Ascend (The Vampire Destiny Series Book #4) (2 page)

Anything.

I'd fade in and out of consciousness, lost in a dream like state as I lay immobile.  I'd awake occasionally to feel Stefan's hand on mine, only to drift further into a blackness where nothing existed except the strange flashes of memories.  Laughter. The smell of salt water.  Cool, crisp wind running through my hair.  Loving, calloused skin on my own.  The taste of his sweet kisses...running into strong arms that were open wide, waiting for me.  In this dream, the sun glinted off his much longer blond hair.  His human, steady heart strummed against my chest when he swept me in his arms.

Was I dead?  Had I found a heaven that reunited me with a human version of the love of my life?

Just when I'd grown accustomed to the lulling sense of numbness and bright flashes of memories, the true brunt of my pain began.  It settled over my chest and with every labored, unnecessary breath I took, the agony spread over my shoulders and into my neck, each surge spread the pain further into my limbs.

There were times when the pain was unbearable and I simply wanted to scream out for relief.  Yet I had no release; I couldn't find my voice to even whimper.  Eventually the agony spread lower until my entire body was engulfed in pain, a blazing wildfire of flames that seemed to have engulfed me entirely.

My new existence was one of compete and utter misery.  Had it been this way for Stefan, for Lukas or Anna?  Not one had mentioned this sort of blinding, never-ending agony.  Relying on my ability to meditate, I focused, becoming attuned on the things I could hear and smell around me.  Soon, I was able to isolate the rush of Stefan speaking to me, his smooth, lilting voice the only constant calm in the storm, keeping me anchored to some sort of reality.  And my mind clung to him, petrified that I would never find relief from this turmoil I was in.  Unable to understand his words, I was happy that his voice alone seemed to soothe me.

I would find a way back to him.  There was no other option.

Seconds, minutes, possibly hours passed and the never-ending pain raged on, seemingly with no end in sight. I heard the quick footsteps of Lukas enter the bedroom.  I was amazed to find that already my sense of hearing and smell had improved dramatically.  Lukas smelled of leather and the comforting smell of parchment.  I knew instinctively I'd be able to pick out the sound of his footfalls easily, even in a crowded room.

"Stefan, ze zal perfect zijn. Je maakt je teveel zorgen," his voice assured him, sighing loudly. “Je moet niet om haar heen blijven hangen als een of ander lulletje rozenwater.”

They spoke in an odd language; one I'd never heard them converse in before.  It was obvious they'd chosen an unfamiliar dialect so they could talk over me in their attempt to communicate and keep me blissfully unaware of their conversation.  But even though I couldn't understand them, my mind could picture a vivid image of Lukas with his hands on his hips and his eyebrow raised in mock aggravation at what he perceived Stefan's 'hovering' to be.  Stefan's entire demeanor would be stoic and solemn; his broad shoulders would be tense and his chiseled face grim.  Part of me wanted to laugh at Lukas and reach for Stefan to reassure him…however, my base instincts told me that any movement would be like daggers in my tender flesh.

“Ze is mijn levensgezel en mijn leven. Het is mijn taak om me zorgen te maken over haar veiligheid," Stefan argued, the words booming through the room.  His deep voice seemed to curl around the strange words.  "Ik voel haar pijn alsof het de mijne is. Wij hebben nooit deze onverdraagelijke pijn gevoeld tijdens onze transformative.  Wat als er iets mis is? Ik weiger het om haar te verliezen.”

“Oh Stefan, verdomme. Luister dan naar haar hart. Ze is aan het veranderen en er is niets mis."  I heard Lukas' heavy exaggerated exhale.  “Het zijn dagen als deze dat ik me afvraag wie de meester is in deze relatie, en wie het kind."

"Dat is genoeg Lukas." Stefan commanded icily. "Jij maakte je ook zorgen om Anna tijdens haar verandering. Waarom maak je je niet evenveel zorgen om Josephine?" 

"Anna was different and you know it.  Josie is a fighter.  She's strong. You should've known Josie would be different," he said, switching over to English as he chuckled.  "She's more than human.  Are you sure you're ready for this, Stefan?  The human Josie will be gone."

I could only listen and mentally agree with him.  Lukas was right.  Leave it to me to make the immortal change different and difficult.  Another wave of pain washed over me and at the same time, the scent of Stefan hit me, comforting me.  I always knew he smelled good to me, just not this delectable. I could never pinpoint exactly what it was, but now I could. He smelled like home; earthy sandalwood and now I could clearly smell the distinctive smell of the ocean...brine and sand mixed with the sweet aroma of honeysuckle.

As I breathed in his scent, I could feel a slacking of the pain starting in my neck and shoulders. My fingertips were free from pain as well, and I moved them slightly to test my pain. That was the last movement I made, instantly regretting my impulsive move.  Even that small movement caused a roaring surge of pain to course throughout my body. I decided that remaining still was better.

Soft footsteps entered and the scent of cinnamon flooded the room.  Anna.

"Jesus, Stefan," she gasped. "And I thought she was beautiful before.  It's not fair, you know," Anna admonished, taking my hand.  Her touch felt like shards of glass pressing into my sensitive skin.  I wanted to scream at her to let me go, but I couldn’t find my voice or the energy to protest her well-meaning touch.

“She will always be the most stunning creature I have seen in my long life,” Stefan chuckled.  Upon hearing the deep, throaty sound of his voice, I thought that there couldn't be a more beautiful sound. I heard myself gasp out loud before I could stop myself.

"Josephine?" I heard softly at my ear, but there was no way for me to answer him.  "I miss the sound of your voice.  Come back to me, vackra.  Jag förlorade utan dig här."

"She's going to fine," Nikolaus said, his heavy boots scraping over the wood floor as he joined us in the room. "She's managing the best she can.  Surely you know this, Stefan.  You can feel her in your bond."

Stefan’s silence was shocking.  It was the shock of my brother’s words that made me realize I couldn’t feel the link to Stefan.  The hum of his mind was silent, his emotions and thoughts ripped from me, leaving behind yet another gaping hole in my aching chest.  Even though I couldn’t speak, my mind screamed out to him
. “Stefan!”

"I’ll be glad when she wakes up," Lukas complained.  I heard him shift from foot to foot, the floor creaking under his weight. "I can't wait to see her in action.  Not to mention all of this moping around is depressing as hell.  What’s the worst thing that can happen…"

"God, Lukas.  You need to shut it.  Now."  Anna's voice scolded.  “She’s going to be fine, Stefan.”  She paused and I heard her draw in a deep breath.  I heard her clear her throat uneasily.  “Stefan?”

The sudden hush in the room was deafening.  I could hear four sets of breaths, one strumming heart and foreboding silence.

When he finally spoke, his voice was laced with anguish. “I can feel her pain.  I cannot sense anything else, Anna.”

My heart broke at the defeat in the subdued, almost fearful timbre of his voice.  My mind exploded in fear and my desire to reassure him. 
“I’m here…I love you.  Don’t give up on me…on us.”

I heard everyone and I missed them.  I missed Stefan. I knew I was in the room with them, yet I wasn't, not really. I wanted to be curled in his lap, wrapped in the security of his arms instead of being lost in this labyrinth of darkness and agony.

"I think Josie’s in enough pain.  We shouldn’t worry her more," Nikolaus’ quiet words cut through the silence. From the sound of his voice, I could tell now that he was sitting by Anna. He smelled like spice and citrus, his slow heartbeat keeping an odd measure of time.  I found myself counting his heartbeats.  It was an odd distraction, especially as the realization washed over me that my heart would never beat again.

"Nikolaus, can you hear her?" Stefan asked, his lilting voice sounding ragged.

"Only images, really.  She misses you and doesn’t want you to give up on her," Nikolaus murmured.  "She'd never admit it, but she misses us all."

It was hard not to smile at my brother’s words.  Our time together had been short, but we were so much alike that it was frightening.  We were both frightened of revealing our true feelings; so terrified that we’d get hurt.  Stefan had broken that wall down with his love and devotion…would Nikolaus let Anna do the same?

“I will never give up on her.  I would follow her in death to be with her.” Stefan insisted, the hitch in his voice interrupting my inner thoughts.  He sighed in relief and I felt the softness of his fingers stroke over the top of my hand.  Like a reassuring caress, I wanted to hear Stefan’s voice reassure me again and again.  It seemed like all I could focus on was the resonating cadence of his words and the gentleness of his touch.

Losing myself in the contentment of being with Stefan, the hours dragged and bit-by-bit, the pain continued to recede, sluggishly pulling away from my arms and legs.  It was little relief.  All of the pain seemed to have radiated to my torso.  Everyone was still in the room and I could hear them all drift closer. Focusing on Stefan's steady breath, I used his scent as a comforting blanket.  I let it wrap around me, blocking everyone and everything else except him.

"I’m not trying to be a prick, Stefan but why did you change her now?  Did she ask you to do it?"  Nikolaus' voice broke through the silence of the room again.  His accusing question brought an eerie quietness to the room as every one awaited Stefan's answer.

"I did not change her willingly," he said, his normally smooth voice sounded stilted as he stammered over his words. "After the explosion…we exchanged blood and her body began the change on its own accord.  She told me she was dying to be with me.  Just as we were destined to be."

"A vampire with no true maker."  Lukas piped in.  "She could be uncontrollable.  Christ, she’s already unpredictable and hotheaded.  But now…now we may need to disappear until she is under control."

NO! 
My mind screamed out in disagreement.  I didn't want to go into hiding.  There were things I needed to do, dammit. I wanted to find Garrett’s journals; I wanted to handle my unfinished business with my father.  I even wanted to marry Stefan.  My fingers clenched into a tight fist before I realized what I was doing.  Searing pain shot through my chest with the intensity of a lightning bolt strike. Red-hot agony ran down my spine, blinding spots of light shooting behind my eyelids.

"Hmm," Nikolaus whispered.  He moved closer, his footfalls echoing in my ears. "Obviously she didn’t like that idea."

"Vackra." Stefan's voice was at my ear again. "We will do whatever you want. I promise."

His gentle words calmed me and as time passed, the others grew restless and would move in and out of the room, but Stefan never left. At one point, he started humming softly, either out of habit or at some attempt to calm me or himself.

Nikolaus came in a final time. "Not long, Stefan.  The pain is subsiding."

"Leave us."  Stefan's strained plea sounded hoarse and gruff.  "Please."

"She'll be fine, Stefan," Nikolaus said.  I heard his voice grow softer as he stepped farther and farther away.  "If you need us, we'll be close by."

The room grew quiet again.  My pain increased and involuntarily my back arched off the bed and my entire body tremored. I released a final, shuddering gasp and the pain...the agony that had consumed me was gone, leaving me feeling strangely empty as my body slumped back on the mattress.  Our bedroom was silent, except for the reassuring sound of Stefan's steady breath.  Yet all around me, the vivid sounds were deafening…I could distinctly make out the sounds of four people breathing, the continual ticking of the clock on the wall, the shuffle of Lukas’ feet as he excitedly jumped up and down, the soft murmur of Anna talking to Nikolaus and the rumble of cars on the street below.

I took silent inventory of my body.  I still felt like me.  But everything was different.  I could hear more; smell more than I ever had before.  Even the clothes on my body felt strange.  Normally, the soft cotton of my t-shirt would feel comforting.  Now it simply felt foreign, the fibers rough and scratchy against my newly sensitive skin.