AWOL with the Operative (25 page)
He was silent, suddenly hard to read. But there was something in his eyes that suggested to her his emotions were at war with each other. And that this terrible conflict was making him deeply unhappy. She should have cared about that. But she didn’t. She refused to let any of it stop her. It was time he heard the stark truth.
“Sometimes, Sam, I think you actually enjoy being sunk in your own misery, that you don’t want anyone trying to help you overcome that fear that’s holding you hostage.”
“That’s enough,” he told her, his voice husky.
“Not yet. There’s one more thing.
Do
you love me, Sam? Can you tell me that much?”
He couldn’t. He could only go on gazing at her, his eyes pleading for her not to press him any further. This time she took pity on him. Took pity on both of them, because she was suffering, too. She had gambled again and lost.
“All right, Sam. I’m finished now. I won’t bother you anymore. I’m going.”
“Where?”
“Back home. That’s another thing I did last night. I called Union Station. There’s a train to St. Louis this afternoon. I should just be able to make it.”
“I’ll get the car.”
She shook her head. “I prefer to hail a cab.”
He stopped her as she started for the entrance. “You can’t have enough money left for a train ticket. Let me—”
“I don’t need any cash. You forget, it’s safe for me to use my credit cards now.”
She didn’t want any goodbyes. Didn’t want the risk of tears. Which was why, hurting though she was, she simply walked away, leaving him there in the lobby alone.
A numbness stealing over him, Sam watched her through the glass doors emerge on the sidewalk. She didn’t have to find a taxi. He was vaguely conscious of a cab arriving at the front entrance of the building to discharge three passengers.
Eve claimed the taxi before it could pull away. Seconds later the cab was gone, carrying Eve with it and out of his life.
Sam welcomed the mindlessness that continued to hold him in its grip as he found his way out onto the sidewalk, knowing it was the only way he could get through this thing. But somewhere under the haze that carried him toward the parking garage where he had left the Mustang, he became slowly aware of the hollowness inside him. As if something essential to his existence had been severed from his body, and he was just now beginning to feel the loss.
He had yet to reach the garage when he halted on the sidewalk, the fog suddenly lifting, defeated by a clarity that would no longer be ignored. Leaving him stricken with the realization of his stubborn, blind stupidity.
Eve had been right. She had been right about everything. He
was
a coward, unwilling to conquer his demons. Unable to let someone matter to him, too fearful of another loss like the one he had endured when Lily died.
Someone like Eve, who was smart, strong and not afraid to challenge him on every level. Who had everything he needed to make him whole again. Because Eve completed him as poor Lily never had, never could.
Dear God, why hadn’t he let himself see that? Why had he waited until now to freely, honestly understand he was the right man for her? That he didn’t just love her, as he had already realized days ago, but that, unlike what he’d felt for Lily, this was a love that was certain, vital in its intensity.
Eve Warren is the best thing that ever happened to you, and you’re letting her get away.
The hell he would!
Minutes later, risking another police pursuit, this time an unwanted one, Sam sped toward Union Station. Praying all the way he would reach the station before that train left for St. Louis. That he could convince her he was ready to risk his heart again.
He had no memory when he got there of just where he parked the car, not caring if it was in an illegal zone. It didn’t matter. Only Eve mattered, he thought as he raced into the station.
Union Station was a vast cavern of different levels, track platforms, refreshment counters and other assorted areas whose purposes he didn’t know and didn’t care about. Finding Eve in this frustrating maze was all that counted.
He paused only long enough to consult one of the monitors listing arrivals and departures. To his relief, the train for St. Louis had yet to be boarded. He still had time, but the minutes were counting down as he hunted for Eve. Where was she in all this thick, rushing traffic that seemed to frustrate him at every turn?
Sam was in a state of near panic when he finally located her in a small, obscure waiting room where the travelers had congregated, waiting to be called to the St. Louis gate. His heart turned over at the welcome sight of her. He hadn’t lost her yet.
Wouldn’t
lose her if his fierce determination prevailed, and he meant to see that it did.
Eve was parked on a lonely bench in the far corner, looking forlorn and at the same time incredibly sexy. Squaring his shoulders, Sam approached the bench. She was gazing into space, unaware of his arrival until he loomed directly over her. Only then, with a startled expression, was she conscious of his presence.
“Sam! What are you doing here?”
“Hoping to convince you not to board that train.”
“I thought we already had this conversation.”
“That was then. This is now.”
Her bag, coat and the Gretel shaker rested on the bench beside her. Sam moved them off to the side, making space for himself. Without waiting for an invitation she might refuse if he gave her the opportunity, he joined her on the bench, squeezing in beside her.
She didn’t object, didn’t try to slide away. He was ready to read that much as encouraging.
She turned to face him, a clear challenge in her voice. “And just what could have changed so suddenly between then and now?”
“Me. I’ve changed.” He paused briefly to regroup. “No, that’s not right. I didn’t change suddenly and all out of nowhere. That happened a long time ago back at the border, maybe even before then. As you said, I just refused to admit it. Not until after you walked away from me in that damn lobby.”
A warning look crept into her steady gaze. “Sam, I can’t take any more disappointments. I just can’t. And if that’s what this turns out to—”
“It won’t,” he promised, leaning toward her earnestly. “I won’t let it be that way again. For either of us.”
He reached for her hands, hoping she wouldn’t try to withdraw them when he clasped them between his own. To his relief, she didn’t.
“Eve, listen to me, I’ve come to my senses. It took your walking out on me to make me realize what an idiot I’ve been. Just how wrong I was.”
He went on to tell her what he’d suffered when she left him in the lobby. How afterwards on the street he’d realized that, if he lost her, he’d be losing his soul.
“I knew what I felt for you long before that,” he confessed. “But I was also convinced that you didn’t deserve someone like me. And now…well, now I think that I could be right for you. No, that I
am
right for you. That we’re right for each other.”
Sam was making every effort to win her back, but he couldn’t be sure that effort was working. She listened to him without comment, her head tipped to one side. Was it skepticism he read in her eyes? It scared the hell out of him.
Tightening his hands on hers, he doubled his effort. “Eve, with your help I know I can lick the demons that have kept us apart. With you beside me, I can do anything.” He ended his plea with what he feared was a lame “That is, if you’ll have me.”
There was a long silence.
“Eve, say something. You’re killing me here.”
“Is that all?”
“What more do you want? Name it.”
“Sam, there’s only one thing I’ve ever wanted from you. And I don’t have it. Yet.”
“What—” He broke off with sudden understanding. She didn’t have to say it. He knew what she needed to hear. With his heart swelling, he could feel a slow grin spread across his face. A grin of vast relief.
“Yeah?” he said. “My telling you just how much I love you?”
“That would help.”
“Then you have it. I love you, Eve Warren. Love you so much it makes me crazy wanting you. Satisfied?”
“Not quite.”
If she was asking him to prove it, he was more than ready to do so. And he did. Freeing his hands from hers in order to wind his arms around her, he drew her up against him and kissed her.
It wasn’t enough. Not caring what stares in the room might be directed their way, he hauled her up on his lap. Only then could he deliver the kiss he wanted. A kiss that was both tender and fierce at the same time, with the deepest love he was able to convey. To his joy, she smiled when he finally lifted his mouth from hers.
“So what do we do now, Sam?”
In no hurry to release her, he was thoughtful as he continued to cradle her on his lap. “I guess,” he said, “I’d better find out what the chances are for an opening in the St. Louis division.”
“Yes, you could do that. Or…”
“What?”
“I could think about opening that restaurant I’ve always wanted here in Chicago.”
“We’ll figure it out. Home is wherever we both are. Together, angel.”
“You called me
angel
. I’ve missed that.”
“You’ll hear it a lot from now on.”
“I’ll count on that, Special Agent McDonough. Let’s say for, oh, the rest of our lives.”
* * * * *
ISBN: 9781459220942
Copyright © 2012 by Jean Thomas
All rights reserved. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
® and ™ are trademarks of the publisher. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.