Bad as in Good (24 page)

“What's wrong wit' you?” I asked.

She looked up at me and licked her lips. “Bills. I dunno how I'ma pay these bills. I can't…” Her words trailed off as she sighed and wiped the tears that soaked her face. “I dunno what to do, Riq.”

I dropped my keys on the counter and stuck my hands in my pockets. “What bills?”

“Medical bills. I had insurance through my job. I thought I had enough saved up to pay for the doctor visits without insurance but…” She threw the papers out of her face. “Shit's rackin' up. I can't
afford it, and now the doctor's tellin' me they won't see me until I make my payments. I dunno what the fuck I'm gonna do, Riq. I'm fucked.”

I walked to her side and looked through the stack of bills. I was surprised to see how expensive havin' a baby was. Simoné was in debt almost five thousand. “What does this mean?”

Simoné sniffled and took a deep breath. She was preparing to lay it on thick. I wasn't goin' to like what she had to say next. “I talked to yo' mama, and we both agreed that we need to get married.”

I stepped back. I untied my tie and walked into the kitchen. I shook my head and tried to avoid the conversation she had set me up for. “You are trippin', Simoné.”

“I'm serious, Riq. I'm not sayin' this to make us get back together.”

I pulled out a cup from my cupboard. My mouth was dry, and I needed to drink something. I filled my cup with water. “No, Simoné. This pregnancy has got you goin' crazy if you think we goin' get married, you
and
my mama.”

“Riq, if we get married, I can be on your insurance. We won't be swimmin' in debt, and I don't have to worry about givin' birth in our living room or the free clinic. Riq, it's the only thing that makes sense.”

“I know there are government programs out there that help women in yo' situation. You think you slick, huh?”

Simoné snatched her purse from the floor and then pulled out a set of papers. Her hands went back to rattling as her chest heaved. “Denied. Denied. Denied, Tariq. I've been denied for everything.”

“How can they deny a pregnant woman with no money?”

Simoné waved the papers in her hand and snorted. “I was denied unemployment, I've been denied housing assistance. Hell, I'm pregnant and I've even been denied fuckin' Medicaid! You think
I ain't ask the same questions you asked? I ain't getting no answers, yet, this baby ain't getting any smaller. I try to appeal. I've even gone down there and got in those people's faces, but when they see me drive up there in a nice car rocking a Gucci bag, they think I'm fuckin' lying 'cause all they tell me is I simply don't qualify for benefits at this time.” Simoné slammed the papers down and sighed a shaky breath. “I can't keep doing this. I can't keep making a fool out of myself. I need insurance and I need to pick my damn face up from off the floor. Marry me and put me out of my misery, Riq.”

I swallowed my cup of water and poured another cup. “You talkin' insurance now, but at the end of the day, we'd still be married. I told you before we even got into this. I'm here for the baby. I don't wanna be wit' you, Simoné.”

She didn't like hearing that, but I had to get her head out of the clouds. She sat up and walked into the kitchen. Pointing at her stomach, she said, “You think I have stomach mumps or somethin'? I'm pregnant! And in case you haven't figured it out, babies cost money. Do I want us to be together? Hell yea. I loved you, Riq. But I fucked up, and I take responsibility for that. The fact is, however, gettin' married is what's best for the baby. If you wanna be here for your son, fine. Be here. Marry me.”

“Simoné, no. I'm not…” I walked past her and unbuttoned my shirt. I went into my bedroom and kept undressing. I couldn't stand there watching the woman carryin' my son talk about marriage. When I considered marrying, I damn sure wasn't considering marryin' a woman like Simoné. “I got a hard time believing half the shit you say. How do I know this ain't some bullshit trick?”

Simoné followed me and blocked the doorway. “You know I'm pregnant. I peed on a damn stick for you, twice! I took another damn paternity test for you. You can look at the medical bills or
go through that pile of denials. You can even call yo' mama. I'll wait. Riq, I'm not tryna trick you. All I want is to have a healthy fuckin' pregnancy.”

“Not like this. I ain't marryin' you. That shit ain't neva happenin'.”

“We can get an annulment.”

“What?”

“After the baby is born, we can get the marriage annulled. I don't wanna trick you into marriage. Why would I want to be married to a man who doesn't want me? I wanna do what's best for our son.”

I didn't trust Simoné. When I looked at her, I only saw anger and betrayal. Yet, I also saw the son growin' inside of her. “You must not be hearin' me.”

“Can you pay for the medical bills piling up? Riq, it's easy to get married and get it annulled. Can you afford our son if we don't get married?”

I walked back into my living room and then picked up the pile of papers from my breakfast bar. As I waded through a pile of denied government assistance letters and increasingly expensive medical bills, I chewed on my bottom lip. Huffing loudly, I threw the papers across my coffee table and stared at Simoné as she stood in my bedroom doorway. I was more prepared to go into debt than marry Simoné. Nevertheless, as she glared back at me, all I could see was my seed. A son that I fathered who I needed to protect and support, even if that meant doing what I hated most. I said, “I can't believe my mama agreed to some shit like this.”

“She ain't got the cash to foot the bill either. He's your son, Riq. As much as you may hate me, you
have
to be here for him.”

“What happened to your credit cards?”

“Maxed out.”

“I still can't believe they denied you benefits. I can't fuckin' be married to you, Simoné. Anything but that.”

Simoné stomped her foot and smacked her lips. “Riq, people do this all the time. You got the insurance. Why not put it to use?”

I sucked in my lips and huffed like the big, pissed-off wolf. I whispered, “As soon as the baby's born, we'll get it annulled?”

Simoné's face lit up. She nodded and clasped her hands together. “Yes, baby. Yes!” She rushed over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I pulled away and stood up. “I'm serious, Simoné. This is only for the baby. Once he's born, we're gettin' an annulment.”

She stood up beaming. “I promise, Riq. As soon as the baby's born.”

“How are you and Louis?”

I sipped my wine and pretended to enjoy answering that question. “Good.”

I met up with Loraine early Saturday morning at her house, giving me an excuse not to see Louis. With me keeping my secret fantasies of Tariq from Loraine, she was good insurance that I wouldn't crack and end up knocking on Tariq's door.

“That's it?” Loraine sat on her couch with her dreads hanging off her dropped shoulders. She wore a silk maxi dress that matched her mint nail polish. I could attribute her relaxed demeanor to the fact that she was letting Lorenz fulfill the void that her pussy had been waiting on someone to fill.

I shrugged my shoulders. “We're good. What else do you want me to say?”

“You're still trippin' over that mess wit' Teona?”

“It's still on my mind. I'm tryna work past it.” I didn't come over to talk about Louis. I went there to escape him. “You still sleepin' with Lorenz?”

It was apparent that my question caught Loraine off guard. But as quickly as I asked, her face lit up, and she beamed like a fat kid at a buffet. “Yes.”

“I can tell it's doing you good.”

“How can you tell that?”

“Look at you. You even dress differently.”

Loraine blushed as she flipped her dreads off her shoulders and exhaled in satisfaction. “It feels good being with a man I know what to expect from. Since we're not trying to get remarried or anything, it feels good when he comes through, spreads my legs like pliers, and leaves.”

“Are you sure you're not catching feelings?”

“That's the good thing about this whole set up. There ain't no feelings to catch. We've already done this. I already love him, and I know he already loves me. Therefore, the sex isn't meaningless; I'm satisfied, but I know I don't want a relationship with him, which means there's no guilt lingering. Only amazing sex.” Loraine twirled her dreads between her fingers and grinned as she stared at nothing in particular.

“You make it sound so good.”

“It
is
good. There's nothing wrong about it. And without the pressure of a relationship, the sex is that much better, wetter, and juicier.”

All I thought about was Tariq pleasing my body the way it needed. The only issue was that I actually had a relationship. Louis may have been good in bed, but he was no Tariq. “When do you plan to see Lorenz again?”

“Whenever I need my fix.” We laughed. “Girl, if we could bottle the feeling you get after good sex, we'd be millionaires. We'd have that real blue magic.”

I laughed hard as I imagined the possibility. If I could bottle the feeling that Tariq gave me, I wouldn't need Tariq. I'd be content with Louis. “Good sex helps you think clearly; it relaxes you. You
can tell which relationships aren't having enough sex. They're the ones that exude tension and frustration.”

“Damn right. By eliminating the talking and adding more sex, my relationship with Lorenz has never been better.”

“Maybe that's what I need to do to make my relationship with Louis work better.”

When Loraine's doorbell rang, she picked her glass of wine up and headed for the door. I scrolled through Louis's apologetic and sappy text messages and missed him. I may have craved my physical connection with Tariq, but I couldn't deny my emotional connection wit' Louis. I started to text him how much I really missed him, too, but Teona walked in with her nose turned up. “Why are you always here?” she said through her throat.

I looked up at her and stood up. She wore a skin-tight, black lace dress that cut off right beneath her booty. She held her black heels in her hand and faced me while holding her flip-flops and purse. I looked back at Loraine, who was shakin' her head at the scene. I turned to Teona. “Where I spend my time is none of your concern,
lil' girl.”

She dropped her purse on Loraine's couch. “I hope you've been treatin' my man right.” She roguishly grinned with her hands on her hips.

I moved away from her as I understood that I could go to jail for what I thought about doing to her. She was a child and was doing what children do. I shook my head and gathered my things. “Lemme go.” I walked toward the door and left Teona to play mind games with someone who cared about her opinion.

Loraine walked me to the door. “I'll talk to you later, Erin.”

I was a second from walkin' out before Teona opened her mouth again. “Tell Louis I'm pawning the ring he gave me.”

I stopped and faced her. “Excuse you?”

“The engagement ring he gave me. Since he's done wit' me, I'm pawning his ring.” Teona pulled out a gold, diamond ring and slid it on her finger, hand modelin' it in my face.

I looked to Loraine for an answer. She cut her eyes at Teona. “Girl, stop lying. You know that man never proposed to you.”

Teona slid the ring back off her ring finger and eyed it down. She smiled and said, “Or maybe I'll keep it. There's always a chance he'll come back.”

“You're full of shit,” I said.

“You haven't even been down here long enough for a man like Louis to propose to you,” Loraine pointed out.

Teona cut her eyes at Loraine and rolled her neck. “For your information, I met Louis when I was in college. The nigga can travel.”

Teona sauntered over to us and showed us the ring. “How do we know you didn't buy the ring yo' self?” Loraine asked.

“Look what it says inside?” Teona pointed at the engraved wording on the inside. She read it out loud, “For Te, Luv Lou.”

I didn't wanna be pissed, but I was fuming. Although at that point, I
could
still deny it. As many men as Teona has slept with,
Lou
could be anyone. I didn't have anything to say, but by the smirk on Teona's face, I could tell she saw the smoke whistlin' out my ears. I took a deep breath and walked out. I went to Loraine's to avoid Louis, and now I was heading straight to his place.

•  •  •

“Erin, I'm glad to see you.” I stood at Louis's door with my arms folded. I wanted to go in nonconfrontational, but I couldn't help but believe Teona. She had tangible proof that the relationship Louis claimed to be nothing was more than what he claimed it to be.

I gave him my cheek when he went for my lips. “We need to talk.”

Louis closed the door behind me as I walked in. We sat down on his sectional as he stared at me intently. “What about?”

“I saw Teona today.” Louis inhaled. He held his breath as he felt the suede fabric that upholstered his sectional. I continued. “Were you two engaged?”

Louis exhaled. He licked his lips, ran his fingers through his dreads, and twirled his watch. “Why would you ask that? What did she tell you?”

“Answer the question.” I expected to ask my question and get an answer. I was hoping he said no. Anyone could get something engraved to say whatever. I didn't expect Louis to answer my question with a question.

He didn't say anything for ten seconds. He kept twirling his watch as he breathed. He looked up at me. “Yeah.”

I shook my head. I couldn't believe it. I stood up and tapped my foot as I stood over him. “Why didn't you tell me that? You made it seem like whatever you two had was nothing. You proposed to her, Louis. How long were you two even together?”