Back To You (11 page)

“Actually, I was just thinking about it.”

“Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

“M
mmhmm.  I wish we could.”

He leaned back and smiled a cockeyed smile at me.  “Rea
lly?”

“I
’ve been thinking about sex in general recently.”

“Mmmm, me too.”  He kissed me again.

“Hey, you two!  Get a room!”  Randy called out.  We just laughed.  As he pulled back, he kissed my nose and told me to wait a second before I completely detached myself from him.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to feel why. 

“Can we finish this conversation later?”  He asked.

“Can’t wait.”

*****

Jack thought about how to bring up the subject of sex again in the car on the way home from the pool.  The top was down, it was hot as hell, and the music was loud.  While they were stopped at a red light, he looked over at Suzy.  Her skin had deepened to a rosy tan since they had been in the sun all day.  She had on a tank top over her bikini top and a pair of baggy shorts that showed the dampness of her suit from the pool water.  He remembered how he had felt her wetness one night when their making out had gotten pretty heavy.  The thought made him groan on the inside.  His sixteen year old hormones were raging, especially when he could just barely see a tan line from her bathing suit.

He was glad when they reached her house and disco
vered that her mom had left for the night.  It was almost five o’clock in the afternoon and the sun was still bright.  She barely had enough time to set her things down when he wrapped her in his arms for a kiss.  She giggled.

“Give me a sec,” she said.  “I have to pee so bad!”  And she ran off to the bathroom.

While she was gone, he sat on the couch and gave Poops some ear scruffles.  When Suzy came into the living room, she walked right over to Jack and sat in his lap, facing him, with her legs on either side of his hips.  His body responded immediately.  She took his face in her hands and kissed him solidly on his mouth.  He leaned into the kiss, feeling their passion escalating.  She pulled back from his kiss and began kissing down his neck.  It drove him crazy when she did that!  He made a sound somewhere between a moan and a growl.  How did she know exactly what to do to drive him crazy?  Then, while kissing his neck, she took off her tank top.

Jack moved his hands to her waist and turned them both around and pushed her down so he was on top of her.  He kissed
her.  She smelled like a combination of suntan oil, chlorine and her own certain scent that reminded him of something sweet and fresh from the oven.  He moved his hands up her sides, loving the feel of her soft skin on his hands.  She took his shirt off so they could feel skin on skin.  He unhooked her top, freeing her breasts.  He worked his way down her neck kissing and tasting her until he got to her left nipple.  Her breasts were large for a girl her age, not that he was complaining.  He held it in his hand and leaned down, using his tongue to play with her nipple, teasing her until he heard that beautiful, guttural, moan come from her lips.  She was absolutely the most intoxicating woman he had ever met, and she didn’t even know it.

“I want you so much.”  He breathed in her ear.  “I want to make love to you.”

“Yes, please.  Soon.  I’m dying to feel you inside of me.”  She breathed back.

“You know we can’t right now.”

“Yes, I know.”

“I’m not, prepared, you know?”

“I know.”

He touched his forehead to hers, looking her in the eyes, never having wanted anything so much in his entire life.  They co
ntinued kissing and feeling each other.  She could feel that he was rock hard under his swim trunks as she ran her hand over him.  He felt like he was drowning in ecstasy.  He ran his hand up her shorts and knew that he would find her wetness, ready for him.  He teased her with his finger, knowing it would drive her crazy.  She wanted him as much as he wanted her.

*****

I had never experienced that kind of desire, not even when reading one of the romance novels I enjoyed.  This was an entirely new level for me.  And I wanted more.  I knew it was not going to happen right then, but I didn’t want to stop him from kissing me and touching me.  The tease was almost unbearable.  But when he touched his forehead to mine and looked me in the eyes with those gorgeous green gold eyes, I was undone.  He could have done just about anything to me and I wouldn’t have objected.  My body arched under his, feeling every muscle move with his.  Feeling his excitement on my leg and then with my hand.  I wanted to touch him.  Feel his naked hardness in my hand.

“Can I touch it?”

He closed his eyes and smiled, nodding slightly.  He held his breath as I reached in his shorts and gently touched the silky smoothness of his penis in my hand.  It was so hard and yet so soft.  I could tell it was torture for him by the almost whimper he stifled as I stroked him gently.

“So, where did we leave off earlier?”  I asked him softly.

His look was confused.  I had no idea where the bravery to talk to him about this was coming from.  “Obviously you and I both want to go further.  I love you, Jack.  I want you so much.  I want to have sex with you.  Soon.”

He pulled me close to him and sighed. “Suzy-Q, I love you so much.  If we have to wait, I am ok with that, but I am g
oing to explode if I can’t be with you.  Are you sure you want to do this?”

“More sure than I have ever been in my life.”  That was a little white lie because I was petrified.  “I want to lose my vi
rginity with you.”  That part was true.  I couldn’t think of anyone in the world I would rather share that experience with.

His touch was so gentle and loving.  “Good, because I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.”  He hesitated a second.  “So when do you think would be best?”

“A night when Mom will be out obviously.  Do you think you can get the stuff by this weekend?”  It was Wednesday already.  I could see him thinking about this.

“Yes.  I can get some protection.  The last thing we need is any surprises.”

“Agreed.”  I was still reeling from the sexual tension between us, still aware of how close he was to me and how his hands felt as they caressed my skin.  I felt like I was bubbling over with happiness.  For the first time, thinking about having sex with someone felt right.  Really right.  There wasn’t any second guessing in my head.  No doubt lurking behind my decision.  No one had ever made me feel like this before.  “Jack?”

“Hmmm?”

I ran my fingers through his hair as he kissed my neck some more.  “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Oh Suzy Q, you have no idea how special you are.  I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It was a while before he left that evening.  Each of us basking in the love we shared between us, both wondering what it would feel like to make love
and enjoying pushing the boundaries until that night came.

“Friday night, then?”  He asked as he kissed me one last time before getting in the car.

“Friday night.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Me either.”  As he drove off, I felt like I was floating somewhere between cloud nine and cloud ten.

C
hapter 9

I was still up when Mom got home.  Jack and I had talked briefly on the phone, but he had to go when his mom called him into the living room.  I picked up a book to read but hadn’t absorbed a single word.  I must have had a dreamy look on my face because instead of going to her room, Mom came in and sat down on my bed.

“Y
ou and Jack have been dating a while now.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Are you being careful?”

“What
?”

“Are you having sex?  Using protection?” 
We had talked about sex several times.  Real talks about what can happen if you weren’t careful.  I knew she was concerned because she and Dad weren’t so careful, and soon after, Andrea was born.  But we didn’t only talk about pregnancy.  There were plenty of other embarrassing and painful consequences to having unprotected sex.

“No, Mom.  We haven’t had sex yet.”

“Thinking about it?”

“
Sorta.  We talked about it today.”

“Hmmm.”  I could tell that this conversation made her a li
ttle uncomfortable.  “Well, you know how I feel about it.”

“Yes.  You want me to be safe, not just using prot
ection, but safe all around.  No backseats of cars, creepy alleyways or any other weird place.”

“I think you would enjoy it more if you were someplace you were comfortable.”
  She started to get up.  “Okay then.  Here’s the deal.  I tell you when I’ll be gone and what time I’ll be back.  Do what you want, but please make sure all clothing is back on when I get home, okay?”

“Not a prob, Mom.”

“Good.  I’m going to bed.  If you need anything, let me know.”  She paused at my doorway.  “You have arranged for protection?”

“Moooom
.”

“Okay
, but don’t always rely on the guy.  It’s your responsibility too.”  I was glad these conversations with Mom didn’t embarrass me.  I was, however, eager to get this conversation over with.

“N
ight, Mom.”

“N
ight Suze.”

And that was that.  Mom got knocked up and didn’t fi
nish high school with her class.  Not that she regretted having Andrea.  I knew better than that.  But I knew Mom was drowning herself and her “coulda, woulda, shoulda’s” in the alcohol and men.  Regret was an emotion Mom wouldn’t admit.  She lost her teen years.  The years you are supposed to go out and be stupid.  Instead she was a mom at eighteen.  I guess she was making up for lost time now.  I knew that Mom hoped and prayed that I wouldn’t throw my life away before it even really got started. 

The next day I spent cleaning and making plans for Fr
iday night.  I wanted everything to be perfect.  My bedroom was completely cleaned and organized.  My bathroom was spotless.  Anything within reach of my cleaning supplies fell prey to my frenzied hands.  I wanted it to be perfect.   I wanted him to feel perfect and for me to look perfect.  And so on, et cetera ad nauseum.  Okay, so it was also nervous energy I was working out of my system.  I wavered back and forth between complete euphoria and neurotic tendencies of perfectionism.  Fortunately I had a few interruptions to break up my day.

When Mom got home from her day job, she tossed a small brown paper bag on my bed as I was folding the last of my laundry.

“What’s this?”

“Well, look inside and see, silly.”  She disappeared in her room.

I almost fainted when I saw what was in the bag.  It was a small pharmacy stock of different modes of protection.  A couple of packages of condoms, a twelve-pack of spermicide suppositories (what was I supposed to do with those things?), a box of three sponge thingys (I wasn’t too sure what I was supposed to do with those either...) and a pamphlet of information on a diaphragm.  Something you had to be fitted for.  Ugh.  Let’s just announce it to your doctor and their staff that you are engaging in sexual activity, shall we?  No thanks.  I will read about it, but I was pretty sure nothing like that could be accomplished in twenty-four hours.

TWENTY-
FOUR HOURS?

“Just in case.”  Mom was standing at my door.  I have no idea how that woman could have possibly known that I was planning on sacrificing my virginity the next day.  Maybe she didn’t know.  Maybe the stupid grin on my face was blatantly obvious and I gave myself away.

“Um, thanks?”  It was more of a question than a statement of gratitude.

“Like I said.  Take your time and be careful.  But enjoy it because you only get this chance once in your lifetime.”

As if I hadn’t already thought of that a thousand times that day.

“And make sure you have your clothes on when I get home.  I don’t need to know when.  And I certainly don’t want to catch you in the middle of...”

“MOM!”

She laughed as she headed down the hall.  “Now what are we having for dinner?”

She was incorrigible.  But I loved her anyway.  Even though I was seriously beginning to doubt that when she brought up the cake.

“You know you have to eat your words and share it with the guy when you lose that virginity of yours, right?”

Oh. My. God.  My birthday cake.  In the freezer.  With the word VIRGIN written in bright white icing.  Maybe Jack will want a little cake to go with his dessert tomorrow night.  At the moment, though, I wanted nothing else than to crawl under the table and hide.  Thanks Mom, one more thing I have to think about.

*****

Friday!  Finally!  Jack woke up early that morning and hopped out of bed.  He kissed his mom on the cheek as she made him some breakfast.

“You are up early, son.”

“Yep.  It’s gonna be a great day.”

She wonder
ed what had gotten into her son over the last couple of days.  He was so happy he was almost giddy.  Had to be Suzy.  His mom felt a twinge of jealousy that some girl had captured her son’s heart.  But she knew that her Momma’s boy would one day have to grow up, even if she didn’t like thinking about it.  At least Suzy was a nice girl.  Jack seemed so serious about her that she figured it might be in her best interest to get to know her better.

“Jack, I was thinking that maybe you could invite Suzy over for dinner tomorrow night.”

Jack stopped with his juice in mid air.  Tomorrow.  They won’t be virgins anymore tomorrow.  And his mom wants her over for dinner.  It was a good thing he hadn’t taken a sip of his juice yet because he might have choked or spit it out.  “I will ask her tonight.”

“You going out tonight, then?”

“Of course.  It’s Friday, Mom.”

“Doing anything special?”

This time Jack did choke on his juice.  When he regained his composure he simply said, “The usual.  Probably go to dinner.  Go to a movie.  Hang out.  You know.”

“Have fun.”

She had no idea.  Jack hadn’t told anyone about what he and Suzy planned to do that night.  A lot of guys are “kiss and tell”, or more likely, “kiss and brag” or “kiss and stretch the truth”, but he was different.  He wanted this to be something that the two of them shared, alone.  Suzy was special.  She deserved that.

Jack spent a good portion of the day in his room.  He fiddled with his guitar, wishing he knew more about playing than he did.  He listened to music and tried to keep busy.  Finally he
told his mom he had “an errand” and left the house.  He went to a small store on the other side of town to buy condoms.  He kept his sunglasses on the entire time.  He went between complete excitement that he was finally, FINALLY going to need condoms to pure fear that someone would recognize him and see that he was planning to have sex. 
Why did this have to be so hard?  Do I buy a three pack or more?  How many do you really need?  One size fits most?  Latex?  With or without spermicide?  Better get the one with.  Why in God’s name did there have to be so many to choose from?  Ribbed?  Who the hell needs ribbed?  And what is ribbed exactly?
After what seemed like a lifetime but was really only about five minutes, Jack picked one out that looked good enough to him.  He tossed them on the counter and thanked God it was a college age guy at the checkout.  The clerk smirked and nodded his head at Jack and Jack nodded back.  Maybe it was because Jack also tossed a pack of gum and a bottle of coke and a water gun on the counter too.  Jack guessed from the look on the guy’s face that he didn’t get away with nonchalantly buying condoms.  Oh well, at least he wouldn’t be thirsty or have bad breath.  As for the water gun?  He would probably throw it away or use it to chase off his cat.

While Jack was getting ready, he discovered a dilemma.  How to carry the condoms.  He had to wear shorts that had poc
kets, obviously.  Would his blue jean shorts be too cumbersome when it came time to take them off?  Should he put just one in his wallet or carry the whole box?  Put it in the slot with the money or in a special secret compartment that will show the shape through to the outside?  Would it be cocky of him to bring all three, assuming that he might need them all tonight?

By the time he was ready to leave, he managed to get two of them stashed in his wallet disguised well enough to not be obvious.  The third one he used to practice with, just to make sure he knew what he was doing.

*****

I was shaking.  Seriously.  I had the hardest time putting on my mascara because my hand wouldn’t hold still.  I changed clothes at least six times until I found an outfit that was cute, comfortable and had easy access.  Plus, I
realized that I didn’t own one single pair of sexy underwear.  Not even a cute bra.  I was so boring!  Maybe I should go shopping after tonight.  After everything was hung back up in my closet and put away in my dresser, I took a good look around the room.

“Well, it
’s not going to get better than this I guess.”  I said to myself.  I waited until Mom had left for the night (with the exaggerated emphasis on the fact she would be home around two am) before I set up the rest of my room.  I included a picture I had framed of Jack from his trip to California.  He was in a red shirt and was leaning on a post on a pier with the ocean in the background.  He had that smile he saved for me right before he kissed me.  I loved that picture.  I also scrounged around and found a few candles from around the house and had them set up on my dresser with his picture in the middle of them.  Corny.  It looked a little like an altar.  Creepy.  So I moved everything around until I was satisfied.  Perfect.  I wanted it to be special for him too.  Plus a little romantic candlelight wouldn’t hurt at all.

Then
he knocked on the front door.

*****

Jack was a little overwhelmed when she answered the door.  Suzy had her hair down and brushed straight with very little curl to it.  That also meant very little hairspray.  Her outfit hugged her curves just enough to remind him of what was underneath.  But it was her eyes that took him back.  They were a brilliant grey green color tonight.  He couldn’t breathe when she looked at him and smiled.  He fought off the urge to take her in his arms and make love to her right then.  But he had a plan.  He wanted it to be special.

They went to
dinner and a movie.  Dinner was at a little restaurant on the square downtown.  The movie was a romantic comedy.  They shared popcorn and a Coke, his arm around her shoulders, both lost in thoughts of what was coming.

By the time they got back to her house, the awkwardness of the situation set in.  He wondered how
to get from walking in the door to having sex, all the while KNOWING they were planning to have sex, without it being weird or forced.  Why did they PLAN it?  Spontaneous passion leading to sexual frenzy would have been easier than trying to figure out how to get from Point A to Point B without the obvious proverbial elephant in the room.

Suzy told Jack to make himself at home
then disappeared down the hall, leaving Jack alone with his thoughts, wondering what she was doing and also what she will look like completely naked.

*****

I left a lighter in my room so I could light the candles when we got home.  I hadn’t really figured out how I was going to get him into my room.  Strip naked and call him in from the living room for him to discover me laying on the bed waiting?  Nope, that was a little too slutty for me.  I would just see how it goes.  I lit the candles and headed to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I made sure I peed so that every single drop I had was out, and then some.  Nerves.  I had read and r
eread and even tried out one of those suppository things earlier that day.  I got that ready and put that in.  I struggled and almost worked up a sweat putting in the sponge thingy before we went out earlier.  I had to do it three times because the darn thing kept flipping over.  Now I had to wait 20 minutes, according to the directions, for the suppository to be fully activated and, well, melted.  It felt weird, but better to be safe than sorry, right?  Twenty minutes.  What can we do for twenty minutes?