Bad Idea (29 page)

That had sounded great on paper. He hadn’t
predicted how hard it would be in reality.

“Um,” Jo said. “Are you going to do this, or
are we going to stand in the kitchen while your mother and Declan
think we’re making out?”

He winced. “Sorry. I think what I’m about to
say will clear up any doubts your boy might have.”

“I think so, too, but if you’re going to do
it, maybe…”

He laughed. “Maybe hurry it up?”

“Yeah.”

Terrell hugged her. He
liked
having a
person who knew the real him. He wanted a whole lot more of that.
He was tired of showing people only small pieces of his life. A
boyfriend who could never come home and meet his mom. A mother who
liked fantasizing about how he’d meet a nice girl one day and
impress her with his cooking. A cousin who wondered why he knew so
much about queer theory, but didn’t question him too hard about it.
It was time to bring his worlds together.

He nodded toward one of the mixing bowls.
“Grab that salad, will you?”

Jo did as he’d asked. Terrell put on his oven
mitts and took his best casserole out of the oven. He led the way
to the living room, where everyone was crammed in, practically
shoulder to shoulder. Once he made his big announcement, they could
spread out a little. All the more reason to get that over with, he
thought.

He glanced at his mother. She stood in the
corner, looking fit to burst with pride for him. His stomach
clenched. He hoped that expression didn’t change after he said what
he had to say.

Terrell cleared his throat and the room fell
silent. A thousand irrelevant details forced their way into his
mind, threatening to block the words he’d worked so hard to summon.
He saw Declan glancing from him to Jo and back, obviously wondering
if Terrell had moved in on his woman. He noticed Nico Mathis’s hand
on Iris Rodriguez’s upper arm, moving up and down. His cousin Riva
had missed a spot while doing her hair, and a section of it stuck
out from her head at an odd angle.

He set down the casserole, holding back a
wince at the way the glass dish seemed to clang and echo against
the table.

“Hey, thanks for coming, everyone.” Somehow,
his voice sounded normal. He felt like he was flying above the
room, but he sounded downright smooth. “Most people here don’t know
this, but I love to cook. My mom’s been trying to get me to take
credit for years, but I never wanted to.” He took a deep breath.
Before he could reach for Jo, she reached for him, slipping her
hand into his and squeezing. He squeezed back, so hard that he
worried he was hurting her.

“Anyway,” Terrell continued, “there’s a
reason I didn’t tell anyone. I thought that if people found out I
like to cook, they’d think it was gay.”

“Not when you’re holding hands with Jo Quang!
If that’s gay, then I want to be gay, too.” Ray, from the
basketball team. Terrell knew he meant that to be a friendly joke,
but it hurt right now. Declan’s frown deepened.

Hang on, man,
Terrell thought.
I’m
not stealing your girl.

Jo tried to slip her hand out from his, but
he glanced at her and shook his head and she relaxed, continuing to
hold onto him.

“Jo’s a good friend,” Terrell said. “She’s
helping me out right now.”

This was going wrong. He didn’t want to get
distracted talking about Jo. He shifted his feet and tried to
focus. His head felt too light for his body. He couldn’t lift his
eyes to the people in the room. He stared at the top of his
casserole, noticing every fleck of burnt cheese around the edges of
the dish.

“The thing is,” Terrell said slowly, “I think
I was extra worried that I’d seem gay.” One more breath.
Now
. “Because I am. And I was afraid of what would happen if
people knew that. I’m tired, though. It’s been a long time of
pretending to be someone I’m not. It’s been a long time of making
my mom lie for me and say she cooked the casserole.” Another
breath. “It’s been a long time of pretending I’m just hanging out
with a guy when we both know we’re falling for each other. It’s
been a long time of not being able to be friends with a cool girl
because she’s going to wonder why I’m not making a move.”

He dared a glance at Riva, and the expression
on her face almost made him tear up. He dropped his gaze again
immediately. “My mom called this a coming out party, and she didn’t
even know. But that’s what it is, I guess. And I, uh, I made a lot
of food. So I hope you all don’t leave.”

Terrell felt deflated. He couldn’t tell if
the room was silent or buzzing. Then Jo was hugging him again,
fiercely enough that she was the one holding him up. A second
later, someone else was at his side, saying something sweet to him.
It was Riva. Then his mom. And soon, too many people to count.

* * * *

After hugging Terrell over and over, Riva
moved aside so other people could hug him, too. His mom looked like
she was in shock, but Riva thought she’d be okay eventually. A few
people had left, and a few others were muttering in the corner, but
Riva thought you had to be a real jerk to react badly to Terrell’s
heartfelt speech and the care he’d put into the food he’d made.
Most of the people he’d invited seemed to agree.

She was a little surprised to see Jo Quang at
her cousin’s side like she was his best friend—especially after Jo
had acted so weird to Daisy—but Riva was just glad that somebody
had Terrell’s back. She knew from experience that there could be no
fiercer ally than Jo.

Riva took her plate and tried to sink into
the background. She didn’t really know anyone here besides Terrell,
his mom, and Jo, and they were all busy. He’d told her that Daisy
would be here, but she hadn’t shown up. Riva tried to swallow her
disappointment and enjoy the food, but she looked up every time
someone moved past her as if Daisy might have materialized in the
room.

The unmistakable sound of the front door got
Riva to her feet despite her resolution to focus on Terrell’s food.
This time, her dream came true. Daisy walked in, her dark skin
glowing from within, her gold hoop earrings gleaming, her legs as
impossibly long as ever, and her eyes dark and bright. If Riva had
ever doubted her feelings for Daisy, they were certain now. Her
heart was in her throat and her pulse was in high gear. She had at
least as much of a crush as she’d had on Benton at the height of
that attraction. She wondered how people in the room could go on
talking. It seemed to her that everyone should stop and stare.

Then Emmy Barnes walked in a few steps behind
Daisy, and Riva’s stomach fell into her feet. Daisy and Emmy
together. Of course, it made sense. Daisy had wanted someone sure
of herself, and there was no one in school more certain of herself
than Emmy. That didn’t stop the sight from stinging, though. Riva
retrieved her plate and gripped it so hard, her fingertips
hurt.

She
refused
to look up. The strategy
worked until Daisy’s brightly colored sneakers appeared in her line
of vision, almost toe to toe with her own.

“Hey,” Daisy said.

“Hey.” Riva told herself that she could do
this. She kept the plate carefully between them and pasted on a
smile.

“Your cousin told me you’d be here.”

“Yeah, he told me he’d invited you, too.”
Riva cleared her throat. “But Emmy probably wouldn’t like for you
to talk to me too long.” Her cheeks, throat, and chest felt hot.
She half-believed she was speaking nonsense words. In that moment,
nothing seemed to make sense.

“Emmy?” Daisy glanced over her shoulder.
“It’s fine.”

“I mean, maybe it’s totally over for you. Or
you never told her about…”

“Please. Riva, of course she knows about
you.”

“Oh.” Riva thought of that stupid note she’d
written. She thought of the things she’d wanted to say to Daisy and
felt more foolish than ever. This whole thing began and ended with
embarrassing herself in front of Emmy Barnes. Somehow, that seemed
fitting.

“Riva, we can talk. Do you want to go into
another room?”

Riva scraped a fingernail along the edge of
her plate and shook her head. “I don’t think I can. I hope we can
be friends eventually, but if you’re with Emmy now…”

“What?” Daisy touched Riva’s elbow. “What are
you talking about?”

“I get it. You want somebody who’s not afraid
to be out in front of the whole school.”

“Riva, I was being too harsh. Come on. Let’s
go into the other room.” Daisy grabbed Riva by the elbow and
propelled her into Terrell’s guest bedroom. Riva had just enough
presence of mind to set down her plate before she stumbled in the
direction Daisy steered her.

At such a crowded party, it was a bit
incredible that they could find a place to be alone. Daisy shut the
door behind them, and suddenly even the guest bedroom seemed full.
Riva thought about the kisses they’d shared the last time she’d
been alone with Daisy, and words seemed nowhere near enough.

Daisy must have thought the same, because she
made a strange noise and then pulled Riva into her arms. Their lips
easily found each other, and all past awkwardness had burned away.
Daisy still kissed slowly, almost tentatively, but she’d mapped the
path to Riva’s mouth and the way she did it made Riva’s defenses
disappear.

Riva cupped Daisy’s cheek and kissed her
back, trying to tell her without words how much she’d missed her
and how sorry she was for everything that had happened.

When the kiss ended a few moments later, Riva
almost fell over. She felt as if she’d gone boneless. Her lungs
barely worked, and her heart seemed to have stopped.

“I’m not with Emmy,” Daisy said. “She wanted
to come with me because she knew her ex-girlfriend would be here.
She didn’t want to walk in alone.”

“You said I don’t know what I want, but I
do,” Riva replied. “I want to be with you. I’m not a lesbian, but
I’m bisexual. I’m not afraid to tell anyone. I might prefer not to
hold hands in the hallway, but I don’t need to hide that we’re
dating. If holding hands in the hallway is important to you, I can
do it.”

“I shouldn’t have pressured you. I get what
you were trying to say. We don’t know what’s going to happen if we
get together.”

Riva shook her head. Her heart was soaring.
“I know why you didn’t trust me.”

“I should have trusted you, though.”

Riva thought about arguing, but that didn’t
seem necessary now. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. She and Daisy
were both breathing hard, as if they’d been fighting. Riva grinned.
She stepped closer to Daisy and leaned her forehead against hers.
“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

She thought of Benton’s assignment that she
find a girl who would make out with her. It felt like he’d come up
with that so long ago. She’d had no idea where it would lead. After
a long trip through everything wrong, it had somehow come out the
other side into everything feeling right.

“Yes,” Daisy said, the word little more than
breath.

Outside the room was the life Riva had been
making in Florida. Her cousin was there, and Jo, and Emmy, and a
bunch of other people who might eventually become her friends. Jo
was probably holding hands with Declan Brady. Maybe Emmy was making
up with Iris and Nico. But right here with her was something
precious and new that she’d never expected to discover. Riva
pressed her face against Daisy’s neck and kissed her shoulder
through the collar of her shirt.

“I’m glad,” she whispered. “Because I really
like you.”

Daisy let out a laugh that was almost a sob
and hugged Riva hard.

“There is one problem, though,” Riva
said.

Daisy stiffened, and Riva rubbed her back to
reassure her.

“It’s just that I’m still grounded. Possibly
forever. I don’t know when we’ll have our first real date.”

It was hard to laugh while they were kissing,
and hard to kiss when they were laughing so much. That didn’t stop
them from trying.

THE END

* * * *

ABOUT ERICA YANG

Erica Yang is a queer writer of young adult
fiction. For more information, please visit
ericayangauthor.wordpress.com
.

ABOUT QUEERTEEN PRESS

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young adult imprint of JMS Books LLC,
a
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