Avalon (18 page)

“Well when did this happen? Who collected his things? Did anyone leave a forwarding address? What if I need to get a message to him?”

“I don’t know the answer to any of your questions. I suggest you check with the front desk when you get a chance.”

I felt my heart pound with fear of loss, it hurt, my heart genuinely ached. I made my way to reception to try and make sense of Leo’s whereabouts. The receptionist; a happy-faced lady in her thirties with shoulder length blonde hair, was on the phone when I arrived. Covering the phone with her hand she mouthed, “Give me two minutes.”

I wanted to say I hadn’t got two minutes because they were the longest two minutes ever known to man. I was desperate for answers.

“How can I help you?” she said, finally.

“I’m trying to find out what happened to Leo Regent. He was a pupil here at this school last term and he hasn’t returned. Is it true he’s not coming back?” I blurted out.

“Right, now let me think. Leo Regent, um yes, I remember, yes, a man came to the school and explained that Leo wouldn’t be coming back, don’t ask me why, I’m only the receptionist. I don’t know why. He took all of Leo’s belongings, so it’s fair to say he is not intending to come back.”

“It’s true then?” My eyes were wide.

The receptionist came out from behind the desk and held both my upper arms and shook me gently. “Are you all right, lovey? You look white. Can I get you something?” She led me over to the sofa across from her reception booth and suggested I sit down for a moment while she collected a glass of water.

I sipped on the water slowly, my head still buzzing with questions, my eyes darting around the room as I tried to compute the information. The receptionist took my hand in hers and rubbed it, her way of comforting me. “Was he a good friend?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“A boyfriend?”

“Yes,” I said taking my free hand and playing with my necklace, thinking about the ring, touching it, reminding myself it was there and every bit as real as it ever was. Nothing made sense.

“Do you want me to call someone for you? Maybe the school nurse?”

No, I shook my head. I sat there for a minute or two in a trance and then got up. “OK better go,” I said as if talking to the wall.

I walked to the common room not quite sure what I was going to do, who to tell and what I was going to do about it? I told myself it was not over, I knew where Leo lived and I would drive there as soon as I could speak to Ryan. Ryan would have answers. For now this seemed to appease me, because the thought of feeling helpless was not an option I was willing to explore.

Emily sat in the corner amongst friends and saw me enter the room. She immediately got up and approached me.

“You don’t look so well, what’s wrong?”

I took her arm and walked her outside the room to get a little privacy. “Leo’s not here and he’s not coming back.” The tears started.

“Oh, Holly. Are you sure?” Emily put her arms around me.

I nodded. “Yes, I checked.”

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“I know,” I sobbed.

Henry and David walked past us and I caught Henry staring at me for a bit longer than I liked. I wanted to shout
what are you looking at?
or
Are you happy now?
but I didn’t. It wasn’t my style, it would be the anger talking.

“Let’s go back to dorm and clean you up,” Emily said. “You’ll be all right, Holly. Don’t cry, you’ll be better tomorrow, you’ll see.”

I nodded as Holly led me back to dorm and straight to our bedroom. Emily brought her box of tissues to my side. “Use as many as you want. Do you want me to stay?”

“No,” I said, knowing there was no point in having her sit there while I cry.

“I will speak to matron and I’ll come back to check on you after my next lesson.”

My head spun, I couldn’t believe Leo was gone for good. I had to find out from Ryan once and for all, convinced he could make sense of this stupidity. In my heart I knew Leo wouldn’t hurt me, he had said as much on more than one occasion. I had to believe in that. I sat up, wiped my eyes and blew my nose several times. I washed my face with cold water and knew exactly what to do. I walked back to my room, took out my phone and dialled home.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Sara. It’s Holly.”

“Holly, how are you?” she asked happily and then her voiced changed. “Is everything all right?”

“No,” I began and though I tried hard not to, I began crying again. I couldn’t make a proper sentence, sobbing through my words.

“Holly, I can’t understand you. You need to calm down and take a few deep breaths. I can’t help you because I don’t know what you are saying.”

I managed the words, “Come and get me.”

“I’m coming,” she said. “Meet me at reception. Leaving now.” She hung up the phone without question.

I tried to compose myself again with another visit to the girls’ bathroom. I washed my face with cold water and continued to dab water over my eyes until I could take no more. I felt fresher but not necessarily better. 

Matron appeared at the bathroom door and saw me patting my eyes with a wet tissue, “Are you all right Holly? Is there anything I can do?”

“I’ll be OK.” I sniffed. “I’ve called Sara, she’s meeting me at reception.”

*****

“Sara,” I shouted, the moment I saw her enter the school building.

She saw me standing waiting for her in the reception doorway, “Holly, what’s the matter?” she asked running to me.

“I want to go home with you tonight. I don’t want to talk about it here, I need to go.”

“OK, OK.” She embraced me and played with my pony tail brushing it with her fingers, her way of relaxing me. “Please can I take her?” Sara asked the receptionist.

“It shouldn’t be a problem, I’ll just get clearance for you.” The kind receptionist dialled a phone number and spoke to the headmaster. “That should be fine,” she said to both of us genuinely feeling my distress.

“What’s all this about?” Sara asked as we walked to the car.

“It’s Leo.”

“Has that boy broken up with you?”

“No, well, I don’t know. It’s not like that.”

“So what’s going on?”

“He’s left. This boy I fell for has left and he’s not coming back. No goodbye, no nothing. Who does that? It’s not like him. The school told me someone came to collect all his belongings. Sara, I need to go to his house, I need to go now, please,” I pleaded.

Sara read my eyes. “OK, Holly, we can go. I’ll take you there now.”

“Thank you. I need to know if he’s all right, I need answers. He wouldn’t just leave.” I thought about my last conversation with Leo when I asked if he was nervous about telling his parents about me and he wasn’t. I thought about how his parents had arranged a marriage, but it wasn’t like they were religious. He never made me believe it was their belief, it was just their hope. Leo had persuaded me that it didn’t matter anyway, because he wouldn’t do it, he was convinced that his parents would accept me because he had. I had no reason to doubt him. After all, he was a man of his word.

“This is a nice area,” Sara commented as I directed her towards Ryan’s house.

I nodded, concentrating on where we were, making sure we were going in the right direction.“See the roundabout ahead? You need to turn right.”

“OK.”

We drove past the house of the guy that had backed into Leo while he was on his bike. “That’s his house, up ahead,” I pointed.

Sara slowed down as we approached the largish red bricked house.
“How did you know where he lives?” she asked.

I had forgotten, I never told Sara I had been here. “Em and I came once,” I quickly improvised.

She nodded, accepting my explanation. “OK, we’re here,” she said, parking the car on the street next to the pavement. “Do you want me to come in?”

“If you want. Let me check to see if anyone is here first.”

Sara nodded and waited, watching me to make sure I was all right.

I made my way up the drive, turning around to give Sara the thumbs up to let her know I was on my way and all was fine – so far.

From the outside the house looked like it could be a show home, yet lifeless and empty, the way I had felt the moment I was told Leo was not coming back to school. I looked through the front window as I approached the door, no signs of life inside. I rang the doorbell and waited a minute. No answer. I rang the doorbell again, this time pressing it quickly four or five times. I waited, but still there was no answer. I twiddled my fingers and considered what else to do. I moved up close to the window, putting both my hands to the side of my face to stop any unwanted glare coming into view and searched the living room, the office and hallway. All the furniture was there, exactly as I had seen it on my previous visits, and with the garden being maintained, surely this must mean someone still lives here. Undeterred, I made my way to the fence that bordered the back garden, I jumped up to see if I could see anything and, having very little success, I resorted to holding onto the top of the fence and pulling myself up. I had only a few seconds to search before my arms and hands had had enough. Ryan could be out. Perhaps I would have to come back again. I would come back every day, if I had to. I would find a way. I turned to walk back to the car, when the gate attached to the back fence opened.

“Holly,” came a small voice.

I turned around, it was Ryan. “Ryan, thank God you’re here,” I said rushing over to him and throwing my arms around him with relief. “I guess you might know why I’m here,” I said stepping back, my mood becoming more serious.

“You want to know about Leo.”

I nodded once.

“He didn’t return after the holidays. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you.”

“Can you tell me why?”

“He couldn’t return. I mean, he didn’t want to return. He said it would be a mistake, he is with someone else, and is supposed to be with someone else. I am really, and I mean really sorry to
have
to tell you, that Leo no longer wants to see you.”

I stepped back, dumbfounded. I did not expect such an explanation from Ryan. “Ryan, it’s me, Holly, you saw the two of us together; we love each other. Leo told me there was someone else, he said his parents organised some kind of arranged marriage, relationship or something like that. He said he could no longer commit to her because of me.”

“I’m sorry but he doesn’t want you,” Ryan said looking around as if to see if someone was listening.

“There is no one else here Ryan, it’s you and me. Please tell me the truth.” I begged. “I love him.”

“He is with someone else, that’s all I can say. I don’t know much more, I am telling you what I know.”

“Aren’t you concerned? None of this sounds right to me.”

“It’s right, Holly. Leo will never come back, you will never see him again, it just won’t happen.”

“Why? He loves me.”

“He told you what he wanted you to hear, he’s very good with the ladies.”

“No, Ryan. That’s not like Leo at all. He said I was the only one.”

Ryan laughed. “Listen, Holly, he knows how to use words, he’s clever. Like I said, he always had a way with the girls.
Everyone has a dark side.”

“No,” I argued. “I don’t believe you, I can’t believe you.”

“You’ve got to, Holly. I’m sorry. Leo’s an easy come easy go type of guy with the girls.”

“No.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve had to say this to a pretty girl,” Ryan said, not looking at me. I wondered what was going on. Why would he lie?”

“He’s got someone else. If you love him you would be happy for him.”

“Ryan, can you hear yourself? Do you think that’s fair? Sure tear my heart in shreds and I’ll be happy that you’ve moved on? No, I am not happy for him.

Ryan’s demeanour changed. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. He does this; he meets a pretty girl, has his way and moves on.”

“Well that didn’t happen with us.”

“Yes it did. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you will get over him. You should go. Go and think about what I said.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say in response so I turned on heels and walked back to the car.

“Well?” Sara said. “What happened?”

I took one look at Sara’s face and the tears started to flow down my face. I sat sobbing like a small child. “I don’t know how I’ll get by.”

“Holly, Holly, Holly, my dear girl. You will get over this,” she said pulling me into her arms and giving me the hug I so desperately needed. “What happened?”

“Ryan told me Leo isn’t coming back and that he does this to girls a lot, but Sara, that doesn’t sound like Leo at all.”

She continued to rub my back, thinking of her words carefully, realising how sensitive and fragile I was right now. “Lots of fish in the sea, Holly. There’s lots of fish in the sea. You will love and lose.”