Bad Girlfriend (First & Last #4) (32 page)

“Mmmm, you smell so good,” he murmured, holding me tightly.  I knew he was feeling the same bone deep sadness that I was at our impending separation.  In the weeks leading up to my return to the city, he had grown more serious, making sure I knew how much he cared about me.

He took my hand and led me out the front door as I called, “Bye, Lana!”  His motorcycle was parked out front, and he secured a hot pink helmet on my head before I climbed on behind him.  The helmet had been a gift to get me to ride with him.  It worked.  I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, enjoying the feel of his defined abs under my fingertips.

“Hold on, Bambi!”  He yelled over the sound of the engine.  Grady had nicknamed me Bambi because of my big blue eyes.  He said I reminded him of a baby deer caught in headlights when he first saw me.  I always thought they were too big for my face and made me look like I was constantly surprised.

We raced through the streets of Penn Yan, New York and down the winding road that lined Keuka Lake.  I knew we were headed to our spot, the place we had spent almost every evening for the last three months.

Grady’s grandfather owned a lakefront plot of land that had never been built on, and we had spent countless hours lying in the grass under the stars just talking and listening to the waves.

Tonight was our last night together before I went back to New York City for the start of my junior year of high school.  Lana didn’t expect me home and I had no intention of sleeping tonight.  I didn’t want to miss one second of my last night with Grady.

The sun was just setting over the hill across the lake when Grady parked his bike in the trees lining the property.  He helped me off and set our helmets on the back.

“I’ve got a surprise for you,” he said, smiling at me and taking my hand.

We walked through the trees to the large clearing that looked out over the calm blue water.  Normally there was only grass and a few patches of wildflowers, but tonight there were stakes in the ground with twine wrapped around them forming a large outline on the grass.  My eyebrows pulled together in confusion, and Grady laughed at my expression.

“Come on,” he said tugging on my hand.  “I want to show you around our house.”  My eyes widened at his words, and I started to see that the twine formed an outline of what could be a house covering a large area of the clearing.

“What do you mean ‘our’ house?”  I asked.

He grinned at me, “Lindsay, my grandfather is giving me this land.  My dad doesn’t care about building a house here, but I do.  I want to build a big beautiful house here. 
On the lake.  And I want you here with me forever.  I love you, Lindsay.”  I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

“I love you too!  This is perfect.”  He laughed at my enthusiasm and twirled me around twice before setting me back on my feet.  We walked all around the “house”, and Grady showed me where all the rooms would be.  As he talked I could imagine us living there together, married, with kids running through the grass and swimming in the lake.

After the tour was over, we settled on a large blanket in the space that would be the master bedroom and looked up at the stars.  We both knew we only had a few hours left together, but neither of us wanted to talk about it just yet.  There really wasn’t much left to talk about anyway.  We had worked out the details of our long distance relationship over the last few weeks.

I still had two years of high school left, so I planned to spend next summer here again and then move here permanently after graduation.  There was a college on the other side of the lake that I could attend if I decided that’s what I wanted to do.  Lana had given me an open door invitation to visit or stay with her whenever and for as long as I wanted.

My parents would not approve.  I knew this without a doubt, but I didn’t care.  I loved Grady and he loved me.  That was all that mattered.  Once I was eighteen they had no say in my choices.

Grady leaned up on his elbow to gaze into my eyes for a moment before kissing me.  This was what we did every evening - we kissed and held each other, but he had never once pressured me to go any further.  Tonight was our last night together until next summer, and I wanted it to be special.  So when we got to the point where he always pulled back, I pulled him closer.

“Lindsay,” he whispered against my mouth.  I pushed up to kneel beside him and pulled my dress off over my head, tossing it into the grass beside us.  His eyes swept over my body, lingering on my lacy bra and underwear that left little to the imagination.

He sat up and took my hands, “Lindsay, we don’t have to do this.  I will love you forever no matter what happens tonight.”  I believed he meant that, but I also saw the way his eyes darkened with desire as they raked over my body.

I pressed a finger to his lips to silence him.  “I know, Grady.  But I want this.  I want you.  I need this memory to get me through until we are together again.”

I didn’t need to say anymore, because he threaded his fingers in my hair and pressed his lips hungrily to mine.  As we lowered ourselves back down to the blanket, our tongues tangled in a passionate dance.  His fingers trailed fire over my body, over places no one had ever touched before.  If I had known it would be like this, I wouldn’t have waited three months.

Grady was so careful with me, even though I could tell from the tension in his body that it was hard to go slow.  When he settled between my thighs, resting his forearms on either side of my head, he leaned down to kiss me slowly, lovingly, and asked quietly, “Are you sure?”

I nodded once and replied, “I’ve never been more certain about anything, Grady.  I love you.  I want to be yours in every way.”

Later we lay entwined together waiting for our breathing to even out.  Grady kissed the top of my head and smoothed my hair.  “Are you okay?”

I rose up on one elbow and my hair fell over my shoulder and across his chest.  I grinned and replied, “I’m more than okay.  That was amazing.  Why didn’t you tell me it would be like that?  I would have given in much sooner.”

He laughed and shook his head.  Then I suddenly thought that maybe it wasn’t that great for him, you know, because I didn’t really know what I was doing.  I bit my lip and mumbled, “I mean, it was great for me, but I know I didn’t really know what I was doing…”  I trailed off when he cupped my face in his hands and made me look at him.

“Lindsay.  Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you.  Yeah, I’ve been with other girls, but nothing, absolutely nothing, compares with what we just had.  I love you.  Don’t ever forget that.”  I relaxed back into his arms
, and against everything I had planned, I fell asleep.

The sun was just rising over the hills surrounding the lake when Grady woke me up.  “Lindsay?  It’s time to go,” he said quietly in my ear.  I shook my head and burrowed under the blanket and closer into his chest.  If I focused hard enough on this one moment, maybe I could stop time from passing.  He chuckled and sat up, pulling me with him.

Every emotion from last night came rushing back to me and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as we silently packed up our stuff and rode back to Lana’s house.  Grady had breakfast with us and sat in my room while I showered and dressed and finished packing my things.  We didn’t speak much, mostly because I was crying too hard to get any words out.  After the car was packed, Lana got in the driver’s seat so we could say our goodbyes alone on the porch.  I threw my arms around Grady’s neck and wept on his shoulder as he held me tightly. 

“
Ssshh, Lindsay.  It’s going to be okay.  We will make it through this.  We can make it through anything,” he said gruffly.  I pulled back to look up into his light blue eyes, that were shimmering with unshed tears.

“Promise me, Grady.  Promise me,” I begged.

He pressed his lips gently to mine and murmured, “I promise you, Lindsay Ross.  I will love you until the day I die.”

October 2006

“Lindsay, you know what you need to do.  Now do it,” my mother scolded me from the doorway of my bedroom.  I heard her sigh before pulling my door shut, and I could imagine her rolling her cold blue eyes at me, but I didn’t look at her.  I couldn’t.

A week ago I disliked my mother for all the typical teenage reasons along with the general faults in her character like caring more about money and image than anything else, including me.  Now I despised her with everything in my being.  She had become the enemy - the reason that I hated my life.

I sat on my bed cross legged with my laptop open in front of me, just as I had been for the last two hours.  Instead of sending the e-mail on the screen like I knew I should, I stared out the window at the people running and walking through Central Park and the dense traffic moving down the street.  The leaves were starting to turn various shades of red and gold, and I thought about how beautiful fall would be in Penn Yan.  I would never know.

Tears had been steadily dripping down my cheeks for what I had already lost and what I was about to lose, but I didn’t have the strength to wipe them away.

There was no other way.  I had been racking my brain for days, but I had come up with nothing.  So, the only thing I could do was to send the e-mail.  I read it one last time through my cloudy haze of tears.

Grady,

We are over.  Please stop calling me.

Lindsay

There was so much more I wanted to say, but I knew if I gave him any sense that this wasn’t what I wanted he would fight for me.  And I couldn’t let him do that.  I couldn’t drag him down with me.  At least this way he could get over me and move on.  Find someone who would love him just as much as I do.

I took a deep shaky breath and clicked Send.

Then I closed my laptop, huddled under the covers and let myself cry for the last time over Grady Hawke.  After today I would lock away my memories of him and our time together.  Maybe someday I would be strong enough to think of him again, but at that moment I couldn’t imagine that day would ever come.  Alone with my pain, I cried myself to sleep.

Grady

The day started out like any other.  I got up
early, worked out in the home gym I had set up in my basement, grabbed a shower and headed in to work.  My dad and Josh were already at the shop when I got there.  I made a mental note to fix the sign outside.  The old metal sign that hung over the front entrance was hanging on by a thread.  I needed to get new chains or Hawke’s Boat Repair would be face down in the dirt soon.  Stomping my cigarette under my boot, I walked inside to get started on a new week.

My dad’s girlfriend always sent him in to work on Monday mornings with a plate full of freshly baked muffins.  Today’s selection was blueberry with some delicious looking sugary crumb topping.  I snagged one and poured myself a cup of weak coffee.  We really needed to invest in one of those one cup coffee brewers.  None of
us had mastered making a decent pot of coffee in all the years we’d been working together.

Josh was outside inspecting the motor of a new arrival over the weekend, and my dad was busy at his desk with a pile of paperwork.  Business had really picked up lately, and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with the repair work let alone have any time left over for anything else.  We had already outsourced the bookkeeping and taxes, but what we really needed was an office manager.  My dad handled invoicing the clients, and Josh somewhat maintained our pitiful excuse for a website, but we would need to hire some help.  And that would have to be sooner rather than later.  This shop was quickly growing beyond what the three of us could handle.  I guess there were worse problems to have.

The morning passed quickly, and Josh and I went over to the pub for lunch.  My dad stayed behind to watch the shop, and I promised to bring him something back.  We drove separately because Josh was meeting his wife, Leah, for a doctor appointment after we ate.  She was pregnant with their first kid.  Josh was crazy excited about this baby.  He and Leah had been together since high school and got married right after she graduated three years after us.  Honestly I’m surprised he waited this long to knock her up.  But Leah didn’t want to be a teen mom, which is probably a good thing.

After Lindsay broke it off with me, aside from my dad, Josh and Leah were the ones to make sure I ate regularly and didn’t drink myself to death.  Between dinner at their house a couple of times a week and dinner just as often with my dad and his girlfriend, I didn’t have to worry about any actual cooking.  Ford, the third member of our trio, was still off playing college ball those first few years, and by the time he was back in town, I was back to normal. 
Or as normal as I was ever going to get.

We
scarfed down our burgers and I waited for my dad’s takeout order while Josh left to pick up Leah.  I was halfway back to the shop when I remembered Dad asked me to stop by his house and grab his checkbook.  Who the fuck uses a checkbook anymore?  My dad, that’s who.  Squealing the tires on my bike I made a u-turn and headed up the hill.

The first thing I noticed when I turned onto my dad’s street was the brand spanking new Mercedes SUV parked in Lana’s driveway.  Lana’s business must be doing really well…or she had company.  Just as I swung my leg over the bike and removed my helmet, I saw
Taryn Ross walking up Lana’s front walk.  The implications of Taryn being here, in Penn Yan, weren’t lost on me for a second.