Atonement (20 page)

And now, she’s in my shower, naked, I want so badly to touch her, to feel her. Does she think the same things? What will happen between us? One thing that has to happen, we have to get back together. I can’t stand the thought of not having her after this. It doesn’t matter what she thinks right now, I have to make her see what we mean to each other. I’m a changed man. This time we’ve had away from each other was…necessary. I see that now. Our life together will be better for it. She’ll see. Oh God! I need her.

fter grabbing clothes at my house, and dancing around questions from my mom, I took off with Tate. We went to lunch; I was beginning to feel more like myself again. Spending time with Tate seemed so right. I had never imagined we could just pick up right where we left off like this. Our conversations were light but meaningful. I was glad to hear his dad was still feeling great. He had started cholesterol therapy, and was on a strict diet and exercise regime. Tate was sure to tell me his dad had asked about me. I was thankful he had made things right with me when he was in the hospital.

I was filling Tate in on my academics, and how I had switched my major. He didn’t seem surprised at all. He seemed truly happy for me to have discovered my future passion. I was talking non-stop about everything…until I caught his expression. He was smiling at me, staring in my eyes. My heart skipped a beat.

“Tate, why are you smiling?” I wanted to know what I said to amuse him so much. I wasn’t meaning to be funny or cute.

“I just…I’m so glad you’re happy Reese.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. My heart was racing with the feel of his
skin on mine. “I’m glad to know you’re doing well, that’s all.” Then his face suddenly fell. His eyes seemed full of pain.

“What is it Tate? What are you thinking?” What could make him go from happy to sad so quickly? I was more than curious.

“I guess maybe you truly are better off without me. I’m just realizing this…I never thought that would be the case.” He tried to release my hand, but I held on to his with my thumb.

“Tate, I have missed you.” Tears started gathering in my eyes. “I’m sad to think that basically we just lost over six whole months of each other’s lives. We have so much to catch up on. I’m so sorry for all I put you through. I want us to always stay close friends, never let this much space to come between us. We can’t ever let this much time lapse again either…okay?” I thought that would help, but it only seemed to make him more put off.

“Hey, are you ready to go?” He said grabbing the check. “If you’re done eating, I’ll pay on the way out.” Tate had gone distant suddenly. I let out a long breath, ready to go too I guess. Christmas was in two days. I needed to do a little shopping, not to mention wrapping, and seeing extended family. Tate walked me out to his truck, his hand on my lower back. His nearness sent electricity up my spine, with just the lightest touch. Should I tell him how I’m feeling?

When we got to his truck, I stopped quickly. Turning to look at Tate I said, “I’ve missed you. I don’t know how we’ve spent so long without seeing…”

“…Or feeling each other.” Tate finished my sentence the way he wanted it to go. Then he leaned in, and closing his eyes, he kissed me. It was a slow, tender, no holds barred kiss. I felt weak in the knees and lightheaded from my heart racing. He drew back. I slowly opened my eyelids to see his beautiful
eyes staring back into mine. Giving me no time to think, he quickly came back in for another kiss. This time, it was deeper, more intense. His tongue found mine and swirled with anticipation. His hands moved from my shoulders to my lower back. I wrapped my arms around his neck. We couldn’t possibly have gotten any closer. I felt his body responding, growing with desire. After several minutes, Tate pulled back.

“Reese, there is no way in hell we can just be friends…Shit! I don’t know about you, but I don’t kiss my friends like that. I wanted to take you right here and now and make love to you.” My eyes got big, and I sucked in a deep breath. “But out of respect for you, I guess I won’t do that.” He followed it with a smirk. “Tell me you felt it Reese. Tell me you felt our forever connection? I have to know how you feel about me.”

I searched his eyes. His pulse was still pounding. “Oh Tate, I…I feel like I’m going to pass out, that’s how I feel. You take my breath away…literally.” I reached up, my fingers touching my swollen lips. “I haven’t kissed anyone since you Tate.” I stared deep into his eyes. I wanted him to know my heart still pined for only him. “There’s been no one, no one since you.” And with that he kissed me again.

“Tate,” I said muffled against his lips. “I didn’t hear you say…but I have to ask. Has there…has there been anyone since me?” I was afraid now to ask, but I felt compelled too. It was time to clear the air and all of that.

He pulled back, still hugging me close though, and laughed. “I could never, ever, even try to replace you Reese. These lips have been in hiding since April, I’ll have you know. They have a reverse magnet with anyone except you Reese. They only are drawn to your beautiful mouth.

Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

He opened the door for me, and helped me up in the cab of his truck. Before he could shut the door I spoke. “Tate, I barely made it…”

“What? What do you mean?” Tate asked with a confused look on his face.

“I barely made it this last six months without you. The only thing that kept me going was my job at the pregnancy clinic, and my friends. I realized I need the lovin’ of a good man to keep me going, and not just any man…you.” He stared at me for another moment, then smiling he closed my door.

As he was getting ready to open his door, I saw him with his head down, checking his phone. He must have thought I couldn’t see him and his expression, but he was shaking his head, evidently reading a text or email he wasn’t happy about. I tried to hide my questioning look when he opened his door and looked at me a couple of minutes later.

“Sorry about that. So are you ready?” He asked obviously not elaborating on what he had just read and responded to on his phone. “Hey, how about if we take a rain check on the iceskating. I’m sure you would rather do that when you’re feeling your best.” He said with a small smile.

I felt deflated. “Sure. I really need to go home and check in with my parents. I have Christmas shopping to do anyhow.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll call you later today okay?” Great, this is not how I thought this evening would go after the moment we had just a few minutes earlier. Now I was worried who had texted Tate. Maybe there really was someone else. Why was he suddenly so different? But really, why wouldn’t I have expected there to be another girl in his life? Tate is gorgeous, a
gentleman, and the hottest new rookie in MLB. Great! Now I felt it even more likely that he had someone on the side.

After Tate dropped me off, I had some quality time with my parents, reminiscing about Christmas’s past and talking about things going on in my life. They were still happy I had made the change to become a counselor/psychologist. I was excited too about helping out others whose lives had dealt them a bad hand.

I couldn’t shake this feeling that Tate was involved with someone. So I did what I had to do. I called Elle. I was determined to see if Finn had shared anything with her.

“Girl! What happened to you?” Elle said when she answered the phone.

I laughed. “I joined the circus, and left town.”

“Shut up! I was worried about you. I mean I know you were with Tate last night, but I haven’t heard from you since. You were drunk Reese. I hardly ever see you like that. What gives?”

I let out a long sigh. “Well, I slept with Tate last night.” I said with my most convincing voice.

“What!! No way! I can’t believe you. Promise me?” Elle was frantic.

I laughed and she knew I was joking. “Well, I did actually sleep with him, but we didn’t
actually
sleep together, if you know what I mean.” I laughed again.

“Reese, be serious. What happened with you and Tate?” I could tell she was desperate for information.

“Okay, well it went down like this...I got drunk, threw myself at Tate, then I threw up many times in front of Tate, he had me sleep in their pool house in the guest bedroom evidently with him in the bed beside of me, then I was sick feeling
all morning, he fed me breakfast, then I showered, dressed at my house, then we went out for lunch. We had one of the best kisses of my life, then he acted like he wanted me gone. End of story.”

There was silence on the other end. I’m sure she was still digesting my long, run-on sentence. “Dang Reese. That is another crazy story… for sure. One day you’re going to make millions putting your life down on paper.” She laughed. “I hate you got so sick in front of him…I know you do too. And that kiss! Oh. My. God! Then what happened? Why did he wig out on you?” Elle was enjoying herself. But, I could tell she was worried about how Tate had left it.

“I’m not sure. He got a text right before he dropped me off, and right after our sex by mouth episode of a kiss, then he was down and seemingly pissed. I was hoping you could shed some light on it. Has Finn said anything about him having another girl?” I was probing her, but I had to know.

“Reese, I don’t think he’s had anyone else since you and he split. But I couldn’t promise that. As much as Finn wishes he could see him more, he hasn’t seen him nearly enough, so there may be things he doesn’t know. But…like I said, I just don’t think so. Could it be Lisa?” Dang it, I hadn’t thought of that. “I’m not saying it was, I was just trying to think it through,” said Elle.

“I sure hope not. But I wouldn’t put it past Lisa to summon him while he’s home for Christmas.” I said.

“Well just sit tight Reese. Wait it out. You’ve spent the last several months without him and did just fine. I’m sure the next few hours, possibly days, will be fine too.” Oh I guess I hid my pain well. I was dying without Tate, but he didn’t call, only
texted a few times, so I figured he didn’t want me anyhow. Especially, after I had been with John so intimately…oh John.

“Oh well, I have plenty to keep me busy. Let’s hit the mall okay? I have to finish shopping for Christmas gifts.” We planned to meet up and head to the mall in the late afternoon. At least that would keep my mind off of things.

lle and I got pretty much everything on our lists. We had a great time, and I was able, for the most part, to keep my mind off of Tate. The only time he crept in my brain like a lingering memory, was when I found Padres apparel at the sports store.