Baby Love Lite (11 page)

“
Yes. Over the years my mom
had a date night on Saturdays. That's when she'd entertain men. As
I got older, she wanted me out of the house on that
night.”

There it was; pure and simple. I'd had to
explain ‘date night’ so many times over the past year or so that
I'd learned a condensed version of an explanation. Karla nodded for
me to continue. “Anyway, I'd dressed up in a little princess outfit
for Halloween. My mom said that I could go ahead and walk up to the
Halloween festival at school as long as I walked with the neighbor
family that was going. My mom hadn’t really cleared it with the
neighbor family that I needed to walk up and back with them. They
just sort of thought that I'd tagged along on their way up to the
school.”

Karla was taking notes and nodded for me to
continue.

“
Once I got to the school, I
just sort of found other kids there that I knew from my
kindergarten class. I got separated from the neighbors. I don’t
even remember their names."

"The next thing I remember is the school
janitor shutting the lights off in the gymnasium; I was still
wandering around looking for my neighbors to walk back home with.
The janitor was a really nice man. He saw that I'd started crying
and asked me where my parents were. I told him my story. He phoned
the police.”

I teared up as I recalled how frightened I'd
been all alone like that, wandering around the school. “I was taken
away by the police to the police station. I remember they'd had
given me candy and were being really, really nice to me. Then some
lady showed up there and took me to a family’s house where I spent
a few nights. I kept asking for my mother. They told me that I'd
see her soon. I didn’t see my mother for several days. When I did
see her, that same man with the suit was there with her to take me
back home. Mom sent me to my room. They argued downstairs.”

I shivered as I recalled the loud voices
downstairs. "The man was yelling; he was one person that actually
scared my mom. He told her she'd better get her shit together or
she could consider the golden goose dead. I was never sure what
he'd meant by that. All I know was after he left, my mom didn’t
have any more boyfriends for a long, long time.”

I looked over at Karla as she finished up her
note-taking. For whatever reason, what I'd shared with her seemed
to have rendered her usually unemotional expression null and void.
She looked over at me and her expression appeared to be that of
concern. I wasn’t sure why. Nothing bad had happened to me as a
result of my mother’s neglect.

“
Tylar,” she said, “between
now and our next appointment I'd like for you to continue to relax
and focus on other memories you have similar to what you've shared
with me today. These are very valuable tools in ensuring that we're
dealing productively with any issues from your past that could
continue to impact the present.”

I nodded, not entirely certain as to what
degree she felt my past was important to the present. I trusted
Karla though, so I'd do whatever she deemed necessary. I made my
next appointment and headed home to my family.

I called Gina from my cell phone on the way
home to see how she was feeling. We'd talked regularly since her
break with Ian. She'd been up in Hoboken with her mom for the past
several weeks putting some distance between her and Ian. They were
proceeding with their divorce. Trey had recommended an attorney
from his practice that specialized in domestic cases. The biggest
thing was how their business would be split.

She answered her cell on the second ring.
“What’s up, girlfriend?” she asked sounding more chipper than
usual.

“
Not much. Just got done
with my shrink; I wanted to check in with you to see how you've
been feeling.”

“
It’s all good, Ty,” she
said. “I've come to terms with the fact that my marriage is over,
but hey, I’m 30 years old, so it isn’t exactly the end of the
world. Ian and I still have to come to terms with the division of
property, so once Jesse crunches the numbers, we'll be good to make
a proposal.”

“
Jesse?” I asked, “Who's
that?”

“
Only the best freaking
divorce lawyer in Atlanta, girlfriend. I’m so glad the Hot Nazi
turned me on to him; pretty sweet on the eyes, too.”

“
Gina,” I warned, “Don’t
rush into anything. You’re vulnerable right now, remember? What’s
Ian doing these days?”

“
Who gives a fuck!” she
screeched. “I don’t give a damn! I hear he’s moved in with Shelly;
what-the-fuck-ever!”

She was still hurt, as she'd every right to
be. I was glad when she changed the subject. “How are things going
with you?” she asked.

“
Things have become much,
much better,” I answered honestly. "I just don’t ever want Susan to
leave.”

“
You’ve got to be shitting
me,” she said. “I’d have murdered Ian’s mom by now. She was such a
bloody control freak.”

“
It’s just not like that
with Susan,” I replied. “She's almost like a mother to me. I don’t
know how I'd have done it these past few weeks without her. Do you
know our new home will be ready soon?"

"No shit? When?"

"Right after the new year."

"I can hardly wait to see it!"

"When are you coming back home?” I asked
her.

“
Soon, I promise. This is
just one of those times I need my mother, you know?”

Actually, I didn’t. I was unfamiliar as to
how that might feel. I hoped when the day came for Preston that I
was a mother she could come to for healing after heartbreak. Of
course, I'd much prefer that no one would ever break her heart.
Trey would likely go ballistic and kill the responsible party if
that ever happened.

“
But hey, I also need my
very best friend, too and I miss her,” Gina said bringing me back
to the conversation.

I smiled into the phone telling her we'd talk
soon. I pulled my car into the parking lot of Edgewood
Convalescence Center. Jean had been moved over to Edgewood from the
hospital about a week ago. She was here for rehabilitation.
Thankfully, she'd regained consciousness with no permanent brain
damage. She was at Edgewood for physical therapy for the next two
months.

Jean brightened as I entered her room. She
was sitting up in a chair, looking at a magazine that I'd brought
her a few days before, when I'd visited.

“
Tylar,” she greeted me with
a smile, “you're a welcome site today. How's my little one
doing?”

“
She's heavier than two
sacks of potatoes,” I laughed. “You better be working double time
with your physical therapist if you expect to be able to lift her
when you get out.”

“
I think my therapist might
have been a Nazi in his previous life,” she moaned. “No worries,
Tylar, he won’t let me be a slacker that's for sure.”

Trey and I'd discussed having Jean as live-in
help once we moved into our new large home. I hadn’t said anything
to Jean just yet as I wanted to see how she progressed with her
therapy. There would be a lot of stops and high ceilings to contend
with in our new home. I started back at the firm the following week
to fill in for Leah until just before Christmas. Susan would be
watching Preston while I worked, for as long as Trey and I needed
her.

“
Is Grandma being good to
little Preston?” Jean asked.

“
Spoiling her rotten,” I
laughed.

“
Can’t spoil a baby, Tylar,”
Jean replied. “You can spoil your appetite or spoil a surprise, but
you just can’t spoil a baby.”

“
If you say so, Jean,” I
said, smiling at her. We chatted a little while longer and then her
‘born again Nazi’ came into her room to take her down for her
hydrotherapy, which I could only guess, involved water.

That evening at dinner, Susan announced that
she was needed back in Bristol in two weeks. Clive was to undergo
by-pass surgery and she'd need to be there to help him during
recovery. Trey and I both dropped our forks at her
announcement.

“
Mom,” Trey said, clearly
startled, “What the hell happened? Why am I just finding out about
this?”

“
Because I just found out
about it this afternoon. It seems your father chose to keep me out
of the loop until he knew with certainty what the official
diagnosis and treatment option was to be. I was just as
clueless.”

“
Did he have a heart
attack?” I asked stunned by the news.

“
No, no - nothing like that
thankfully,” she replied. “He's just been feeling tired over the
past couple of months and lacked his usual energy. He didn’t want
to worry anyone so he went to his doctor who then referred him to a
cardiologist. He has some blockage which can be surgically
corrected with a bypass. He claims it's routine.”

I didn’t say anything, but it seemed to me
that anytime there was a problem with someone’s ticker that needed
fixing, it hardly seemed routine.

“
Tylar,” Susan said glancing
over at me, “I intend to stay and help you find someone to watch
Preston after I leave. I took the liberty of calling a couple of
agencies today. They'll be sending a few candidates over this week
yet. I know you start back working on Monday but if you trust me to
do the interviewing . . .”

“
Whoa, whoa,” I interrupted,
causing Trey to look over at me quickly. “As far as I'm concerned
Susan, your place is with Clive. I don’t want you worrying yourself
one little bit about Preston. I'll be here to take care of her and
that’s that.”

“
What about going back to
the firm?” Susan asked.

“
As far as I’m concerned,
the firm can call an agency to get temporary help. I need to stay
here with Preston since you need to be with Clive.”

“
Tylar,” Trey interrupted
softly, “you and I'll discuss this later.”

He turned his attention back to his mother,
pummeling her with questions about Clive in attorney-style. He
wanted to make sure that there was nothing being held back about
his father’s condition. I got that. But if he thought for one
second I was going to leave my baby to the care of someone other
than family right now, he was sorely mistaken. As we readied
ourselves for bed that evening, Trey pulled me down beside him on
the bed.

“
Tylar, I know that you have
some trepidation about hiring someone to watch the baby after Mom
leaves, but please, hear me out.”

I looked over at him as he raked his hand
absently through his hair and sighed.

“
The thing is our lives have
improved so much because of the treatment you've been getting for
your PPD; the fact that Mom's been here makes it difficult to know
if she's been part of the cure I guess. I need to know that you're
okay, no matter what. Do you understand?”

I wasn’t sure that I did understand. “I’m not
sure,” I answered honestly.

He took my hand in his massaging it gently,
raising it to his face and brushing his lips against it. “I mean I
need to know that you've shed the fear and anxiety of being away
from the baby when it's not me or Mom watching her; that your
paranoia's gone,” he said simply. “You’re right; the firm could
easily call an agency and get a temp in to train to cover for Leah.
That's really not the point, though.”

“
What
is
the point?” I asked studying his
face.

“
The point's to know that
you can function in a world where your security and peace of mind
cannot always be guaranteed, I guess. I need to know that if
something happened to me, that you would be okay to go on. I need
to know that you can face any fears, real or imagined with
something other than withdrawal and escape.”

It was in that moment, that I got it. Trey
was right. I'd changed after the baby was born. I wasn't the girl
that had set out on her own to make a nest for her baby, asking for
no one’s help. I wasn't the same girl who had defied Trey’s orders
and set about to win a feature race setting the best time in the
series on a long-shot quarter horse named Jezebel. I wasn't the
same girl who had kicked the be-Jesus out of Charlie at the age of
thirteen, and then again at the age of twenty-one when he attempted
to rape me.

I recalled a conversation that I'd had the
previous year with Mark. He'd told me something to the effect that
a man doesn’t necessarily want a woman to change into something
that she wasn't; even though it might mean a rocky road at times
for them it would still be a road well-traveled together. Right
now, Trey needed the assurance that I was still that girl.

“
Trey,” I said softly, “I
can’t say with absolute certainty that I won’t worry about Preston
when she's out of my sight but I can say that I'll do this thing
for you because I know that it's important and I understand why
it's important to you.”

"That's why I love you," he said softly,
pulling me against him.

I was dressed in my new black suit peering at
myself in the full-size mirror in Trey’s closet. I'd purchased new
heels to go with it. I had dark nylon thigh-high stockings on with
my three-inch pumps. I perched my leg up on the foot stool in the
dressing room to smooth the nylons up, readjusting the lacey band
at the top of my thigh. Trey came out of the bathroom having
skipped his morning ritual of getting up earlier and going to the
gym and showering and dressing there. He stopped short when he saw
me; a slow grin crossed his face.