aterovis_bleedinghearts.pm6 (30 page)

“Okay, okay—geez,” he pretended to pout for a second then turned serious, “I’m thankful for people like Adam and Steve who do selfless things like take in kids who need a place to stay and invite their friends to Thanksgiving dinner when their own families tell them they aren’t welcome. The world is a better place because of you.” He raised his wine glass in a salute.

Everyone sat silently for a moment, batting their eyes furiously.

“And I’m thankful for Calvin. Ha! That’s two!”

Everyone laughed and the moment was gone. We all looked to Calvin expectantly. He blinked as if surprised to suddenly be the center of attention. He cleared his throat nervously, then began to speak so softly that I had to lean in to hear him.

“I’m thankful for the support and encouragement that Bryant gives me. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t even be alive.” It was the 258

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most I’d heard him say all evening, and I wasn’t surprised to see tears suddenly appear in Bryant’s eyes.

He reached over and took Calvin’s hand while swiping at his eyes with his other hand. I knew there must be more to this story than met the eye and wondered what it was. I knew it was really none of my business but I couldn’t help but be curious.

“I’m thankful to have this beautiful woman as my wife,” Lysander said into the silence that followed Calvin’s little speech. “And honey, why don’t you tell them what else we have to be thankful for.”

Ilana positively beamed. “I’m pregnant,” she said.

The room erupted into a cacophony of congratula-tions, back slapping, hugs, and how-far-alongs. Eventually everyone settled back into their seats.

“My turn?” Steve asked.

“Yup,” we all chorused.

“Well, I’m thankful that Adam and I have decided that it’s time for me to move in here.”

Another round of excited chatter followed this announcement, and then it was Adam’s turn.

“I’m thankful for so many things, it’s hard to choose just one,” he said.

“It was your rule!” Bryant said.

“Rule over-ruled,” Adam said with a grin, “Seriously though, I am very thankful this year. More so than years past. Losing Seth made me appreciate what I do have so much more. And even though I lost one son, I regained a son I thought I had lost forever and gained another son altogether. I love both of you boys so much.

You are truly my greatest blessing in life.”

I felt a lump form in my throat, and from the look on Kane’s face I knew he was as touched as I was.

“Wow, I have to follow that, huh?” Kane said a little shakily. I noticed several people dabbing at their eyes.

“I’m thankful for my family — my whole family; Steve, 259

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Dad and Killian. Your turn, Asher.”

Asher turned and looked at me for a moment before turning back to the room and saying, “I’m thankful that sometimes true love does conquer all.”

This was met with another chorus of awws and I knew I was blushing again. I regained my composure and took my turn.

“I’m thankful that for the first time in my life I feel completely loved and accepted by everyone who is important in my life.”

I heard several more sniffles from around the room.

It seemed like almost everyone was crying by now.

When Mom began to speak her voice was thick with emotion.

“As I sit here and look at my son, happy, healthy, safe...in love and loved by so many people, I can’t help but be so very thankful that God spared his life. I know what a gift that truly is, and my heart aches for you, Adam.” I looked at Adam to see his shoulders shaking with barely repressed sobs. “You’ve lost so much,” she continued, “and yet you’ve given so much. I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am for the way you’ve taken Killian in, even to the point of loving him like your own son.”

She stood up and crossed the room to hug Adam as he seemed to collapse under his grief. I had been so caught up in my own pain and life that I had never even stopped to consider how much Adam must have been hurting. Without even thinking I moved to hug him as well, and it wasn’t long before I felt Kane at my side.

When I went back to my seat everyone in the room was crying openly. Once we got ourselves back together, a concerted effort was made to lighten the mood. We played Guesstures and Taboo and after Bryant and Calvin, Heather and Nila, and Ilana and Lysander left, the rest of us played a round of Balderdash.

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Soon it was time to go to bed, though, and it was decided after a call home that Asher would spend the night. That meant that there were four of us staying in Kane’s and my room.

“Reminds me of summer camp,” Aidan commented as we went upstairs.

Once there, sleeping arrangements were hashed out.

Kane ended up giving up his bed for Aidan and sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag, while Asher and I were sharing my bed. With two other people in the room there wasn’t much chance of anything happening.

After the lights were out we cuddled into each other and we were almost asleep when Aidan’s voice snapped me back from the brink.

“So...uh...no one said as much, but you guys are, like, a couple, huh?”

No one spoke at first, and when the silence began to stretch a little thin I spoke up. “Yeah, I guess we just figured you knew. I thought Mom might have said something. Does it bother you?”

“No, not at all. I’m pretty open about stuff like that.

If it bothered me I don’t think I would have been able to stand being here tonight. I think I was the only straight person here besides Aunt Meg.”

“I’m straight,” Kane piped up from the floor.

“Sorry, and Kane.”

“And Ilana and Lysander,” Kane added.

“Okay, okay—I was exaggerating to make a point. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

“I guess there were a lot of gay people here tonight,”

Asher said thoughtfully, or maybe he was just tired. It was hard to tell in the dark. “You were definitely in the minority. That’s weird.”

“Not really,” Aidan said. “If you think about it, it kinda makes sense. You know that old saying ‘Birds of a feather flock together?’ I think in a way it’s true. I 261

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mean, you’re going to naturally want to be around people that accept you for who you are and who are the most like you. That’s probably the real reason Aunt Meg invited me to come down here.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, she said she thought I’d like to see the area before I moved down here next year, but I’ve been down here before and I’ve already put in for the transfer, so it’s not like I’m going to change my mind at this point.

I think she knew that it was going to be mostly gay people here and this is her way of telling me it’s okay with her if I’m gay.”

“Why would she think you’re gay?” Kane asked.

“Kane!” I said in exasperation.

Aidan just laughed. “It’s okay. He’s just being up-front about it. I respect that. And to answer your question as honestly as I know how, Kane...it’s probably because I’m not real sure myself.”

“You said you were straight earlier,” Kane insisted.

“I know, but I think it’s just from habit. Sometimes I’m not so sure. I guess you could say I’m still trying to figure things out.”

“Oh,” Kane said.

“In a way I envy you two, Killian and Asher, I mean.

You’ve got everything all figured out and you have each other and you seem so happy together.”

“It’s not been easy,” I said.

Asher snorted, “That’s putting it mildly.”

“My brother was killed because he was gay,” Kane said, his voice filled with pain.

“I know,” Aidan said simply, “I’m sorry.”

“Killian almost died, too,” Kane continued.

“I knew that too, but I’ve never heard the whole story about what happened exactly.”

Between the three of us we told him the whole story, from the first day I met Seth to the present.

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“Wow,” he said when we were finished, “You guys have really been through hell and back.”

“Tell us something we don’t know,” Asher mumbled.

He seemed to be getting very tired. He buried his face in my chest and his hair tickled my chin.

“But it’s awesome how you’ve each come out stronger because of it. And in a way it forced you to deal with issues that you probably would have let sit unre-solved until you were completely confused...like me.”

“I guess,” I said slowly, “but for me, it wasn’t that I really thought I was straight, it was just that I’d never really thought about it either way. And when I did, I knew...it was just a matter of admitting it...to myself. I mean, you have to know whether you are attracted to guys or not. If you are then you’re at least bi, right?”

“Geez, Killian, and you yelled at me,” Kane grumbled.

“No, it’s okay. He’s right,” Aidan said quickly, “I should know by now. It’s something I need to figure out. I can’t just keep going along, like, in this limbo.”

“I think it’ll wait till tomorrow. Go to sleep,” Asher’s voice came out muffled from where his face was still on my chest, but his annoyance came through loud and clear.

“It is late,” Kane said.

“It is,” Aidan agreed, “And Asher’s right; it’s waited this long, it can wait till tomorrow. Can I talk to you some more tomorrow before I leave, Killian?”

“Sure, but I don’t know what I can tell you. It’s not like I’m an expert on this stuff.”

“More of an expert than I am — at least you’ve been through it. Good night.”

“Good night,” I said through a yawn.

“G’night,” Kane said, and Asher mumbled something that may have been good night, but it was really anyone’s guess.

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The next thing I knew it was morning and Adam was banging on our door telling us we’d slept late enough.

I felt like I had just fallen asleep and my arm was numb from Asher sleeping on it all night. I pulled it out from under him and he blinked sleepily up at me. There was an imprint on his face from my shirt, and with his hair all mussed up and his eyes all bleary he looked so cute that I couldn’t resist leaning in for a slow lingering good-morning kiss.

“Bleah!” Kane yelled, “Not before breakfast, please!”

We all laughed and Asher and I tumbled out of the bed onto the floor, where an impromptu wrestling match ensued. Aidan sat on the bed watching us with an amused smile on his lips and a thoughtful look in his eye. I had a feeling that he wasn’t thinking about the scene before him at all.

The morning flew by as everyone pitched in to clean up the mess from the previous evening. Before I knew it, it was time for Mom and Aidan to leave for home. I realized that Aidan and I hadn’t had time for our talk, but then I still didn’t know what I could say anyway, so it was just as well.

The good-byes weren’t too drawn out since Mom would be back in a few weeks for Christmas and there was a chance Aidan would be coming with her again.

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As they were getting in the car, Aidan paused and turned to me, “Oh, Killian, about our talk last night.

I’ve been thinking about it all day and I think I’ve got it all figured out — it’s guys. Thanks.” And he ducked into the car.

Mom and Adam gave me quizzical glances but I just grinned and gave Aidan a thumbs-up. I’d let him tell in his own time.

* * *

“Pause it,” I yelled as I ran for the phone.

I picked up the phone but before I could even speak a strangled voice cried out my name.

“Killian! Is Killian there?”

“May I ask who’s calling?” I said cautiously as Asher came up behind me.

“Killian, is that you? This is Jake. Please come over now.”

“What? Come over where? Why?”

“Please just come over,” he sounded like he was crying, “Gilly and I were home alone and the lights went out. Gilly went to check the breaker but that was, like, half an hour ago and she hasn’t come back and I’ve been calling her and she hasn’t answered and I’m scared.”

“Maybe she’s just playing a joke on you.”

“I thought of that. That’s why I called you instead of 911. But now I’m getting really scared.”

“What’s going on?” Asher asked.

I shrugged, “Look Jake, I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to come over there after the last time. If you’re really scared then hang up and call 911.”

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“Okay, I...” he broke off suddenly. It was deathly quiet on the other end.

“Jake?”

Still nothing. Then, “Who’s there?” His voice was hoarse with raw fear.

“Jake?” I said again.

“Who’s there?” he was screaming now, “Gilly, is that you? This isn’t funny.”

“Jake, call 911,” I said urgently.

“Oh my God,” he moaned.

“Jake? What’s going on?”

“Please don’t —” his voice sounded farther away now.

I heard a short muffled scream followed by a dull thud, then the clattering of the phone as it hit the floor.

“Jake?” I screamed, “Jake, are you there?”

“Hello, Killian,” a new voice barely more than a hoarse whisper said into the phone, “I think you know who I am.”

At first I thought I was dreaming, that this was all some sort of horrible nightmare and I would wake up in a few minutes still on the couch with Asher just in time for the big morphing finale. I spun around to face Asher. My hands were shaking now and I was having trouble holding onto the phone. I had to hold it with both hands.

“It’s nice to talk to you again,” the voice continued,

“It’s been awhile. What’s it been? I’ve seen you since the park, haven’t I? Oh yes, at the party. Holy smashed windshield, Batman.” He chuckled softly at his own joke.

My whole body seemed to be alternating between extreme hot to extreme cold. I felt myself break out in a cold sweat.