Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice (18 page)

Healing Unworthiness

Unworthiness means that you don't feel worthy of receiving the same goodness to which you believe everyone else is entitled. As a person who believes you're unworthy, you'll sabotage good as it comes to you. You won't have your sights set high enough. You'll expect the worst, so that's what you'll attract and create.

It's so essential for you to understand that you're entirely worthy! First, you were created by God. And God created you in the image and likeness of Divine perfection. Even if you feel the opposite of perfect, your Divinity is still intact. What God created perfect can never be destroyed or lessened.

Second, you're here for a very important purpose. You can feel that truth, even if you aren't sure exactly what the nature of your purpose is.

The emotional pain of unworthiness and loneliness can actually be your greatest teacher that takes you to new heights of spiritual growth and self-understanding. This does require you to feel the emotions fully, without numbing the pain through dissociation or addictive behaviors or substances.

Allow yourself to feel the depth of the existential pain of being on this planet and feeling alone and misunderstood, with no real connections to anyone. Recall all of the times in your childhood and adult life where your relationships were painfully lonely.

Notice how all of these painful and lonely moments connect together, because they're one continuous thread of the same story line. This story began with your physical birth, when you had to suddenly deal with this harsh and dense experience. At the moment you were born, you felt disconnected from God and Divine love, like a newborn baby searching for her mother's breast. You've been on a quest to seek that feeling of complete and pure love since your birth.

Acknowledging the Shadows

Instead of feeling like a victim or depressed or sorry for yourself because you're lonely, let this feeling empower you. By being completely truthful with yourself about your underlying feelings of existential angst, you necessarily will drop your defenses that have been keeping you from facing the feelings that have been there your whole life. The truth is that you've felt lonely, rejected, and misunderstood since you were born. You blamed yourself for being unlovable because you felt unloved. But you defended against realizing this, because your ego wants to control everything.

Your ego, like everyone else's, doesn't want you to discover the shadows of polarities here on Earth. In this physical realm, it is a world of contrasts and opposites: hot and cold, dark and light, wet and dry, soft and hard, good and evil.

One reason why you came to this planet is to experience those divergent opposites. So you may wonder why there's so much evil, pain, and suffering on this planet. And sometimes you may feel that God has forgotten you or isn't hearing your prayers.

The darkness on this planet is only because of the physical dimension, which has a plus side and a minus side. So everything has a positive and a negative pole.

Earth Angels are often afraid of acknowledging or spending time researching the negative pole of physical life. They resist acknowledging the shadow side of life, including the fact that there are people who act in very selfish and evil ways.

Earth Angels often refuse to see the ego within everyone, including their own human self. This is because heaven's angels look past the ego. Like a celestial angel, the Earth Angel wants to see only the good within everyone.

This is a very high-vibrational and admirable trait of Earth Angels. However, in this physical world it's important to acknowledge both poles. Every single person has an ego. Egos are annoying, enraging, and manipulative.
You
have an ego, too.

If you refuse to ever see the dark side of the polarity, you won't acknowledge your own ego issues. You'll only see darkness in other people's behavior, but not your own. You'll deny and project your own dark feelings, instead of learning and growing from them.

How can you heal and grow as a person, unless you acknowledge that there's some work to be done? The acknowledgment that there's work to be done isn't the same as saying you're unworthy or less than others.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

PEACEFUL EXCITEMENT
INSTEAD OF
DRAMA

Y
ou're already at peace, because you were created that way by the peaceful Creator. You don't need to look outside of yourself for peace, nor do you need to learn
how
to be at peace. You already have this inside of you at this very moment. Even if you don't
feel
like you're peaceful, you
are
in spiritual truth. In fact, it's impossible not to be peaceful in the universe as God created it.

If appearances seem to be otherwise, and you feel like you have a less-than-peaceful life, then this means the ego has been ruling the roost. What that means is that the ego has persuaded you that peace isn't valuable or attainable.

Peaceful Isn't Passive or Boring

The ego tries to tell you that peace is the same as being passive. It says that if you're peaceful, you'll lose your ambitious and hardworking ways, and you'll get behind in the competitive work world.

Nothing could be further from the truth! Being at peace doesn't mean that you become a slacker. It simply means that you're aware. You're aware of the Divinity in your oneness with all that is. You're aware of your honest emotions and opinions. And you're aware of your physical form and body and all of its feelings as well.

In business settings, a peaceful person always gets ahead. Again, being peaceful at work isn't the same as being passive or people-pleasing. Peaceful people are always assertive, because you have to speak your truth and be honest in order to retain your inner peace. Holding in your feelings takes you away from experiencing peace.

Peaceful people at work are also more open to receiving Divine downloads of brilliant ideas, which will be successful and appreciated on the job. Most people love to hang out with a peaceful person as well. That's because peaceful people have the attractive personality characteristics of being warm, approachable, open, and likable. They're pleasant to be around, and that's why they're invited to parties and committees, and given exciting opportunities at work. The old Hollywood-movie scenario of a hard, biting, harsh manager is a thing of the past. Nobody wants to work for or with someone who's obnoxious. They want to work with an inspiring leader. Peace and inspiration go hand in hand.

In personal settings, the same is true. Being a genuine person who honestly speaks your truth, coupled with an appealing personality that is accessible and loving, is the ultimate winning combination.

Another reason why the ego pushes us away from being at peace is because it persuades us that peace is boring. This is another deception that has no basis in reality. Peace is its own form of excitement!

If you've been involved in roller-coaster dramas, you know how disruptive these experiences are to your daily schedule. Drama leads to obsessive thinking, where you focus on how angry, upset, or afraid you are. Fear and anger are two of the ego's biggest tricks, which it uses to pull us off the path of our Divine life purpose and peace.

So when the ego whispers in your ear that it would be very dull to have a peaceful life, don't fall for this! The ego tries to persuade you that high drama is exciting, fun, and meaningful. And while you can learn important life and spiritual lessons by experiencing painful occurrences, it's not the route to enlightenment.

Constant drama is so draining, and can even lead to emotional or physical health concerns. There's a steady supply of adrenaline and cortisol being secreted by your brain and your body during moments of fight-or-flight drama. This isn't healthy at all and can actually age you.

A peaceful life can be very lively! You can engage in stimulating activities such as sports, activism, or fun classes, and be peaceful and happy simultaneously. You can find thrills in all of the new opportunities that come your way as a peaceful person who's a magnet for others who want to work with you.

My life is simultaneously very peaceful and yet exciting. I am so honored and happy to be able to travel to wonderful destinations, and then meet the nicest people on the planet at my workshops. It's true that being peaceful can be
extremely
exhilarating and stimulating!

Getting Off of the Drama Roller Coaster

As with every other part of your life, you're in control of how much drama you experience.

You'll need to begin by taking an inventory, either by journaling or spending time alone with yourself in deep thought as you process in your mind how much energy you expend every day on your various activities. You'll be able to see how you're investing or not investing in your true priorities.

You may also want to keep a “drama diary” in which you record the drama that's swirling around you. Don't keep this journal near your bed, where its energy may disrupt sleep, but put it in a drawer when you're not using it so that it remains a detached tool to help you, and not an outline of your future life.

Notice any patterns in your drama-filled relationships. How much do you get back from these relationships versus how much you give?

How many hours do you spend on e-mail, text, phone, or in-person conversations with those who have endless complaints about their lives with no intention of fixing them?

How much time do you devote each day to putting out the fires of drama in your own or someone else's life?

To uncover your peace may require you to take some drastic actions. For example, do you feel that there are one or two people you're involved with who are instigators of drama? Again, review how much you're getting out of these relationships as opposed to how much you put into them. It may be time to cut back the hours you devote to a relationship that's pulling you off your path and probably draining your energy as well.

While your soul is always at peace, the rest of you may not feel peaceful. You may need to adjust your diet and lifestyle to exude more peace. This usually entails detoxifying from mood-altering chemicals and beverages. So that will mean that processed sugar, chocolate, and caffeine are off the list when it comes to your daily diet. For some people, this means a gradual detox, while for others, it's a cold-turkey process. You may want to work with a health professional such as a naturopath to supervise your detox, for maximum results.

Another form of detox that can help you experience more peace is detoxing from negativity and drama in the media and other parts of your life.

Decide to stay away from negative news, people who tend to speak negatively, and drama-filled reading material and television shows or movies. A long time ago, the angels told me that we're energetically affected by the media reports that we read. They taught me to use discernment in choosing magazines and newspapers.

One time when I was on a long airplane flight, I bought a bunch of magazines, including an issue of
People
(a U.S. celebrity-gossip magazine).