Baby Benefits (17 page)

“She took it better than I thought she would. Frankly, she was probably relieved. However, she did keep the ring.”

Ignoring his comment, she asked incredulously, “If you knew you weren’t going to marry her, then why didn’t you tell me?”

“To begin with, I tried to talk to you about it this morning.”

“You didn’t try very hard.”

“I assumed you’d figured it out.”

She could only stare at him, baffled. “You assumed I’d figured it out? How could I possibly have guessed you’d ended your engagement?”

“For starters, Kitty wasn’t here. Besides, you were obviously trying to seduce me.”

Humiliation burned her cheeks. Had her attempts been so clumsy? “Right. Obviously.”

He tugged at her hand, so she fell against his chest. Gently he brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. “You were charming.”

His touch was tempting, but his tone that of someone placating a pouting child. She pulled away. “I’m glad I could amuse you.”

Well, wasn’t that just perfect. She was pouring out her heart and he found her charming.

She scrambled to the edge of the bed, tugging at the sheet to bring it with her. The fact that he was sitting on the corner, making her efforts largely fruitless, only frustrated her all the more. “I was throwing myself at you at every opportunity.”

“I know. It was cute.” He followed her to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over the side while brushing her hair off her shoulder to expose the curve of her neck.

Again, that amused expression crossed his face, really truly pissing her off. “Cute? Do you know how hard that was for me? How I wrestled with my conscience?”

“Wrestled with your conscience?”

“Well, of course. You’re an engaged man. At least, that’s what I thought.”

He stilled in the process of leaning close to nibble at her neck. “After nine years, you don’t know me well enough to know I’d never sleep with you if I was engaged to another woman?” His expression was pained, his tone accusatory.

“That was kind of the point.” Maybe she should have felt a pang of sympathy for him, but her own emotions were running too high for that. “I knew if I could get you to sleep with me,” she explained, “then you’d break up with Kitty. It was the only way I could think of guaranteed to make you dump her.”

His expression went stoically blank. “You’re saying you slept with me solely to end my engagement?”

This time, she couldn’t ignore his reaction. “I did it for Isabella,” she protested. “I did it to save her from Kitty.”

His expression darkened as he pulled away from her. “I didn’t realize sleeping with me was such a sacrifice.”

She rolled her eyes, giving the sheet a final tug to pull it free. “Don’t you dare get offended. Don’t you dare pretend I’ve wounded your considerable pride.”

“The woman I planned to marry just told me she slept with me only for the welfare of my child. How am I supposed to feel?”

His words pulled her up sharply. “The woman you plan to marry?” she repeated numbly.

He stared at her for a moment before his lips curved into one of those rare smiles she’d fallen so hard for. “Of course, silly. Of course I plan to marry you. What did you think this was about?” He gestured to the two of them.

Shock knocked her back. Clutching the sheet to her chest she considered his words. Funny, but marriage was the one place she’d never considered that “this” might lead.

“I…” She studied his face, looking for clues to what he expected from her. She found none. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes.”

God, she wanted to. And maybe she even would have. If only it hadn’t been for Isabella.

But he’d broken up with Kitty because she wouldn’t be a good mother. If Raina did say yes, she’d never know if he’d asked only because she would be a good mother.

When he sensed her hesitation, he kept talking, angling to seal the deal. And dang it, he really should have kept quiet.

“Come on, Raina. This is what you want. It’s what you’ve always wanted. You said so yourself.”

Once again he took her hands in his. This time she felt too numb to pull them away.

“You’re not going to throw this all away,” he continued. “You know how good we are together.”

“How good ‘we’ are?” She snatched her hands away as frustration beat at her. “The only ‘we’ I know about is the ‘we’ that shows up at the office every day. As in, ‘we make a great team, Raina,’ and ‘we really nailed those negotiations.’ Is that the ‘we’ you mean?”

Confusion flickered across his face. “What are you saying? That if we get married you don’t want to work at Messina Diamonds anymore?”

Her hands spasmed on the sheet. Part of her wanted to throw something at him. Unfortunately, all she had handy were clothes and bed linens. She wanted something heavy. And possibly pointed.

“For the last two weeks I’ve been saying I don’t want to work at Messina Diamonds.”

He shrugged. “Fine. You won’t work there.”

Dragging the sheet behind her, she crossed to where her clothes had fallen and snatched them up. Before she could put them back on, she spun back to face Derek.

“You just don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?” he asked, but really, his blank expression was answer enough.

“I’m your assistant, Derek.” While she spoke she tugged on her clothes with fast, jerky movements. “It’s what I’ve always been. That’s all there’s ever been between us.”

As she fumbled with the snap on her shorts, he rose and went to her. He pulled her to him, kissing her roughly. For a moment, she let herself enjoy the sensation of his lips pressed to hers, knowing it was the last time she’d ever feel it.

He pulled back, searching her face. “How can you say that when we just slept together?”

“Well,” she said as she stepped away from him, distancing herself from his touch and from her greatest temptation. “That’s a mistake I won’t make again.”

Because there were things she wanted more than a husband. She wanted a husband’s love.

By the time Raina made it to her car, every muscle in her body was trembling. Anger and humiliation churned in her stomach, as sour and unpleasant as food gone bad. How had she been so wrong? How had she made so many mistakes?

She’d thought so long and hard before developing her plan to seduce Derek. She’d been sure it was the only solution. That in the end, her actions were justified, even though sleeping with an engaged man went against everything she believed in. And for what? Only to find out that he wasn’t engaged at all. That her sacrifice meant nothing. Worse still, he’d asked her to marry him, simultaneously fulfilling all her dreams and destroying them, because he’d asked for all the wrong reasons. Anger roiled through her. Derek had done this. But she was also to blame.

This would teach her to think twice before putting someone else’s needs above her own morals.

From here on out, she was doing what was best for her and her alone. And that started with going back to school. With shaking hands, she reached into her purse and pulled out the flyer from the Culinary Institute of America that Lavender had given her just the other day. Lavender was right. It was time—past time—she started doing things for herself.

Thirteen

“So, let me get this straight,” Dex said, the laughter barely suppressed in his voice. “You asked her to marry you?”

“Yes.” Derek nodded grimly, sorry he’d brought it up. Annoyed, he turned his back on his brother to stare out over the back patio and pool. It was dark enough in the twilit yard that he could see Dex’s reflection in the glass. Dex sat, sprawled in one of the living-room chairs, casually confident. Derek should have known better than to bring this up to Dex.

“And she said no?” Dex asked.

“Correct.”

“It serves you right,” Dex managed through his laughter.

“This isn’t helpful,” Derek said through clenched teeth.

Just then, Lucy waltzed into the living room, Isabella gurgling happily on one hip, a recently warmed bottle of formula in one hand. She handed the bottle to Dex, then playfully swatted the back of his head.

“Behave,” she ordered. “And Derek’s right. This isn’t helpful. Besides, it’s not as if I said yes to you the first time you asked.”

Derek turned around, eyebrows raised in speculation.

Dex straightened in his chair. “That’s why this is so amusing. Besides, that was different.”

Lucy scoffed. “How was that different?”

Dex pulled Lucy—and Isabella, too—down onto his knee. “You were always going to marry me.”

“I was—”

“You just didn’t know it yet when you said no.”

He nuzzled her neck and for a moment, she let him, before she levered herself off his lap. Handing Isabella over to him for feeding, she smoothed her shirt, obviously fighting the blush that had crept into her cheeks.

“Don’t listen to Dex. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It was sheer luck and generosity on my part that I ever said yes.” She leveled a look at Derek. “Why don’t you tell him exactly what she did.”

Derek frowned as he recalled how badly the conversation had gone. One minute she’d been warm and willing and in his arms, the next she’d been storming out of his house and possibly his life.

He tried to trace through the conversation to the point where it all had gone wrong. “She said she didn’t want to work for Messina Diamonds anymore.”

Lucy circled her hand in a “keep it coming” gesture. “And you said…”

“I said she didn’t have to work there if she didn’t want to.”

Lucy winced. “And then?”

“And then she got mad and stormed out,” Derek admitted. Dex chuckled, drawing the full force of Derek’s frustration. “You think this is funny?”

Dex shrugged. “Of course it’s funny.”

Lucy slanted him a look. “Hey, Mr. Pick-A-Diamond-Any-Diamond, you didn’t do any better the first time out of the gate.”

“See? That’s why this is so funny,” Dex explained.

Derek ignored Dex’s pathetic excuse for a sense of humor and turned to Lucy. “So how do I fix this?”

The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him. For the past nine years, it was Raina who’d been fixing problems for him. Now that he needed her most, she wasn’t here to help him.

“Well,” Lucy began. “You asked her to marry you, but never told her you loved her. The problem isn’t where she works. It’s how you see her. She wants a husband who loves her. Not a boss.”

Lucy’s words seemed to reach into his chest and tug at his heart. Until this instant, Derek hadn’t let himself think about his feelings for Raina.

Did he love her?

She was the glue that held his world together. Not because she’d assisted him in reaching every goal he’d set for himself, but because her faith in him gave him the strength to constantly push himself.

He needed her in his life. She was the one person he simply couldn’t function without. It wasn’t because of what she did for Messina Diamonds. He couldn’t care less about that. No, he’d want to marry her even if she never set foot in Messina Diamonds again in her life.

She was all he needed.

Of course he loved her. He was a fool not to have seen it before now. But then, he’d been foolish about many things lately. Not just about Raina.

“So I just need to tell her how I feel.”

Again Lucy winced. “I’m afraid it’s too late for that. You’re way past just telling her you love her. You’re going to have to prove it.”

Derek glanced over at his daughter, who sat cuddled against her uncle’s chest, blissfully drinking her bottle. He waited for the stab of jealousy. For the feeling of incompetence he’d first felt when watching Dex’s ease with Isabella. It didn’t come.

Finally what Raina had been trying to tell him sank in. What did it matter if Dex gave her a nickname? What did it matter if Izzie loved her aunt and uncle? Wasn’t it far better for her to be an open and loving person, who shared that affection with many people in her life?

Of course he wanted her to love him, too. But that would come with time and hard work, just like everything else in his life that had been worth having. He hadn’t built Messina Diamonds into the billion-dollar business it was in two weeks. So why had he expected to build a relationship with his daughter in that time?

And yet, the thought of doing that alone, without Raina—not her help, but just her, by his side—pulled at his insecurities and threatened to close off his throat.

Watching Dex and Lucy with Izzie, he wondered if he was making the right choice. They’d be good parents to her. Who was he kidding? They’d be great parents. And he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe she would be better off with them. Or more to the point, that she might always love them more.

Yet, even as pain welled in his heart at the thought, he knew he wasn’t about to relinquish custody to them. Izzie was his. She was a part of him in a way nothing else was. Not even Messina Diamonds.

Maybe it didn’t matter whether or not she loved him. Maybe the only important thing was that he loved her. And he did. Far too much to ever let her go.