Autumn's Hope (Cowboy Seasons) (12 page)

“I
liked them right back.”

“Could
I ask you to do something for me?”

“What
do you need? Are you hungry?”

Jonas
shook his head. “I want to sit on the couch next to you and feel the baby
move.”

Her
mouth dropped open and her face heated. Quickly, she shut her mouth. “I’ll help
you to the couch.”

“No,
I just need you to move over. I can swing from the chair to the couch on one
leg.”

She
moved and made room for him on the couch. Her body began to tingle at the
thought of him touching her. She wished that she knew the right words to say to
him. He was too down on himself but he didn’t want to hear it and besides, Dee
Ann was coming. It was just curiosity he was feeling but the butterflies in her
stomach wouldn’t go away.

Jonas
slid over onto the couch and took a deep breath. “Ouch.” Perspiration formed on
his brow and he sat very still for a moment.

“Are
you okay?”

“I’m
good. Slide toward me a bit and lean against me. I want to put both arms around
you.”

She
moved closer and leaned against him, sitting forward a bit until his hands were
both settled on her belly. Her heart beat so fast and she was certain that he
could hear it. Finally, she relaxed against him, enjoying his touch.

The
baby kicked and Jonas startled. “Wow. Does he do that all the time?”

“Yes,
the baby moves a lot.”

He
kissed the top of her head and began to stroke her stomach. “There’s something
magical about new life. New foals are the best.”

She
chuckled and shook her head.

“What?”

“You
just equated me with your livestock.”

“Oh,
it wasn’t meant that way. You have the most beautiful red hair. It’s vibrant
and long. Hell, Fall, just touching your belly is getting me worked up.”

“I’m
not hurting your leg am I?”

“It
hurts but this is taking my mind off it. The father must be an idiot to have
left or whatever happened.”

Autumn’s
heart sank.
Here we go again and it will
never stop.
Everyone wanted to know about the father but this was her baby
and she’d be damned if she’d let others pry.

“Hey,
I’m sorry. I can feel your whole body tensing. Don’t worry about some loser boyfriend
that ran.”

Shame
washed over her. How could she explain that it was a one night stand and she
wasn’t sure of the father’s name? One lapse in judgment and now she was
considered easy. Her mother had called her a no good whore. Tears started to
trail down her face.

“Don’t
cry. I’m sure everything will work out.”

Autumn
shook her head. “No it won’t. I don’t know who the father is.” She waited for a
reaction. She expected him to take his hands off her and move away. Instead he
kissed the side of her neck.

“Things
will be different for you in Carlston. No one knows your past and with a new
baby coming, you won’t have time to go back to your old ways.”

Her
heart skipped a beat and she a lump formed in her throat. Even sweet Jonas
thought her a whore. She pulled away from him and grabbed a tissue. Gulfed in
humiliation, she couldn’t look at him. No one ever thought the best of her.
Coming here was a terrible idea. Her dreams of Jonas crushed to pieces and it
wasn’t his fault.

“Autumn?”
The concern in his voice made her cry harder.

The
door opened and Richard entered. He immediately put the food he brought down
and grabbed up Autumn. He sat in the leather chair and settled her on his lap.
His arms went around her and he drew her head to his shoulder. “Let it out, Autumn.
Perhaps a good cry will do you good.”

She
held on to Richard for a minute, trying to get her bearings. She must look
awful. Why did her damn hormones have to go haywire? She took a deep breath and
let go of Richard. “I’m fine. I cry at the drop of a hat and that’s not me.”

Richard
put her on her feet and then stood up. “Here you sit and I’ll serve you guys
dinner. He frowned at Jonas. “What happened to you?”

Jonas
winced, trying to sit up straighter. “A collision with a mare. The usual.”

“The
usual? Well my usual is getting burned. All jobs have their hazards I guess.”
Richard carried the food into the kitchen.

She
kept her eyes focused on her clasped hands, not knowing what to do or say. It
wasn’t Jonas’ fault, it was her fault. Her heart squeezed and she put her hands
over her abdomen. It didn’t matter anyway. The only thing that did matter was
her baby and somehow she needed to remain calm.

“Are
you okay?” Jonas sounded shaken.

She
looked at him and the worry on his face humbled her. He really cared and she
was just a blubbering mess. She attempted to smile but she knew she failed.
“I’m fine.”

“Was
it something I said or did? If you didn’t want me to hold you like that you
could have told me. I understand. It’s just that I figured I’d never get the
chance to feel a baby move like that again. It was selfish of me.”

“Why—”

“Here
it is, dinner folks, eggplant parmesan with linguini.” He held his hand up.
“Try it before you deny it.”

Jonas
laughed. “Try it before you deny it? Sure why not.” He popped a bit into his
mouth, nodding his head. “Good advice. This is good.”

“Of
course it is.” Richard kissed her on top of the head. “Call me if you need me.
Oh the restaurant is running just fine. We’ve had a great crowd each night and
Shayna is a doll!”

“I’m
so glad.” Her heart lightened. “Well, what are you standing around chatting
for? You have a restaurant to run.”

Richard
gave her a mock salute and headed out the door.

“He’s
a good guy,” Jonas commented.

“He
is.”

“Dee
Ann will be here tomorrow.”

“I
hope she comes early so she can take a look at your leg.”

He
turned red and shifted in his seat. “She’ll be able to help with the horses.”

He
obviously had it bad for Dee Ann and why not, she was a smart, beautiful, thin
woman. It hurt but everything seemed to hurt lately and Jonas was a free man. A
free man with big shoulders and a sexy rear-end.

She
put her plate on the coffee table.

“You
didn’t eat much. Can I get you something else?” Jonas asked.

“No,
I love Richard’s food. I’m just not that hungry. I’m sure I’ll be famished
tomorrow. Do you need help getting to bed?”

“No,
I’m fine. I’ll be up for a bit anyway. Mel will stop over and make sure we’re
fine.”

She
carefully stood. “I’ll just do these dishes.”

“No,
you won’t. Leave them, you look tired.”

“I
am tired. See you in the morning then.” She slowly walked to her room, gladly
closed the door and sat on her bed. In here she didn’t have to hide her
feelings, not that she was doing such a hot job of fooling anyone. Sighing, she
grabbed her gigantic nightgown. Maybe if she had eased into bigger sizes
instead of instant baby-bump it would have been less shocking.

Avoiding
the mirror she got undressed and put her nightgown on. The big bed looked so
inviting. She lay down and snuggled under the blanket. The nights were getting
a bit cooler. She closed her eyes, expecting sleep to take her. Instead her
mind kept whirling. She liked Dee Ann but she dreaded her visit. Why did Jonas
think that he’d never have another chance to touch a pregnant woman? Did that
part of him get injured too? He and Dee Ann would need time alone. How was she going
to be able to bear them being together?

She
heard Mel come into the house. The murmur of voices went on for quite a while.
There was a strange clanking sound on the wooden floor and she couldn’t figure
out what she was hearing until Jonas uttered, “I hate these damn crutches.”
Finally, everything was quiet.

Still,
sleep escaped her. A loud cry came from Jonas’ room and she got right up and went
to him. He sat up in bed wearing a T-shirt. He was holding his leg under the
covers, gritting his teeth and his face had drained of all color.

She
hurried to his side. “How can I help?”

“Oh,
hell! I don’t want you to see me like this. Hand me the jar on my dresser, then
I’ll be fine.”

She
spotted it right away and brought it over to him. “Do you want me to rub it
in?”

“Go
back to bed.” His face contorted in pain.

“I
think—”

“Just
go, please,” he pleaded.

She
stared at him, assessing him. He was in so much pain, but he didn’t want her.
She nodded. “I’m just next door if you need me.”

“Fine,
goodnight,” he ground out, still holding his leg.

Autumn
left and got back into her bed. He moaned throughout the night and it stripped
her raw that he didn’t want her help. Every groan was a pin prick to her heart.
God help her, she loved him.

Chapter
Seven

Autumn
didn’t remember sleeping at all. The sun rose and so did she. It was quiet,
almost too quiet. She showered and got dressed ready for her day on the couch.
At least her attitude about bed rest had changed. It didn’t feel like a burden
or hardship anymore. It was a necessity, one that she would gladly do for her
baby.

She
wandered out to the great room, half expecting the dishes from last night to be
there. Instead a plate of pastries and two carafes lay on the table. The carafes
on the table were labeled regular and decaf. Neither mug nor plate had been
used. Smiling, she was glad that Jonas was still sleeping.

The
regular carafe of coffee beckoned her, but she reached for the decaf instead
and poured herself a cup. Her bone weary body protested. The door opened and
she expected Mel to come in. Instead it was Dee Ann who entered. She had her
bag rolling behind her.

Her
sunny smile was such a contrast to Autumn’s mood. Her shiny, brown hair bounced
when she walked and her violet eyes sparkled. Dee Ann rushed over and hugged
Autumn. “You look great.”

“Not
really but thanks for saying so.”

Dee
Ann studied her for a moment. “Not sleeping? You have blue smudges under your
eyes.”

“Last
night was a hard one.”

“So,
how is Jonas? I rushed right over as soon as he called last night.” She sat
down in the chair next to Autumn, helped herself to a
danish
and poured herself a cup of real coffee.

“He
had a bad night.”

“That’s
what he said, poor guy. I’m glad I can help. How have you been feeling?”

“I’m
fine, a couple weeks of bed rest and I’ll be good as new.”

“I
heard the restaurant is a success, congrats.”

Autumn
smiled. “It’s doing well, I’m amazed.”

“Jonas
mentioned the food is good. I’m dying to meet your chef. Jonas said he’s been
kind enough to stop by and feed the two of you.”

Autumn
shifted on the couch trying to get comfortable.

Apparently Jonas says too many
things. When did he tell Dee Ann all this?

Maybe
they had nightly conversations. Her heart dropped. Dee Ann was everything she
wasn’t. She was pretty and smart and skinny and Jonas obviously cared for her.
She didn’t have time to get involved. She wanted laugh out loud. Who was she
trying to fool? Her heart was already involved.

Dee
Ann finished her pastry and placed her plate and her mug on the table. She tousled
her long hair with her fingers and grabbed lipstick out of her purse. Using her
compact mirror, she put the red lipstick on.

She
stood up, put her things back in her purse and winked at Autumn. “I’ll be out
in a bit.”

Autumn’s
heart beat faster as she watched Dee Ann go into Jonas’ bedroom and close the
door behind her. They were more than just friends. She bit her bottom lips,
stemming the tears that threatened.

No more weeping
,
she vowed. It was just another reason why Jonas preferred Dee Ann to her. Dee
Ann wasn’t an emotional wreck.

The
grandfather clock in the corner mocked her with its loud ticking. Dee Ann had
been in Jonas’ room for exactly seventeen minutes. What could they be doing?
Putting salve on someone’s thigh didn’t take that long. She heard giggling and
her already tense body stiffened. Giggling? Really? The worst part was there
was nowhere for her to go.

The
bedroom door opened and Jonas had his arm around Dee Ann’s shoulder, leaning on
her as she helped him to the chair. His pain was etched on his drawn face. His
jaw was clenched and he had dark circles under his eyes. He hadn’t slept any
better than she had.

Dee
Ann got a pillow and put it on the table. She gently lifted his leg and propped
it up. The smile she bestowed him turned Autumn’s stomach.

“Are
you okay?” Autumn asked.

Jonas
took a deep breath, let it out and nodded. “I’ll be fine. Just fine.” His
gritty voice didn’t sound fine.

The
urge to hold his hand and kiss his cheek grew strong, but Autumn held back. It
was Dee Ann he wanted, not her.

Dee
Ann grabbed another plate and mug from the kitchen. She poured coffee, put an
apple
danish
on a plate and handed it to Jonas. “Apple,
your favorite.”

Jonas
smiled at Dee Ann. “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble.”

“No
trouble at all.”

Autumn
stared at her. Was she really going to take credit for the breakfast? The Dee
Ann she knew was kind and sweet. Had she missed something? She was about to
correct Dee Ann, but stopped herself. It would sound like sour grapes and she
didn’t want them to know she even cared. She slowly got to her feet and walked
to the front door.

“Where
do you think you’re going?” Jonas asked.

She
didn’t look at him. “Fresh air,” She intended to sit on the front porch for a
while. Life was full of curve balls and she’d gotten her share lately. She
settled herself on the handmade wooden bench and tried to relax.

The
sun shone through the trees. The colors of the leaves were getting brighter and
bolder by the day. A cool breeze rustled through the leaves and they sounded
like rain drops. The mountains in the distance were full of majestic pines. The
animals were all probably foraging, getting ready for the coming winter.

She
watched as Mel led Myrtle to the front pasture. He talked to the mare the whole
time, laughing a time or two. Mel was a good guy. At times he looked gruff but
inside he was all teddy bear.

The
door opened and Dee Ann came out. Her smile brightened her whole face and Autumn
wanted to hate her but she couldn’t. It wasn’t her fault that Jonas liked her
better.

“How
are you feeling? No more problems with the baby?”

“Besides
being tired, I’m fine. Whatever it takes for my baby right?”

“You
don’t know how lucky you are. When I was nineteen I was in a car accident, long
story short, I had to have my uterus removed. No babies for me.”

Autumn
took Dee Ann’s hand and patted it. “I’m so sorry. There never seems to be any
type of reason as to who has kids and who doesn’t. People that want them can’t
have them and others that don’t intend to get pregnant do. Sometimes the cards
we are dealt are hard to live with.”

Dee
Ann nodded. “You are always so understanding and I feel as though I’ve known
you forever.”

“So,
how is Jonas?”

“He’ll
be fine. He refuses to talk about surgery and after all he’s been through I
can’t say I blame him. He’s a miracle.” Her cheeks pinked. “I really don’t know
of any man I admire more.”

Autumn
bit her bottom lip and nodded. It took a minute before she could speak. The
lump that formed in her throat was hard to swallow. “He is a special guy.”

They
sat and admired the scenery. Autumn couldn’t think of anything else to say.
Part of her wanted to be happy for Dee Ann and part of her felt guilty for wanting
Dee Ann to leave and never come back. She’d call the doctor tomorrow to see
when was the earliest she could go back home.

Dee
Ann turned to her. “You look cold. Why don’t you go inside? I’m going down to
the barn and look after the horses.”

“It
is getting a bit chilly.” Autumn stood and walked inside.

* * * *

Jonas
glanced up when the door opened. He didn’t know what to say to Autumn, but she
wasn’t fooling him with her smile. Her weariness was apparent and it was his
fault. He wondered if she ended up getting any sleep at all last night. It was
a hellish one, the worst he’d had in about a year. He’d had flare ups and pain
but last night had been different. When he did manage to nod off his dreams
were horrific.

Autumn
sat on the couch, sighing loudly. It was probably his fault she was so tired.
He must have cried out in his sleep, waking her. He hoped not, but he was
pretty certain that he had.

He
missed the fire in her eyes. If he wasn’t mistaken, a hint of sadness lurked there
and all he wanted was to hold her again. She made him feel whole and he strived
to be a better man with her around.

“You
don’t look good, you know.”

Her
eyes widened. “Excuse me? Just how do I look?”

He
hadn’t meant to rile her but he liked it. “Like something the wolf dragged in.”

“Cat.
The saying is something the cat dragged in.” Her smug expression lightened his
heart.

“Maybe
for females they say that but no card carrying cowboy would ever mention a cat
dragging anyone. A wolf yes, a cat no.”

She
stared at him with her mouth open. She closed it and her eyes narrowed. “I’m
trying to decide if you are sexist are just plain clueless.”

“Clueless?
Me? Oh, Fall, you have the wrong impression of me.”

“Well,
why don’t you tell me then?”

His
grin grew wider. His spitfire was back. “I’m a bit old fashioned. I admit it. I
don’t expect women to stay home or anything like that. I’m the type of man that
feels protective of the women in his life. I want a woman that I can love and
treasure. I want to be her everything, her sun, her stars. Oh, hell I sound
like a song.”

“You’re
a sweet man, Jonas Barnes. You need to stop this sweetness before you have me
crying again.”

“Fall—”

“Why
do you insist on calling me, Fall?”

“Because
it makes you mad.”

Autumn
shook her head and her lips twitched as though she was trying not to smile.
“That’s what I thought.”

“I’m
sorry.”

“No
need to be sorry.”

“Yes
there is. I invited you to stay with me so that I could take care of you. Look
at me, I can barely take care of myself. I never expected this to happen.” He
viewed the pity in her eyes and part of him shriveled inside. “Don’t feel sorry
for me, Autumn. This isn’t my first go round with my leg and it won’t be the
last. It is what it is. Thank God, Dee Ann is here to help out. I swear that
woman is an angel.”

“An
angel.” Autumn sighed loudly. “Yes, she is and we’re lucky that she came for a
short visit.”

“I
don’t know how short. She’s thinking about moving to Carlston. She admires the
work we’ve been doing with the rescues and wants to be a part of it. She has a
meeting with Holden tomorrow.”

“A
cause near and dear to your heart. She’d be a great addition to this town. What
do the
O’Malleys
and Stone McCoy think about it?”

“I
really don’t know but any help is needed. She wants to start a nonprofit rescue
and try to get the whole community involved with fundraisers and community
awareness. I think it’s great.”

“Holden
mentioned a need for the community to come together. He mentioned something
about owners dying and no one knew they had horses.”

“It’s
sad. I usually end up with those horses.” The tension in his back and neck
grew. If only he could be out there working with his horses today. Dee Ann
would do a good job with them but he hated not being the constant in their new
lives and it was important for them to learn to trust humans again.

“Looking
good, pal!” Dee Ann said as she came through the front door. Her cheeks were a rosy
red from the crisp air. Her healthiness contrasted with Autumn’s wan face. She
smiled and walked behind his chair. She put her hands on his shoulders and
began to massage them.

* * * *

Few
days later Autumn decided that enough was enough. Her stomach couldn’t take
anymore of Dee Ann’s sweetness to Jonas. Maybe she did mean well or just maybe
she was trying to steal Jonas away. Steal him? She never had him in the first
place. It had been two days since Dee Ann had shown up and the sun followed her
everywhere she went. Jonas’ face lit up, and he constantly tracked her with his
eyes.

The
nights were the worst. They were so transparent, her blood boiled. All night
long, doors opened and closed. The whispering was bad but the laughter was the
worst. Of course she’d not been sleeping and this morning she wanted to hurt
someone. She wanted to physically punch someone.

The
only good thing about it all was that Jonas was getting better and he wasn’t
worried about the horses with Dee Ann here.

Autumn
got dressed and dragged her tired body to the couch. No breakfast waited for
her, not even the dreaded decaf coffee. She’d grab herself something in a
minute. The book she started yesterday beckoned. Apparently Mel had a big
library of western books and it was sweet of him to share.