Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice (19 page)

I was about to open the
People
magazine on the flight when I clearly heard the angels say to me, “By focusing upon other people's dramas, you attract more drama into your own life.”

I gasped and closed the magazine. At the time, I was dealing with some upsetting drama in my life and definitely didn't want any more. I have avoided celebrity gossip ever since. And guess what? My life is now drama-free (yay!). I credit my discernment with respect to the media as a big part of my drama detox.

This may be a temporary drama detox, which you later decide is the best lifestyle for you. By keeping some distance from sources of drama, you'll definitely notice yourself becoming more detached and more at peace. You may need to actually go on retreat to a place where there are no televisions, cell phones, or Internet to effectively enact this drama detox.

Exercise and sleep also can contribute to feeling more at peace. Exercise is one of the ways to shake off excess adrenaline and help restore your mind and body to peace. When you exercise, it detaches you from the drama that's swirling around you. After a good workout, you wonder what you were upset about previously.

This is partially because exercise stimulates production of the brain chemical
serotonin
, which is a feel-good chemical that leads to feelings of peace and satisfaction. Serotonin also can help you sleep better and have an appetite for healthier foods and beverages.

Beware of the ego, which will try to pull you off the path of peace. Your ego loves endless drama, because it's filled with fear and anxiety. To the ego, drama is like candy, feeding its appetite for fear.

Drama can be another delay tactic or even an addiction so that you don't have to work on yourself or your life purpose.

If you have any thoughts of blaming someone or something else for why you're not at peace, you can bet that this is the ego's distraction at work. The ego always wants you to look outside of yourself for the reason for your unhappiness.

The calling card of the ego is blame or an outward focus. In contrast, the higher self (which is the true you) takes complete responsibility for itself. This isn't to say that you blame
yourself
at all. Again,
any
form of blame, whether directed toward yourself or others, is the ego's delay tactic and distraction.

Assertive Earth Angels are at peace and happy, no matter what's going on in their lives or around them. Even under the toughest and saddest of circumstances, they still feel the presence of God and peace within their hearts and minds.

Dealing with Selfish People

As we previously discussed, “drama queens” and “drama kings” are people who are addicted to the excitement of having a roller-coaster life. They love to get attention and be in the limelight of the center stage by having the world's worst problems. These are the folks who have all sorts of relationship crises, one after the other. They'll tell you this is because they have bad luck, and that they have no control over all of these experiences.

If you have a relationship with a drama queen or drama king, chances are it's a one-sided relationship. Usually, those who are constantly involved in drama have no time to listen to anyone else's stories. So, they'll spend hours telling you about their latest escapades, but the moment you try to turn the tables and talk about yourself, they have to get off the phone right then.

Drama queens or kings will never ask you how you are, except to get you to say, “I'm fine—how are you?” which is their cue to launch right into the latest episode of their ongoing saga. Ultimately, drama queens and kings are insecure, narcissistic, self-absorbed, and selfish.

I'm not labeling
them;
I am talking about their behavior. Everyone, including drama queens and drama kings and even the most annoying person you could ever meet, is a child of God just like you. Your higher self is one with their higher self. However, you'll notice that some people are completely acting out of their egos, while others have learned to tame them.

In fact, fear itself is the ultimate “diva” drama queen. Fear wants to be the center of your attention and distract you from your life purpose. So those who are drama queens or kings are allowing fear to control them.

If you spend too much time with people who are ego-centered, it will trigger your own ego to be louder and more in control of your day. And the ego is always the path to pain instead of peace.

One reason why Earth Angels are frequently hurt in their relationships is because they see only the good in other people. Of course, this is the spiritually best way to live. However, in this 3-D world of polarity opposites, the assertive Earth Angel also needs to acknowledge that some people's actions are dictated by fear and their egos.

Humans have a “selfish gene,” and it's tied into aggression. So we have this old genetic predisposition to be selfish and aggressive, which served a lifesaving purpose in the distant past but is now fueling the very things that pose the greatest threats to humanity.

Taking Charge, Taking Responsibility

As long as you're blaming others for your problems, you'll always be controlled by them. Power comes from taking 100 percent responsibility for your life. It means acknowledging that everything in your current life is by choice. You may not have chosen your past, but you can choose your present and future!

It comes down to taking responsibility for your life. At first, this idea may seem crazy or frightening. You may misread this as my saying that others aren't causing you pain or blocks.

What I'm doing is taking away your “Victim Honor Badge,” in which you continually think of yourself as a victim of controlling people and outside forces. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Do you really believe that our powerful Creator would make weak creations? Do you believe that God made some people more powerful than you? You might believe this if you define
power
as meaning a political title, wealth, education, popularity, fame, and so forth. But is that really power in the ultimate sense?

True power comes from deep within your core. It's David defeating Goliath with a tiny slingshot stone and huge amounts of faith.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

IT'S SAFE FOR YOU
TO BE
POWERFUL!

Y
ou don't need to become
more
powerful, because you already have 100 percent maximum power right now. Always remember that you're created in the image and likeness of the powerful Divine Creator. Therefore, you have all of the power of heaven within you, just like everyone does.

If you feel powerless and ineffectual right now, that's because you have made the decision that you don't have power. But that doesn't mean that it's so!

The spiritual truth is that nothing can take away the power that God created within you, ever! All it takes is for you to recognize and assume your power, and it's automatically enacted, to the point where you're aware of it and appreciate it.

Power is the same as assertiveness, by spiritual definition. It doesn't mean aggression, nor does it mean bullying or manipulating others. Power doesn't come from prestige, money, family background, or career.

Power comes from God, plain and simple. Since you can never be detached from this power, no one can block you from it—that is, unless you give it away. Giving your power away means that you wait to get permission from someone else before following through on your inner guidance.

As an example, let's say that you want to return to school to further your education related to your dream career. But you've put your husband on a pedestal as an authority figure, and you worry whether he'd give you “permission” to go to school. You worry whether you have the money, the time away from your family, and even the intelligence to complete your schooling.

See how you've just given your power away to others? Your desire to go to school is likely inner guidance that's Divinely directed, pointing you to your life purpose. By you going to school and gaining knowledge and confidence, all of your future clients will benefit.

If, on the other hand, you're thwarted from going to school because of fears of what other people may say, do, or think, then it is still within your power to make that ultimate decision.

Green Flags from Heaven

You're not a victim, nor can you ever be a victim. As long as you stay sober, alert, and aware of your inner guidance, you'll always be safe and supported. Just as angels send red-flag signs to warn you about getting involved with the wrong person, so do they send you green flags to direct you along the right path.

Green flags are when you get frequent and continual inner nudges to take positive steps or make healthful life changes.

Some women were raised with the notion that females are supposed to be demure and defer to a man's authority and power. This is so unhealthy and unnatural. Every person, regardless of the gender of the physical body in which he or she incarnated in this lifetime, has equal access to God's Divine power.

Several women have admitted to me that they equate power with manliness. They fear that they'll push men away from them by becoming powerful. But the happy truth is that it's entirely possible, and also admirable, to be both feminine and powerful. Power doesn't mean that you have to wear men's suits and go around bullying people. That's confusing power with aggression. They're not the same!

Power simply means that you honor your feelings, and have the courage to speak up about them without apology or trying to control the other person's reactions.

A powerful person is comfortable with him- or herself. A powerful person doesn't need someone else's approval in order to be happy. Emotionally healthy men and women admire and are attracted to confident women.

You already have these qualities, because you already
are
powerful. You may need to remind yourself of this if you're just beginning to reawaken and reassume your personal power.

It begins by questioning every part of your life where you've worried what other people will think. It means looking at any relationship where you're asking that other person for permission. It means being aware of whatever relationship triggers anxiety or fear within you.

A number of people have told me that they have a deep-seated fear of abusing their power, were they to allow it to be unleashed. Again, this is confusing power with aggression! Yes, it's true that when you're aggressive, you do abuse your authority. Aggressive people hurt others in order to get their own goals met. But a sensitive and loving Earth Angel would never dream of taking someone else's rights away or hurting anyone else in order to get ahead. This wouldn't even enter his or her consciousness. If you're the type of person who would abuse others, then you're no Earth Angel.

Some people are afraid of their power because it means that they'll be forced to take total responsibility for their lives, which frightens and intimidates them. But the positive truth is that when you take responsibility for your life, you then have control and power. This means no more blaming and no more playing the role of victim. It means that you stop asking permission to do what your soul is calling you to do, and you have the courage to take risks to change your life to match your dreams and inner guidance.

Perhaps your mother or father was trying to protect you by having you reel in your power. Perhaps you were a very strong-willed child, and your parents were frazzled because of their own lives, so they didn't have the time or energy to deal with your powerful ways. Perhaps you were shamed by others when you spoke up and told the truth. Others may have punished or abandoned you for being authentic. While such reactions from others can leave long-lasting emotional wounds, they don't take away your power. Again, nothing and no one can take away the power that God created within you. Your power is eternal and always at its 100 percent maximum intensity.