Avra's God (19 page)

His gaze slid down over Isabel’s body as she
moved—a Corvette, sleek and round in just the right places. But he
felt nothing. He should at least be grateful. He stared at the tiny
jagged spot between her front teeth. He’d asked her once why she
didn’t get it fixed, and she’d been hurt.

Avra obsessed over her complexion. But Cisco
never noticed it. She thought she was too tall, all legs like a
stork. But she didn’t realize how gracefully she moved on those
legs.

As though she could tell he was thinking
about Avra, Isabel closed in on him. She wrapped her arms around
him. Sweat mingled with the musk scent he wore. She pressed her
lips to his, still dancing in his arms. He lost himself in the
sensations she awoke.

The drapes rustled and the scent from the
gardenia bush outside the window swept into the room like Avra’s
presence. He broke the kiss, his eyes somewhere over Isabel’s
shoulder. Maybe he couldn’t concentrate on Isabel because he was
sober.

He put Isabel away from him at arm’s length.
“Let’s get a movie.”

Her eyes narrowed, but not before he saw the
hurt in them. She turned her back on him.

He reached for her hand but she snatched it
away.

“I am
un juguete
—a toy—to you. You
don’t care about me.”

Was it true? “Come on, Is, cut the melodrama.
I’m just talking about watching a
movie
here.”

She whirled on him then, nostrils flaring.
“You’re a user just like stepfather
numero dos
—” She
stopped. Her eyes widened in shock over what she’d said. She sliced
her hand through the air. “You’re a man—”

Cisco’s forehead creased as her words, and
what she didn’t say, sunk in. “What about your second
stepfather?”

Isabel’s thick lashes lifted. Her eyes pooled
with tears. Her lids lowered. Tears spilled from the corners of her
eyes and ran down her face.

“How old were you?”

“Twelve.” He could barely hear her answer.
She sank to the couch, limp as a deflated kickball.

“Ay, Chica
,” He reached for her
hunched shoulders, but she jerked away and curled into a ball in
the corner of the couch.

“You don’t want me.”

Oh man, what have I gotten myself
into?
He leaned toward the boom box bathed in weak lamplight on
the end table and hit “stop
.
” Ricky Martin’s Latin rhythms
silenced. Birds chirped. A bad muffler rattled the length of the
street. “You could go for free counseling at the college—”

“Don’t try to fix me.”

“You didn’t want my comfort either.”

She looked up sharply.

“Come on. Just let me hold you.” He held his
arms open to her again.
It’s the least I can do.

She stared at him. At last, she crawled into
his arms.

“What did your mother do?”

She twisted around to look at him.
“Mama

almost killed him. She went after
his—” A corner of her mouth turned up as she remembered “—with a
scissors so he could never hurt another girl.” She stared across
the room at the crucifix.

“And?”

A slender shoulder shrugged. “She missed. He
went away. Now she only has
novios
, not husbands.”

She settled into his arms. He rocked her for
a long time until his body warmed to her. He eased her away. “Come
on, I’ll take you for ice cream.”
God, give me credit here. At
least I have this much decency left.

Cisco shifted in the uncomfortable square
chair in the counseling office at the college. Isabel had gone in
forty-five minutes ago. His turn next. He’d rather have his nose
hairs torn from his body.

The secretary jabbered on the phone over the
coffee pot down the hall. An empty chair sat at a right angle from
his with a table and lamp between them. Not even a magazine lay on
the table to distract him from what was coming.

What could he say?
I came because I’m
using this girl, and maybe by doing something noble for her, I can
level the scales?
Right.

Isabel walked out with mascara streaked down
her face. She shot him a grateful look and padded down the hall
toward the restroom. He sucked in a deep breath, crossed the
institutional gray carpet, and stepped through the door Isabel left
open.

Avra slipped her painted toes into sandals.
There—ready for Edgewater’s Fourth of July celebration. She felt
pretty. Girly. Amazing, but Kallie’s first effort at highlighting
had been a success. Mom had bought her a new outfit. You couldn’t
wear soccer shorts to every occasion the rest of your life, Mom
said. This was as good as she was going to look—till that magic day
when her skin cleared.

Cisco pulled a black T-shirt over his head,
inhaling the dryer sheet scent. Last year he’d been too wasted to
remember much of the Fourth of July fireworks. He reached for the
musk cologne and stopped himself, catching his image in the mirror.
He made himself look. His eyes crinkled at the corners. Inside, he
looked hollow, as if the man who used to live there moved away.

When he was with Avra, he’d felt like a
William Wallace kind of guy, like he could walk into
Braveheart
and be the man. Now, a leprous Longshanks stared
back at him. He turned away, disgusted.

Jesse gripped Tía’s hand as they strolled
into the shade along the river. He wrinkled his nose. The tide had
gone out, and the ripe smell of exposed barnacles rose around
them.

“I can’t take it anymore.” Tía’s tears
spilled over. “I mean it.”

He pulled her into his arms, glad for a
reason to touch her.

“I don’t like sleeping like a sardine in a
room with the Malcomb’s toddlers.”

Her tears seeped through his shirt to his
chest. “I thought you loved kids, wanted to teach.”

Tía sobbed harder.

“Come on, I’ll take you job hunting again.”
He wiped her tears away with his thumbs. Her lashes clumped
together around dark eyes filled with childlike trust. He rode the
waves of her emotion like a water skier, blissfully waving with one
hand.

She lifted her lips for his kiss and Jesse
drank thirstily. She was translucent liquid, searing and cold as a
mountain stream. Tiny bubbles of euphoria exploded in his head.

Kallie stared transfixed at the scene playing
out before her—as if she watched a murder. Her own. She felt the
blood drain from her face. Her breath stopped in her chest, and she
had to force herself to breathe.

Under the bridge, Jesse’s arms twined around
a girl with white skin and lush curls pooling down her back into a
straw hat that had slipped from her head. The girl’s filmy floral
skirt ruffled against Jesse’s legs in the hot, sticky breeze as he
kissed her.

They were a Hallmark card come to life, and
she’d never seen anything more macabre.

Cisco threaded through the crowd, his fingers
laced with Isabel’s. Late afternoon sun baked through his black
T-shirt. Cars, food stands, portable toilets littered the park and
spilled out along the river. Hundreds of people milled around them
in anticipation of the Fourth of July fireworks.

“Marriela!” Isabel waved at her friend.
“Cisco, I’ll meet you in front of the police station for the
fireworks. I’m going to chill with the girls.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

Someone jammed a shoulder into his chest. He
looked up into Kurt’s glare. Beside him, Drew appeared almost as
hostile. Kurt grunted in disgust and pushed through the crowd.

His gut twisted like the uncapping of a
bottle. And his bottle was empty. Kurt and Drew, almost like
brothers to him, had vacated. Wind whistled through the void where
Avra had been. And beyond Avra, a deeper chasm yawned.

Kallie stood as still as a mannequin in
Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum watching Jesse kiss the Hallmark girl.
After an agonizing eternity, their lips separated. Jesse still
cradled the girl in his arms, oblivious to the Fourth of July
crowds milling nearby. The girl returned his gaze, her chin tilted
up.

Jesse and the girl saw her at the same time.
Finally, his hold on her loosened. Jesse waved and grinned at
Kallie. “Come on over, Kal, I have someone for you to meet.”

Those were the first words Jesse had uttered
to her since the afternoon they fought in her attic. The warmth in
his voice drew her, while the horror of what she’d just witnessed
repelled.

He turned to the girl. “Tía, this is Kallie,
my music critic.”

Did Kallie only imagine the smug glint in his
eye?

He cast a sickly sweet look at Tía. “Kallie,
this is my Tía.”

Ugh!
“Hi, Tía,” Kallie said in what
she hoped was a normal voice—not one that sounded as if she was
afraid one of her limbs had been severed. “Nice to meet you.” She
summoned every ounce of acting ability in her body and gave Jesse
an I’m-so-happy-for-you smile.

They chatted inanely another five minutes
while the bile of regret bubbled in her chest. She stumbled away to
look for Avra.

Cisco watched Jesse focus on a pretty girl in
a dress and hat as she strolled toward the lemonade cart. Cisco
shook his head and smiled. “Got it bad, huh, Bro?”

Jesse jerked his gaze from the girl, surprise
on his face. “Done sulking?”

“Takin’ a breather. You goin’ out?”

“I could marry Tía.”

“Whoa. Didn’t see that coming.”

Jesse shrugged. “Feels good to be
needed—”

“Needy women. Good luck. You’re gonna need
it.”

“Isabel’s needy?”

“Like giving blood till your veins
collapse.”

Jesse’s brow wrinkled. “So, why are you still
going out with her?”

“Guilt. I don’t know. It’s like I zoned out
for two months. Hello? Nobody’s home. You know what I mean?”

Jesse stretched his lips into a straight
line. “I noticed.”

“So, I came to, missed Avra, saw what a jerk
I am. Then I wound up in a counselor’s office—” He held up his
hand. “Don’t even ask. I found out I’ve been self-medicating over
my folks’ split-up.”

Jesse’s brows rose but he didn’t comment.

“I should quit self-medicating?”

“There’s an option.”

“What do I do with Isabel?”

“Tell her the truth.”

Cisco gave a dry laugh. “And to think I
followed you around like a puppy when we were kids.”

“Pit bull.”

“Can’t tell her. Chica has the Cuban temper.
Not pretty.”

“Break up with her. You don’t love her.”

“I owe her. My life is crap.”

Jesse’s attention strayed and Cisco followed
his gaze. The sun shone through the fabric of the girl’s skirt as
she floated toward them in the stream of people.

He’d made nice enough for one day without
meeting Jesse’s girl. “Later, man.”

Jesse’s chin swiveled back in Cisco’s
direction.

“A lemonade with two straws. Your scene, not
mine.”

Cisco strode toward the water. He stopped at
the edge of the crowd and scanned the shore. A hot wind kicked up
tiny whitecaps. Sparse trees bent and swayed. Shells caught the
sunlight along the bank like cubic zirconium from the shopping
channel.

Avra. His heart thudded in his chest. She
waded alone in the gentle wavelets, her sandals dangling from a
finger. Sun glinted off her hair. Seeing her for the first time in
months knocked him back like a punch, sharper even than Kurt’s
shoulder shoved into his chest. His breath heaved in and out.

Small swells lapped against her legs. Avra
bent to pick up a shell, then tossed it back.

As if caught in the undertow, he moved toward
her.

Kallie wandered across the bridge scribbling
a letter to God in her head. She should look for Avra, but she
needed some time alone to regroup.

Dear God,

I didn’t think Jesse would be ready to love
someone for years. How could I have been so wrong? I thought Jesse
would always be there waiting for me to gather my courage like an
armful of roses. God, it hurts like a glassblower’s torch sliced me
in half. Fat lot of good protecting myself did. Avra says You
comfort her. How do I get a hold of that?

Someone Who Needs You

An alpaca-soft blanket of peace draped over
her shoulders. Weird. Nothing had changed. Jesse and Tía held hands
beside the cotton candy cart. Tía twirled her hat by its strings.
The girl seemed like a lost waif somehow. Fragile. A desire to take
care of Tía welled up in her.

Bizarre.

Cisco stopped a few feet from where Avra
stood in the surf. She hadn’t seen him. “Hi.”

Avra’s head jolted up. Her face blanched.

He shifted uncomfortably. “You did something
to your hair.”

“Yeah.”

“Looks nice.” His voice was tentative. Then
he noticed the painted fingernails, toenails, muted under the clear
water. Her modest khaki shorts and soft white blouse highlighted
her femininity. Gone was the soccer tomboy. “Talk to me.”

“Why?”

“I miss the talks we had.” He realized this
truth as he spoke.

“What? Isabel doesn’t talk? Never mind, I
already know what she’s good at.” She turned her back on him.
Beyond her a sea gull dipped into the water.

He touched her shoulder. “Avra.”

“Don’t touch me!” She whirled around. “You
don’t have a clue how you hurt me.” Steel edged her voice.

“Come on, Avra, don’t be like this. We can be
friends.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Avra bit off each
word, her fists balled at her sides. “You are the only guy I ever
loved. I gave you my whole heart. I was even tempted to give you my
body.” A fat tear trickled down her cheek.