Backstreet Mom: A Mother's Tale of Backstreet Boy AJ McLean's Rise to Fame, Struggle With Addiction, and Ultimate Triumph (4 page)

I decided to take charge of the household finances before we went
broke. Bob had charged all sorts of things that I had never even seen. In
addition, he had acquired several gasoline cards that I never knew about.
Arguments became a daily thing in our home. By this time, my brother
and future sister-in-law had returned to Florida and moved in with us.
Darlene, my brother's future wife, was pregnant and I helped them out
until they got on their feet financially. They only lived with us for a short time, but they witnessed
some of the fights that Bob and I
had on a regular basis.

Alex is born

My brother suggested that we
get some professional help. I
thought that was a good idea, so
I found a marriage counselor and
we began to see him once a week.
This went on for a few months
and things actually started to get
better. We talked about what was
bothering us in the marriage and
committed ourselves to work on
making it right.

Alex with Grandma Ursula

Things were going really well
between Bob and me for several
months after we got into the
counseling sessions, so well in
fact that I got pregnant for a second time. This pregnancy was
more difficult than the first and I suffered from severe morning sickness
for the first five months. We soon found out what the problem was:
twins! The doctor put me on higher dosages of vitamins and some other
medications, and I began to feel better.

Bob took the pregnancy in stride but when he found out about the
twins he went into a working frenzy. He took on extra hours to save for
the new additions to our family. My parents and family were so excited
for us and happily began to prepare for the coming event.

The eighth month of the pregnancy arrived and I began to feel
sick again. My water broke while
I was grocery shopping and my
brother rushed me to the hospital, where things quickly began to
go downhill.

While prepping me for delivery a nurse put heart monitors on
my stomach to hear the twins' heartbeats. An odd look flashed across her face and she went to get a
doctor, who looked equally startled. He rushed me into surgery; I was to
have another cesarean section. I knew something was wrong when I woke
up in recovery because the nurses spoke of taking me to the surgical floor
instead of maternity I called out for the doctor, who took me to my brother. He chokingly told me that the two baby girls had been stillborn.

Alex with Grandpa Adolph

After crying together, I began to wonder where Bob was. Apparently
he had been there, heard the news and left. He returned later and tried
to comfort me, but he wasn't there when I needed him and never shed a
tear over this family tragedy. We went back to counseling to help deal
with our loss, and things seemed to get better despite my doubts. We
decided to try again on our own after a few months. On our way home
from the last counseling session, Bob and I planned a dinner to celebrate our success.

He didn't get home until 11:00 P.M. When he called with the usual
excuse of having to work late, I lost it. I told him he had been putting up
a false front with the therapist and with me. I was done with it. He kept
apologizing, but I was done listening to his lies. I slammed the phone
down and began to cry and shake.

I sat quietly, deep in thought for a long time. Then my anger began to
build. All I could think of were the countless burned dinners and the
endless broken promises. It finally dawned on me that Bob had abandoned me emotionally a long time ago, or at least that was the way I felt.
It was time to make a decision about how the rest of my life was going
to be. Should I stay in this life? Or start a new one?

Alex flirts with his cousin Erin

I had no job or degree,
so I knew it would be tough
at first, but I thought my
parents would help, so that
eased the anxiety a bit. I figured that my parents would
probably be glad to help as
long as Bob was out of the
picture. They never liked
him and it would mean
Mom could spend more
time with Alex. How could
that be bad?

All I knew was that I needed
Bob to be gone from my house
and my life. With that realization,
a surge of energy came over me
and I set out to rid myself of my
old life.

I ran into the bedroom and
gathered up Bob's clothes. Then I
threw every stitch of his clothing
out onto the front lawn. I repeated this until every trace of him
was out of the bedroom. When
Bob called a couple of hours later
and gave me some new excuse for
not yet being home, I was crying.

Alex and me dressed up for Halloween