Away From You (Back To You Book 2) (19 page)

“I know. I
just feel like it’s my job to make sure he’s doing that. I know he was going to
those mandatory sessions to get cleared for work, but he needs more.”

“You can’t force
him to get help or he won’t actually benefit from it,” Catherine pressed. “Or,
at least that’s what they told me in our sessions once. He needs to
want
to get help.”

“Kind of
like alcoholics need to first admit that they have a problem?”

“Exactly like
that,” Ellie confirmed.

I sighed
heavily, placing a sticker on the back of the envelope I had just sealed. “I
think it’s probably just an overall sense of having my hands tied behind my
back, you know?”

The other
girls nodded sympathetically. We worked in silence for a few moments, giving me
time to remember that I had a test on Monday that I still hadn’t studied for.
Surprisingly, my school life had actually been improving in the last week while
staying at my mom’s. She’s such a stickler for grades that I found myself
studying at home way more than I had when I’d lived on my own. There was also a
lot less binge watching of my favorite TV shows at mom’s house. Aside from
that, the work itself was so challenging that it was next to impossible to
think about Matt or dwell on my broken heart. My med/surg homework didn’t give
a rat’s ass about my marital problems.

I glanced at
the clock and then at the box with the rest of the invitation supplies in it.
If we could finish all of the invitations by noon, I’d have just enough time to
run to the store for tampons and then get some studying in before dinner. I
could take all day tomorrow to work on the rest of my flashcards. Thinking
about the tampon errand reminded me of the pregnancy scare I’d had, and I
snorted out loud.

“What?”
Ellie asked, smiling in bewildered amusement.

I waved a
hand. “Oh, I was just thinking about how I have to go buy tampons.”

“And that’s
funny?” Catherine arched a brow.

“No. What’s
funny is that of all times to have a pregnancy scare, I just had one.”

They both
gaped at me.

“Really?”
Catherine asked, at the same time that Ellie asked, “You did?”

I nodded. “I
was three days late, which is really abnormal for me because I can usually
pinpoint the
hour
that I’m about to
get it. I was freaking out. It would totally figure that something like that
would happen right in the middle of all this drama. But then I got my period
this morning when I woke up, so hence the tampon buying.”

Ellie rolled
her eyes. “Way to not tell your best friend that you thought you
were
pregnant!”

“Oh, please!
I was just praying that I would get my period. Can you imagine? Not only am I
not ready for a baby with nursing school and all,
but
Matt is obviously not in the right place for kids. Oh, and there’s that little
divorce thing, too.”

Catherine
chuckled. “That had to be scary. I’ve had a few pregnancy scares too, but we’re
trying so every month is like torture.”

“You guys
are trying for babies?” Ellie let out a delighted squeal. “That’s so exciting!”

“It’s taking
a lot longer than I thought it would, but my mom said that’s totally normal and
I need to take the pressure off. I’ve just always wanted to be a young mom.”

Ellie
guffawed. “Hah. I’ll be thirty before Spencer is ready for kids. Which is fine,
I don’t care when it happens.”

I swallowed.
“We talked about it happening kind of in between what you two are saying.
Mid-twenties, I guess. Of course, if we’re divorced, I guess that won’t matter
anymore.”

“I’m on Team
Molivia. I don’t think you’re getting divorced, just give it some time.”

Their looks
of sympathy suddenly annoyed me. “Okay, girls. Can we talk about wedding
details again please? I can’t take your pity.”

“We don’t
pity you, Olivia,” Catherine assured me.

Ellie nodded
in agreement. “We really don’t. But if you want to just talk about my wedding,
I won’t complain. It’s my favorite topic right now.”

“We know,”
Catherine and I said in unison, smirking at Ellie’s excited smile.

*

It was hard
leaving Cat’s house and not going home to the one I shared with Matt. I fought
the urge to drive by to see if his car was there. So what if it was? I wouldn’t
actually stop and go inside. Besides, he was probably at work anyway. It was
the middle of the day after all. In fact, that was the only reason I’d agreed
to do the invitations at Cat’s house rather than my mom’s or Ellie’s. If it
were later, going on base could mean seeing Matt driving home from work. Or
worse, what if he went over to the Brooks’ house to hang out and I was there?
Not that I had any idea about his social habits lately.

Parking at
the commissary was terrible as usual. People waited forever for shoppers to
load their groceries in the car, all the while blocking someone who was ready
to back out from doing so. Rather than deal with that mess, I bit the bullet
and parked in the back of the lot. Fighting for parking spots was one of my
least favorite hobbies and it was hard to avoid living in San Diego.

I finally
made my way into the store. The air felt stagnant and made my nose wrinkle. It
appeared that they were trying to cut back on the utility bill again by turning
off the A/C. Lovely. Since I only needed tampons and a few other little things,
I grabbed a small hand basket by the door instead of a cart. Memories of
grocery shopping with Matt flooded back to me. There was no reason that we both
had to go, but I just liked his company while I picked out the food for our
shared fridge. I loved the way we argued over which was the better jelly
flavor, or which steaks looked better, or even which toothpaste to buy. That
last one was a mystery, though. You would think we would just find one we liked
and buy the same one every time, but we didn’t.

I caught
sight of pastel-colored baby items and turned down that aisle. It always amused
me how tampons and other period-related products were in the same aisle as
pregnancy tests and baby stuff. The store designers seemed to be following a
timeline. First, a woman needed tampons. If she found that she didn’t need
tampons one month, she probably needed to take a pregnancy test. And if that
test came up positive, it was time to buy diapers.

I paused
next to the pregnancy tests and stared blankly at all of the different types. I
couldn’t believe that I’d almost needed to come here for one of these. When I
saw the signs of my period that morning I was shocked at the level of
disappointment I felt. There I was, back at my mom’s house and uncertain of the
future of my marriage, and I was
disappointed
when I got my period. It didn’t make sense at all. I guessed the idea of having
kids with Matt had never left me, even if we had decided to wait a while. I
wondered if I would ever be ready to have kids with someone else if Matt and I
didn’t work things out. We’d been together since I was fourteen, who else could
I love as much as I loved him? Who else could know me as well as he did? The
bottom line was that we needed to get back together. One way or another, it
just had to happen.

Matt

One of the many downfalls of being a
lowly Lance Corporal was that if someone higher up needed something, you were
the one who had to run and get it. I was back at work, but still not cleared to
do any heavy lifting or work on the jets. Instead, I’d been running errands and
doing dirty work around the shop. The rest of the guys would probably call me a
puss, but I was actually glad to be there at the flight line rather than still
on medical leave. I couldn’t sit around the house and be all sappy about Olivia.
The first few days after she left were bad enough, but I couldn’t take it
anymore after the third time I’d heard a noise and hoped that it was her coming
home or something.

Parking at
the commissary was shitty as usual, made worse by it being the lunch hour. I
decided that the best thing to do would probably be to park in the back of the
lot where it was less crowded. Sometimes waiting for a spot up front was more
trouble than it was worth. As I made my way up towards the front doors, a blue
sedan with a Marine wife sticker caught my eye. I stopped dead in my tracks. It
was Olivia’s car. I stared at the license plate frame with the little blue
jewels on it. I’d gotten it for her last summer when I’d taken her car to get
it washed. She’d told me that it ‘blinged up her ride just perfectly.’ Whatever
that meant.

I stood
there for what seemed like an eternity trying to decide what to do. My Sergeant
needed me to get a case of energy drinks for our shop, and specifically told me
to get in and get out in less than five minutes. If I stood there any longer,
I’d probably get in deep shit. I heaved out a sigh and jogged up to the door.
Maybe if I blew through the store fast enough we’d miss each other. I just wasn’t
ready for an awkward run-in at the grocery store.

As I sped
through the store on my way to the drink aisle, I caught sight of her and
backed out of sight. I was standing at the end of the aisle glancing around
frantically. I probably looked like a moron. Briefly, it reminded me of way I
took cover behind the tow tractor or water crates in Afghanistan. I clenched my
fists and swallowed to avoid one of my usual freak-outs. It was happening more
and more frequently at the smallest of reminders lately, and I was starting to
lose my mind over it.

The pressure
in my chest subsided as soon as I realized what aisle she was standing in. I
risked a look around the corner at her and my jaw dropped. She was just
standing there, staring at pregnancy tests. She wasn’t picking any of them up,
almost like she couldn’t decide which one to get. I watched her for a few more
seconds. She looked gorgeous, of course, but also completely overwhelmed. Come
to think of it, so was I. And I was also quickly running out of time. I
breathed deep through my nose and darted passed the aisle. At least I knew she
was distracted enough to not see me if I got out of there fast enough.

I heaved
open the door to the shop after way more than five minutes. Moving quickly and
with purpose, I lugged the case over to the fridge. My Sergeant hadn’t
specifically told me to put them in the fridge, but I had a feeling that it was
one of those times that I was supposed to anticipate and carry out his orders.
I put the case on the floor next to the fridge and began unloading them. Spencer
cleared his throat from behind me and I jumped, almost dropping the three cans
I was holding.

“Jesus,
Hawk. I didn’t see you there.”

His eyebrows
rose up to his hairline. “Oh, really? Because when you walked in I said, ‘Sup,
Mills. Good call on the flavor.’ Are you feeling okay?”

“Flavor?” I
asked, having no clue what the hell he was talking about.

He gawked at
me. “Flavor of energy drink, idiot. Look in your hand.”

Even though
I didn’t necessarily need to, I looked down. “Oh, yeah, the green one. I didn’t
do that on purpose, but you’re right, that’s the best one.”

“How do you
buy something without doing it on purpose?”

I cleared my
throat. “Well, usually when you find out in a very roundabout way that your ex
is pregnant and didn’t even tell you, it clouds your vision enough to not
notice what type of stupid energy drink you’re buying.”

Spencer had
been leaning back in his chair, but at my words he wobbled and almost fell out
of it. “Wait, you’re already calling her your ‘ex?’ Isn’t it a little soon in
the process for that? I mean, it’s only been a week, dude.”

“That’s the
part you latched on to? The fact that I called her my ‘ex?’ Did you not hear
the rest of it?”

He nodded.
“Oh, I heard you. But since I’m of the opinion that you’re kidding yourself if
you think you two aren’t getting back together before the end of the month,
that wasn’t the shocking part. That’s good news!”

I rolled my
eyes at him. “Hawk.
For the tenth time.
This is not
some easy fix. She can’t help me and after everything I put her through, she
deserves better than me.”

“Yeah, yeah,
save it. I heard that story already. You know what? I think I may have written
that story.” Hawk leaned back in his chair again and leisurely cracked his
knuckles. “So, how do you know she’s pregs?”

“Well, I
went to the commissary for the drinks and I saw her car in the lot. I thought
maybe if I ran in and out fast enough she wouldn’t see me, but then I saw
her.
She was looking at pregnancy
tests.”

Spencer
pursed his lips. “And then?”

“And then I
ran passed her and got the drinks and got out before she could see me.” I finished.

He stared
blankly at me. “And then?”

I huffed.
“No ‘and then!’ That’s it. What?”

“I’m just
waiting for the part where you tell me how you found out that she’s pregnant.
Because seeing her ‘looking’ at a pregnancy test is not confirmation that she’s
pregnant. In fact, that might mean that she doesn’t even know if she’s pregnant
yet, so how could
you
know?”