Away From the Spotlight (56 page)

“Of course.”

“Congratulations,” he said as he hugged me.  I could tell that there was a tinge of sadness there as if he w
as
thinking about John.

John.
  I hadn’t seen him since the party after the Bar
Exam.  I didn’t know whether I should say something in p
erson or not.  I hoped that perhaps
he was dating someone else by now.  It had been a number of weeks
after all
.

I next walked by Daniel’s office and he called to me to give his congratulations.  His were similarly tinged with sadness just as
Max
’s had been.  I began to realize that John probably wasn’t dating anyone else right now.

John’s office was next in line and, as I walked by, I looked at him.  He looked sad, but tried to perk up when he saw me.  He called to me as well and then came and shut the door behind me when I walked into his office.  He remained standing next to me.

“I guess I should congratulate you.  Are you happy?”

“Very.”  I
felt
uncomfortable.

So
fast
that it stunned me and I didn’t have time to react, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.  I wouldn’t say I exactly kissed him back, but I didn’t fight him either.  He let go
pretty
quickly.

“I just wanted you to know what you could have if you changed your mind.”

I should have been mad, but I couldn’t bring myself to be
angry
because I knew
that
he
was hurting
because of me
.

“I’m not going to change my mind, John.  I love Will.  He’s all I want.”

“So you’ve said.  I hope you’ll be happy then.  I want you to be happy.  I just wish
you
w
ere
with me.”

“I’m sorry.  I really don’t mean to hurt you.  You said this summer that we could be friends.  I hope we can.”

“Me too.”
  His answer didn’t sound quite honest.

I turned and let myself out of his office, closing the door, figuring that he might want to be alone for a while.  I felt terrible that I was continuing to
cause him pain
.

Next, I spoke with
Marie
and asked if she would mind screening my calls for the next few days until the storm
blew over
.  At least I hoped that the storm would
blow over
. 
Marie
said that she didn’t mind.

I then went to my office and turned on my computer.  While I waited, I listened to my voicemails.  There were a number of them, mostly from reporters wanting me to comment
on
my engagement.  I also received a message from my mother wishing me luck on my first day of work.

After logging in, I opened my e-mail.
  My e-mail
inbox was a sea of red,
reflect
ing
numerous
unopened e-mails.  There were a few between May and the end of August, but the vast majority were received over the course of the last few days.  I didn’t recognize most of the
senders.  I opened one that
was from one of Will’s fans, angry that we were engaged.  I didn’t finish
reading
it
and deleted it
.  I opened another from a reporter asking me to comment on my engagement. 
I deleted that one as well.
  I started to search for names I recognized and found one with an assignment from one of the senior partners.  I read it and w
alked
down the hall to set up a meeting
via
his secretary to discuss
the assignment further
.

A handful of the attorneys took me to lunch to celebrate my first day of work. 
Max and Daniel were part of the group, but John was not.  That was a first.  I hoped that it was due to work rather than being upset at my engagement. 
When
we exited the building,
I was accosted by the paparazzi that had increased in number since this morning
.  The partners accompanying
me
did
n
o
t appear pleased, but said nothing.

Rachael
drove me to her place that night and, of course, we were followed.  We had a quick drink in her apartment to toast my engagement and
then
I was off in my car to return to the Palisades.  “Be careful,” she warned as I got into my car.  “Those guys drive like maniacs.”

Rachael
wasn’t wrong.  It was scary driving
.  T
he
paparazzi
followed too closely and were cutting people off
around
me.  On more than one occasion, I thought I would end up in a
n accident
.

I drove directly to Will’s to find a very large crowd waiting.  I parked in the driveway behind Will’s space in the garage.  The security guards kept the c
rowd behind the property line as
I entered the house.

“How was your first day of work?” Will asked when he saw me.  He appeared to be trying to cover his worry.

“Good.  Same old.”

“Really?” 
He raised his eyebrows and stared me down.

I didn’t want to tell him all that had happened because I knew it would upset him.

“Really.  I just worked.  Nothing much is going to change until I’m sworn in and can appear in court so . . .”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s fine.  Nothing major happened.  See?  I’m here in one piece.”

Will’s
expression
made it
quite
clear that he did not believe me.

At that time, my cell phone rang.  It was
Rachael
, checking in to make sure I did, in fact, get home in one piece.

Will’s eyes were boring into me as I said, “Yes, I got here okay.  Thanks.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Nothing happened, huh?”

“That’s right. 
Rachel’s
just worried.  Just like you.”

“Probably not just like me.  She’s not the cause of all this.”

“I’m fine.  Please let it go.”

“For now.”
  Will’s tone was ominous.

As the week progressed, the
stalk
e
razzi got worse in terms of numbers and aggressiveness.  We had a member of building security in
the firm’s
reception area at all time
s in case one slipped through.
I apologized profusely
to
the managing partner of my firm
for all that was happening and told
him
that it should die down soon. 
I
even had trouble believing
me
.

Will seemed to get particularly agitated as I rela
yed
tho
se stories to him.  I
would
try
to avoid
discuss
ing
it
, but he would pull
information
out of me over the course of e
ach
evening.

Will and I spent the
w
eekend under siege at the house, trying to ignore the crowd outside that would be cleared away by LAPD every so often.  It was our last weekend before Will was to leave for
Midnight 4
so we tried to just
spend time
together and ignore the world for a few days.
  Will was
morose
most of the time and lost in thought.  I couldn
’
t tell whether it was because he was leaving or because of the circus around us.  I was hoping that it was the former and fearing that it was the latter.

I cried
when
Will
started to
pack for his trip.  He had a late afternoon flight.  He would have a
long
weekend off in two weeks and would come home then.

“Be careful,” he said, as he
was packing
.  “I know it’s been bad and I know there’s
still
a lot you’re not telling me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just tell me what’s really happening, okay?  I don’t like hearing
from someone else
that the paparazzi
have
almost
caused
you to get into
car accident
s
.”

“You’re spying on me?”

“No.  Jus
t checking up on you.  I worry. 
If it gets too bad, let me know.  We can try to figure something out.  I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Okay.  I will.
”  Now it was my turn.
 
“
And what about you?  You keep things from me as well.  I
over
heard your conversation with your
m
anager yesterday.  We’ve been together for six months and I’ve never met him.  He’s not happy about me, is he?”

“It doesn’t
matter.”

I could tell he was thinking of a way to steer the conversation in a different direction, but I asked my next question before he had a chance to do so.
 
“Why does he have a problem with me?”

“It’s not important.”

“It is to me.”

Will’s shoulders dropped and he responded reluctantly.  “He would prefer that I remain single to k
eep my fan
base happy.”

“Will getting married hurt your career?”

“I doubt it.  My
m
anager is just being unreasonable.  I’ve dealt with him.”

“Is that his
only
issue
?”

He didn’t answer immediately, and only did so after I tried to stare him down.  “No.”

“What else?”

“He doesn’t want to lose the publicity gained by all the speculation about my relationships with
various
actresses.”

“I thought that was all false.”

“It is
, b
ut some is probably purposely planted.  With me married, they won’t be able to do that anymore.  And if they did, implying that I was cheating on you, I would kill them.”

We were both silent for a moment
,
thinking about things as Will finished his packing.

“This isn’t going to be easy for either of us, is it?”
I said, breaking the silence.

“No, but I’m more worried about you.  I’m not going to
let this
ruin your life.”

I wondered what he would do if things got worse.

“My life is not being ruined.  I am beyond happy.  There is nothing the paparazzi could do to change that.  The only thing that makes me unhappy is not having you around.”  I started to tear up again.

Will finished his packing, and pulled me onto the bed.  He wiped the tears from my eyes and started to touch me in a way that
sidetracked
me from crying.
  We made love, but it was not something we would remember fondly for the next few weeks as we were both somewhat distracted, thinking through our previous conversation and fearing what we had in store for us.

As Will got ready to
leave
, he said,
“I love you more than anything.  I’ll call you when I get in.”  He wiped
more
tears from under my eyes, kissed me
, grabbed his bags,
and walked out the door.

I had a horribly sinking feeling that I would not be seeing Will for quite some time.

I had hoped that Will’s departure would mea
n that the furor would die down
,
but
n
o such luck
.  On Monday morning, there was a huge crowd in front of the house waiting for me to come out
side
to get to my car.  I was followed to work that morning.  Although I didn’t have to walk through the paparazzi to get into the building, I saw them out front as I drove into the
building’s
parking garage.

The calls and e-mails continued. 
Marie
spent at least half
of each
day answering non-
business related calls for me.

I promised the
managing
partner that
things would improve
shortly since Will would be gone for a few months shooting a film.  The partner’s tone was ominous when he replied, “I hope so.”