Ascent (20 page)

Electricity shoots through my body. My stomach fills with acid. “Who went on a pizza run?”

He gives me a strange look. “Josh, Violet, Hannah, Brian. Brian and Hannah were fighting and Josh thought everybody just needed something to eat. The refrigerator is barren. Everyone’s hungry.”

I jump off the chair. “They
drove
?”

He looks uncomfortable. Like maybe he shouldn’t have come out to check on me. “Yeah, how else would they get there? They don’t deliver out here this time of night.”

“Shit! Josh promised me no one was driving anywhere! How could anyone allow him to drive?”

“It’s just pizza, Matt. You don’t have to freak out over it.”

I jump up and start towards the door. I can’t believe Josh got in the car and drove. The whole reason I’m spending the summer at IYD and changing my past is to stop anyone from driving drunk. Him getting in a car and driving Violet on a pizza run defeats everything.

And I can’t believe he would be so stupid to get in the car to drive. Dr. Thompson warned us about this. Sometimes you really can’t change your past. Some endings are just meant to be.

It’s the Butterfly Effect. I’ve changed my past – but I haven’t really changed anything.

But I refuse to believe I can’t save Violet.

I have to.

I look at Kyle. “You’ve got my keys, right?”

He hesitates. Like he’s looking at a lunatic or something. I have to admit; I’m feeling like I’ve stepped too close to the edge. He reaches in his pocket, but he’s taking his own sweet time.

“I need my keys,
now
.”

“Fine, okay … But, you said to hold onto them all night. They’re probably almost at the pizza place anyway. I don’t know what you think you’re going to do.”

“I’m going to find them.”

Kyle drops the keys in my outreached hand, shaking his head. “I think you’re totally overreacting. They’ll be back in like thirty minutes.”

I take off running for the door. “I’m not overreacting. Trust me. No one should’ve allowed Josh to drive.”

***

Voices call after me as I run to my car. I don’t hear them: they’re just a blur of sound. It was my idea to leave the keys with Kyle.
Everyone
was supposed to leave the keys with Kyle. I pull open the door and jump in the driver’s seat. Everything is different this time and everything is the same. Violet died at 10:19 PM on impact. It’s 10:07.

Everything is unlike the last time.

It has to be.

It’s the only reason I’d step foot in Las Vegas where the Party has set up their headquarters.

It’s the only reason I’d go back to the worst night in my life.

I pull out of Josh’s drive and press the gas to the floor. The road into town is quiet this time of night. It’s always quiet this time of night out here.

I maneuver my car down the road as fast as it will go. Ahead of me, the road curves and twists I keep my eyes glued to the yellow and white lines. It’s dark and the rain gets heavier. I feel the car hydroplane on the road. The back wheels slide to the right. I feel the car turn. I try to remember what I learned about losing control of a car in driver’s ed.

Turn into the spin?

Turn out?

I want to close my eyes and let the car spin out of control. But I can’t. It’s 10:11 and I need to find Violet before it’s too late.

The car starts to cross the centerline and two glowing headlights appear in the distance. Through the rain it’s hard to tell how far away the lights are. Mr. Lehman’s voice sings in my ears.

If you lose control of your car, turn into the spin; it’s the only way to regain control.

I turn the wheel to the left and the fishtailing from the back eases. The car gains traction on the road and picks up speed. I grip the wheel tight and the car gets back in its lane. The car coming at me honks its horn as it races by. I refocus on driving. I need to get to Violet before fate catches her first.

***

The lights from town glow in the distance. I haven’t come upon Josh’s car during the drive. Seconds fritter away, turning into minutes. It’s almost time. I’m coming close to the bend in the road and that night flashes before my eyes.

Violet’s hand on my knee.

Josh in the backseat with Hannah and Brian. Me behind the wheel, eyes focused on the road and everything a blur. The smell from Brian’s cigarette burning my nose.
Smells Like Teen Spirit
from the oldies channel playing on the radio, the lyrics burning in my brain.

Everyone screams ‘how low’. Everyone loves that part.

Violet knocks the beer out of my hand and I reach down to pick it up.

I accidentally yank the wheel and the car makes a sharp turn to the right.

I look up and the car’s flying off the road, towards a steep embankment.

I slam on the brakes and the music is drowned out by screaming. Violet screaming.

Then comes a horrible metal sound. The sound of metal crunching, the tires squealing on the asphalt. The smell of brake dust burns my nose. A tree cut right through the center of the car, both the engine and lights cutting out. A soft whimper from the back and silence from my right.

Quiet.

Nothing but the sound of wheels spinning and the hissing sound of steam coming from the front of the car.

The weird thing about the whole accident … the driver’s seat was unscathed. That’s the thing about life; bad things happen to some people and miss others. It was like I had a force field around me. Like some greater force wanted me to live so I could see what I had done. Like the universe wanted to torture me with that night for the rest of my life. Not that I deserved any protection. I’m the last guy that deserved any special treatment.

I turn to my right and I know it’s bad. The tree had shorn straight through the car to the backseat. There’s something on the floor close to my leg. It was like a bowling ball in a puddle of neatly styled hair.

It took me a moment to process what I was looking at.

A beer can rolls from the passenger seat down by the bowling ball that’s not a bowling ball.

The driver’s side door wouldn’t open. I pull on the handle and give it a shove, but nothing. I try again and it’s stuck.

My leg hurts. I look down and see my jeans are ripped and a cut on my leg is dripping blood. I get out of the passenger seat and crawl through a crack in the car.

We were in the middle of the forest on a barely used road and there was no one around. No sounds, no cars … I pull my cell out of my pocket. I lit the display and use it as a flashlight.

Violet was leaned over, rubbing my leg when the car went off the road. The tree cut straight through her. There were her shoulders, covered in thick liquid – and then nothing else.

Brian wasn’t wearing his seatbelt. The back door is open and he’s gone. Thrown from the car. The window by Hannah’s seat is broken and covered with blood. I tiptoe next to the car and look in. The side of her face is pushed in, pieces of glass in her eye. I try to open the door, but I can’t. And it doesn’t matter. It’s too late.

I call 911.

I look around for Brian while I wait, using the light from my phone. The rain disappeared just as fast as it arrived. The clouds give way to the stars. They twinkle, just like normal, as if nothing has changed. Nothing happened. Everything is exactly how it was. I inhale, take a breath deep into my lungs and exhale.

I hear a moan. I shine the phone the direction of the sound and spot Brian on the ground. He pulled himself away from the car, but I’m not sure where he’s going. And I can’t tell if he’s okay or not.

But he’s making noise, which is better than nothing.

“Hey, man, I called for help. Someone should be here any minute.”

I reach down and hold his hand.

***

I shake the memories from that night out of my head. The red digital clock on Josh’s dash reads 10:19 just as I come around the curb from that night. I could never forget the location of the curb. I came back almost every day after the accident. It was weird at first because sometimes I would see Violet’s mom here. She’d be out by the fallen tree, sitting on the stump, with her head buried in her hands. I’d hide in the forest on the other side of the road and watch her sob, her shoulders shaking like a demon was being exorcised from inside of her.

And maybe that’s the thing about mourning. An exorcism is needed to take away all the bad feelings. All the horrible things that make you feel like you can’t take another breath or live one more day.

It’s a horrible place to be. I’ve been there and if I had a choice I would have been the one leaning over the center of the car when the tree cut straight through it.

I don’t know what I’m expecting when I round the bend. I slow down and pull over to the side of the road and flash the headlights towards the infamous tree. It’s 10:21 and I’m too late. I turn off the engine and get out of the car. It’s perfectly quiet. No one is around. All the shrubs on the side of the road are untouched. I spot the towering pine in the distance and it’s still standing.

“Hello?”

Nothing.

“Is anyone out here?”

Silence.

I walk to the tree. It’s all in one piece. I feel water seeping through my shoes from the night’s rain. The clouds have raced away, leaving dots of light in the sky, just like that night. Just like I remember it.

Everything in the forest is illuminated.

But they’re not here.

And it’s then that I start to laugh.

A weird laugh – like someone hysterical, too close to the edge, mixed with enthusiasm, like I’ve just won the lottery. I barely recognize the sound as coming from myself.

Dr. Thompson was right. You can change your past.

***

I get back into the car and drive towards town. My eyes are peeled along the side of the road looking for headlights or tire tracks leading off the side. There’s nothing.

The glow from town gets brighter and the traffic picks up. I head to Tommy’s Italian Pizzeria. Josh’s car is parked in the front of the restaurant. I stop and get out. I examine the outside of the car, looking for dents or scratches. Nothing. The car looks like it was just driven off the lot.

I open the door to the pizzeria and spot them sitting at a table. Violet and Hannah are sitting next to each other. Josh and Brian are playing a video game. A huge half-eaten pepperoni pizza sits on the middle of the table.

Violet looks up and sees me in the doorway. “Matt! What are you doing here? We were going to bring pizza back for you.”

She’s taken off the purple sweater so she’s wearing just the white t-shirt she had on underneath. The t-shirt is covered with little purple lint balls. They’re like balls of light.

I reach down and give her a hug. She still smells like the cosmetic counter at Nordstrom, only now it’s mixed with the faint smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke.

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

She looks up at me and smiles. It’s a loopy smile, happy and without a care in the world. The kind of smile that comes from having a few too many beers to drink and no worries in the world. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

I shake my head. “Josh shouldn’t have driven. You’re all riding back with me. I can’t believe you’d get in a car with him.”

“Great! Let’s go, we ordered an extra pizza and Hannah and I have just been waiting for the guys to finish playing that video game.”

Violet makes her way towards the pizza and Hannah goes over to retrieve Josh and Brian. Everyone is here, breathing and moving.

I feel a smile cross my face. It’s been a long time since I smiled.

Chapter Thirty

Farrah–Kate

I couldn’t sleep. I spent the night tossing and turning and staring at the digital clock on the counter beside my bed. I have no idea what happened to Matt.

All I know is that he didn’t come back.

I sit in the lobby waiting for the others, fearing the worst, and scared of what’s to come. Members of security are pacing. A guard keeps looking out the window like Matt will walk up and it will be like nothing happened.

My stomach twists in knots as we ride out to the desert. The bus is silent. Two people have traveled and only one person came back.

I don’t know what it means for the rest of us.

If they’ll still send us back or if they’ll cancel the rest of the program and just keep us here.

I don’t know what it means for my mother.

We take off our goggles and pile out of the bus. The desert is empty. We stay close to the bus and the air conditioning that blows out on us. It’s the only way to stay alive out here.

We all came back to wait for Matt. Maybe he missed a vortex, so his return has been delayed. That’s what Dr. Thompson said: he might still return. But I have a sinking feeling in my stomach, like he planned this all along. I knew there was a reason I felt like Matt was the last person I’d see at a place like IYD. Because, besides myself, Matt is the last type of person who would go to a school controlled by the Party.