Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice (8 page)

The trouble with apologizing is that it's inappropriate and detracts from intelligent conversations. It's also an unconscious habit, which needs to come to the level of consciousness so that you can heal it and let it go. One way to do so is to create a pact with another Earth Angel friend of yours. Promise each other that you will gently point out when the other one is apologizing. This really works, as long as you're both kind to each other because you remember you are both highly sensitive to perceived criticism.

Earth Angels also tend to say “Thank you” repeatedly, especially if someone is doing them a favor. This is a sign of the Earth Angels' feelings of undeserving, and fear that they're taking up someone else's time and bothering him or her.

This, again, is because you're not accustomed to having a physical body, and you're also not used to allowing others to help you. When you were a celestial angel, you were the one doing all of the giving. But once you take on a physical body, you become part of the polarities of giving and receiving. So, while it is appropriate to offer your gratitude for someone's help, please be aware that it is unnatural, unnecessary, and ultimately annoying if you repeatedly thank the person.

Another oft-repeated phrase is the question “Are you mad at me?” Earth Angels take everything very personally, including another person's silence or need for space. If Earth Angels feel someone pulling back in the relationship, their first impulse is to chase after him or her and get reassurance that they're still loved and that the other person isn't upset with them.

This action always backfires, unless you are with a highly sensitive person who has compassion for your insecurities. In normal circumstances, though, when you repeatedly ask others if they're mad at you, you can actually push them
into
being angry with you.

So, if you're feeling insecure about your relationship, your best action is to sit down with the other person and say, “Do we need to clear anything? Are we okay?” And then be quiet and let the other person talk. Most of the time, people won't have any idea what you're talking about, because they're not mad at you at all. They will explain that they have their own issues, which are distracting them from their relationship with you.

If you feel you are being neglected in your relationship or your needs are not being met, you'll have to be very clear about this boundary and expectation with the other person. Relay this in an adult, assertive way, and not as a child begging for a scrap of attention. You need to respect yourself and your needs, and you deserve to be in a relationship where they're met!

Trying Too Hard

When you're communicating, don't try too hard to get other people to like you or to be impressed with you. Others can sense the energy of someone who is trying too hard. That energy is always repelling to people and pushes them away. No one likes to be coerced into anything, including being pushed into liking someone. A person who normally would be happy to be with you may think that something is wrong with you that you need to convince him or her to like you. This is especially true in heterosexual romantic relationships, where the man tends to like to do the pursuing and wooing. Let him come after you! Not the other way around.

Respect Yourself as You Respect Others

Don't talk “up” to people, as if you see them as an authority figure or have them on a pedestal and hold them superior to you. If you have a great deal of respect for someone or he or she is a celebrity, talk to him or her as if to a regular person. The Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you applies perfectly to conversations. You don't want anyone to make a fuss about you, and neither do other people (unless they are narcissists, and you don't want to be involved in that type of relationship anyway).

Complaining

Do you tend to complain a lot? If you do, you may be pushing people away. Those who complain come across as whining children, who see themselves as victims who have given away their power to others. You are neither a victim nor a little child. As an adult, you can make choices to change your life.

When you complain, are you looking for sympathy or solutions? The honest answer to this question can help reveal hidden fears of which you were unaware.

Complaining is an unconscious communication habit. It's a negative affirmation that draws to you the very thing you're complaining about. It does nothing to help improve your situation. So, instead of complaining, get to work on changing your life for the better!

In conversation, be real and authentic. Speak in enough detail that other people know what you're talking about. Don't start a conversation in the middle of a thought or assume that other people will psychically understand everything you've been thinking about.

Breathe while you're talking, and allow the other person to have space to reply. Be a good listener, and pay attention to what the other person is saying. Above all, though, listen to your own feelings as you're having a conversation. Because the most important conversations that you'll ever have are with your true self and with God.

CHAPTER SIX

GETTING RID
OF
GUILT
AND
WORRY

T
wo emotions that are commonly experienced by Earth Angels are guilt and worry, and in this chapter, we'll examine each in turn.

Guilt

Guilt occurs for several reasons:

• You're engaging in an action that doesn't accord with your beliefs and morals.
  
• You believe you're not doing enough or haven't done enough.
  
• You believe that you should make everyone happy. When someone's unhappy, you blame yourself. Earth Angels have parental guilt toward everything that needs caretaking on this planet, including people, animals, plants, bodies of water, and so forth.
  
• You believe that you're loved for what you do, instead of who you are. So, unless you're doing “enough” or the “right thing,” you feel undeserving of love.
  

When you were in the spirit world as a celestial angel, you could help on a very wide scale. Yet, you were still limited in the aid you could offer because people have freewill choices. Not even God can intervene when someone has made a freewill choice to suffer, or perform a hurtful deed.

Now that you're in a physical body, you're even more restricted as to how many people you can affect at once. Physical bodies give you certain limitations that you didn't have when you were a celestial angel. This can create a low-level feeling of frustration, because deep down you remember being able to travel wherever you were needed instantly. You remember being able to defy physical laws and enact miraculous solutions. And while you still have access to all of your spiritual gifts, the dense physical plane slows everything down.

As a result of all these factors, you feel guilty—when it's not your fault! By taking on a physical body, you've traded in one set of superpowers for another set. For example, people generally don't listen to their guardian angels. They either don't hear the voice of their angels, or they don't trust or believe the messages that they receive.

So you took on a human body because people
do
listen to other people. You're still a messenger for God, except now as a human you can be louder and easier to understand.

So we Earth Angels need to let go of guilt about not having easy access to our celestial spiritual gifts.

Some guilt occurs when you do something that you believe is wrong. For instance, if you believe that cigarette smoking is harmful and low-vibrational, and you still smoke, you're betraying yourself and the result will be guilt. Same thing if you believe it's wrong to eat junk food, get drunk, have an affair, cheat on an exam . . . and yet you do these things anyway. As long as you're engaged in behaviors you feel bad about, guilt will be the natural consequence.

Guilt is a very low-vibrational energy. The angels say that guilt clips the wings of lightworkers. It makes us less effective as healers and manifestors.

So, if you're engaging in behaviors you don't feel good about, there are two ways to handle this:

1.
Stop doing the behavior!
This is likely the healthiest route to take. Admittedly, it's not the easiest path, but that's why following this option makes you stronger and raises your self-esteem.

2.
Change what you believe about the behavior!
Guilt is more toxic than any behavior you can engage in. So if you're going to continue with it, it's essential that you let go of the guilt surrounding it. Meditate, pray, do research, talk to trusted people, and take other healthy steps to realign your beliefs about the behavior so that you truly can engage in it guilt-free.

Everyone Has Free Will

As we've discussed, a lot of guilt occurs because other people are unhappy and we blame ourselves for being unable to fix them. This is where we have to remember “freewill choices.” We naturally assume that everyone wants to be happy. This is because we know that happiness is the highest vibration, and one that's healing and healthy. So why wouldn't everyone want to be happy?

In spiritual truth, we were all created equally happy, because we were made in the image and likeness of God, Who's pure bliss, joy, and happiness. So deep down, we already
are
happy in our souls!

But in this 3-D physical world of duality and polarities, there are opposing forces to everything. So the opposite of happiness would be depression. Some people's lives are dedicated to experiencing duality opposites, and they go to dark extremes in order to push their ability to feel. There are some people who don't feel alive unless they feel depressed. And one could argue that you're in that category, too! After all, if you're not allowing yourself to be happy, just because someone else is unhappy, aren't
you
also contributing to unhappiness in the world?

Wanting everyone to be happy ultimately is very controlling. You're making the decision for others what emotional state they should be in. And then you might be pressuring them to follow your advice so that they can feel happy. That's really rude and, ultimately, borders on playing God.

Everyone makes their own choices, and while you can be a very positive influence and role model for others, in the end it's up to them to choose whether to be happy or not. Love means respecting someone's choices for themselves.

Of course, if a loved one goes into clinical depression, you'd definitely want to intervene and seek professional help. Depression can lead to serious health consequences and even suicide.

But for an average amount of sadness, give people space to make up their own minds if that's how they want to live. This will make your life a whole lot easier. You don't have to be in charge anymore, which is a very freeing realization! And if you don't enjoy being with someone who chooses to be chronically unhappy, know that you don't have to spend time with him or her!