I bought some new clothes, too.” Katie pulled a blouse from one of the bags and held it up. “What do you think of this?”

“It's pretty.”

“Good. I'm glad that's the first thing you thought when you saw it because I need something pretty. My wardrobe is all jeans and T-shirts. Do you realize I only have one skirt, but when I wore it this morning, I decided I didn't like it. I don't like khaki anymore.”

Katie pulled a long, flowing skirt from the next bag, and Christy said, “Okay, now you're frightening me. That skirt is too similar to the one my aunt had on the other day.”

“Don't worry. I'm not going to start checking my aura. I
wanted something casual yet soft. Not khaki. You should see Sierra's wardrobe. I was in her room last night, and between Sierra and Vicki, the two of them have the best outfits of anyone I've ever seen on this campus.”

Christy liked the way Sierra dressed, too. She was an individualist and wore things no one else did, and she didn't seem to care if she was in style or not. Sierra made her own style. The first time Christy had met her, Sierra was wearing a pair of her father's old cowboy boots.

“Sierra shops at thrift stores, doesn't she?” Christy asked.

Katie nodded. “She was telling me about some of the vintage clothing stores in Portland, where she lives. It made me want to go there just to shop.”

“Did you buy these clothes at a thrift store?”

“No, and I spent way too much money on them. But I needed to do something. Tomorrow is the first day of class, and I need this year to be better than any other year of my whole school career. I need a fresh start.”

Christy folded the new skirt and placed it on the end of the bed. “Katie, may I bring up a topic that you probably don't want to talk about?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“Go ahead. Let me have it. You always let me shower you with my biased opinions. I guess it's only fair for you to have a turn.”

“You know how you told me the thing about carrying too many phone books and ending up dropping them all? Well, I think that over the years you haven't exactly gotten over the hurt of some of your relationships with guys. You're carrying all the hurt like a stack of phone books. That's why it hurts so deeply when a disappointment comes along like Matt's memory lapse yesterday.” Christy had no idea she was going to say all this to Katie. She hadn't thought it through; it all just tumbled out.

“I think you were hurt yesterday by Matt,” Christy continued, “but it reminded you of the hurt and disappointment you felt with Rick, Michael, Lance, and every other guy who has let you down.”