Ballads of Suburbia (24 page)

Harlan said, “No, dude, I was just showing her my pubes.” Before he could ask Christian if he wanted to see and subsequently
get himself killed, Maya yanked Harlan out of the way. She did not return to rescue me.

Christian's face reddened like dangerously hot coal and his eyes locked on mine. I shook my head and veered for the stairs. “Fuck you. This has nothing to do with you,” I snapped, not even interested in explaining the situation. Just being in Shelly's house with him made my bruises throb.

Christian, big and menacing as a bull, slid to the side, blocking my exit. “This has everything to do with me. You can't just mess around with Harlan in front of everyone, it makes us both look like fools.”

“Why?” I scoffed. “I'm not
your
girlfriend anymore. Remember?”

I stretched the collar of my T-shirt down to the top of my bra, clearly revealing my bruises. Well, it was clear to Christian, anyway. I glanced around the room, noting the bewildered expressions of everyone else. Harlan squinted, confused, in my direction. Maya knew from a distance what I was showing off and was stone-faced, as she'd been in the bathroom. Mary and Jessica animatedly whispered to each other. Then my gaze drifted to the top of the stairs, where I saw Liam staring, appalled. I quickly released my shirt. No one was close enough to tell that I was bruised. I just looked crazy or slutty or both.

“I. Apologized. To. You.” Christian gnashed his teeth between each word.

He spoke softly, trying to keep our conversation private, but I shouted, “I think I made it pretty damn clear at Denny's that I couldn't accept your apology!” I took another step in the direction of the stairs. I had to get up there and explain this whole thing to my brother, who wore that same numb-but-about-to-freak expression as when my parents announced their divorce.

Like my partner in a violent dance, Christian wrenched me toward him, pinning my left arm to his chest. Glaring down his nose at me, he snarled, “You and I are not done.”

“Yes, we are!” As much as it hurt, I jerked my wrist from his grip, twisting out of the left sleeve of my cardigan. Nodding down at my bruised arm, I loudly declared, “See why!” so that all people pretending to ignore our little lover's quarrel would take notice.

“Kara, let's not make a scene here.” Christian tried to shove my bare arm back into its sleeve. “I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself like you do…”

“Like
I
do?” I shouted indignantly.

Mary and Jessica had edged closer for gossip's sake, but now that she could see my bruises, Mary sided with me. “Christian, she obviously couldn't have done that to herself—”

“Back off, Mary!” Christian growled.

“Why don't you back the fuck off, Christian?” A low, rumbling voice came from behind me. Adrian stalked over from the couch he'd been occupying. He withdrew the butterfly knife he always carried from his pocket and flicked it open.

Christian's teeth ground together like his jaw was being tightened with a screwdriver. “What, so you can have her? You caused this whole situation.”

“I'm not a possession and this has nothing to do with Adrian!” I seethed, still struggling to get loose.

Adrian took long strides, but didn't quicken his pace. “I don't really give a shit what the situation is, but if you've still got your hands on her when I get over there I'll cut them off.”

Christian's hold slackened and he took off up the stairs. I swept my sweater around me and leaned against the railing, breathing deeply.

Adrian cackled. “That kid has always been the biggest wuss.”

Mary snapped at him. “Shut up, this isn't some tough-guy contest. Kara's upset.”

I felt an unfamiliar hand on my shoulder. Mary's gaze probed
mine when I looked up. I shirked her off. “Don't try to be nice to me. You've never been nice to me!”

Mary's hands shot up in surrender. “Fine, whatever!” She stomped upstairs, Jessica following, riding Mary's coattails for once.

I hadn't meant to shout at Mary. She'd fallen victim to Christian's temper before, too. If anyone knew how I felt, it was her. My bitterness was really aimed at Maya. Where the hell
was
my supposed best friend? Why was one of our enemies defending me instead? I looked around the room for Maya, but she'd disappeared. Worried, I glanced at the top of the stairs, trying to locate Liam, knowing I really needed to explain everything to him, but he'd also gone. Probably with Christian.

“Great,” I mumbled. I wanted another shot or preferably a shot
gun
. My roaming eyes finally landed on Adrian, who'd remained beside me, and I must have been wearing the most pathetic expression, because next thing I knew he had his arms around me.

He wove his fingers in the back of my short hair. “I'll kill him if you want me to.”

The dam burst. Tears dripped down my face and into Adrian's long curls. “I just wanna forget him,” I whimpered.

“Okay. Let's get out of here, then.” His husky voice reminded me of last summer. Before Christian.

“Yeah, let's do that.”

“I missed you,” Adrian whispered as we started upstairs.

I took hold of his hand. “I missed you more.”

He wrapped his arm protectively around me, guiding me toward the front door.

Christian stood at the shadowed far end of the porch. I intended to hold my head high as we descended to the sidewalk, but found I couldn't look at him. I folded inward against Adrian's chest and felt his mouth brush the top of my head. Maybe
I appreciated his gentleness. Maybe I did it out of reflex. But when Adrian and I reached his car, we were kissing. I couldn't even feel the eyes from the porch that weighed on us. It was so easy to slip back into old patterns.

 

Adrian took me to his house and I leaned against the headboard of his bed as he lit our second bowl. We sat facing each other, knee-to-knee, like we had at Shelly's the night we'd first kissed. The pot rushed directly to my head, reinstating the powerful buzz I had going before Christian showed up. I'd intended to calm down and go looking for Liam, but getting high felt so good.

However, as I got more stoned, Adrian acted more sober. “Seriously, Kara,” he said, “I hope I didn't cause this whole mess.”

I waved his comment away with a thick cloud of smoke. “I don't want to talk about Christian.” The alcohol-pot combination made me bold. I leaned forward, nesting my hand in the hair at the nape of his neck. “I want to be with you. Pretend he never happened.” I kissed Adrian powerfully.

“Kara, it doesn't work like that…” he objected, though he couldn't help but kiss me back. I pushed him down against the bed, my fingernails scratching his stomach, pulling his shirt off. He ran his fingernails across my stomach as well and slowly lifted my shirt over my head. Then he saw the bruises across my chest and froze.

“Jesus Christ. He did this?”

“Doesn't matter.” I tugged my jeans past my hips. “He doesn't exist.”

Adrian clamped his hands over mine, stopping me from undressing. “Yes, he does, Kara.”

I sat up. “So what? Now
you
don't even want me? I thought you'd sleep with any chick with a pulse.”

Hurt filled Adrian's brown eyes and he rolled over, reaching for our shirts. “I do want you. I've wanted you for months.” He met my gaze again and said firmly, “But I'm not going to take advantage of you and hurt you worse.”

I snatched my T-shirt from him. “No one could hurt me worse than he did or than you did the last time around.”

“Kara…”

“Don't. I'm leaving.” I attempted to thrust my shaking arms through my shirt, but was sobbing so hard that I couldn't. When Adrian tried to help, I shrieked, “I can dress myself. I'm not a goddamn child!” and pushed him away, bashing my elbow against the lamp on his nightstand in the process. “Ow! Goddammit!”

I shoved the lamp to the floor, my lip curling in satisfaction when it broke.

Adrian chuckled. “Did that feel good? Here.” He grabbed an empty beer bottle from his windowsill. “Throw it.” He egged me on, eyes glittering. “Trash the whole damn room if it will make you feel better. I'll help. No one's home to stop us.” He took another beer bottle and tossed it at the mirror above his dresser. Shards went flying everywhere. “Your turn.”

Before long, we'd heaved his dresser onto its side, yanked his mattress off his bed, and stomped the lamp to pieces. I went to overturn his nightstand, but he stopped me. “Nah, don't do that.”

“Why not?” My cheeks were flushed; my whole body quivered, savoring the adrenaline rush.

Adrian shrugged. “My drugs are in there.”

“Oh yeah? Whatcha got?” I opened the drawer. He tried to slam it shut, but my hands were already inside. I extracted a vial filled with brown powder. “What's this?”

“It's not for you.” Adrian plucked it from my fingertips and squirreled it away in his pocket.

“Hey! What are you doing? I thought we were having fun.”

“I'm protecting you.”

“Where the hell were you last weekend? Or in September?” I spat. “No one was protecting me then and now there's nothing left worth protecting.”

Guilt washed across his face. “That's not true-”

“It's heroin, isn't it?” I reached greedily into his pocket.

“Kara…” But he didn't try hard enough to stop me and I got hold of the vial.

“You're not going to turn me down twice in one day, Adrian.” I rummaged through his nightstand, emerging with a cigar box. Along with his pot paraphernalia, it contained a razor blade and a straw. Jackpot.

As Adrian protested, “Kara, don't do that!” I spilled out a line and snorted, just like I'd seen him do in September. It barely burned my nose. I did another one. A rush of warmth swam through my bloodstream. Soon I felt like I was flying. Everything was beautiful and light. The world turned blue and then gold. I'd never felt so high before and I loved it.

Adrian stroked my cheek and ran his finger down the bridge of my nose. “My girl.” He sighed and murmured sadly, “I shouldn't have let you do this.”

Shaking off his remorse, he cut three lines for himself and did them in quick succession, like he did the shots at Shelly's the night of our first kiss. He hefted the mattress back onto the bed frame and we collapsed onto it. Adrian's eyes closed slowly and reopened, glazed.

“Wow, heroin…” I said.

“Heroin for my heroine.”

I moved my heavy limbs against his dark blue sheets; it felt like I was floating peacefully in a cool river. Adrian and I started to kiss, then forgot about it. He laughed and said something, but I couldn't hear him. My head emptied of all thoughts. I couldn't even remember Christian's face. Heroin hadn't just paused the
movie that had been repeating in my brain since New Year's, it took it off the reel and burned it. All that was left was the blank screen. White noise drowned out everything. My eyes were open, but I couldn't see. It felt so good not to see.

 

Some time later, Quentin pushed open Adrian's bedroom door and quickly shut it behind him. He didn't seem to notice the mess and the overturned furniture, his eyes locked on me, lying on the floor next to Adrian.

“Kara,” he whispered, kneeling beside me.

My head lolled toward his voice. “Quentin.”

Adrian propped himself up on his elbows. “Want a line?” He indicated the half-empty vial that sat atop the cigar box near our feet.

Quentin pocketed it, reprimanding, “You shouldn't have done this with her.” He glanced over his shoulder, pale blue eyes filled with panic. “This does not look good.”

“You saw what happened with Christian at that party. If she needs to escape, I'm gonna let her. She's-”

Pounding on the door and an angry voice: “Is my sister in there with him or what?”

Liam.

I sat up straight, gripping my head with both hands. “Oh shit!”

“They waited for you at Shelly's. When you didn't come back they asked me to bring them here,” Quentin explained, wringing his hands.

“Who's ‘they'?” Adrian demanded.

Before Quentin could answer, Liam shoved the door open. Maya stood behind him. I craned my neck, looking for Christian, but fortunately he wasn't there. That was the only good thing about the situation.

Liam stalked into the room. His gaze flitted across the mess but lingered longest on Adrian, then the cigar box, then me. “It's all true,” he murmured. “Adrian. Heroin.” He glared into my eyes, though I had a hard time focusing on his.

Adrian stumbled to his feet. “Dude, don't get the wrong idea.”

Liam gritted his teeth. “Don't fucking talk to me.”

Maya stepped between them, hands on her hips. “You need to leave the room,” she instructed Adrian, her voice low and cold. Nodding in Quentin's direction, she added, “You, too. This is between the three of us.”

Diminutive as she was, Maya commanded respect. “Okay,” Quentin agreed quickly, grabbing Adrian by the arm.

“If you upset her,” Adrian warned, jabbing his finger in my brother's face.

Liam snorted. “If
I
upset
her?”
He approached the spot where I sat, kicking things out of his path. Looming over me, arms crossed, he asked Maya, “It's all true, isn't it? Everything Christian told us at Denny's after she left.”

I struggled to stand, fiercely shaking my head. “No! Are you going to listen to my side of the story or are you going to ignore me like Maya did?”

“I wanted to hear your side of the story, Kara!” Liam shouted. “I didn't believe Christian at first. I made them go to Shelly's to look for you. Then there you were, wasted, fondling Harlan…”

My head still bobbed from when I'd been shaking no the first time. “I was not!”