Back To You (5 page)

*****

Crap!  Crap.  Crap.  Craaaaaap!  The school break was almost over and I hadn’t read the whole book!  Sure, I had read almost 400 pages of it, but I had like a 1,000 to go and we started back to school in four days!  I didn’t have anything better to do, so I picked it up to see what happened.  I could relate to the pain this man felt in his loss of innocence and how he felt persecuted for something he had no idea about.  Life had been like that a little bit for me.  I try hard to be a good person, but for some reason, that very trait seemed to keep biting me in the ass.  I guessed I could just dream about finding treasure while I spent my day in Edmund Dante’s world.

My mom called up to me several times, but I didn’t hear her.  I had become completely enthralled with the life of The Count of Monte Cristo.  I couldn’t wait to finish dinner.  I don’t even reme
mber what I ate, or even if I chewed.  When I started the book, I figured it would be a challenge to read simply because people were too chicken to read a book so thick.  I hoped it would be good enough to keep my interest.  What I didn’t know was how much I would love the book.  Very few times had I been able to identify with a main character as I had with Edmund.  Such a good soul who was tainted by vicious jealousies of others.  And yet, although the need for revenge raged through him, still he could not forget the very essence of his character and showed kindness to those he loved and who showed great kindnesses to him.

At 3:36 am, I closed the book, crying silent tears and kno
wing that the beauty of the book affected me.  It took me 8 weeks and 3 days to read the first 398 pages, and only 15 hours to complete the other 967.  I was so tired.  My eyes were blurry and fatigued from reading so long and crying as the meaning of this man’s life sank into me.  As I put the book on my nightstand and turned out the light, I drifted off to sleep thinking about how people had done mean things that have hurt me, and yet shaped me into the person I was growing into every day.  Also, I couldn’t help but think of those people who had been kind to me for no real reason and how, more than any mean thing someone had done, those kind acts had touched me to the core.  I needed to write about this.  But first, I needed sleep.

C
hapter 3

He was always excited when summer came around.  Finally, freedom!  He had gotten his learner’s permit right after his fifteenth birthday and was anxious for more practice time with his dad. 

“C’mon dad!  Let’s goooooooo,” he was impatient to get back behind the wheel. 
He felt like the king of the world.  Well, at least until he did something that made his dad nervous.  He grabbed the keys and hopped in the Blazer, honking for his dad.  His dad trotted out to the Blazer shaking his head and laughing.  His mom was peeking out of the kitchen window.  Ahhhh, life as a teenager!

Jack drove down to a
college parking lot, where he could work on his parking skills.  He popped in a cassette and turned the music to a decent level.  His dad started to say something about turning it down, but before he got the chance, Jack said, “Dad, you know that I will have music on when I am driving.  Shouldn’t I learn to drive safely while we are in a contained parking lot?”

“Good point,” his dad replied.  “Okay, but keep the vo
lume down, and if you screw up it gets turned off, got me?”

“Gotcha.”

After a few turns around the parking lot and instructions from his dad, Jack got the hang of parallel parking.    He loved driving.  He couldn’t wait until he was on his own on the open road.  He was already working on his dad about getting a convertible, but he wasn’t sure his chances were all that great this time around.  He could imagine the feel of the wind in his hair, especially on hot summer nights.  He also pictured taking a girl out on a date. 
That is, if one would ever say yes
.

*****

I spent the majority of my summers with my dad in California.  I hated the time in between the end of school and waiting to head out on the plane.  The whole situation was never very pleasant between my parents.  Strained is way too mild of a word, even after the last few years.

A couple of summer’s ago, I met dad’s neighbors and their daughter, Leah.  She asked if I wanted to go to a party that night.  I was elated!  The year before, I had no one to talk to that was my own age, so this was certainly a step in the right dire
ction.  The party that night included loud music, a pool, a Jacuzzi and about 10 people I had never met.   I was terrified to get into the pool with my bikini on in front of these guys I didn’t know.  The little bit of talking I did was well received and I was teased goodheartedly about my southern accent.

After that party, Leah and I really hit it off as friends.  We had sleepovers where we swam until the wee hours of the morning, snuck a little bit of liquor from the liquor cabinet to make exotic drinks (or so we thought) and told ghost stories until the sun came up.  I missed my friends at home, but this was much better than I thought it would be.

It was Leah’s fifteenth birthday that summer and she had a party at her house.  I was excited!  She told me about a boy that she invited.  They were friends and she really wanted him to meet me.  Steve a year ahead of her in school. I was nervous about being so young (not even in high school yet!).  Leah promised that we would hit it off.

Leah told me that all of the people I had met were just totally enraptured with me and my southern drawl.  It was exci
ting to them to meet someone so different. I was a fun diversion from the norm.  During the party, I found myself sitting in the hot tub with a bunch of guys. I became a bit flustered, and, admittedly, flattered.  I got up to go get something to drink, refusing the offers from the guys to go get it for me.  I needed a minute to cool off, both from the hot water and the embarrassment of being singled out like that.  I couldn’t believe I was interesting to a bunch of guys who were surrounded with California beauties all of the time.  I told myself I was just a novelty, even if I couldn’t suppress a smile as I walked into the game room.

It was just after
ten and Steve had not shown up.  I was disappointed that he wasn’t there, but I figured it was no big loss.  As I turned away from the counter with the drink, I saw someone coming in through the side gate.  When he turned around, I saw a gorgeous guy with a bright smile.  He was fairly tall, well built without being bulky, had very dark hair and dark eyes.  He came into the game room and gave Leah a huge hug and wished her happy birthday.  Leah called me over to introduce us.

“Steve, I want you to meet my friend Suzy.  She is the one I told you about that’s from Louisiana.”

His eyes smiled along with his mouth.  “Hi.”

Don’t get nervous Suzy.  Please don’t say anything st
upid, I told myself. “Hi!  You thirsty?  Drinks are right over here.”

“Sorry I was so late, I had to work.”

“No problem.”  Leah said and bounced off to talk to some other friends. 

“Where do you work?”  I figured that was a safe que
stion.

“Del Taco for now, but I hope to get a job with Disne
yland soon.”

“Disneyland?  What do you want to do there?”

“I hope to be one of the characters that goes around and talks to kids.  And hopefully I can be in some of the musical numbers.  I love to act and sing.”

“Wow.  Cool!”

We sat together on a wicker swing full of pillows for hours, talking about everything.  The party had died down just after two.  I was still wide awake.  Steve was funny, articulate, intelligent and handsome.  And I couldn’t believe he spent the entire night talking to me.  He groaned as the first sign of dawn approached.

“I have to go,” he told me.  “I don’t want to, but if I don’t get home, my parents will kill me for being out all night.”

“I can’t believe we talked all night.  Where did the time go?”

“Spending
the best evening of my life talking to the girl of my dreams,” he said, all smiles and charm.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Seriously,” he said.  “I have never met anyone like you.”

My stomach did a fluttering thing.
“You must be crazy or tired.”

“Nope, not crazy.  The only crazy guys would be the ones who wouldn’t want to snatch you up as soon as they meet you.  You’re smart and funny and beautiful to boot.”  He was serious.  I think I swooned.

But he had to leave.  He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and hurried back out to his car.  I was pretty sure my feet didn’t touch the ground for a week.  He called me several times before I headed home that summer.  Right before I left, he asked my dad if he could take me to the beach with some friends and spend the evening at the beach for a fire and to watch the sunset.  Dad hesitated, but he agreed when he learned that Leah was going to be there too.  With a strict ten o’clock curfew (ugh! my curfew was midnight at home), we headed out.

I was completely mesmerized by the sunset over the ocean.  Watching the sun escape
behind the cliffs as the moon rose over the water for the first time was something I could never forget.

Steve
and I walked down the pier, holding hands and talking about how he would miss me while I was gone.  He promised to write when he could.  As we made our way back to the fire and the rest of the group, he stopped to pick up a stick.  He drew a couple of pictures in the sand (he really was a good artist).  Then he told me to close my eyes while he drew another.  I peeked.  It looked like he drew several heart shapes and then wrote some words.  When he was done, he called me over to see it.  I was stunned.

He had drawn a beautiful rose in the sand with the words “a rose for my sweet Suzy”.  I didn’t know what to say.

“I think I have fallen in love with you, Suzy.”

This was insanity!  How could he think this way when I was only fourteen years old? 

Later that night, when he walked me to the door, he gave me his address and took mine.  “I am not completely crazy, you know, but you have captured my heart like no one else has.  There is just something about you...” He kissed me sweetly and said goodbye.  I was positive I wouldn’t need a plane to fly me home.

Steve kept his promise and wrote several times.  He a
lways included something he had drawn for me and a poem he wrote.  I wrote back.  I wasn’t totally sure it was the best idea being in a long-distance relationship with someone who lived across the nation.  Besides, after I got home was when I first met the Ponchy guys and the dramatic crush for Pete began.  I never told Steve about Pete.  But every time I saw a letter addressed to me from California, I snuck upstairs and dreamily read about the excitement in Steve’s life.  Once he sent a picture of himself in a Tigger suit at Disneyland.  Every time I felt a little down or upset with things at home, I would pull out the picture and poems and convince myself that someone out there fell for me, just the way I was.

I
was thinking about all of this as I rode the plane back to California.  It was summer and I was ready to go back to my friends up the street from Dad’s house.  And I had someone waiting for me.

Just before my trip to California, I had gotten some bad news.  One of my friends from school, Sandra, had found out she was pregnant and her parents basically threw her out of the house.  Kim and I took her to a Planned Parenthood place and basically held her hand as she learned about her options.  She knew we would not judge her and that we would be there for her, no matter the choices she made.
Eventually, all was well with her, but she was still in turmoil deciding between keeping the baby and abortion when I had to leave for California.  It weighed heavily on my mind, for sure.

Summer was pretty good in a lot of ways and really tough in others. 
Of course I spent time with Leah and Steve.  Reneigh sent me long letters and kept me filled in about Pete and the Ponchy guys.  I worried about Sandra, but got news from Reneigh that she was keeping the baby. 

Dad decided to repave the driveway, so he enlisted the whole family to help. 
One morning I was out there using a wire brush to smooth out rough spots and give the driveway texture.  It was during this process that I learned my sister Kim had been brutally raped.  I was already feeling guilty for not being there for Sandra when this happened.  I felt completely helpless not being there for her, knowing that she had to be going through a million emotions like guilt, rage and fear.  I was working on the driveway, crying my eyes out, feeling guilty and helpless and utterly useless while brushing the concrete.  I was out there alone, thinking about so many different things and wishing I could be home to help those whom I loved that were in pain.  My dad was a lot of things, but he was not the most prophetic and didn’t always say things that stuck with me.  He was usually one to lecture for hours instead of spanking (I often prayed for the spanking instead of the long droning lectures).  But that day, he came out, saw me crying and put his arm around me.  Then he said the one thing that changed my entire life.

“Suzy.  God will never give you anything you can’t ha
ndle.  It seems tough at times, impossible even, but you have the strength to survive.  You are one amazing young lady, I want you to know that I believe in your strength.”

That’s it.  That’s all he said.  Then he went back inside and left me with my thoughts.  Until that point in my life, I had exper
ienced many things that no one my age should have even known about, but that moment I knew that no matter what challenges were thrown at me, they were tests of my strength and willpower.  Perhaps God had a plan for me that was bigger than I could imagine.  It was one of the most profound turning points of my life.  All from my dad, who had never said anything like that before.

The rest of the summer, even though I always had Sa
ndra and Kim in the back of my mind, I spent my days in the pool or at Leah’s (usually in her pool as well).  We went to several parties and I got to know more of her friends.  And of course, I saw Steve. 

Wow.  H
is kisses were like silk.  There was definitely an advantage to dating a guy who was older.  He knew his way around when it came to making out!  I was serious about not having sex, and he respected that.  Admirable for a teenager with raging hormones, I thought.

We
got caught one night way after he was supposed to have gone home.  Dad and Sharon went to bed early, so it was easy to have him stay longer as long as we were quiet.  Except nature had other plans that night!  I could say that his kisses moved the earth beneath my feet, but it was really an earthquake.  It’s nice to think of it that way though...

It was the first of a couple of earthquakes that summer.  Honestly, living in Louisiana, you get used to the severe thunder storms and hurricane warnings, but nothing can prepare you for the sensation of an earthquake.  No warning.  Just WHAMO!  The world moved, pictures shook, things rattled and the pool had tiny little whitecaps on it.  Yeah, nothing quite like God telling you that alt
hough humans thought they controlled the world, they were nothing but grains of sand, helpless to change anything.

So
there we were, Steve and I, making out hot and heavy.  I didn’t need brakes that night, however.  God did that for me.  Nothing like an earth shattering (literally) experience to wake up those senses!  Dad and Sharon came flying out of their bedroom in their PJ’s, Sharon running to the pool (that was her favorite part of the house) and Dad running out to the new driveway to make sure it didn’t crack.