Awake (19 page)

The time that passed could have been minutes or days. I am unsure how much time passes as we make our way back to seelie territory and are able to shimmer ourselves into the queen's court. Upon our arrival, servants greet us from all sides. We are checked for injures and ushered into the dining hall for food. It's still early morning, but I have my suspicions the queen has closed the hall so we can dine alone. More fae should be milling about the court, but I have seen very few.

We all are seated as the queen enters with a flurry behind us. She hugs me tightly, causing new tears to prick my eyes, but I do not let them fall. I numbly sit in the chair beside her and listen as Gideon tells what happened from the time we left, leading up to this point.

I am vaguely aware of her introduction to Reed, the soft murmur of voices during the recount of events, the confirmation of the king being my father, and the apology she offers when she learns of Rho's death. A part of me recognizes I should be involved in this conversation, especially when she was told about the king. My heart breaks for her over what she must be feeling, and I know
I
should be near her so we can comfort each other, but I cannot work up the motivation.

My limbs are heavy, and my brain is surrounded by fog. Everything feels blurry and distant. The lull of the voices begins
to
make my eyelids heavy, putting me to sleep. The next thing I know, I am being lifted and cradled against someone's chest. The solid form is warm and comfortable, so I snuggle in closer and fall back to sleep.

I wake up later to a quiet, dark room, atop my bed sheets and still dressed in the clothes I travelled in. Eyes half closed, I drag myself out of bed and begin to undress, dropping my clothing to the ground as I make my way to the shower. Turning the water on as hot as I can tolerate, I allow my skin to soak up as much of the heat as possible. Then I cry until I can no longer stand up. Only then do I drag myself back to bed, using magic to dry myself and pulling a random nightgown over my head as I do. Crawling under the thick blankets, I bury myself in my pillow, shutting everything and everyone out. I fall into the first deep and dreamless sleep I have had in a while.

When I wake up later, the room is still dark, but I am not alone this time. I hear a soft, broken hum coming from the corner and recognize the lullaby of the one who took care of me when I was so seriously injured. Peeling my eyes open, I glance up to find Queen Lily sitting beside my bed in a chair she pulled from the corner of the room. She is not aware I am awake yet, so I study her for a moment. Her hands are placed in her lap, clutching tissues and her head is bowed, her back hunched. Although I cannot view her eyes, I do see the tear streaks on her face. This is the first time I have witnessed her looking anything less than perfect. Instead, she appears so sad and vulnerable. As much as I do not like for her to feel this way, I try to memorize how she is now, aware that once she realizes I am awake she will hide her emotions from me. I am not sure why this is so important, but it is. I want to see her as something other than the well put together queen that she usually is.

I roll my head to the side in an attempt to get a better look at her, but it only gives me away. Her hands twitch, and she lifts her head to gaze at me. This is the only change, though. Surprisingly, she does not try to hide the tears in her eyes. A fresh tear leaks from my eye.

“I like that song,” I whisper, “and I am sorry.”

"For what my child?"

"For what the king and Damien did to you."

“Oh, Poppy! There is nothing for you to be sorry for. I'm the one who's sorry.” Her voice is a whisper, comforting and soothing. “You've been through so much. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I wish…” She trails off, unsure of what to say.

I understand the quiet. There are no words for something like this. Sometimes silence is better.

I bring my hand out from under the blankets and extend my open palm toward hers. She grasps my hand, holding it in her own, humming her lullaby once more, and I am soon asleep again.

***

The smell of food rouses me from my sleep. My stomach grumbles, alerting whoever is near of my hunger. By the giggle from the other side of the room, I know Willow is here. I stretch my hands above my head and reach my toes as far down as I can. My body is stiff and achy from my earlier exhaustion and from the lack of use after being in bed for so long. My muscles protest when I try to sit up, so I flop back down onto the bed, groaning aloud.

“Oh, Poppy! You have to take your time. Give your muscles a chance to work again. You've been in bed for two days. They must be stiff.”

This jolts me right into a sitting position, where I stare at Willow, open-mouthed. Although my body is working again, my brain has not quite caught up yet.

It takes some time, but finally words find their way from my mouth. “Two days?” I ask her incredulously. “How come no one came and woke me up?”

“Well, they tried.” She shakes her head at some secret knowledge before continuing. “The queen insisted you get your rest. She said you would wake when you were ready to face the world again.”

“I am not so sure about that,” I grumble under my breath. The truth is, if not for my treacherous stomach, I would still be asleep. I am not sure if I will ever be ready to face the world without Rho.

My stomach lets out another growl, distracting me from those awful thoughts as Willow hurries over with a tray of food. Sitting up farther and scooting back to lean against the headboard, I reluctantly allow her to place the tray over my lap. Thankfully, all other thoughts leave my mind at the sight and smell of all the heavenly food. The servants are serving vegetable quiche, warm pastries, fresh fruit, juice, and fae wine.

My hand reaches for the wine first. I'm not a huge fan, but I know the effects it can have. The potent drink will make me feel better faster than anything else. As I take a few small sips, I savor them as they coat my mouth and wash down my throat to my stomach. It takes a moment for the heady feeling to take over, calming me.

Only then do I start to devour the food in front of me. I make quick work of eating every last bite, Willow nodding approvingly as I do. When I swallow the final bite of food and lean back with a groan, Willow takes the tray away. She walks over to the chamber door, opening it slightly to hand the tray to someone else. Right as the door is closing, I hear a shout, but Willow ignores the sound and shuts the door.

“What was that?” I ask in concern.

“Oh, that was your halfling. He has been insisting on seeing you, but the queen said it would not be proper. He has been pacing the halls for two days now.” Her words are serious and proper, but the knowing smile betrays her.

I chuckle a little at her lack of subtlety. “He is not
my
halfling, and he does not like that word. His name is Reed.”

She smiles at me meaningfully, and I turn my face from hers so she does not witness the blush that creeps up. “Oh, I think he
is
yours. And I am well aware of his name. He has been rather insistent on being addressed by it. He has almost the entire court calling him by his name already.”

We both laugh for a moment. I can picture Reed in my mind, smiling politely or giving the full watt of his brilliant smile as he demands how he is addressed. Either one of those smiles would be irresistible. The other fae never stood a chance against his charm. Suddenly, there is a tingle in my stomach, both of guilt and nervousness. I feel horrible Reed has been so worried, but I'm also scared to face him. I am not sure of what to say to him or how I should act around him. Just thinking about him makes me nervous, how will I meet his eyes and speak to him?

Willow allows my silence for a bit while she moves around the room cleaning up and pulling out clothes for me. Her actions pull me from my worries.

“Willow, you are not supposed to do that anymore,” I groan.

“I'm only helping my friend,” she says softly, sadness consuming her eyes.

“Thank you, Willow. Thank you for helping me save them. Thank you for trying to save Rho, and thank you for being such a good friend.” The tears begin again, and before I realize it, Willow is sitting by my side on the bed, arms around me, crying with me. We sit like this for a while, Rho and all the amazing things she has done for me coursing through my mind, until our tears stop.

“Tell me a good story about her,” she asks. “Just one, before we start our day?”

A faint, watery smile touches my lips, one that eventually turns more genuine as I think of all the great memories Rho and I shared. I begin to tell stories. Not one story, but many—stories about Rho smiling and laughing, telling jokes, our training sessions, our magic lessons, and our banter. In no time at all, we are both crying again, but this time they are tears of joy from laughter, barely sullied by sadness.

The stories are cut short by a quiet knock on the door, which the queen then
slowly pushes
open. Her smile of relief upon seeing us makes guilt begin to set back in. She must have seen the emotion cross my face, because she quickly shuts the door and comes to sit on the other side of my bed.

She pulls me into a tight hug before speaking. “I'm so happy to see you awake and laughing with your friend. I'm sure this has been so hard on you, but you must recognize there are still so many of us who love you and want to help keep you happy.”

“Yes, I know. Thank you.” I take a deep breath, trying to regain composure. I am still a warrior fae and now a princess of the seelie court. It is important for me to gain back the confidence I had only a week ago.

“Now, I know this is soon…” The queen hesitates, causing me to steel myself for whatever she is going to say. The fact she is unsure of how to proceed makes me nervous and sure I am not going to like what she has to say. “I would like to have your coronation.”

I stare at her blankly.

Willow picks up on my incomprehension and clears her throat before explaining, “The queen will throw a ball, and you will be formally presented to the court as their princess.”

“No,” I say firmly.

“Poppy, you're the princess now," the queen says gently, "and it's important for you to formally take your place. I know this isn't an ideal time, but the court needs this.” She hesitates once again but pushes forward. “As much as I hate to say this, you can also take your place as…”

My hand shoots into the air, palms out to stop her from continuing. “Fine! I will do as you wish, but there are two conditions.”

She looks relieved for a moment, but then my words sink in. Her shoulders slump slightly, and she takes a breath. “Okay…what are they?”

“One.” I hold up one finger to emphasize my point. “I do not want to talk about it.” I did not need to say more. She knows. I have no desire to talk about, think about, or ever step foot in the unseelie court again, regardless of my possible status there.

“I understand,” she says softly, “but, Poppy, the time may come when your wish isn't possible.”

“And I understand that, but the time is not now. I will deal with it when and if it comes.”

She nods, “Okay. What is your other condition?”

“I want nothing to do with planning this thing. Tell me the time and the place, and I will be present, but I will not help plan a party.” An involuntary shiver works up my spine; the queen and Willow let out a small chuckle.

The queen takes my hand in hers and pats it gently. “Okay, dear, I understand. The event will be tomorrow night in
our
throne room. I'll have Willow bring your dress in the morning, and she'll help you prepare. Then she'll escort you when it's time. Will that do?”

As much as I want to sigh, I know how important this is, not only to my mother, but to the whole court. So instead, I answer with a simple "yes."

“Good,” she says brightly with a beautiful smile on her face. I cannot help but smile back. She gives my hand one last squeeze and stands up. “What are your plans for the day?”

“I thought I would train. Is that okay?”

“Yes. That would be perfect. Your friends are worried about you. I'm sure they will feel better to see you picking up your old routine.”

It is funny how after only a short time being here, I feel comfortable here. As if this is my home. “Good. I will find Reed first and make sure he is okay, and then I will be in the training room until dinner.”

“Very well, I will see you at dinner, my child.” She smiles once again and leaves the room, closing the door softly behind her.

I stretch once again before swinging my legs over the edge of my bed and allowing my bare feet to touch the cold floor. Willow hurries to get my clothes so I can dress and then I pull my hair into my usual braid. I splash water on my face and take another breath to calm my nerves. Squaring my shoulders and stiffening my spine, I mentally brace myself before opening the door and entering the hall.

In a clatter of footsteps, Reed is at my side immediately. He had been at the end of the hall but quickly turned to the sound of my door opening and sprinted down the hall to stand before me.

I stand frozen, staring at him.

“How are you?” he asks softly.

“Okay,” I answer dumbly.

“I'm so sorry, Poppy.” At his apology I realize I want nothing more than to be in his arms, but I do not know how to do that. I do not need to do anything, though; Reed senses what I need and quickly pulls me into his embrace. Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him as fiercely as he is hugging me.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Oh, Reed, me too,” I whisper.

He pulls back to look at me in question. “Why are
you
sorry? You did everything you could. You rescued us, Poppy. Rho…Rho made her own choice. What happened to her was not your fault.”

“But you lost her. I am so sorry.” I avert my eyes so he does not see the hurt in them.

“Poppy?” When I do not look up, he places his fingers under my chin, tilting my face up so I have no choice but to look in his eyes. “Poppy. What are you thinking?”

“Well…you and Rho…I know you two…you know? I am sorry,” I finally manage with a shrug.

“Poppy.” Although his eyes are still sad, his smile is mischievous, a hint of the Reed I am familiar with. “There was no ‘Rho and I.' I just met her. Sure, we became quick friends, but the only thing we shared was you.”

“Oh.” I can sense the blush working up my neck and into my cheeks so I try to pull away to hide it, but Reed would not let me, though thankfully he did not mention it either. He gets a knowing look in his eyes and pulls me into another hug.

Someone clears their throat, and we both turn towards the sound. Gideon and Thorne are standing behind us, both with worried expressions. Willow stands behind them. I had forgotten about her for a moment.

“Oh, hi!” I say a little too brightly and grimace, before I stiffen my spine and stick my chin out. “How are you two today?”

“Fine,” Gideon says warily.

“Good. How are you, Princess?” Thorne says slyly.

I hide my smile and narrow my eyes. “Do not call me that! Are you two up for training?”

Gideon loses the wariness and brightens up. Thorne gives me a genuine smile. They both say at the same time, “Of course.”

“Good. Let's go.” I begin to walk toward the training room, expecting the others to follow.

“Um, Poppy?” Reed says, catching up to walk beside me.

“Hmm?”

“Would you mind telling me what exactly is going on here? This whole time, I thought you were a prisoner here like we were there.”

I had assumed he knew everything that had happened by now. He heard the conversations with the king and the breakfast briefing with the queen, but I guess the others did not reveal as much as I thought.

“I will explain while we train.”

We make our way to the training room, and I put everything I have into fighting. Willow stays close by, alternating between watching and talking with the other warriors. Holly joins us after a while—I assume sent by the queen—and I tell Reed about my time here at the seelie court and all I have learned. I also tell him about our rescue mission and my conversation with Damien. He is surprised by the details of what I have been through but supportive and comforting, asking how I feel about these new developments in my life. Once our conversation is finished, we train. We do this until dinner, and then we all join the queen at her table. The mood is still somber but getting better. Many are talking of the coronation to be held the following evening, but I remain quiet, listening.

By the time dinner is over, I am exhausted once again. Reed walks me to my room where he bids me good-night with a small kiss on my cheek. I enter my room to hide my blush. Then I change and crawl into bed, thinking.

There is still so much to figure out. Over dinner I found myself thinking of Holly and Rho. Holly's demeanor has seemed to change toward me. Not significantly, but enough for me to notice. What had Rho said to Holly in her final moments to persuade her to give me a chance? I will probably never know, but that does not stop my curiosity.