Baby Kisses (13 page)

"Yeah, it was fun!" Toby yelled, and the three boys ran to the tree swing beyond the picnic tables.

Tooty nudged Sarah and pointed. Sarah grinned as they watched Dixie walk toward Alligator and stand on her toes to kiss him.

Sarah chuckled, "Me and Ann played matchmaker during the Covered Wagon Trail Blaze. Aren't they perfect for each other? Jackson said Alligator has just about used up all his vacation time and he's working on a transfer to Denver."

Tooty sighed, "She just glows when she's around him. I think we'll be hearing wedding bells soon."

An old pickup pulled into the drive behind the van and Newt jumped out and rushed around to open Molly's door. Tooty exclaimed, "I'm so happy they could make it! Molly said she wasn't sure they'd be back from the Bingo Bash in Las Vegas."

Sage and Jackson walked over to Tooty and Sarah to relieve them of their boxes of food. "Any special place you want these?" asked Sage.

Tooty pointed. "Just set them on the far picnic table. We'll unpack everything in a minute. I've just got to hear about the Bingo Bash."

"Me, too," said Sarah. "Come on, Tooty, let's find out if they won anything. Molly's a champion bingo player. I've seen her trophies."

Tooty and Sarah reached Newt and Molly at the same time as Jacob and Julie. Julie rubbed her big pregnant belly and laughed, "I waddle like a duck."

Jacob kissed her cheek, "You're the prettiest duck waddler I ever saw."

Annie walked up carrying Eli in one arm and Angel in the other. "Hi, Granny and Newt. How'd it go in Vegas?"

Molly and Newt grinned at everyone and Newt said proudly, "My little Missus is now the top Bingo Bash winner. She's makin' us rich."

Molly laughed, "Yep, and we're goin' on a Cowboy Caribbean Cruise. I won that in the grand prize drawing."

"I'm startin' the grill," Sage yelled from the picnic area.

Two hours later, after grilling steaks, burgers, and hot dogs, everyone kicked back lazily on blankets. Eli and Angel slept beside Tooty. Looking into Eli's sweet face, a lump formed in her throat. He looked so much like Miles. Rarely, did she allow herself to linger on Miles, but she tuned out the conversation around her and indulged in that luxury.

The book
Anja
had become a phenomenal success and the movie had released a week ago. Because she'd needed to see the movie alone, she'd asked her parents to watch the boys and made up the excuse of wanting to shop without chasing children. Then she'd driven to the next town and sat in the back row of the theater.
Anja
was the perfect blend of action, suspense, and romance. She'd cried not only because it was wonderful, but mostly because it brought up so many memories of her time with Miles.

Vaguely she heard a vehicle drive up but it didn't register in her mind because she was so lost in the past. She heard Sarah say, "My goodness, that's Miles Brightman."

Tooty blinked and jerked back to the present. Surely, she'd heard wrong.
No, it can't be. Not after almost three years.

A sleek black van parked behind Newt's truck and a few minutes later, Miles lowered himself to the ground on the mechanical lift. Tooty's heart beat so fast her breathing came in little pants. She looked at sleeping Eli and tried to control her panic. Sarah dropped down onto the blanket beside her and placed her hand over Tooty's. "It's going to be okay, honey."

Tooty nodded and gulped. She saw Sarah look at Sage and something unspoken passed between them. He jumped to his feet and rushed to greet Miles.

Harris ran up to his mother. "Mom, its Mr. Brightman. Can I go say hi?"

"Not yet. I need to talk with him first. You go play with Toby and Preston for now."

"But–"

The look in Tooty's eyes stopped his argument.

Jackson called, "Hey, Harris, come on. We're all going for a walk to the river."

Harris gave his mother a worried look. "You okay, Mom?"

"I sure am, sweetie. You go and have fun." She swatted his behind in a playful manner and he smiled and ran toward Jackson.

After he left, Sarah said, "I'll go with you, Tooty."

Tooty glanced at Eli, still asleep and unaware he was about to meet his father. She gathered her wits and a little courage and nodded.

Annie said, "I'll watch the babies."

Sage was conversing with Miles when she and Sarah walked toward him. Sarah said, "Hey stranger, it's been awhile since you were around these parts."

Miles glanced at Sarah. "Yeah, I've been out of the country." He stared at Tooty. "I'd like to speak with Tooty alone, please."

Sage and Sarah waited for Tooty's response.

"It's okay."

Sage placed his arm around Sarah's shoulders and they walked back to the picnic area.

Miles turned his chair around and pushed it toward the trees. "Follow me."

His powerful biceps navigated the wheelchair around rocks and rough terrain to a tall pine on the other side of the drive. When he stopped, the van blocked them from view. He didn't turn around or say anything.

Tooty's stomach felt as twisted as a pretzel.

Finally, he swiveled the chair around and said angrily, "Why didn't you tell me about my son!?"

Seeing his anger morphed Tooty's anxiety into anger. "What makes you think he's your son?"

"Don't bullshit me, Tooty. We both know he is. For one thing, the timing is too obvious, and for another, well, I just know you. You don't sleep around. You'd be married to the father if he wasn't mine."

Biting her bottom lip, she said, "What difference would it have made if I'd told you? You weren't about to marry me. And I wasn't about to saddle you with a child. In fact, you couldn't wait to leave. I haven't heard from you in three years!"

"Damn it, Tooty, why can't you understand I left for your own good."

"Horseshit. You left because you're scared of commitment. You use that wheelchair as your first line of defense. It keeps you from having relationships."

Miles voice rose, "Tooty, I'm eighteen years older than you and I'm in a goddamn wheelchair! You deserve a husband who's whole—a husband who can fulfill you."

"Keep telling yourself that, Miles, because you're the only one who believes it."

Tooty watched him inhale several deep breaths. "I want to meet my son."

"Okay. Do you want to come over or do you want me to bring him to you?"

"I'd like you to bring him to me."

Without responding, she turned and walked to get their son. When she reached the blanket and bent to lift him, Sage asked, "Do you need us to do anything?"

She gave him a wan smile. "No. Thank you. It's time for Eli to meet Miles." Tooty carried her baby across the drive and past the van. "Where we go, Mommy?" he asked sleepily.

"I want you to meet someone."

That piqued his interest and he looked around.

* * *

Miles' heart slammed his chest when he saw Tooty carrying their son. He sucked several calming breaths. When she set the boy on the ground in front of him, he felt a love so tender his body started to shake and he had to blink rapidly against stinging tears.

Tooty knelt. "Eli, this is Mr. Brightman. He's a friend of mine. Say hello."

The child clutched his mother's arm and whispered "Hehwo."

When Miles moved forward, the boy was instantly captivated by the wheelchair. He remembered how fascinated Harris had been. "Would you like to go for a ride in my chair?" He held his breath.

Eli looked up at his mother and when she nodded, he said, "O-kay."

Miles held his arms out. "Climb onto my lap and I'll show you how it works."

Hesitantly, Eli walked toward him and Miles reached to lift him. With Eli on his lap and the baby's soft hair brushing his chin, Miles swiped at his eyes and then began rolling the chair in circles. He glanced up to see tears shimmering in Tooty's eyes.

After several minutes, Eli got restless and looked at his mother. "I want pway wit Angel." He started to scoot off Miles' lap.

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll take you to Annie and she'll let you play with Angel." She looked at Miles. "I'll be right back."

He nodded and watched her carry their child away, certain of one thing—he would play a major role in raising his son. He'd already missed his first two years and it made him angry all over again.

When Tooty returned, he said, "I plan on being a large part of my son's life." He had expected her to argue, but she merely nodded. He continued, "We need to sit down and discuss this, but now isn't the time. I'm very angry with you, Tooty, for not telling me about him."

She only nodded again and he wanted her to show emotion
—
yell, cuss him out, whatever.

She said flatly, "Come back tomorrow at noon. I'll take the boys to Sarah or Ann to watch." Then, she turned and walked away.

* * *

The moment Tooty had seen the interaction between Miles and Eli, guilt had overwhelmed her like a flash flood. In that instant, she'd realized just how much Miles needed Eli, even more than Eli needed his father.

Her pillow was drenched with tears shed in the war of trying to decide what to do? Should she allow Eli to spend time with Miles in New York? If she did, that meant she would have to spend time with him, too. There was no way she would be parted from her child. And yet, seeing Miles again had ripped open the ache that was always with her and never completely healed. The years had not lessened her love for him. Fresh tears spilled onto her pillow.

Eventually, in the wee hours of the morning, she forced herself to get up and splash cool water on her face. Returning to her bed, she reached into her nightstand for Anabelle's diary. Over the years she'd read it many times. Finding the place that her heart needed to read, she fluffed her pillows against her headboard and leaned back.

Thursday, March 5, 1868

Today is the two year anniversary that Eli came to be with our family. I am nineteen now and he is thirty-four. He didn't reveal his birthday until he'd lived with us for a year. He is strong and fit and very handsome. The whittling that Pa taught him so he would have something to occupy his time, has turned into a profitable business. He is very talented and several stores in big cities buy his carvings to sell to rich people. With some of the money he earned, he bought a small patch of Pa's property and Pa built him a tiny cabin. He's been in his own home now for five months and we miss him terribly. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep because I love him so much. He never kissed me again after that time a couple years ago. He treats me like his sister. He even told me I should pay attention to the young men who come calling because I'm of an age to marry and have children. He said I'll make a wonderful wife and mother. Why can't he see that I want to be his wife and mother to his children? If I cannot have him, I will never marry. I think my tears have fallen on these pages to forever memorialize my misery.

Gently, Tooty touched the tear stains on the page and felt a fresh wave of her own tears. She turned a few more pages to another favorite passage.

Monday, June 1, 1868

Today, something incredible happened. I still cannot believe it and I'm not sure what to do about it. Pa gave me a letter from one of the stores that buys Eli's carvings and asked me to take it to him. I was so happy to go to his cabin. When I got there and knocked, his door was ajar, but he wasn't there. I figured he was on the trail we made for him so he could enjoy the outdoors. I went inside to set the letter on his table and when I did, I saw he had a carving on his bed. It was wrapped so I could only see a little bit, not enough to know what it was. I'm always amazed by the detail and beauty of his creations, so I lifted the cloth to take a peek. What I saw made my heart pound and I jumped back. It was me, wearing only a chemise and slip. The chemise had slipped off one shoulder and my hair was hanging to my waist over the other shoulder. The look on my face was one of rapturous love and my arms were extended to embrace someone. I looked at the bottom of the statue and almost fainted. The etching said, "The only woman I will ever love." I almost couldn't breathe when I wrapped the statue and put it back. I ran from the cabin to my special place by the river to try and make sense of this find.