Back To You (8 page)

“Hey Jack!  I never see you here!  What’s up?”

“I, uh, well, this is my first time.”

“Like it so far?” She asked.

“It’s pretty cool.”

“So why are you just standing there, not dancing?”

“I’m not too great at it...”

“Doubt that!  C’mon.  Dance with me.”

He hesitated.

“You can’t be here standing at the rail all night,” she said.  And she grabbed the hand that wasn’t holding the Coke.  Randy looked up at them and smiled.  Then he waved them to come out to the dance floor.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed and let her lead him out to dance.  And that’s when everything changed.

*****

I have no idea what got into me.  Whatever it was that possessed me to go up to Jack and ask him to dance will forever remain a mystery.  Maybe it was because he looked like he wanted to be out there but didn’t know how to start having fun.  I didn’t notice him at first, but when I saw him standing alone at the rail, I just had to ask him to dance.  And he said yes.  After a little coaxing.

Being around Jack made me happy.  I wanted to smile all the time when we danced.  It became a pretty regular thing when Randy and Jack got there for me to dance with them most of the night.  It isn’t easy talking over the loud music, but we were building a frien
dship that was beginning to show promise.  We even danced to a few slow songs here and there.  I loved being close to him, hearing him, smelling the laundry detergent and deodorant and cologne all mixed together.  His laugh sounded like a grumble from deep inside, and when I wrapped my hands around his neck, I could feel the sweat on his skin cooling him down.  It was a crush, but I wasn’t falling into that drama again.  I couldn’t handle another crash and burn like with Pete.  Jack was nice.  He was cute.  And he was a friend.

One weekend it all changed.  It was the same as always, I danced with them once they got there.  I could dance all night with only a break once in a while for some water. Justin played one of my very favorite songs.  No matter what mood I was in, that song made me break out and really get into the dancing.  “Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC.  Something about it just turned a light on
inside of me.  When I heard that song, I would let my hair down, gyrate and head bang.  It was a completely sexy thing that just happened.  I felt SO GOOD when I felt like I could let go like that.

I knew it would draw some attention when I danced like that.  I didn’t mind much.  It was like a sense of total freedom overcame me.  My drunk mother, my feisty sister, my lack of a love life, my desperation to feel like I fit in, my desire to feel like I was loved, all of it disappeared when I could let it all go and dance with no inhib
itions.  It was wonderful.

Randy looked at me that night and just shook his head and laughed.  He let loose as well and really got into the song.  Max was there too.  He just kept dancing.  But Jack stopped dancing for a m
inute.  His eyes took on a different look as he watched me move to the music with passion.  He couldn’t have been surprised because he had seen me dance like that before.  But that night, that dance, that look he gave me changed our lives forever.

*****

She was dancing like normal when her favorite song came on.  That night she seemed to glow more than normal as she lost herself in the song, singing the lyrics and not caring at all about anyone around her.  It was like the world fell away from her and she stood on her own in a spotlight, free from all of her shyness. 
God she was beautiful.
  Watching her that night, Jack felt something move inside of him.  He had always thought she was beautiful.  He knew she was so much more than she led a lot of people to believe, but that night, that dance, he also knew that he wanted her more than he had wanted anything else.  He could feel his body react as he moved to the music, closer to her.  So close, but not touching.  Her green eyes looked into his without the usual barriers, looking up through her lashes, running her fingers through her long blonde hair, touching herself as the music moved her, the lights flashing and giving her an extra aura of primal release.  His eyes glistened with desire for her, his skin tingled with excitement, his body rock hard as he thought how much he wanted to hold her close to him.

But the song was over too soon.  He wanted it to go on all night so he could see her lose herself in the moment.  God must have heard his prayers that moment because a slow song came on.  Now was his chance.  Please, just don’t let her say no. 
Please, please, please say yes
his eyes pleaded with her before the words even came out of his mouth.  She was just beginning to turn away and head off the floor.

“Wait.  Stay.  Dance with me.”  And he reached for her
hand.  As their hands touched it was like lightning went between them.  The energy and electricity was immense.  Jack had never felt anything like it.  It was the best thing he ever felt.

*****

I didn’t want the song to be over.  I felt sexy, invincible, beautiful, incredible.  Jack was looking at me with those amazingly sexy hazel eyes.  I noticed that as he looked at my lips, he licked his own.  His smile was crooked as he looked down on me.  I could tell he was just a breath away from reaching out and putting his arm around my waist.  And I wanted it.  I wanted it so much it actually surprised me.  This was a new feeling for me.  Not even Pete had made me feel quite like this.  But the song ended and a slow dance began.

Oh what to do?  Please, God let him ask me to dance.  I will just die if he doesn’t ask me to dance.  I couldn’t look him in the eye for fear he would see just how much I wanted to be close to him.  Don’t look desperate, Suzy.  And then...he asked.  He touched my arm and slid his hand down to entwine with mine and the entire world shifted.  It felt like every light in the room was blazing just in our touch.  I was unable to move away even if I had to. 

He put his hands on my waist, held me just a little closer than usual.  He didn’t speak.  He didn’t have to.  I knew he felt the same electrical connection I did.  He looked as surprised as I did by it.  I placed my hands on his shoulders and laid my head on his chest.  I could feel him take a deep breath.  I wondered how he could breathe because it felt like all of the air left me.  We danced just like that for the entire song.  No words, just feeling each other’s thoughts race.  The next song came on, but he did not release his hold on me.  Instead he pulled me in closer to him.  I was dizzy from all of the emotion I was feeling at once, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.  His body fit so well with mine.  I could hear his heart pounding in time with mine.  I could feel the muscles in his shoulders tense as I moved my hands down just a little.  It was a little piece of heaven right there with his arms around me.

Of course the song ended.  Our connection never broke even as Randy came up to join us again for another fast song.  When Jack pulled away and broke the embrace, his eyes searched mine.  I mel
ted.  He knew I felt the same way.  The question was there, but neither of us could ask it.  We didn’t speak of it that night.  We spent our time together, dancing, laughing, having fun.  Randy was there, but I don’t think either of us knew anyone else existed.

When it was time to leave, he grabbed my hand.  He looked like he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t.

“Thank you.”  He said.

“Anytime.”  I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Randy stood there, grinning from ear to ear, watching us both unsuccessfully avoid an awkward moment.  I hugged Randy goodbye.  And I hugged Jack.  This time he hugged me back, holding me tight for just a second longer than usual.  He said nothing.  But he didn’t have to, I knew exactly how he felt.

C
hapter 6

He had already gotten her number from Randy, but he didn’t call.  He didn’t want to push her away by seeming too e
ager.  She must have felt SOMETHING.  How could she not have felt something when it felt like a lightning storm to him when he touched her.

It wasn’t easy to ask girls out, but it wasn’t that hard a
nymore either.  Kissing was pretty easy too.  Just had to get past that initial time-space continuum for the first one.  Sometimes he thought it was much easier when he was younger and more concerned about getting cooties from girls than worrying about bad breath and whether or not they were going to be a good kisser.

Randy called him first thing Sunday
. 

“So did you call her?”  Randy didn’t even say hello when Jack picked up.

“No.  Hello to you too.”

“Dude, I thought for sure you would call her.  I am pos
itive she would say yes if you asked her.”

“I don’t know...”

“Jack, did you see the way she looked at you last night?”

“But maybe it was just a
onetime thing.”

“Seriously?  You are going to chicken out, NOW?”

“I’m not chicken-ing out.  I just want to make sure.”

“OK, then let me handle it.”

“No!  She’s just...different.  I don’t want to screw it up.”

“Well, how about if I just kind of ask her how she would feel if you as
ked her out?  Would that help?”

Jack hesitated.  “OK.  But try not to be too obvious, huh?”

They got off the phone a few minutes later, and Jack was already thinking about what to wear to school the next day.  He was dreading it. 
What if she does the same thing as before?  Say no and blow him off.  I can’t handle it again.  Not with her.

H
e was obviously preoccupied while he was eating dinner.  His mom noticed.

“Jack, honey, are you feeling ok?”

“Yeah Mom.  Just thinking about my test tomorrow.”  There was no way he was going to talk to his parents about a girl.

“You just don’t look like yourself.  Are you sure you aren’t coming down with something?”

Perpetual fear of heartache?
  “No, I’m all right.  I swear, Mom.  I feel fine.  Just need to study, that’s all.”

He
kept pushing the food around on his plate, eating very little.  Finally he asked if he could be excused.

“Sure.”  His dad raised an eyebrow at Jack’s mom and chuckled when Jack got up and went to his room.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.  “I hope he isn’t getting sick.”   

“Maybe he’s a little love
sick.” 

“What?”  She looked confused a
nd then it hit her.  “Oh.  Should I go talk to him?”

“No, he doesn’t want to talk about it right now.  I
’ll talk to him about it tomorrow if he hasn’t perked up by then.  For now, just leave him be.”

Jack’s mom smiled, but still she worried.  He was, after all, her only child, and the thought of him growing up and having girl issues wasn
’t easy to deal with.  “Do you think he has kissed anyone yet?”

Jack’s dad laughed out loud.  “Of course he has!  He’s sixteen now.  He has probably done a lot more than kiss, hun.”

“Oh.  I don’t want to think about it.  I hope he is being careful.”

“I’
ll talk to him, don’t worry.”

She sighed and headed to the kitchen to get the dishes cleaned up.  Jack’s dad chuckle
d.  It was hard to believe his son was sixteen and possibly thinking about sex already, but he remembered his days as a sixteen year old boy and figured it was about time to make sure Jack was prepared.  He hoped he wasn’t too late.

*****

“Suzy!  Chill out, would ya?”  Kim was laughing at her little sister.

“Shut up.”  I tossed back.  “He hasn’t c
alled.  Why hasn’t he called?”

“Games.  They all play
mind games.  It’s like a necessary mating ritual for guys.  You just have to be cool and wait it out.”  Kim replied.

“But that is
stupid!  Why is it so hard?  You like somebody, you call them.  That simple.  But noooooooo!  They make you wait while you go out of your mind!”

Kim leaned back on the pillows of my bed.  “Yep.  Get used to it.”

“UGH!”  I was pacing.  “I don’t even know why I’m upset!  He didn’t say he liked me.  Maybe it was all in my head.”

“Suzy, he
’ll call.  Be patient.”  Kim snickered.  “Although that might be tough for you.  I’ve never seen you worked up like this, not even over Pete.”

“I know!  It just...well, it just FELT different.  My sto
mach is still flipping around just thinking about him.”  I threw myself down face first on my bed.  “I hate this.” It sounded like a mumble.

“Just think, maybe you can go out on a date.  OOOOOOO and maybe he will kiss ya!”  Kim made smooching noises.

“Shut up.”  I said, muffled by the blanket.  “You don’t know how this feels.”

“Wanna bet?”  Kim spat back.  “I had a great time with Marvin last night.  MMMMM he is so s
exy!  I could just eat him up.  But he doesn’t call either.”

“I thought he had a girlfriend.”

“He does, sort of.”

“Sort of?  What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He’s been dating her, but she thinks it is more serious than he does.  He doesn’t want to settle down, she does.  He’s just waiting for the right time to break it off with her.  I’ll give him a reason to want to settle down.”

“Sure you will.”

“Hey, I’m good at what I do and guys L-O-V-E it.  Have you even tried it yet?”

“NO!”  I was completely red in the face.  I knew that Kim was talking about blow jobs.  “I haven’t even seen a guy naked!  Or t
ouched one of...those...”

“Well, you better learn how if you want to keep a guy happy.”

“I’ve felt a guy through his clothes.  It’s so weird how it gets hard like that.  I liked it.”  I rolled over so I could see my sister.  “I just can’t imagine putting it in my mouth.”  I made a face.

“You’ll see.  When they love it, you love it.  Make them happy and they will usually return the favor.”

I thought about it for a minute.  Lots of people at school had already had sex, or if they hadn’t, they’d gone pretty far.  When I used to think about Pete, I could feel my body reacting as I imagined him kissing me all over.  But when Jack and I touched, I had a very different reaction.  It was like my body wanted him.  I wanted to be close to him and feel his reaction to me.  It was more than just wanting to be kissed all over.  There was a heat that came from inside of me.

“What’s it like to orgasm?”  I asked Kim.

“You mean, you never have?”

“I am still a VIRGIN Kim.  Of course I haven’t.”

“You poor, poor thing.  You really should remedy that soon.  Just don’t know what you’re missing.”

“So are you going to tell me?”

“How it feels?”  Kim asked.  “I shouldn’t and let you experience it for yourself.”

“Meanie.”

“OK, it feels like there is this ball inside of you.  You get excited, start kissing and it feels like the ball is bouncing all around.  Then as you get into it, it feels like the ball grows and grows, and you feel like you are going to explode.  Then BAM!  It explodes and you have this crazy sensation that just rolls over you.  It’s like you totally lose control and you tingle and shake all over.”

“Wow.  That sounds intense.”

“It is, Suze, it is.”  Kim got up.  “What time did you say Mom was supposed to be home?”

“She’s working at the bar tonight, so no telling.  She
’ll probably stay after her shift like she always does and come home late.  It’s Sunday, so at least it won’t be AS late.”

“Guess we better go scrounge up something for dinner.  Let’s go see what we have to eat.  And maybe I can teach you a thing or two.  To help you get your mind off of this John guy.”

“Jack.  His name is Jack.”

“Ah, how original.  So tell me more about him.  Is he tall, handsome, hairy, hung?”

“Oh my God, you are the worst!”  I laughed as we headed to the kitchen.

*****

Jack did not sleep well that night.  If he wasn’t thinking about Suzy and how much he would love to kiss her, then he was worried that he might not get the chance.  He tossed and turned.  Watched TV, listened to music, lay there in complete darkness.  Nothing helped.  Finally he gave up and got up to shower and start getting ready for school.  When he was done, he still had over an hour before he had to leave.  So he decided to start playing a little on his guitar.  It was the only thing that could calm him down to face the day.

*****

Time for school.  I had a gnarling knot in the pit of my stomach.  Something awesome happened Jack, and he didn’t call.  Now I had to go to school and see him.  That thought made me ecstatic but anxious.  What if he didn’t speak to me?  What if he did?

Randy caught up with me before second period.

“Hey Suze!”

“Hey Randy!  What’s up?”

“I wanted to tell you how much fun we had Saturday night.  I mean, I always have fun, but Jack had a great time too.”

“Me too! 
Maybe we can do it again this weekend.”  I hesitated. 

“Uh, Suzy?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think that if Jack asked you out that you would go?”  He had a funny smile on his face.

“I, um, yeah, I would love to.”  My stomach did a triple summersault.  “Randy, does that mean…he likes me?”

“Yep. 
Don’t tell him I told you.”

“Mum’s the word.
”  I was no longer walking, more like floating above the floor

“Excellent!”  I heard him say as he dashed to class.

*****

Randy was such a good friend.  He gave Jack the thumbs up sign between second and third period.  Now Jack had an hour to get his thoughts straight and his nerve up to ask her out.  Jack figured he would take Randy’s suggestion and
make it sort of a group thing.  Not that he couldn’t handle it on his own, but it would help if any awkward silences popped up.

Instead of going into English, he waited outside the door
to try to catch Suzy before she went into class.  When she saw him, she had a big smile on her face.  He felt a warm flush creep up his back and neck.

“Hey Jack!”

“Hi Suzy.”  He looked down at his feet, then back at her.  “I was wondering of you would like to go out with a few of us this weekend.”

“I, uh, sure.  Wait a minute, a few of us?”

“Yeah, Randy and Sunny and I were planning to go to a movie and get a bite to eat.  Wanna come with us?”

“That would be great.”  If her smile got any brighter, he would absolutely melt on the floor.

“Can I call you?”  He looked at his shoes again.

“Please do.  I hoped you would.”

He grabbed her hand for just a second, and they walked in the class together just as the bell rang.  His day was definitely looking good.

*****

I absolutely hated the way my stomach reacted when a guy I liked talked to me.  I was so afraid I’d barf right there on his shoes.  I wasn’t upset or anything.  Just the opposite!  I just got so stinking nervous.  I hated it.  I wondered if other girls felt the same way or if I was just the weirdo.  Talking to Jack wasn’t any different. 

H
e had beautiful eyes.  His hair was all spiked up.  I liked it like that.  And you know what I noticed?  He had a teeny tiny little mole just under his left ear I had never noticed before.  Sexy.  Oh I was a mess!  But I felt so good!

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur.  In English, I caught him looking over at me a couple of times.  I blushed each time.  And smiled.  A smile that came from my toes. 

At lunch, he walked me to the lunchroom from class, and we sat with Randy and a couple of our mutual friends.  I handed him my number. He asked if he could call me that night.  I wanted to say, “Duh, if you don’t I will go mad.”  But I didn’t.  I just nodded vehemently.

Tingly.  Wa
s that a word?  That was what I would have used to describe the way I felt.  Bubbly.  That was a good one too.  Over the top nervous and excited and wanting melt or float or both was a great way to describe it as well.  Regardless, I was pretty sure the word was HAPPY.

He called me that night.  We talked for over an hour
about anything and everything.  Favorite songs, classes at school, our pets, Monopoly’s and just general stuff.  Nothing too serious.