Avalon (20 page)

“Father, be warned, I am not going into a union with Laura and that’s final.”

“Leo, be open minded.”

“That’s nice coming from you.”

“Hey, I am on your side,” his father said.

“What’s the point in being the King if you can’t make changes?”

“Because I am advised by the Royal League. They are the eyes and ears of the public.”

“Father the Royal League are a group of people who have been chosen to join because of their bloodline or their ability. You might think they are the eyes and ears of the people, but they are not like the people at all.”

“Hush.” His father put his hand up. “We must not go on with our feud, we used to be a good family, we were happy and now we are always fighting. I will speak to the Royal League. That is the best I can do.”

“Thank you. At least that’s a step forward in the right direction,” Leo said.

“You might not like what you hear from them, son,” his father said lifting his eyebrows. “But I will put it to them nonetheless.”

I sat by my window ledge and looked out at the cloudy sky watching the rain hitting the window pane. I had had no idea Leo was having me on. I would often wonder if he thought of me, or was I just an intense fling, one that was better than most? The more I thought about him, the less I think I knew. I would often go over the riddles he use to speak in and the conversation I overheard that night when I had stayed at his house. Nothing made sense to me, other than I had been a short term fling, and Leo belonged to someone else. That’s just the way it was. I had to accept it, but it was easier said than done.

Sara continued to watch over me, without her I’m not sure how I would have coped. She was a mixture of a mother and a best friend; her age and experience allowed her to read my emotions and respond accordingly. She never smothered me, but let me know she was always there when I did want to talk, or cry for that matter. She left me to get on with it, but wouldn’t let me get too melancholy; she monitored me from a distance.

In the evening I would often take the car out and drive for miles and miles, listening to music, thinking, wondering – feeling sorry for myself I suppose. I’d get lost in my thoughts sometimes, and the emptiness in my heart made me want to run away, just keep driving, but to where?

I only have memories left to hold, a constant reminder of what I wished was, and would never be. I knew that all I could do was slowly pull myself together. There’s no escape from my memories. Leo had changed me and nothing was like it used to be.

At school Emily was like some kind of personal emotional warrior protector, if there is such a thing, relentlessly making sure no one questioned me about why I was no longer boarding, why I was no longer with Leo, and where Leo was. She always provided me with a shoulder to cry on. Like me, Emily said she hadn’t seen Leo’s departure coming and was surprised that he had no intention of coming back.

I get so tired crying, thinking about the way we were and wondering aimlessly why he hadn’t returned, why I wasn’t good enough for him.

As the term came to a close, I decided I had spent too much time dwelling on the past. I was over it, I was over myself, over wishing Leo would come back, when that was not going to happen. I wanted to feel better again – I wanted to feel like me.

The new school year commenced.
A full year had passed since I had met Leo. I thought briefly about the way I felt the day I caught sight of him, the way he made me feel, like a child on Christmas day. I got something I so desperately wanted but I never thought would come to me in my lifetime. Something inside had awakened but that very part had now died. I had survived my departure from my parents before Leo and I would survive again.

Sara and Stuart let me board again and I resumed my previous place as Emily’s roommate. Everything will be good this year, my final year of secondary school before university.

My form teacher for the year was Mrs Clever who gave me a class timetable and a study plan to fill in. I was going to have to study double time this year I suppose and, without Leo as a distraction, this was very possible. My science scores showed I might have a career in the sciences, but as to what, I don’t know. I still had time before I decided on a career path.

I collected my bag and walked to the science lab alone. I wondered who would be my lab partner this year, remembering again, that Leo was my lab partner last year, until he left and I had no partner given our class was now an odd number, but no matter, I was happy to work hard on my own. I opened the door and took my place at the same table I used last year, second from the front. Henry walked in and took up a chair next to me. He placed his satchel bag on the bench and got out his pens and notebook, then looked over to me.

“Hi,” Henry smiled.

“Hi,” I said twirling my pen around in my mouth.

“Do you want to be lab partners?”

“Sure.” I shrugged.

“If we’re lab partners this year, let’s pick up where we left off. Let’s be the way we were,” Henry said.

“You’ve always been a good friend, Henry. I’d like that.”

“Well I just want to say something to you about that creep Leo. I know you might not want to hear this, but Leo was a professional liar, he told you everything you wanted to hear. I knew he was like that, I watched him with you, and you fell for the trap. No one could tell you because you were under his…,” he looked for his words, “…spell.”

I put my hand up in front of his face, “I don’t want to hear it, I’m over it. This is a new year. The past is the past and I want to leave it there, thank you very much.”

“OK. Sorry to bring it up, I know there are still some hard feelings.”

“No, there are no feelings whatsoever.” Who was I trying to kid?

“Well I won’t forgive that guy in a hurry. He walked in here and took you from me and rubbed it in my face.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I reiterated.

“I suppose the guy can’t defend himself,” Henry huffed.

“I don’t care. I really don’t care.”

*****

Time at school went quickly, I threw myself into my studies, especially leading up the latter half of the school year. I spent a lot of my free time revising, setting myself mock tests and reading over my notes, writing new notes, covering all angles of the subjects I was learning. It kept my mind focused and challenged.

To my surprise, I found a very good friend in Henry. He dropped any discussion about Leo and we almost resumed from where we had left off, aside from the going out part, at least at first.

As my final school year came to a close I realised how boring my year had been. All work and no play, but I intended to change all that. I wanted to change my life, and I knew university would open a lot of new doors for me.

I had started to select my choice of university, like all my peers. Everyone began to talk about the end of year graduation, with many of my friends getting involved. I didn’t join the Graduation Committee, I wasn’t looking forward to going alone, and it reminded me of who I wanted to go with. The less involved I was, the better. Emily kept telling me to get over Leo, that he wasn’t worth it. Even after all this time, she knew I still pined for him. For some reason I couldn’t turn my back on what happened because my heart kept telling me it was the real thing. I was tired of even thinking about him, because every time I did, I would conduct my own debate in my head on whether or not we were the real deal.

As graduation came closer, I became aware that I would be going alone until Henry changed that.

“Are you going to the graduation dance with anyone?” Henry asked me in science class.

“No.” I frowned.

“Would you like to go with me?”

I turned and looked at Henry straight in the eye. “Wow! I wasn’t expecting you to ask me that, you know, especially after… Well you know, all those issues last year.”

“Na, I’m not holding a grudge, you know me.”

“Yeah, I know you.” I smiled.

“We’re good friends, right?”

“Yep, we’re good friends.” I grinned like a Cheshire cat.

I wondered if Henry still harboured some feelings for me. Hugh, Emily’s boyfriend, said Henry had always held a candle for me, that his feelings for me before had never gone away. On one hand he had nothing to lose asking me out, but on the other we were going to different universities, so any relationship would probably be unlikely to last.

“We could… you know… go out again, if you wanted.” Henry
said
trying to sound nonchalant.

“Um… sure I suppose we could, but well, I don’t know. I just feel like I would be letting…” Leo down I wanted to say.

“Letting down who?”

“No one,” I dismissed my thought.

“So what do you think?”

“I don’t want to use you, that’s all. Someone did that to me and I know how it feels.”

“You mean Leo?”

I nodded.

“Use me, I don’t care. I want to help you get over him.”

Could he though? Could anyone take Leo’s place? Could leaving here and going to uni help? Why was I still holding onto my memories, like they meant something? I needed a quick fix of hope, something… anything because I couldn’t go on like this for much longer.

“Listen, Holly, regardless of your past you will always have a future, one with me, if you want to.”

“After everything?” I asked astounded by all this.

“After everything. I don’t blame you. Like I said that guy was well versed in how to get the girls.”

Henry had said this to me before, but I somehow didn’t want to believe it.

“I know guys like him, and girls like those type of guys because they seem dangerous.”

“But it wasn’t like that.”

“You might not see it like that, but that guy was dangerous.”

“I didn’t see Leo like that.”

“He told you everything you wanted to hear, right? Did he say all the right things to you?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t like that.”

“Well I’m sorry, Holly, but you are being foolish if you think it was more.”

“I don’t want to talk about Leo anymore, I’m tired of it.”

“So come to the dance with me?”

“I would love that.”

“And go out with me, enjoy your last few weeks as a senior. Let’s have fun, let’s show the world that you are over that creep, Leo.”

I liked the sound of that, showing the world that I was over Leo. Actions speak louder than words. Surely if I went out with Henry, I would be showing everyone that I was over Leo, and that would be my first real step to recovery.

“OK.” I grinned. “Let’s do it, let’s go to the dance and let’s go out.” I did want to enjoy the last few weeks of school and with all my friends in relationships I would feel like less of an outsider than I felt now.

Henry leaned over to me sitting beside him on the desk and took my hand and kissed it. “Is that a good start?”

I looked at my hand, where he had just kissed it. I felt odd, but I went with it believing this was my road to self-healing.

“Do you want to do this?” Henry frowned as if disappointed in my reaction.

I was always one to wear my heart on my sleeve. If I wanted this to work, I had better get better at hiding some of my emotions, at least until I felt comfortable. “Yes. I just thought it was strange because it’s been so long since…. You know, since we’ve been together.”

He nodded, my answer was good enough. “I know what you mean,” he said kissing my hand again, as if to show me I ought to get used to his affections.

I smiled and decided to change the subject, “So, are you looking forward to the dance?”

“I am now. I didn’t know how you would react to my invitation to be perfectly honest. But if you don’t ask, you don’t know. Do you have a dress? I could match my suit and cummerbund?”

“I’ve got a long silk green dress, no straps and goes down to the floor.”

“Sounds stunning. I bet you look amazing in it.”

“I hope.”

“Why hope, you will, Holly,” he said dismissing my comment as if absurd.

I smiled. “I bet you look great in your suit.”

“Let me make the arrangements for collection. I’ll get a Limo or a horse and carriage. Let’s make an entrance.”

“OK whatever you think.” I sounded kind of excited by his idea. “The horse and carriage might be a good idea if you can guarantee the weather. Let’s face it, in this country you can never guarantee that the weather will be good.”

“You’re absolutely right. But the carriage can provide shelter.”

“But no warmth, if we need it.”

“True…Leave it with me, I’ll sort it.”

I smiled at his genuine effort to make the night amazing. Henry was one hell of a guy, and I should feel lucky.