Baggage & Buttons (4 page)

‘Yes I’m parked around the corner.’

‘Cool, then don’t worry. You can just pull the door behind
you when you leave and it will lock itself.’

‘You’ve never once asked me what I drive,’ he said,
sounding surprised as he pulled on his jeans.

‘Why would I? What does it matter?’ I asked, as I
hastily packed my handbag.

‘So if I was in an old del boy robin reliant you
wouldn’t care?’

‘No.’

‘I love that about you, money just doesn’t seem to
matter to you.’

‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve Gabe. Money can be
great and I’d love to have lots, but I’m also aware that it doesn’t always make
people happy, I’ve seen that only too close to home. Right I need to go.’ I
grabbed my phone and realised it had gone flat, I’d fallen asleep with it,
before Gabe turned up, hoping he’d call or text me. I knelt on the floor and
stuck it on the charger. ‘See you in English later then?’ I asked as I got up.
He buttoned up his shirt and gave me one of his Hollywood smiles and I had to
shake myself to remove the effect it had on me.

‘What was that?’ he laughed, the sound was so
wonderful, he really seemed to be getting back to normal.

‘Your smile, it just slays me.’ I walked up to him and
put my arms around his waist and tiptoed up to kiss him. ‘Do you need an ice
pack, or some cover up? Your cheek’s really bruised.’

‘I’ll be fine. Every time I look in the mirror and see
it, it will remind me not to be so stupid again. To trust you and talk to you.’

‘It better, or I’ll give you another one myself,’ I
said and kissed it gently.

We walked out into the hall and I yelled Lexi, who
emerged from her room fully dressed with damp hair. She smiled at me then
looked over at Gabe and gave him a look.

‘Morning.’

‘Morning. Listen Lexi, about last night, the way I
treated Mia. I need you to know that it’ll never happen again.’

‘It’d better not happen again Gabe, but thank you for
the apology and treat it as accepted.’

‘Wow, I thought it would be harder than that to win
you around, you were pretty scary confronting me last night.’

‘You hurt my best friend Gabe, do it again and I won’t
be so easy on you, but if Mia can forgive you so can I.’ She turned to look at
me and I gave her a smile of thanks for being so gracious. ‘We need to move
Mia.’

‘Is it ok if Gabe waits here until he’s ready to go?’

‘Sure.’ She grabbed my hand and led me to the door.

‘See you later,’ I called over my shoulder and it was
nice to see his happy face this time as I closed another door on him. I felt so
much better now we’d hashed things out and were getting back to relative normality.

We walked quickly, following Google maps on Lexi’s
iPhone and just made it to the surgery in time. We were both called straight in
and I squeezed Lexi’s hand and wished her luck as we went in separate
directions. I had a male doctor and immediately felt on edge, pleasant as he
was I knew Gabe wouldn’t approve. He ran through my medical history with me
first and then asked me for the reason for my visit.

‘I’d like to go on the pill.’

‘Are you sexually active?’ he asked. I felt like
saying extremely active lately, but simply nodded as I felt my cheeks flush.
‘What protection are you currently using?’

‘Condoms.’

‘Will you continue to use them once you’re on other
forms of contraception?’

‘No, we were hoping to dispense with them.’

‘You and partner should be tested first to make sure
neither of you has an STI, sometimes you can carry one without knowing, men in
particular.’

‘He was my first so I’m ok, but he’s already said he’s
happy to be checked.’

‘Excellent, well let’s just do a check of your blood
pressure first.’

I rolled up my sleeve and mentioned my couple of dizzy
spells and the fainting as well. After checking my blood pressure he advised me
it was a little on the low side, which along with dehydration could have
affected me, so he advised me to keep my hydration levels up and he’d run a
blood test and I was to come back if it happened again. He then talked me
through the different types of contraceptive pills on offer and we discussed my
heavy periods and pains. He was surprised I’d not been investigated further. Even
though mum had taken me for a few internals, I’d played it down at the time, too
embarrassed, feeling like everyone was fussing over nothing, but these last
couple of years had been getting far worse. He prepared the bed and called in a
nurse and I was left to get undressed ready for another pelvic exam.

‘You’re feeling tenderness?’ he asked, as I winced
when he pressed down on my stomach.

‘Yes, it really hurts when you press there.’

‘Is this where you got the pain during your recent
attack?’

‘Yes and it was worse than I’ve had before.’

‘I need to do an internal examination sorry. I’ll
start with a speculum which may be a little uncomfortable I’m afraid,’ he said
as he showed me the shiny duck billed looking piece of metal. It was smaller
than Gabe so that was slightly reassuring. I heard the snap of the surgical
gloves on his wrist and felt coldness as he applied some lubricant and tried a
few deep breaths as I felt the cold metal object force its way into me. He removed
it and told me he needed to do an exam with his fingers and I felt myself tense
up all over immediately. The thought of anyone but Gabe touching me there felt
so wrong. I put my forearm across my face and bit my lip as I felt the coldness
of the lubricant again and felt his fingers work their way into me. I felt a
hand slip into mine and peaked out from under my arm to see the nurse smiling
down at me.

‘Try and relax,’ she said. Try and relax? Of all the stupid
bloody things to say. I felt like telling her to get on the couch, have a
stranger stick his fingers in her and try and relax in my place. Nurses really
needed to come up with a better catch phrase for these situations. I winced as
I felt the doctors fingers probing me internally and externally at the same
time.

‘Owwww,’ I yelled as I half sat up, the pain was searing.

‘Sorry.’ He may have said the words, but they sounded
totally unapologetic. I heard him removing his gloves. ‘Ok, you can sit up and
get dressed. There’s some towel there if you need to clean yourself, I’ll give
you some privacy. Come and sit down when you’re ready.’

He slipped through the curtain and the nurse left me
with sheets of the roughest paper to try and clean up. I mean why not just
leave me with sandpaper? I sighed, I was going to need a bath to sort this mess
out. I prayed that Gabe wouldn’t ask me too much about it, I didn’t want to
tell him that another man had his fingers inside me, it’d flip him over the
edge after we’d just got back on track. The doctor was at his desk typing and
when the nurse saw I was fully clothed, she pulled back the curtain and left us
alone. I took a seat feeling nervous.

‘Ok Mia, can I ask you if you find intercourse
painful?’

‘No, it’s a little uncomfortable on initial …’ I was
stuck, how could I say it to him?

‘It’s ok, you’re quite small down there I would
imagine insertion and extraction isn’t very pleasant?’ he asked, smiling at me.

‘No,’ I mumbled, as I recalled that feeling of my
muscles resisting Gabe’s girth each time.

‘Ok, but setting that aside, how about during
intercourse itself?’

‘No, no pain at all.’

‘Hmmm,’ he nodded, looking surprised. ‘Well regardless
of that, I’m afraid to tell you that I think you may have some cysts on your
ovaries. They were extremely tender on palpitation and this is also where you’d
indicated having your worst pain. Combined with your heavy menstruation, low
back and pelvic pain, and your tiredness, there’s a distinct possibility that
you may have a condition called endometriosis too. Have you heard of this?’

‘Vaguely,’ I nodded. I had a feeling a girl at Rowleys
had been diagnosed with it.

‘To put it simply when you don’t get pregnant your
womb lining sheds and bleeds, which is your period. With endometriosis other
areas in your pelvic region bleed too, that blood has nowhere to go and can
form scar tissue and adhesions inside your body, which can be extremely painful.
I’ll call the nurse back in to take some blood so I can run some additional
tests, I’d also like to refer you first for a pelvic ultrasound scan and if the
cysts show up, which I’m confident they will, I’ll refer to you a
gynaecologist.’

‘Ok,’ I nodded, it was a lot to take in. The nurse
came and took a few tubes of blood from me and left us alone again.

‘Try not to worry yourself, or go reading up on the internet,
you’re likely to read worst case stories and stress yourself. I’ll ring you
with the blood test results in a couple of days, then once we’ve had the scan
done we can go from there ok?’ He smiled and I nodded. ‘Right let me print out
your prescription for the pill, you should find that your pain will start to
ease up after being on it for a while as well. You’ll get a letter shortly with
a scan date, I would hope within six weeks.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Do you have any questions?’

‘No, I think I’m good thanks.’ What could I ask? May
as well wait for a scan and worry then. I felt slightly uncomfortable walking
back to reception. I could feel the remains of that bloody lubricant working
its way down and I felt a bit light headed. Lexi still wasn’t out, so I took a
seat and waited for her. She arrived about ten minutes later, smiling.

‘Come on let’s walk and talk, I need to get home and
have caffeine and food.’

‘I need to get home and remove half a tube of
lubricant,’ I grimaced.

‘O god the dreaded pelvic exam,’ she said, as she held
the exit door open for me. ‘Did you get the metal spatula?’

‘Speculum, he was giving me an internal not removing
cake batter from my insides,’ I laughed.

‘So you finally told someone the truth about your
shitty periods at last?’

‘Well you were right Lex, they have got worse, these
attacks are getting far more frequent and painful. Anyway, I have a feeling
Gabe’s not going to let me get away with doing nothing about it, so I figured I
may as well bite the bullet and face it. They’ve taken some blood and the
doctor thinks I’ve got ovarian cysts and possibly endo … endometrosis …
whatever I can’t remember the name.’

‘Endometriosis? O shit mate I hope not, I hear it can
be a bitch to live with.’

‘Lexi, way to reassure me.’ I flashed her a glare.

‘Sorry, Michelle at Rowleys had it, along with her pelvic
inflammatory. What are they going to do about it?’

‘Ultrasound then referral to a gynaecologist. Anyway
I’ve got my pill prescription, which I have to start on day one of my period
and then I’m good to go without condoms when I’m off again. So enough about me,
how did you get on?’

‘Good, I was quite clear that I wasn’t ready for this,
so we did another pregnancy test and she confirmed it. She’s referring me to an
abortion clinic.’

‘O god Lexi.’

‘I have to go for an initial appointment, to have some
tests and to chat through my options, apparently there are lots of different
ways which surprised me. Then if I’m ready I’ll book in to have it done.’ She
sounded remarkably happy about it, which really reassured me.

‘Can I come with you?’

‘You’re allowed in for the first appointment, as a
back-up pair of ears and for advice, but not during the actual procedure.’

‘O god Lexi, I can’t bear the thought of you going
through that on your own.’ I linked arms with her and gave her bicep a
reassuring rub.

‘Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have you there with
me, but it’s not like I’m agonising over this decision. It’s not like I was
desperate to have a baby, got all excited to be pregnant, then found out it was
so disabled I needed to let it go. I think this is my only option Mia, I’m so
not ready to be a mother.’

‘Well I’m coming with you both times, even if they
don’t let me in. I can understand Gabe needing to be near me last night now. I
couldn’t bear to be at home, knowing you were all alone and upset. At least if
I’m in the same building I’ll feel better.’

‘Thanks, so will I,’ she smiled. ‘Holy shit, look
there’s Starbucks, it really is just around the corner from home.’

‘Come on then, I need coffee and something sticky,
sugary and delicious to eat as I feel a bit dizzy from that blood test. It’s on
me for last night.’

‘You better bloody believe it is.’

It was just approaching eleven as we made our way back
up the stairs to the apartment. I beat Lexi up to the top and turned the key in
the lock.

‘I need to have a quick bath to get rid of this bloody
gunk Lex.’

‘TMI mate.’ I smiled at her and headed into the
bedroom and screamed. ‘What? What is it?’ she yelled as she rang in and stood
open mouthed next to me. ‘Holy shit,’ she exclaimed. On my dressing table was a
huge display of the most beautiful red roses I’d ever seen, I went to smell
then and pulled out the small card that was attached.