Autumn (2 page)

I moved from flower to flower. I don’t know how much time passed, but I could have stayed there forever. The colors were richer and deeper, and when I moved closer the fragrance and colors intensified even more.

“Do I look different?” I asked, wondering if my mom would be able to tell.

Holt smiled. “You look different to me, because I can see your signs, the beginnings of your transition, but no human will see it on you. It’s not like your eyes are suddenly bright pink or anything. That’s not part of it.”

I giggled.

“What else can I do?” I finally asked. It was gradually dawning on me that I didn’t really know much about what I should and shouldn’t be doing with my Fairy magic.

From behind me, I could feel Holt smiling.

“You’re a new Fairy, so you actually need to not do much at first. You will have to grow into your powers and see how they develop and what roots you put down to understand where your strength lies.”

I nodded and said to him, “People seem to like you a lot. They are always happy to see you.”

“That’s just my sparkling personality,” said Holt, laughing. I turned around to grin at him. His hand felt warm in mine and gave me confidence.

“No, it isn’t, because when the Winter Fairies are around there’s cold,” I said. “No one’s running up to them in greeting. They shiver.”

His face clouded for a moment, and I wished I hadn’t mentioned them. I wanted to reach up and rub the frown away from his forehead. The thought of the Winter Queen finding out what Holt had done petrified me. And she
would
find out.

“How long do we have?” I whispered.

Holt shrugged, but he wouldn’t look at me.

“The sooner we get to my family the better, I’d say, but let’s not go yet,” he said, swinging my hand, his smile returning. “Let’s stay out here a bit longer.”

“Want to walk?” I asked. We were still close to the road where Logan had attacked us; Holt must have picked me up and taken me to a grassy patch while I was transforming into a Fairy.

Normally when I was walking at night I was a little worried. Who knew when a rabid bat or worse would come dashing out of the trees?

Not now, not with Holt. It might have just been my imagination, but I thought that the world around us could sense what we were, and at least in Holt’s case, deferred to him.

Now, with my new, heightened senses, everything around me had a little more light. It all looked better; small imperfections were smoothed over. This surely had something to do with the Summer Fairies’ power of making everything more pleasant; it made sense that everything the eye could see would be more pleasing.

“We should head back soon,” said Holt after we had walked a bit. “My family will wonder what’s going to happen.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. “They already know what I’ve done. It’s not like Fairies can keep things like the Rose secret from each other. I’m surprised they haven’t sent out a search party for us yet, but maybe that’s because of Logan.”

“So, do the Winter Fairies know?” I asked. Somehow the thought of Samuel finding out and being in pain was more than I could bear. Then it struck me as odd that I knew he would be in pain.

Holt glanced at me and I wondered if he knew what I was thinking. I hoped he didn’t. When he didn’t say anything, I nudged him with my elbow.

“They will soon,” he said hesitantly, “if they don’t already. Mrs. Cheshire isn’t here at the moment, but my guess is she will be by morning.”

“What will your mother say?”

“I don’t know,” said Holt. “I honestly have no idea. I hope she will be happy, but my mother always see both sides of the coin, and in this case I think it’s a very complicated coin.”

“Do I actually get the Rose in the garden?” I asked.

Holt nodded. “You should. I have pledged it to you, thereby starting the process of your transition. It should be waiting for you when we get back to the house.”

“Susan will be happy,” I said, smiling.

Holt laughed. The sound bubbled up from deep inside and burst out with a wealth of pleasure. “Susan wants any excuse to have a party.”

I nodded. I wondered if I would be happy. I felt happy, even if everything hadn’t gone according to plan. Sometimes the best things in life are unexpected. I wanted this to be one of those things, but first we had to get over the hurdle of seeing Holt’s family, and that was a really big hurdle, like, Everest big.

I exhaled a big breath and Holt stopped, pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around me. I laid my head on its usual place against his chest. It was like his chest and my head had been designed to fit seamlessly together. There was no awkward height difference between us. It was perfect.

He pulled back a little so he could see my face, and I was relieved to see that he was smiling. Behind his head, a halo of stars formed.

“Everything will be okay. I promise. No matter what, it’s you and me now. I will always be on your side. I will always protect you. I promise”

“I know you will,” I said. “I never had a doubt.”

“Good,” Holt whispered. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

I had never believed anything more than I believed that.

We started walking towards the Roths’ house. It was a place where all summer I had felt happy and safe. Even if summer was now drifting into fall, I was still happy to be going there.

But slowly, reality hit. The later the night had gotten, the sadder I had felt and the more I had fought against the sadness. I knew that our perfect evening had to end, and with that ending we would have to confront what Holt had done. I was sure it wouldn’t be very bad, though. At no time had any of the Fairies forbidden me to see Holt or forced me to accept Samuel’s Rose. On the other hand, the Fairies had thought they would have a say in the matter of my heart, eventually. As we walked home I tried not to let Holt see how distressed I was becoming. I didn’t want anything to mar the perfect evening, but I couldn’t feel at ease until we had seen Mrs. Roth.

Reality is always painful when it comes, more so when you know you’ve done something terribly wrong.

Was what he had done wrong? Did he really have a choice? Would the Fairies see it that way? I tried to quiet the voices starting to speak up in my head.

Well, I didn’t think it was wrong, but I was pretty sure that a lot of Fairies wouldn’t see it that way. The name Mrs. Cheshire flashed bright and icy in my mind.

“Are you okay?” Holt asked. His voice sounded loud to my ears.

“Of course,” I lied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, I can think of one or two reasons,” he said, smiling a little, “but I’m mostly wondering because you have my hand in a death grip.”

I tried to laugh and loosen my hold on his hand. It wasn’t as easy as I would have liked.

“I told you,” said Holt. “It’s going to be alright. There might be some yelling, but my mother will understand.”

“You don’t sound as confident as I would like,” I said dryly.

He grinned. “I’ve never heard my mother yell before, but tonight might be the night. I mean, one of her sons tried to murder the other, and then I basically got married without her being present and running the show. Any mother would be mad about not being at her son’s wedding.”

“Are we married?” I squeaked. I was pretty sure I wasn’t old enough to get married. Sixteen is way too young.

Holt laughed. “No, sorry. You have to accept the actual Rose and we have to have a ceremony, but we are bound now. There’s no going back.”

Somehow that was comforting. Even if the Fairies were angry, there was nothing they could do to keep me from Holt. I was particularly glad of that considering that Mrs. Cheshire was crazy.

“Good,” I said. “I wouldn’t want to.”

He paused, looking right into my eyes.

Kissing a Fairy when you are not a Fairy is one thing, but kissing a Fairy when you are also one, with heightened sensing and awareness...I’m not sure there is anything more wonderful. That alone would have ruined being human for me, if it had even been possible to go back.

Great kissing was definitely a perk to becoming a Fairy, whatever other powers I ended up having.

When we broke apart Holt was smiling again. I was breathless.

I could have looked at that smile forever.

We were walking fast, and although I could tell he was happy, I also could see worry painted on his perfect features. I wished there was something I could do to unfurl his brow.

Luckily, he never let go of my hand. I tried to keep breathing, to pretend that a frown wasn’t becoming stronger on his face, but it was hard. A deep sense of foreboding was growing around us.

I really did understand that this was not just about me, but I didn’t want to think about the implications of what Holt had done. What about my life? My mother? What about the other Fairies? Holt wasn’t just choosing a wife, he was choosing a Queen, and I didn’t even know what that entailed. Wasn’t that bad? It felt bad. I felt like I wasn’t equipped.

If I was now a Fairy, could I still go to college? Did I even want to? My mother had brought home countless college brochures, telling me I could never start too early. Carley and I had used them for kindling throughout the summer, not that I was ever going to tell Mom that.

Carley had thought it was hilarious, but then again Carley laughed easily. She planned to go to a state school and she planned to love it. Her only requirement was that there was something like a sorority, and a football team. Lacrosse was pretty important too. “I like them beefy,” she had said, but Nick was there and had squirmed, so I sort of thought she had said it for his benefit.

All the lights were on in Holt’s house, and I heard the breath rattle in his lungs as we drew closer.

“It will be okay, remember?” I said. He nodded, but he looked ill.

As we came to the yard, I started to understand why. Anger was radiating off the house; even the beautiful flowers in the garden felt scared. I hadn’t been expecting that. What would have happened that frightened the plants so badly that they were all wilting away from us?

I started to walk into the house, but Holt tugged my hand. “They’re in the garden,” he said. His voice was so soft that I had to lean into him to hear it. All the happiness of the night was seeping away. I wanted to tumble forward, grab it, and stop its inexorable motion, but I didn’t know how.

As we walked into the garden Holt moved slowly, as if he was trying to keep the inevitable from happening. Once we saw the Summer Queen, everything would be true; there would be no going back. I wondered how long it would take Holt’s family to accept me. I hoped it wasn’t too long, but now even Holt looked truly upset.

It almost made me angry. This was supposed to be a happy moment. Holt had been forced to do what he had done, and his family should support him. No son should be afraid to go home to his mother.

We rounded the corner of the house. There, in the open part of the garden where the dance at the Solstice Party had taken place, stood the Roths: the Queen, Susan, Casey, and several others I hadn’t seen before. Their faces were grim. Mrs. Roth’s lips were pressed together so tightly I could see only their faintest outline. Her face was white. Susan, who was almost always smiling, looked like she had been crying. Her eyes were red, and dark streaks ran down her cheeks.

As it turned out, the Roths’ reaction to what Holt had done was worse than I could possibly have imagined. It looked like my Fairy tale was going to be fleeting.

We stood before Mrs. Roth, waiting for her to speak. It took me a few seconds to realize that she was working to get out the words and simultaneously hold in her strongest emotions.

“Holt,” she finally said in a strangled voice.

“Mother,” he said, bowing his head respectfully. Her lower lip trembled. I think it would have been easier for her if he weren’t her son, if he were just some errant Fairy, but then again if he hadn’t been her son it wouldn’t have mattered who he chose as a wife. Now I would be Queen.

“How could you?” she asked. She wasn’t looking at me, she was looking at him. It was like I wasn’t even there. All her grief and pain were directed at her oldest son.

It felt as if she had just slapped me. Next to me, Holt looked stricken.

“Let go of her hand,” she said tightly to him. At this, Holt revived a little.

“Mother,” he started. I thought he was going to argue.

“I am Queen,” she hissed out at him. “I would like to say that you had no idea what you were doing, but it is worse than that. You willingly broke Fairy law and the councils that had been set in place. You intentionally put your family and this Court at risk for your own ends. I am ashamed of you. How you could be so selfish....” She trailed off as her lower lip trembled more.

I couldn’t bear another second of this. Holt realized what I was about to do and tried to stop me, but I ignored him.

“How dare you talk to him like that?” I almost yelled. It was all too much. From the minute Logan had tried to kill me earlier in the night, Holt had been protecting me. His mother, instead of condemning her younger son, was yelling at her older one. It was too much.