Away From the Spotlight (57 page)

Will would ask me each day what had occurred and, as was the case when he was home, I would tell him some of it.  He seemed to become more withdrawn with each conversation.

“I can’t imagine this won’t die down soon,” I said, trying to reassure him during one conversation.

“I don’t think so.  This isn’t about the release of one of my films anymore.  This may not die down until we’re married and maybe not even then.”

“
I
t will work itself out.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone.  Will clearly did not agree with me, but he wouldn’t say it
a
loud.

Will was really getting on my nerves, taking out on me the fact that this was all happening.  I kn
e
w that it was just the fact that he felt guilty, but you would
have thought
that I would be the one feeling worse than him
since all this was happening to me
.  T
hat didn’t appear to be
the case.  With each conversation, I felt like he was holding something back, like there was something he wanted, but couldn’t bring himself, to say.  I just couldn’t think of what that was and it drove me crazy, making me feel a little neurotic.  I really didn
’
t like feeling that way.

The
next
week
,
the chaos was
just as bad.  I
was
summoned
to the
managing
partner’s office
on Tuesday of that week
to discuss things.

“Shannon, all this hoopla surrounding you is disrupting our business.  We can’t have clients here to see all this.  And your secretary,
who
you
are supposed to
share with two other
attorneys
, can’t get her work done because she
spends a good portion of her time
screen
ing
your calls.
  In addition to that, all these calls are tying up our main
phone lines
, making it
difficult
for our clients to get through.  Worse still, we have to have building security physically
present
in our suite to ensure none of the photographers get inside.  I don’t know what you can do, but you have to do something or we may have to rethink your position here.
I’m sorry.  We know it’s not your fault and we
’
ve loved having you here, but we have a business to run.”

I promised to try to do something, but I didn’t know what to do.  I completely understood their point, but I was
very
upset.  I spent most of the day, in my office, with the door closed, staring into space.

I was reminded of
a favorite quote of
my dad
’s
:
“If you think things can’t get any worse, you have no imagination
. . .
”  Contemplating this, I felt a sense of foreboding.

When I got home from work that evening, I made the mistake of talking to Will about what had happened.
 
After I
finished
recounting the details of my day, I heard silence on the other end of the phone.
  Then, I finally heard what he seemed to have been holding back for the last few weeks.

"Shannon, I’ve been thinking
. . .,
” he started
to say
and I was realizing that his tone meant that this wasn’t going to be good.  I just couldn’t imagine at that time how really awful it was going to be.  “I'm not good for you.  I'm ruining everything you've worked so hard to build in your life."

Will already
was
unhappy that I was being followed everywhere I went and that the tabloids couldn’t get enough of us.  He also
was
worried about my safety driving since I had almost
been involved
in
more than one
car accident due to some overly zealous paparazzi.  The fact that I was in danger of losing my job because of him was just too much.  It was the straw that b
roke the camel’s back for him.

"That's not true.  You're
everything
that matters to me."  I tried to
sound
as convincing as I could.

"I just think you would be better off with someone else," he said solemnly.

“You can’t mean that.  It’s not true anyway.  We belong together.”

“It shouldn’t be this hard for you.  I think we need to rethink things.”
  This was the same
term
used this morning by my firm and I didn’t like the sound of it.

“What do you mean?”

“I think we should reconsider our relationship.”

Now, I was getting really worried. 
“What do you mean?  We’re going to be married.”

“I don’t think we should.”

“You’re breaking
up with me
?”  I started to sob.

“Yes, I guess I am.
”
  His voice showed no emotion.

“Why?”
  Mine was thick with emotion.

“I’m not good for you.”

"What about
what’s good for
you
?"

"I'm not the issue."

"How can you not be the issue?  Don't you care?"

"If I didn't care, I wouldn't be doing this."

"No, if you
did
care, you wouldn't be doing this.  If you loved me even half as much as I love you, you couldn't leave me."

"That's not true, but it doesn't matter.  I have to let you go."
  H
is tone of voice was resolute
.

"Don't
do
this
,
"
I pleaded between sobs.

"I have to."

"I can't believe you're breaking our engagement and over the phone."

"If I saw you again, I don't know if I could do this."

"Then don't.”

"I'm sorry
,
"
he said with a dead voice, still devoid of emotion.

"No, you're not.  What do you expect me to do now?"

"I expect you to be happy."

"And what if I can't without you?"

"I think you can.  You have to."

I started
to cry
hard.

Emotion seeped back into his voice as he said,
"I'm sorry, Shannon.  I'll love you always.  Goodbye."
 
He hung up.

I stared a
t the phone in disbelief. 
My denial phase was short-lived and I
soon
became enraged.  How could he do this to me?  How could he be so cal
l
ous and unfeeling?  Then I got even
angrier
as I realized that everything I thought we had been to each other was a lie. 
He didn't really love me and never had.
  It had all been a nasty trick
and
,
because I had deluded myself into believing that my love was requited
, I was going to suffer for it.

I wasn't going to let him get away with this.  I was still living in his house and he was going to be coming home
in a few days
for
a three-day break
from shoo
ting.  I would ambush him then.

In the two days between our "break up" and Will's scheduled return, I didn't say a word about what had transpired to Stephen, Colin and the girls.  Apparently, Will didn't either because they didn't act like anythi
ng had changed.

When
Thursday
night arrived, I was anxious to see Will, but he didn't come home as scheduled.
 
I called to find out what was happening.  Will didn’t answer. 
I
then
texted
him. "R U
coming home?  I want
2 talk. 
ILY
."

He responded quickly
and we began to text in rapid
-
fire succession
. 
"No.  I don't want 2 talk.  I'm not coming home.  It's over 4 us."

"I'm still here @ ur house w8ing
4
u."

"Don't."

"How can u b so cruel?"

"I'm not trying 2 b, but I need u 2 take what I said seriously.  I want u to b happy w/out me."

"PLEASE.  I'll do anything if you just don't do this."

"There's nothing u can do.  It's the way it has 2 b.  I want u 2 b happy."

"But I can't b happy w/out u."

"I think u can't b happy w/me."

"Ur wrong.
 
Come home & we can talk about it."

"Not coming home. 
S
taying here til shoot over
, t
hen going 2 London.  Don't w8 4 me.  Get on w/ur life.  B happy.
PLEASE."

"U won't even talk 2 me or
c
me
?
"

"No."

"I'll leave then.  I can't believe ur doing this."

"I'm sorry.  Please know I will always care about u & want u 2 be happy.  Take care of urself."

"I'm 2 angry & hurt 2 b able 2 return the sentiment."

"I'm sorry.  Got 2 go.  B happy."

I could feel
a
black hole swallow me up.  I cried so loudly that I must have been heard in the other room.  There was a knock at the door.  It was Kate.

"Shannon, are you okay?"

I quieted.  "Yes."  My answer
came
in broken sobs.

"Can I come in?"
 
She didn't wait for
an
answer and walked in the door to find me a total wreck, beet red, makeup running and completely devastated.

"Oh my God!  What happened?"
  She came over to give me a hug.

"Will broke up with me."  I started crying again
as I held her
.

"What?"  She was incredulous.

"The other night, Will called and broke up with me.  I was hoping to talk him out of it when he came home tonight, but he's not coming
.  He
says he won't be coming home for a long time and that it's over."

"I can't believe that."
  Her eyes were wide in disbelief.

"I've got the texts to prove it."
  I
wa
ved
my cell phone.

"That can't
be
.
What
happened
?"

"I made the mistake of telling him that my firm was unhappy with all the chaos surrounding me and that I might have to find another job if I can't quiet things down. 
Will
decided that I would be better off without him
,
and broke off our engagement and our relationship."

"He
can't
mean that
,
"
  Kate
said in a
soothing
voice and hugged me again.

"He does.  I always knew that there was no way he could love me
and
I was right."
 
I cried harder.

"That's not true.  I know he loves you.  He's just beating himself up."

"Not just himself.  He's killing me as well
,
"
I said as I continued to sob.

She leaned
away
and grabbed my hand. 
"Come on out in
to
the living room with us.  We'll get your mind off this for now.  I'm sure that things will be different in the morning."

"I don't think so."

I
followed Kate as she dragg
ed me
by the
hand into the
living room
to
face the
others
, who
stared at me aghast
when they saw me
.  Kate explained what had happened
since
I was not in much shape to reiterate
it
.
 
Stephen got up and walked away.
 
Kate went to the refrigerator to get me some cider
,
and Gemma and Colin flanked me on the co
uch with their arms around me.