Backdraft (7 page)

Glaring at her, he said, “You have the gall to call me a liar?”

She knew standing out here arguing wasn’t going to solve their problems. It was bad enough they’d raised eyebrows among her co-workers; she didn’t need to let her nosy neighbors in on her business too. That was the main reason she’d moved away from Brant, to put some distance between herself and the recriminations that would undoubtedly follow her actions. According to that town, Dave was a hero, the star quarterback who led their team to championships year after year who went on to become the guy who ran into burning buildings to save their treasures. How could they not love and respect him?

As soon as she turned the key in the lock, her beloved chocolate Labrador, Ginger, came barreling toward her, anxious to greet her mistress. “Hey, there’s my pretty girl,” she said, laughing. “I missed you, too.”

“Oh hell no,” he muttered, standing just behind her in the doorway. “Are you kidding me?”

Choosing to ignore him, she lavished attention on her pup. At least Ginger understood the meaning of unconditional love, which was more than she could say for him. “Have you got a problem with dogs?”

He grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet. “What the hell are you doing?”

She glared at the hand gripping her tender flesh and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. The house, the dog…” He looked around at the antique furniture decorating the narrow hallway. “This was my dream. You had no right…”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “That’s where you’re wrong. This was
our
dream. It was the only thing I took with me, Dave. My memories and our dreams. You have no claim on them anymore, just like you don’t have the right to tell me how to live my life. If I want to live in a house like yours, I will. If I want to buy a dog, I will. If I want to date Chris…”

Holding her tighter, he said, “I’d tread carefully if I were you.”

“Why does it bother you so much that I have someone in my life? You don’t want me, remember?”

The dog licked his bandaged hand. Looking down, he ruffled her ears. “Hey, you sure are a pretty girl. You must have been lonely in this big, old, empty house, huh?”

After shaking him loose, she crossed her arms. “I’m not an irresponsible pet owner, if that’s what you’re implying. The girl next door comes over when I’m not here. I pay her to feed Ginger, play with her, and take her out for walks when I can’t be here.”

Smirking, he said, “It was supposed to be a male dog, and his name was Bruno.”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “I never agreed to that. You know I wanted a female dog.”

Suddenly, he brushed a fingertip down her cheek, staring down into her eyes. “Yeah, but we compromised. One of each, Bruno and…”

“Ginger,” she whispered, remembering the night they came to the agreement. They were at the drive-in theatre on the outskirts of town. She was due to leave for school in a few weeks and planning their future made it easier to deal with the impending separation. “I remember.”

“So do I,” he whispered, leaning in closer. “I remember every minute we spent together, even though I’d give every goddamn thing I own to be able to forget.”

She knew exactly how he felt. Living in the past was even more difficult than looking forward to an uncertain future. Licking her lips, she reveled in his closeness. It wasn’t like the intimacy they’d shared in the hotel room. Now he knew it was her, and he was here, in her home, of his own volition, even though she sensed he was torn between facing the past and running away. “I feel the same way. I can’t live this way anymore. That’s why I came home, to figure this out, once and for all.”

“Nothing’s changed,” he said, closing his eyes as he leaned his head against her forehead. “You’re still the same woman who cheated on me with my best friend. I love you and I hate you. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.”

Her heart soared and then plummeted. He loved her, but a part of him still despised her. He could never trust her after the perceived betrayal. She knew she could tell him the truth, that she’d thought she was making love to him that night. Craig took advantage of her in a vulnerable moment, but if she told him the truth, it would cost him his best friend. Even if they could get past what happened, he would likely resent her for the rest of their lives. It was a no-win situation, and there were no guarantees that even if she told him, he would understand and welcome her back into his life. It was better to say nothing and put the past to rest, once and for all.

Dave knew this was a bad idea, but leaning in to kiss those sweet lips seemed like the most natural thing in the world. He’d once had every delectable inch of her body mapped. He knew what made her moan softly, breathe harder, gasp, and arch into his touch. He needed to know if he could still make her feel that way.

He had been at a disadvantage earlier, bound and blindfolded. This time he wanted to use all of his senses to heighten the experience for both of them. The kiss they shared was so intimate, so sensual, it rocked him to the core. Earlier, they had sex. He feared this time they would make love, and he didn’t know if he could turn his back on that.

“Dave,” she whispered, trailing wet kisses down his neck. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

He wasn’t sure of anything right now, except for the fact that he had to have her, again and again. “I’m sure. You?”

She groaned, working the buttons on his shirt. “God, I don’t know. This is a bad idea; I know it is, but I can’t seem to stop myself.”

He knew the feeling. Loving her was like an addiction. He’d stopped cold turkey once, or thought he had, but he didn’t think he was strong enough to do it again. “I feel like a fuckin’ alcoholic,” he muttered, backing her into the wall. “And you’re looking like a big ol’ bottle of Jack Daniels.”

She chuckled and said, “I can’t say that I’ve ever been compared to liquor before.”

“Liquor, drugs, it doesn’t matter,” he said, lifting her shirt over her head to reveal the black lacy bra he’d seen her don at the hotel. “I’m an addict, and you’re my poison of choice.”

Looking up at him, she framed his face with her hands. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore. If you think this is a bad idea, maybe we should stop.”

He drew a deep breath as he closed his eyes. “Honey, I know this is a bad idea, but I couldn’t stop even if there was a bomb getting set to go off. This thing is that powerful.” He opened his eyes and traced her lips with his tongue. “I can’t get enough of you. I need to taste you, all of you.”

She shuddered in his arms as she coiled her arms around his neck. “The bedroom’s at the top of the stairs.” Flattening her palms against his chest, she said, “Wait, there’s a guest bedroom down here. Maybe that would be a better idea.”

Okay, he didn’t like the sound of that. “Why don’t you want to take me up to your room?”

She grimaced, as though he were dragging the information out of her by force. “Don’t you know how hard it would be for me to make love to another man there if you and I…”

Thrusting his hand into his hair, he said, “I can’t believe you’re thinking about making love to someone else when you’re here with me.”

A tear slipped down her cheek and she swiped at it with the back of her hand. “That’s not fair, and you know it. You’re going to leave here tomorrow, maybe sooner, and I’m going to be left with a rumpled bed and your scent on my sheets. How am I going to walk into that room again without remembering?”

“Maybe I want you to remember,” he said softly, coiling his hand around her neck. “I think I want to brand it in your memory, so that every time another man touches you… you think of me. Every tongue that slides into your mouth from now on is mine. Every cock that glides into your tight little pussy is mine. I’m the only man you can think about, the only man you want.”

“Why are you doing this? Are you trying to punish me?”

He didn’t know who he was hurting more: her or himself. The vision of someone else doing those things to her made it feel like someone was whipping him with a leather strap, making him beg for mercy. “Hell, I don’t know, maybe.”

Kissing his neck, collarbone, and shoulder, she gently slipped the shirt off. “If you want to stop, now would be the time,” she whispered, punctuating the words with soft kisses.

“We’ll figure this out later. Right now, I don’t want to think, I want to feel…” He slid his hands into her long, thick hair, tugging her head back. “I want to pound you, punish you, make you scream.” The anger still simmering beneath his words scared him. How could he still need her so much after all this time? He resented his weakness; his feelings for her were the one and only thing in his life that felt beyond his control.

“I want that too,” she murmured, sinking her teeth into his shoulder. “You remember how much I loved it when you lost control? When you used to fuck me, hard, fast… you were so reckless, so wild. I get wet just thinking about it.”

He remembered. God, those memories still haunted him. Possessed was the only word to describe how he felt. He had engaged in a lot of kinky sex in the last few years, but nothing compared to the wild abandon he surrendered to in her arms.

“Let’s take this upstairs,” he said, backing her toward the narrow staircase.

“I wasn’t sure you’d want to do this again,” she whispered, threading her hands through his hair. “When you found out it was me…” She bit her lip. “I thought you’d walk out, or throw me out, or…”

He knew he should tell her now that sex wouldn’t change anything, but he couldn’t force the words past the lump in his throat when he looked at her. Beneath the cool veneer of the beautiful, successful doctor lurked the scared, vulnerable girl he fell in love with, and he still longed to protect her, the way he had all those years ago. Even after the pain he’d endured because of her thoughtless actions that night, she was still his first love, his
only
love, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget that.

“We’ll have plenty of time to talk later,” he said, brushing the hair away from her face. “Right now, I just want to forget about the past and the future.” Looking into her eyes, trying to find some hint of the stranger who’d betrayed him without a second thought, he asked, “Can we do that, Maya?”

“Yes,” she whispered, running her hands overs his abdomen. “That’s what I want, too. If this is all we have, I want to enjoy it.”

Her words assured him she wasn’t setting herself up for disappointment. She was steeling her heart against the good-bye that would inevitably follow tomorrow, but instead of feeling relieved, he was disappointed. He wanted her to be willing to fight for him, for them. Wasn’t he worth the effort anymore? Pausing at the top of the stairs, he pulled her against him. “Tell me the truth; do you still love me?” He surprised himself with the question. So much for living in the moment. She said she still loved him earlier, but he had to know whether she meant it.

“We don’t even know each other anymore,” she whispered. “Do we?”

He knew she was asking whether he still felt that unbreakable connection that once existed between him, and he did. She got under his skin, inside his soul, like no one before or since. “I think you know the answer to that.” He wanted her to be the one to risk the pain of rejection this time. He knew he was being a coward, but he couldn’t risk putting it all out there again.

 “I don’t know what to say,” she said, her eyes drifting lower. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

He didn’t know either; he was so damned confused. If she told him she still loved him, would it change anything? Could he believe her? He had no idea how to get past the fact that she had sex with his best friend. Would he remember what he’d walked in on every time she and Craig were in the same room together? Would he make himself crazy wondering if they were still sneaking around behind his back? Probably. God, this was a no-win situation. He couldn’t trust her, but he still wanted her.

“This is insane,” he said, closing his eyes. His mind was racing, trying to make sense of his jumbled thoughts. Should he stay or should he go? Should he love her or leave her?

As though she sensed his confusion, she said, “It’s okay. I know how hard this is for you, Dave.” She reached up to kiss his cheek. “Whatever you decide, I’ll understand.”

Just like déjà vu, he was transported back in time, and he was with the sweet angel who used to tend to his football injuries, make him chicken soup when he was sick, and help him with his homework when he was struggling. He couldn’t merge the image of that girl with the one who had screwed his best friend. It didn’t make any sense. But he’d seen it with his own eyes; he couldn’t deny it. “How did it happen?” he demanded. He was tired of living in the dark. He wanted to know every dirty detail, no matter how painful.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to take a step back.

Grabbing her around the waist, he pressed her against his chest. He was going to get the answers he needed, even if killed him. “You know what I’m talking about. Tell me exactly what happened with Craig. I want to know everything.”

Frowning, she asked, “You’ve never asked him about it?”

He’d wanted to, at least a hundred times, but he knew the answers would cause irreparable damage to their friendship. He’d already lost Maya; he didn’t want to lose Craig, too. “When he came back from rehab, his recovery was still up for grabs. I was angry; hell, I hated him for a long time, but eventually, I stopped thinking about it every time I saw him, and being around him got a little easier.”