At His Majesty's Convenience (14 page)

Guilt snaked through her heart, or maybe it was just grief at what she was leaving behind. The memory of Jake's face—hard and angry—would stay with her forever. She shivered and turned to pick up her bags.

Even though it was well after midnight, she'd need to sneak down the back stairs. The cleaners sometimes worked late into the night, especially after a major event. If she could make her way to the rear entrance without being seen, she could cut across the gardens to the old barnyard and take one of the runabout cars kept near the old stables for staff to share on errands.

She grabbed the handle of each bag and set off, pulse pounding. No looking back this time. The pretty dress could stay right there in the closet, along with all her romantic fantasies. They'd caused her nothing but pain.

From magical fairy-tale engagement to shocking scandal overnight. She'd have to keep her head down for, oh, the rest of her life.

She let herself into the old staircase, dimly lit by aging sconces, and hurried down the steep, winding steps, bags thumping unsteadily behind her like chasing ogres no matter how high she tried to life them.

She held her breath as she opened the heavy wood door at the bottom. It led out into the back kitchen, which was rarely used, only if they were catering a truly enormous feast—like the one today. Freshly scrubbed pots and baking trays covered the sideboard and big bowls of fruit stood on the scrubbed table ready to be sliced for breakfast, but the lights were low and she couldn't see anyone about.

Lowering her bags onto their wheels, she crept across the flagstone floor.

One the far side of the old kitchen, she could see the
door that led directly out into the kitchen garden. Before she took a step into the room, a burst of laughter made her jump. She froze, heart pounding, peering into the shadows. Voices reached her from the next room, the passage to the modern kitchen. She didn't recognize them, but the palace often hired extra caterers for big events. Were they already up, making breakfast?

She shrank back into the stairwell, but after an anxious minute, no one had appeared, so they obviously hadn't heard her. Bags lifted by her straining biceps, she crept across the floor. She lowered her bags for a moment and tried the handle—old, but well-oiled, the door slid quietly open, and cool night air rushed in.

She drew in a breath, then stepped out and closed the door quietly behind her. The click of the latch struck an ominous chord in her chest. She'd left the palace forever. She should feel happy that she'd escaped the building without being seen. Instead, she felt like a thief, leaving with stolen goods.

Which was ridiculous. She'd given years of her life to this place. Was that why it hurt so much to leave? And she wasn't gone yet. She still had to get across the grounds and past the sentries at the gatehouse.

She scanned the walled garden—a gloomy well of shadows in the cloudy moonlight—then hefted her bags past the menacing dark rectangles of the large herb beds. An arched doorway on the far side led to the stable yard, where the staff cars were parked. The ancient door creaked on its hinges as she pulled it open, and she shot a glance behind her. A lightbulb flicked on in one of the upper windows, and she held her breath for a moment. Was it Jake's window? Would he come look for her?

She cursed herself when she realized that it was on the upper, staff-only floor. Why would Jake come looking for
her? He'd told her to get lost. Which was exactly what she'd wanted.

Wasn't it?

Heaviness lodged in her chest as she crept across the paved stable yard. She retrieved a key from the combination-locked box in the wall—they'd be sure to change the code tomorrow—climbed into the nearest car and started the engine.

Andi glanced up at the house to see if anyone would look outside, but no one did. Cars did come and go at all hours when the house was full of guests and there were meals to prepare. She didn't turn the lights on right away.

A sharp pang of regret shot through her as she pulled onto the wide gravel drive for the last time. A ribbon of silver in the moonlight, it led through an allée of tall trees. It was hard to believe she'd never see this beautiful place again. She certainly wouldn't be welcome back for return visits.

And she'd never see Jake again. She should be happy about that, considering what he'd done, but all the years they'd spent working side by side—and that she'd spent mooning over him and hoping for more—weighed on her mind. He was a good man at heart and she didn't wish him ill.

Don't think about him.

There was still one more gauntlet to run—the gatehouse. The guards didn't usually pay too much attention to cars leaving the palace, especially familiar staff cars, so she hoped they'd simply wave her through. She cringed, though, when she saw a uniformed figure emerge from the stone gatehouse and approach.

She cleared her throat and rolled down the window. “Hi, Eli, it's only me. Picking up a friend.” The lie was the first thing that sprang to mind.

Eli simply smiled and gave her a little salute. She raised her window and drove out the palace gates for the last time, blinking back tears. In the morning, Eli and everyone else would know she'd run off into the night.

The town was deserted as she drove through it. She parked on a quiet street so she could walk the last stretch to the station. No need to advertise where she'd gone, since it would probably be hours until the first train of the morning. The staff cars were all identical Mercedes wagons and easily recognizable, and she didn't want to be too easy to find.

Not that anyone would come looking for her. She left the keys in the glove compartment. Petty crime was almost nonexistent in the town as everyone knew each other too well.

She groped in her bag for dark sunglasses. No need for strangers to see her red and puffy eyes. She wrapped a blue scarf around her head and neck. It wasn't cold but she didn't want anyone to recognize her if she could help it.

All she had to do was wait for the early-morning train to Munich, then book a flight to New York.

Her original plan had been to head to Manhattan and stay at the 92nd Street Y and temp until she could find an apartment and a job. She'd even had that promising interview set up. So, there'd been a hitch in her plans, involving all her lifelong dreams coming true and then turning into a nightmare, but she'd just have to get back on track and start rebuilding her life.

She glanced up and down the dark empty street before hurrying past the old stone buildings toward the ornate nineteenth-century train station at the edge of town.

She'd intended to leave Jake behind, and now she was doing it.

So why did it still hurt so much?

J
ake paced back and forth in his bedroom, anger and pain firing his muscles into action. His wounded pride sparked fury inside him. He'd been mad enough to lose his heart to a woman, and now she flung it back in his face.

No one had ever treated him so coldly. He'd offered her his life and she'd turned him down. He should despise her for being so heartless and cruel.

So why did the thought of facing even one day without her make his whole body ache?

He'd have to announce to the whole country—to the world—that their engagement was over. People would wonder why she left and gossip would echo around the villages for months.

But he didn't care about any of that. It was the prospect of nights without Andi's soft body in his bed. Of days lacking her bright smile. Long evenings without her thoughtful conversation.

He couldn't force her to marry him against her will. Lord knows he'd come close enough by thrusting this whole engagement on her when she was indisposed by her lack of memory.

Shame trickled over him that he'd taken advantage of her so readily. She'd been so willing—in her lack of knowledge about their true past—and it had been so wonderful. A natural extension of their happy working relationship.

Idiot.
Having sex with your assistant had nothing to do with work. Why had he tried to convince himself it was okay? If he really wanted to marry her he should have waited until she got her memory back, courted her like a gentleman—or at least a conventional boyfriend—then proposed to her.

Maybe he thought that as a king he was so special he didn't have to follow any of the conventions of romantic love? He certainly put a lot of energy into following other conventions, so why had he veered so badly off course with Andi?

He halted his pacing at the window. He'd been keeping an eye out for lights from a car traveling up the driveway, but had seen none. She was probably still here in the palace.

But she'd already rejected him and it was too late to change her mind. She needed a man she could trust, and in taking advantage of her amnesia, he'd given her good reason to never trust him again.

He'd given up a lot to take on his role as king of Ruthenia. Now he'd just have to learn how to live without Andi, as well.

 

Andi flinched as the ticket agent looked at her. She'd removed her dark glasses because, well, it was still dark outside. But there was no flicker of recognition in his eyes.
Without extravagant jewels and fancy dresses she just slipped right back into the regular population.

As the platform filled with people waiting for the first train, she shrank inside her raincoat, raising the collar. The occasional stare made her want to hide behind a column. Soon enough they'd all know who she was and what she was doing.

She climbed onto the train without incident. Had she thought Jake would send the cavalry after her? The Ruthenian hills were notably free of galloping horsemen and the roads almost empty of cars as the train pulled away from the town at 7:43 a.m.

Perhaps he was secretly relieved to see her go. He could blame her for breaking off the engagement and carry on with his merry life as an eligible royal bachelor, with gorgeous women kissing up to him at every opportunity.

Her heart still ached with jealousy at the thought of Jake with another woman. Which was totally ridiculous since she'd just rejected him.

The train picked up speed outside the town and flew through the open fields and villages with their tall steeples, clustered at the foot of the proud mountains. She'd never even heard of Ruthenia until she met Jake, but it had come to feel like home and she was going to miss it.

She pulled a book from her bag, but the words blurred before her eyes and she couldn't concentrate. Tears threatened and she pushed them back. Was she making a terrible mistake? Would Jake have grown to love her?

She'd never know now, but it was too late to turn back.

 

It was midmorning by the time she reached the border crossing between Ruthenia and Austria. She held her breath while the border guards walked through the train checking passports.

The young, clear-faced guard looked at her passport, then pulled out his phone. He spoke rapidly in German and made a sign to another guard on the platform. The two elderly ladies seated on the bench opposite her glanced at each other. Andi felt her heart rate rise.

“I don't have anything to declare.” She gestured to her two suitcases. “You can look through them.

“Will we be moving soon?” Her voice sounded shaky. Sitting here made her feel anxious, like she wanted to get up and run. Was Jake behind this? She cursed the pinch of hope that jangled her nerves.

Unlikely. She'd never seen him look so furious as he did last night. If only she could make that memory go away.

 

Jake's car swerved on a gravel patch in the road and he righted it quickly, coming around another of those hairpin turns on the mountainside. He probably should have taken the train, like Andi. It was the most direct route as it cut right through one of the larger mountains.

But he didn't want anything to hold him up. He also didn't want other people around. This was between him and Andi.

His pride still hurt at her forthright rejection, but something inside him couldn't let her leave like this. She'd said she didn't trust him, and that hurt more than anything. He'd broken her trust. He'd tried to keep her at his side using seduction and bargaining.

When he told her he loved her, she simply didn't believe him.

She thought his declaration was just more words. She didn't understand that his feelings for her had transformed him.

Swinging around another tight corner, he felt a twinge of guilt about using the border guards to hold the train.
Another aspect of royal privilege he'd abused. Still, it was an emergency situation. Once she got back to the U.S., she'd be gone from his world, and he knew in his heart that he'd never get her back.

Then he'd spend the rest of his life missing her and kicking himself for losing the only woman he wanted.

He drove through the Dark Forest at warp speed, adrenaline crackling through his muscles, and emerged into the open plain on the other side just before noon. He'd had to stop on the way for one simple, but important, errand. This time he intended to get everything right.

He spotted the long train at the border crossing from quite a distance away. Luckily the road ran almost directly across the tracks near the village, so he pulled onto the verge and jumped out. Bright morning sun shone off the dark blue-and-gold surface of the cars and turned each window into a mirror. Which car was Andi in? And would she even talk to him after how he'd behaved at their last meeting? Every cell in his body, every nerve pulsed with the desperate need to see her and make things right.

The train was an old one, with individual compartments seating about six people each. The first three he peered into contained no familiar face, but in the fourth, opposite two older women in wool berets, sat a pale-faced and anxious-looking Andi.

He grasped the cool handle and inhaled. She looked up as he pushed the door open and he heard her gasp.

“I can't live without you, Andi.”

He hadn't planned what to say. He'd done too much planning lately. “I really do love you.” He prayed that the truth would ring through in words that now sounded hollow from overuse. “I didn't realize it myself. I've never known love before. I was raised to think with my head and not my heart. I spent so much time convincing myself I wanted to
marry you because it was a sensible decision, because our marriage would be good for Ruthenia. The truth is that now my desire to keep you has nothing to do with Ruthenia. I want you for myself and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you.”

Tears welled in her eyes for a moment and his heart clutched.

The two women opposite her suddenly rose, grabbing their carryalls, and hurried toward the door where he stood. “Please excuse us,” one puttered in Ruthenian. He'd forgotten they were there. He stood aside to let them pass, eyes fixed on Andi.

She hadn't moved an inch, but color rose to her pale cheeks.

Hope flared in his chest. “I admit that our engagement began for the wrong reasons. I'm ashamed about that.” Guilt stung him. “All I knew was that I enjoyed your company, and that once I kissed you…” He blew out a breath. “Once I kissed you, nothing was ever the same again.”

He saw her swallow, fighting back tears that made her blue eyes glisten.

He ached to take her in his arms and kiss away her tears. The few inches between them seemed an agonizing gulf. “I need you, Andi.”

Her lips didn't flinch. Her silence hurt him, but she hadn't told him to go. There was still hope.

He reached into his pocket and drew out the item he'd picked up on the way here. The simple ring, the one she'd chosen in the shop that morning.

He knelt on the floor of the train car and pulled the ring from the box. “Andi, I know this is the ring you wanted. I made you get the other one because it was showier. I realize I was making decisions for you and trying to turn you into
someone you don't want to be. I'd like to go right back to the beginning and start over.”

She hesitated for a moment, eyes fixed on the ring.

His heart clenched. She'd already told him that she didn't want to be his wife. She didn't want a life of royal duty and an existence in the public eye. But that wasn't all he offered. How could he make her see that despite all the trappings of royalty, he was just a man? A man who loved and needed her with every fiber of his being.

“Andi, right now I wish I wasn't a king.” It took effort to stop his hands from reaching out to her. “That I could promise you an ordinary life, in a comfortable house in some American suburb, where our children could attend the local school and play in Little League. The truth is I can't. I'm already married to Ruthenia and that's my destiny. I can't turn away from it any more than I could turn back the river flowing through the mountains.”

He saw her throat move as she swallowed. Her hands shifted slightly, clutching at each other through her black gloves. How he longed to take them in his own hands.

“But I need you, too, Andi. Not because you can help me run the country or the palace, but because you're the woman I want to share my life with. That I need to share my life with.”

Emotion flickered across her lovely face and made hope spark inside him. “I do love you, Andi. I love you with all my heart and soul, with parts of me that I never knew existed. I tried to ignore the new tender feelings starting inside me because they scared me. It was easier to talk myself into using practical reasons to keep you. To convince myself I was still in full control of my emotions, that I didn't truly need you, or anyone else.” He drew in a ragged breath. “But I do need you.”

He paused, emotions streaming through his brain and
mind. How hard it was to put into words things that he could only understand at gut level. “I didn't know until now that I've been living a half life, devoid of emotion and even of true joy. In your arms I've found happiness I never knew existed.”

He blinked, embarrassed by his frank confession. “I know you no longer believe me when I tell you I love you.” He shook his head. “I don't blame you. Those words have lost their power. They've been used too many times. I don't know how to express what I truly feel except to say that my life is empty and hollow without you. Please don't leave me, Andi.”

 

Andi blinked, eyelashes thick with tears. The raw emotion in his voice stunned her. He was always so calm, so controlled, so in charge of every situation. Right now she could sense that every word he said was true.

No guile, no charm, no winning ways—just a heartfelt plea that shook her to her core.

She hadn't dared to utter a single word until now, and when she opened her mouth, the painful truth emerged. “I love you, Jake. I've always loved you.” Why hide anything now? “I've loved you almost since the first day I came to work for you. You're kind and fair and thoughtful, and tough and strong when you need to be. I've admired you every day and dreamed about you every night.”

Putting her thoughts into words took effort, but it was a relief to finally get them off her chest. “So you see, when my memories—and the resulting inhibitions—were erased, I fell so easily into the kind of relationship I've always dreamed of. I'm sure it was frightening to know that someone you've worked so closely with for years had those kind of feelings.”

She shivered slightly. “I didn't want you to ever find out.
That's one of the main reasons I wanted to leave. It was all wrong from the start.”

“But it's not wrong.” Jake kept his gaze fixed on hers. “I was wrong to take advantage of you, but we're meant to be together. I don't want a ceremonial wife
or
an assistant. I want someone who'll remind me I've never been up the mountain, and who'll take me there. I don't want someone who'll take good minutes on my life, I want someone to live it with me and make it fuller and richer than I ever imagined.”

Unable to hold still any longer, Andi reached out to him and clasped his hands. He was still holding the ring, the pretty, simple diamond she'd liked, and the fact that he'd brought it touched her deeply. “I was already cursing myself for leaving you—and Ruthenia. I felt like I was leaving a big chunk of my heart behind.” She hesitated and drew in a breath. “I don't want to leave you behind.”

“Then don't. I'll come with you. Ruthenia can get along without me for a while.” He rose from the floor and sat on the seat beside her. “We should visit your parents. It seems only right that I should ask them for your hand in marriage.” A twinkle of humor brightened his eyes. “And maybe I'll have better luck with them.”