Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes (30 page)

Helen looked at Sharni for a moment,
bewildered. Then she realised what Sharni was referring to. “Oh
God, was he really that smitten with me?” The flush warming her
face now was due to mortification.

“I don’t think so, more a crush. But,
like, he’d sort of filled his future with fantasies of you. With
rescuing you from Daniel. Now you’re free and he’s stuck in a rut;
crappy job, no dream. Wonder what he’ll make of the Spaniard.”
Sharni grinned.

Helen was surprised at Sharni’s
appreciation of Ben’s emotions when she was so blind to her own
infatuation with Derek.

“Sounds like you’re developing quite a
friendship with him.” Helen felt a pang of envy. Not for Ben, as
such. He was cute, but she had never fancied him. It was more that
she realised how few friends she had herself. Apart from Marcio and
it was still early on in their relationship. It was hard to believe
that they had known each other such a short time. Even with the
misunderstanding between then, she still felt she knew him better
than she had ever known Daniel.

What a cliché
, she mused.
Love at first sight. Who knew it was really possible. Maybe I’m
as deluded as Sharni is?

“As for Stuart,” Sharni was saying,
“who knows?”

Helen tried to bring her mind back to
the present. No point worrying that something would go wrong
between her and Marcio until it happened.

“He’s a funny one.”

“Who?” Helen looked up guiltily, aware
she wasn’t really absorbing Sharni’s words.

“Stuart. Aren’t you listening?” Sharni
stuck her lips out in a pout.

“Sorry, yes of course I am. What makes
you say Stuart’s funny? He’s always seemed a bit too cool for
school.”

“That’s what’s weird. Rumour has it
he’s training to be a wedding photographer. Can you imagine
anything less likely?”

“Where did you hear that?” Helen was
intrigued.

Sharni’s face flushed and she looked
down at her hands. “Well, from him actually.”

“Come on, what’s the gossip? Why do you
look so shifty?” Helen laughed, glad to take her mind off Marcio
and whether she was making a mistake vesting so much in their
budding relationship.

“I wanted to find out more about Derek,
if he’s seeing anyone, you know. And, well, I rang Stuart, told him
I’d left something at his flat, night of the party.”

“Sharni! You are shameless.”

“I can’t help it, I just fancy him
something rotten.”

“What, Stuart?”

“No, Derek, you idiot!”

“So you went to Stuart’s place; that
was brave!”

“Well I didn’t really think ’til I got
there. Then, yes, I was bricking meself. But he was right lovely.
Made me tea. Darjeeling or something posh. It were disgusting but I
didn’t like to say no.”

“And he came out and told you he wanted
to be a wedding photographer, just like that?” Helen sat forward,
wrapping her hands around her still-warm mug.

“I saw the brochure on his table. I was
looking for something to talk about, you know, to try and get Derek
into the conversation. So I asked him about it. First time I’ve
seen him lose his cool.”

“I’ll bet. Quite a change from City
Trader to wedding photographer.”

“Well, he said it weren’t so different.
You were still carrying the responsibility of people’s dreams, only
this time it was their wedding snaps rather than their life
savings.”

“Gosh, that’s profound. Who knew Stuart
had such depths?”

“I know, shocker in’t it?”

“Did he talk about Derek?”

“Nah, he hasn’t heard from him since
the party either, except to recommend the wedding photography
course. Apparently he was a bit horrified that that was all Stuart
wanted to do with his talent. Took a huff.”

“All? Being a wedding photographer must
be great, the money is amazing and you make so many people
happy.”

“It’d scare the crap outta me.”

“But, Sharni, you teach. That’s a huge
responsibility too, surely?” Helen thought Sharni was immensely
brave taking on the charge of forming young minds. It was one of
the things about being a parent that worried her to death.

“I guess.” She shrugged her slender
shoulders. “Never really thought about it. They’re only little
aren’t they? Can’t do much wrong at that age, as long as you’re all
having fun.”

Helen wasn’t sure she agreed, but
forbore to comment.

“So, what should I do, do you think?
About Derek?”

Helen wasn’t sure she had anything
helpful to offer. She was pretty sure Sharni was going to get her
heart broken. The best she could hope was to be there to pick up
the pieces when it happened.

“I don’t know, Sharni. Is he running
any more courses that you could take?”

“Nah, I checked. The only thing coming
up is a one-day workshop on fashion photography in a few
weeks.”

“Well, why not do that?”

“Me? Fashion photography. Derek’d smell
a rat right off.”

“What’s he going to do, throw you off
the course?”

“Maybe. You know Derek.”

“Well, it’s that or stalk him I guess.”
Helen laughed, to show she was joking. Something in Sharni’s face
suggested stalking had already been considered.

Sharni sighed, staring blankly at her
coffee. She seemed to realise there was no more to say about Derek.
Instead she looked up at Helen, with a twinkle in her dark eyes.
“What about you and the Spaniard?”

“What about us?” It was Helen’s turn to
look shifty.

“Is it serious? What does he think
about them?” She nodded at Helen’s bump.

“I think it’s serious, he seems keen on
the babies. It’s all good, really.” Helen giggled nervously. Sharni
was the first person she had spoken to about Marcio and she wasn’t
sure how she felt about it. It was one thing knowing in your own
mind that a relationship was solid, another thing entirely trying
to tell someone else. If Sharni had come to her and said she and
Derek were moving in together, she’d have said her friend was nuts,
yet she and Marcio had barely spent a night apart in a week.

“Well, just be careful. It isn’t just
your heart at stake anymore. The babies have already got one shit
father, they don’t need another.”

Helen felt as if Sharni had slapped
her. Looking up, she realised her friend was only trying to protect
her.
Maybe I should be doing the same; warning her against
chasing Derek?
It was hard to know what to do for the best.

“Okay, I’ll be careful. You too, okay?
I don’t want you hurt if it turns out Derek has someone else lined
up in his viewfinder.”

Walking slowly back to her flat, Helen
thought about Sharni’s words. Was she taking a big risk with
Marcio? What if it did all fizzle out after the babies were born?
Could she survive that? She didn’t think the babies would notice if
he left, not when they were tiny.

You might notice if Mummy’s heart
gets broken again though. Am I being selfish? Should I be putting
you first before even my love for Marcio
?

Love? The unspoken word resonated like
a bell in her mind. Was it that? Helen thought about her growing
friendship with Marcio, the way he made her feel when they made
love, how much she missed him when he left for work in the
morning.

Love?

Yes, I rather think it is.

Chapter
Nineteen

“Can I open my eyes yet?”

“In a minute.”

“Marcio, this is ridiculous. People are
watching.”

“How can you tell? Have you been
peeking?”

“No. But, come on, we’re in a lift!
Surely I won’t be able to tell where we are from inside a lift.
It’s been ages. I feel stupid. I’ve had my eyes closed since the
tube station. Come on, I don’t have any idea where we are.”

“That’s the point. It wouldn’t be much
of a birthday surprise if you did.” Marcio’s voice was gleeful.

Helen furrowed her brow in a mock
frown. “Couldn’t you have just taken me out to dinner?”

“How boring.”

Helen couldn’t help but smile. “You’re
mad.”

“Are you only just realising that?”

“My god, what else don’t I know about
you? You’re not a practical joker are you? I hate practical
jokes.”

“Oh dear, shall I call Jeremy Beadle
and tell him the gig’s off?”

“Ha ha. Are we there yet?”

She felt Marcio take her hand again and
lead her out the lift. She tried to work out where they were but
she genuinely had no idea. It felt like a small space but the lift
went up, she was sure of that, so they weren’t back on the
tube.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

Helen blinked at the sunlight and took
a moment to work out where they were. She looked left and right at
a long corridor, then through the lattice work of windows in front
of her. The view was breath-taking.

“Oh my god, we’re on Tower Bridge! What
made you bring us here?” Catching sight of Marcio’s face, she could
have bitten her tongue. He looked like a puppy that had just been
berated for peeing on the carpet.

He gestured meekly at the podiums along
the walkway.

“Photography exhibition,” he said in a
small voice.

Helen looked more closely and saw a
line of black and white photographs of London. It must have taken
Marcio ages to come up with such a novel idea for her birthday. And
the views really were amazing. Despite living in London for years
she had done very few of the touristy things and had certainly
never come up on the Bridge.

“I’m sorry, it’s a great idea. Shall we
start again?”

She closed her eyes and reached for his
hand.

“Ooh can I open my eyes now?”

Laughing, Marcio said, “Yes, open them
now.”

“Wow, look at the views! We’re on Tower
Bridge, what a great idea. Thank you!” She hopped up and down like
an excited toddler.

Marcio laughed at her pantomime and
threw his arms around her, squeezing her tight. “I love you so
much.”

A stillness fell between them, as it
occurred to them both that it was the first time the
L word
had been used.

Helen looked into Marcio’s blue eyes to
see if he was serious.

“Do you? Really?”

“Yes, Helen, I do. All of you.” He ran
his palm over her bump before taking both her hands. Leaning
forward he brushed his lips against hers, before parting them and
flicking her tongue with his. As the kiss deepened Helen ceased to
care if anyone was watching. It was the best birthday gift she had
ever had.

The wind was gentle across Helen’s skin
as she sat facing Marcio, on a barge on the Thames, eating Fish and
Chips. Helen mused about the year since her last birthday. What was
it about birthdays and New Year celebrations that made you take
stock and review your life? Surely you couldn’t get a more eventful
year than the one she had lived through.

“Do you know, this time last year I was
choosing the design for my wedding dress? Well, Daniel was choosing
the design.”

“Really, in October? I thought your
wedding date was August?”

“Yes. It takes a long time to plan a
wedding. Six months lead-time at least on a dress. More if it’s
designer.”

“Poor Mia. I had no idea.”

Helen laughed. “You mean you thought it
was just turning up on the day and saying your vows?”

“Well, isn’t it? It should be. I never
understood all the rigmarole.”

“Do you want to know a secret?”

He nodded and Helen leaned forward over
the table, trying not to get ketchup on her bump. She put her lips
close to his ear and began to whisper as if revealing a terrible
secret.

“I didn’t really understand it either.
I’ve got a tiny family, few friends. I’d have been happy with a
summer frock and a party.”

“You mean a nice clingy dress like that
jade one you wore in Barcelona? Hmmm yes please!”

“Marcio!” Helen’s heart raced at the
idea that Marcio had even registered what she was wearing when they
first met. She thought he had hardly noticed her at the Hotel
Arts.

As if reading her mind, a sheepish look
came over Marcio’s face.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

“I watched you, out the window. At
Hotel Arts. God I fancied you. I wanted to rush back down and drag
you up to my room.”

Helen slipped off her shoe and ran her
leg up the side of Marcio’s under the table.

“So, you had naughty thoughts did you?
Ooh, I like that idea. I think I might be having naughty thoughts
of my own.”

She looked at him through lowered
lashes.

A mischievous glint lit up Marcio’s
blue eyes. A seagull landed with a squawk on their table in a
brazen attempt to steal their chips.

“Bird, you’re welcome to them. We’re
off.”

Marcio reached round to Helen and
pulled her to her feet.

“You and I have unfinished business. Do
you still have that green dress?”

“I do. I’m not sure I’d still get in
it!”

“How about we just drape it on the
floor?”

The idea made Helen’s tummy quiver with
anticipation.

“Can we get a taxi?”

“Well, it is your birthday.”

Nibbling at Marcio’s neck as he helped
her along the gangplank, Helen prayed they would be able to flag
down a taxi in record time.

Lying motionless, listening to Marcio’s
gentle breathing, Helen’s mind drifted. When they had reached
Helen’s apartment their love making had been urgent, then
gentle.

Part of her mind couldn’t help but
compare it to what she had had with Daniel.
That wasn’t
love-making. Just sex, really. I was attracted to him physically
but we were like strangers, using each other to gratify
ourselves.

It was different with Marcio. More
intense, but also fun. They had groaned and giggled in equal
measure.