Ascend (The Vampire Destiny Series Book #4) (6 page)

With those words, he’d crashed his mouth to my lips, wrapping his arms around my waist.  I didn't hold anything back from him, returning his kiss like it was the sustenance I had been missing for months instead of hours.

As our frantic kiss continued, his blood pushed itself through my veins, forcing itself into every crevice of my body.  I could feel it like it was its own being, melding with my own blood, changing me.  My sluggish heart thumped frantically and my body stiffened against him.

His sharp eyes had immediately known something wasn’t right.  His panic was still strong, even in the memory.

“Josephine!”  Stefan had bellowed.  He had us both out of the bathtub and had me wrapped in a towel in a blur of motion.  He cradled me to him on the bed.  “Talk to me.  What is happening?”

My hands clutched at his forearms, my nails sinking into his flesh.  My heart continued to beat out its frantic pace, my body seizing and pushing against him.  I watched my own eyes lose focus and struggle to stay in the present with him.

“I- I’m changing,” I stuttered.  My green eyes stared blankly into his.  “I’m changing to be with you.  You wanted me to take your life when you were human.  Now you’ve given me yours.”

“Vackra, I did not want it to happen this way.  Not like this, not now.”  Stefan’s head fell against my breasts.  His tears soaked my naked skin as he held me and sobbed.

“Wait for me.  We will truly be equal soon,” I uttered weakly, shaking against him.  It was as if my heart was fighting the last of the battle for me.  It pounded out an impossibly fast rhythm until finally, it pulsed a few final erratic beats until it sputtered and my heart ceased to beat.

My exhausted body could take no more.  I went slack in his arms with the knowledge that when I awoke, nothing could tear us apart.

His voice was soft and filled with sadness and it brought me back to the present.  "I never wanted to change you against your will.  I should have ceased the blood exchanges.  I let my feelings and emotions cloud my decisions and you paid the price for my carelessness."

My fingers gripped both sides of his face, forcing him to meet my stare. "I was already changing.  We both knew it was happening.  It was inevitable.  I want to be with you as an equal in every way.  Now there's nothing to take me from you.  I'm yours in every way.  And if what we just did was any indication, you've been holding back."

His thoughts turned dark and sensual as I mentioned being his in every way. I’d chosen those words carefully, knowing that it would appeal to his possessive nature.  His tongue licked across his lower lip as he considered the benefits of my now unbreakable body.  His lust rushed over me, hitting me like a sledgehammer.

"I was helpless, vackra.  Your words haunted me.  You told me that you were dying to be with me."  Stefan shuddered as he recalled my final human moments.  "You reminded me of words I spoke almost 1,000 years ago.  There is much for us to find out."

I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and peppered wet kisses down his neck.  "Only if you promise me that you won’t blame yourself for any of this, Stefan.  I can’t live an eternity with your guilt between us.  And I don’t want you to either.”

His lips found my forehead and his eyes averted mine.  His thoughts were heavily guarded, as I sat wrapped in his arms.  “Stefan, I’m serious about this.  You have to let this go or this…this weirdness,” I gestured between us. “It will always be here.  We knew I’d change.  If I remember correctly,
I
bit you. 
I
drank from you.  So if you’re going to blame anyone, blame me.”

Honestly, I was starting to get irritated with his self-pity.  It was unlike Stefan to let anything bother him the way my change was disturbing him.

“I do not regret that you have made the change.  I only regret that it has made you more of a target.” 

I was confused.  “No one has to know.  At least for the time being.  There really isn’t a Council left to worry about.”

Stefan wrapped his arms around me and sprang to his feet with me securely against his chest.  He carried me down the hallway into our bedroom, and sat me down on the bed.  I scooted over to allow him to stretch his long frame out beside of me.  Once he settled, I immediately moved to drape myself over him.  My fingers drifted over the soft hair on his chest and the sharp outline of his collarbones.

“Amir is determined to run the Council.  He is hell bent on creating a new order.”  His face was like stone as he spoke, only his lips moving.  “I love my brother, but I do not agree with his principles.  There will be no mercy for anyone that is deemed to be a betrayer of our kind.  There will be no questions, only death.”

“What does he consider a betrayer of our kind to be?”  I asked softly.  Honestly, I was afraid to hear the answer.

“If a new vampire exposes our kind to humans, they are considered to have betrayed our kind.  Revealing ourselves to humans without the intent of turning them would be another. Amir thinks there should be no judgment or leniency.”  Stefan turned on his side and tucked one of his long arms under his head on the pillow.  His other hand trailed through my long hair.  “Power.  It can change a person, either immortal or human.  Solveig suffered from the same affliction.  Once she had a taste of it, she let it consume her until it drove her mad.  She never should have turned Amir.  She knew of his abilities and wielded his gift like a tool for her own personal gain.  She could move undetected with Amir at her side; no one knew of her true plans.  It was not until Amir learned to control his gift that her deeds were discovered.  She was shown no mercy in the end and Amir…Amir watched her die with a smile of satisfaction on his lips.  Solveig was many things and made many horrible choices.  Yet her own child watched with glee as she met her final death.”

His blue eyes traveled over my face as he spoke.  His pain was like a dagger in my chest and I selected my words cautiously.  “Amir only saw that her death meant his freedom.  You were free too.  She used you as well, Stefan.”

Stefan nodded.  “Yes, we were both released.  For the first time in his life, he was free.  Yet he hated his immortal cravings and loathed his desires.  He had wanted nothing more than to be a man of his God.”  He chuckled wryly.  “He was a man of God that preyed upon the people he had once wanted to save.  He found himself to be the worst kind of hypocrite.”

I thought back to the amber-eyed man that I barely knew.  “It must have been torture for him.  He either killed or injured those that he’d wanted to save.  He must have thought himself to be evil.  And what about you, Stefan?  How did you feel?”

Those baby blues never left mine.  Ancient and steely, they seemed to burrow into my very soul.  “I felt nothing.  Not happiness or sadness...not even relief.  I carried on as I had for centuries and he watched me flourish, vackra.  I cared little then.  I had lost everything: my family, my life, my heritage… I accepted this immortal life over death.  I had no choice.  Yet Amir clung to his humanity, fighting his true nature.  It is a futile struggle.  We are all vampires.  We feed off of another to survive.  Animals are killed to provide food for humans, plants are grown and then harvested for ones survival.  What we are is not much different than humans.  We simply watch the world change and adapt to loss.”

There was a bitterness to Stefan’s tone when he spoke.  My eyes swept over his face, taking in the tense set of his mouth and clenched jaw as I considered his statement.  I’d never thought of comparing human life to that of a vampire.  And now I knew better as to his struggle with loss.  “You lost me when you died.”

His blond eyebrow rose.  “There is that.  It saddens me that I do not fully remember.  I only have flashes of memories…it has been too many years.”

“I saw us together in a memory with my mother.  You begged me to take you before I appeared.  It was while you were missing...after the explosion.”  I whispered.  I leaned closer until our lips barely touched.  “I lost you too.  A thousand years is a long time, Stefan.  I want to remember.  I want to remember it all.”

“You will.”  His impatient hand wove into my hair and pulled my mouth to his.  Our lips met and time stood still.  It was as effortless as when I was still human.  My fingers tugged at his hair, our hips grinding against each other eagerly. My lips parted against the demanding crush of his mouth, his kiss raw and seductive. Our tongues slipped languidly together as we fell into one another, losing ourselves into our kiss.  I savored the taste of him and the feel of his body against my own.  The familiar touch of his flesh against my own ignited the sweet pull of desire, leaving me restless and impatient for more.

Stefan raised his mouth from mine, his lips moist and kiss swollen.  He pulled back and rested his head on his hand, hovering over me.  His fingertips traced along the side of my cheek and down the curve of my jaw as he studied my face carefully.  When his blue eyes finally met my gaze, his hand cupped my chin.  His gentle touch made my breath catch and my bottom lip caught between my teeth.  His thumb tugged at my lower lip, pulling it loose.  “I fear things, Josephine.  I do not know how it is possible to remember something that has been forgotten.  And if I do remember, how do I begin to live with myself knowing I forgot about you…about us?  How does one disregard such an important memory?”  He sighed and his hand dropped to drift down my neck.  “You have given up so much of yourself already...you have given up your life.  I do not want you to lose yourself in this mission to remember.  What will happen if what we discover is too much for you to bear?”

His words stunned me for a moment.  My emotions, already harried, were warring between agreeing with him and pure anger.  Did he think I would walk away from discovering something so important to us both, regardless of the outcome?

Pushing away from him, I sat up, letting the sheet drop to my waist.  "I won’t lose myself.  And Stefan, I’m still the same person and I will be regardless of what we find out. I’ll still be the same woman that melts when I hear your voice say my name; that aches to feel your skin against mine and has loved you for longer than we both know.  But if I do lose myself, you'll be right beside me to bring me back.  There is no you
and
me, Stefan.  We're one being, one soul...en själ.  That much I know."

"En själ."  Stefan murmured thoughtfully.  He seemed surprised to hear his own language roll from my lips so easily.  His cerulean blue eyes became glassy, gleaming in the soft lighting.  He blinked twice, but they stayed locked to mine.  "One soul.  Ett hjärta.  One heart."

He placed his hand between my breasts and I intertwined my fingers with his.  His pink tongue swiped across his lower lip as he echoed his own words, barely louder than a whisper.  "En själ.  Ett hjärta. Evinnerligen."

One soul.  One heart. Forever.
 Months ago, I would have been petrified to even think those words, let alone utter and agree with them.  But now…now I knew it was true.  There was no reason to deny the truth.  I was created for him, as he was created for me.  You could come up with a million corny ways to describe the bond we share, but we were two halves of one whole, only complete when together.

I fell back into the soft cocoon of blankets, dragging Stefan back with me.  I burrowed my head into his chest, inhaling deep, greedy breaths of his heady scent.  I’d given up trying to focus on his mind anymore.  His mind was like a beehive, humming with thoughts and out of control emotions.  We’d both been silent for quite some time, content in each other’s arms.  When he finally spoke, his deep, lilting voice startled me.

“From the first moment I saw you, my heart knew you.  I do not need a memory to know this much.”

His love and adoration barreled through the bond, encasing me in contentment and happiness.  Raising my head from his chest, I moved to cover his body with mine.  Despite his hulking size, we aligned perfectly, my soft curves molding against the chiseled, hardened muscles of his body.

“Your love for me never has wavered, Stefan.  It took me awhile to get there, but honestly, it’s always been you.  And it always will be.”

Without another word, he rolled me to my back and I sank into the soft bedding.  He loomed over me, his narrow hips sliding between my thighs.  I wrapped my legs around his waist, my heels digging into the cheeks of his firm ass.

We both moaned as our kiss reunited us. It was a frenzy of lips, tongues, and gasps as he pinned me to the bed with his weight.  He tenderly kissed the corner of my lips.  "As you changed, I missed the sound of your voice."