Barging In (13 page)

“What a time to decide you want to be out of range! Honestly, I don’t know where you get it from. I’m sure your father and I were never this awkward when we were young. As a matter of fact, I distinctly remember—”

“Bye, Mum.” He took a perverse pleasure in hanging up on her in mid-flow and immediately switched his phone off. But all the simmering anticipation he’d been feeling about his evening with Dan had evaporated at the mention of Jamie, and his thoughts swirled dark and gloomy as he cruised to the winding hole, turned and set off back to the mooring spot.

But this was no good. Wallowing in it never got him anywhere. Fortunately he knew just how to cheer himself up. Robin moored up, then went to get out his tools.

Chapter Thirteen

The setting sun cast warm rays into the clouds, leaving the valley in shadow as it dipped down behind the hill. As he cycled out to Robin’s boat, Dan inhaled lungfuls of fragrant woodsmoke, occasionally varied by the sharper scent of smokeless fuel. The boats were already lit up inside, casting warm lozenges of light onto the grass bank. The stretch out towards Robin’s boat was lonely and dark in comparison. It was a world away from cycling through the choking fumes, dazzling lights and hectic noise of London. Absolute quiet reigned. It was almost…spooky.

Dan shivered, glad that he’d thought to pack his panniers with spare clothing this time. He had the bag of fish and chips tucked into his jacket keeping him warm—no doubt it was also making him smell like a chippy, but he had a feeling Robin wouldn’t hold it against him. The guy always seemed to smell of fresh sweat himself. Dan thought back to their encounter on the bridge that afternoon and the hot, smoky tang rising from Robin’s body that had made his mouth water.

Serendipity
was pointing the wrong way, confusing Dan for a moment. But of course, part of the general weirdness that was boat living, no doubt—constantly changing which side of your home looked onto land, and which onto water.

He faced the plank. It shone pale against the dark reeds and even darker water beneath. His pulse raced at the idea of crossing it alone. But he couldn’t call Robin out to hold his hand. He’d managed to cross it earlier on when leaving, so he could do it again now. It wasn’t any more dangerous in the dark. And there was absolutely no need for him to jump out of his skin just because some fucking owl had hooted. He stepped onto the springy board and stumbled onto the front deck with a surge of pride, despite his jelly knees.

Should he knock? Robin must know he was here. The whole boat rocked like a fairground ride after his clumsy arrival. Might as well make a grand entrance. Dan flung the doors open and entered with as much of a flourish as was possible while laden with panniers, camera bag, and the chips down his jacket.

“Come and get ’em while they’re still warm! There’s a man-size portion of delicious hot, salty treats hidden away under my clothing for some lucky fella to ferret out.”

Robin was closing the lid of the farther-away, built-in footstool, and he straightened with an indecipherable expression on his face. “Hi,” he said, closing the space between them.

Dan couldn’t breathe for a moment after seeing the blaze in Robin’s eyes. Robin’s hands closed over his, and Dan inclined his head for a kiss. But instead of the pressure of lips against his, he felt his hands relieved of their load. Robin turned away to place the bags on the floor beyond the sofa. Stupid to be disappointed about that—it wasn’t like they were a couple or anything.

“Quite a load. Planning on moving in, are you?”

It was hard to know whether Robin was teasing or not when Dan couldn’t see his face, but he went for his usual banter. “Well, if you insist, I suppose I could for the rest of the week. Your bed’s so much more comfortable than mine.” His stomach clenched in anticipation. Oh God, he hadn’t realised how much he wanted to stay until he was slap-bang up against the possibility of Robin saying no.

Robin turned to face him, and Dan relaxed when he saw the smile tugging at his lips. “Is that all you’re after? A decent night’s kip?”

“I was rather hoping you’d keep me up half the night instead.” Robin flushed slightly, but Dan saw his eyes grow darker. “First things first, I reek of battered fish, so how about helping me find some plates and things?”

A huge plate of fish and chips later, Dan licked the grease off his fingers and cast a sly glance at Robin, who was mopping up the last of the ketchup with a chip. Robin’s lips were coated with an oily sheen. Dan salivated as he imagined running his tongue over them, then down over the bristles to the smoother skin of Robin’s neck and chest. Would he have the opportunity to explore Robin’s body tonight? It was always so delightful to get to know a new lover’s body in intimate detail. To find out what touch where would send him into ecstasies; to discover just what sort of noises escaped him when Dan’s tongue went wandering; to revel in all the different flavours of a new man.

Robin looked up at Dan; then his eyes dropped and he bit his bottom lip. Curious, to be so hesitant after his behaviour the previous night. Rather charming, though, the way Robin kept surprising him.

“So, are you too stuffed to move, or do you fancy working off some of those calories?” Dan asked.

“I think I need to let my food go down first.” Robin stuck out his belly and rubbed it slowly. “Mum always said you shouldn’t exercise on a full stomach. How about a film instead?”

Dan looked around the boat, puzzled. There was no evidence of any entertainment system. “You’d better not be suggesting we cycle out to the cinema. I’m far too cosy for that right now.” He emphasised his words by shifting closer and dropping his head onto Robin’s shoulder. The effect he was after was somewhat spoiled by the plate falling from his lap and onto the floor, but Robin just chuckled and wrapped an arm around him.

“I’m not a complete Luddite, you know. I have technology. I have DVDs.”

“Where are they, then?” From the looks of his home, you wouldn’t think Robin had any interests beyond woodworking and playing the guitar. There weren’t even any books.

“My feet are on them.”

“Ah, so that’s what you were doing when I arrived. Hiding your technology.”

Dan felt Robin’s body tense slightly and had to move as Robin stood and lifted the lid of the bench nearest the fire.

“I prefer to keep it hidden, as I don’t like to have to lock the boat. I’m less likely to get burgled if no one can see anything worth taking.” Dan watched as Robin carefully lifted out a smallish flat-screen television and placed it on the other footstool. “What do you want to watch?”

“Got any porn?”

Robin turned towards Dan, amusement twitching his lips. “I’ve got a couple of discs, but I don’t think you’d like them. They’ve got women in them too.”

Dan screwed his face up. “Eww, what do you want to watch straight porn for?”

“It’s not straight, it’s bi. I told you I was bi, didn’t I?” Robin’s cheeks flushed as he pulled out a DVD with a lurid screenshot of a woman and two men entangled on the front.

“I thought that was just a cover story. You set my gaydar off big-time.”

“I’ve slept with girls plenty of times.”

“Yeah, right.” Dan gave Robin what he hoped was a penetrating stare. The guy was protesting too much.

“I have. You think I’ve been celibate the last few years? Think again. I can prove it. Ask Mel. She’ll tell you.”

Was Robin saying what he thought he was? “You’ve slept with Mel?”

“Yeah. A few times. We had fun.” Robin was holding something back, though, he could tell.

“As much fun as you had with me?” Dan kept his tone light, but he really wanted to know. For some reason it was terribly important that Robin was as into this as he was. “You sure you’re not really gay after all? Sure you haven’t been secretly lusting after cock all this time?”

“I expect you reckon you can convert me with the power of your dick or something.” Robin grinned. “Okay, no porn with girls in. How about a kung fu movie instead? That’s got lots of half-naked men getting all physical with each other. Will that do?”

“I’ll give it a go, but I’ve never been that keen. The stuff my brother liked was just mindless violence—all muscley guys with dead eyes beating the shit out of each other.” Dan had hated the way Pete and his mates would get wild-eyed and aggressive after watching them. Even as a child, he’d been afraid of being on the receiving end of a beating if Pete found out what Dan really thought about some of his friends.

“Right, then, something with a storyline and a sense of humour. I know, you’ll like this one. It’s got Jet Li in it, back from before he went all Hollywood.” Robin held up a disc with a picture of the actor in traditional Cantonese garb and one of those bizarre half-shaved hairdos. Dan nodded, wondering what he was letting himself in for.

Dan watched Robin plugging everything in—it turned out he’d built in a decent speaker system and hidden it behind latticework—and pondered what it must be like to live full-time in a space like this. You could stand with your arms stretched out and touch both walls—everything was easily accessible if you had the right storage. In some ways it wasn’t too different to his tiny flat in Balham, but so much cosier. No draughty sash windows and crippling gas bills for Robin. Here, you just had to chuck a fresh log on the fire every half an hour or so and had all the fun of watching the flames rather than your gas meter spinning around.

The tinny Chinese music started up, and Robin slumped beside him, remote control in hand. Dan looked at the menu screen and caught Robin selecting the dubbed version.

“You don’t have to do that—I’m fine with subtitles.”

Robin kept staring at the screen. His jaw worked, but no sound came out.

“Just ’cause I’m not posh like you, doesn’t mean I can’t cope with subtitled foreign films. I’ve seen a few. Got a bit of a thing for some of those French actors. It’s much better when you can hear their proper voices instead of some bloody ridiculous American translation that doesn’t match their lip movements.” Dan kept babbling, but something wasn’t quite right, and he didn’t know how to approach it.

In the end, he shut up and waited, watching the way Robin’s fingers clenched around the remote. His knuckles were white, and Dan reached out to lay a hand over them. Robin gave a long, shuddering sigh and began talking in a low voice, his eyes on their hands.

“We could put the subtitles on, but I won’t be able to read them fast enough. I’m dyslexic. Pretty fucking severely dyslexic.” Robin’s laugh was a short bark, devoid of mirth.

“I didn’t know.”

Robin stared at him. “Why would you? It’s not like I go around broadcasting it.”

“Sorry, I—”

“I was twelve before my Mum managed to bully the school into getting me properly tested. Up until then, everyone told me I was thick. I used to get lippy with the teachers to hide the fact I couldn’t read properly. First time I got expelled, I was eight years old.”

“Eight?” Jesus Christ, Dan had been a model pupil at eight. Not that it stopped the teasing from the other kids, but he didn’t think it politic to mention that right now. Robin’s brow was furrowed deeply, and he looked like he was trying to bore a hole in the floor of the boat with some kind of death-ray glower.

“Do you know what that’s like, Dan? To have everyone ripping the piss out of you about something you can’t help?”

“I’ve got an idea.” Yeah, those childhood bullies had sniffed out his homosexuality before he’d even realised it himself. “Is that why you don’t have any books? I did wonder.”

Robin shot him a glare. “I can read. I’m not an idiot.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t.” Why did this man have to be so bloody complicated? “I just figured you probably wouldn’t enjoy it much.”

“Yeah, well…” Robin seemed mollified, and his scowl softened. “It’s hard work, and it takes me a long time to get through a page. I can’t really read for pleasure.” His fingers still gripped the remote, and Dan began to unlace them slowly, slipping his own between them.

“That’s a shame. I can’t imagine how I’d have survived my teens otherwise. I used to get picked on by Dad for always having my nose in a book. Reading wasn’t the most popular pastime in our house.”

“You’d have fit in better with my family.” Robin gave a wry smile. “Mum sent me off to a fucking boarding school the first chance she got. Special place for those who were ‘differently abled’. What a right bloody waste of time that was.”

“They couldn’t help you, then?”

Robin sighed again, and Dan wondered if he was going to answer at all. When he spoke, the words came slowly, as if forcing them out was causing him pain.

“I learnt a lot there, but not what they were teaching. It’s where I met Jamie.” The expression that darkened Robin’s face at the mention of that name was a curious one, mingling guilt, nostalgia and a deep sorrow. Dan wanted to wrap his arms around him and tell him it would all be okay, but as he didn’t even know what “it” was, the best he could do was to squeeze Robin’s hand and lean against him.

“Do you want to talk about him?” What was he going and offering now? He didn’t do all this emotional-baggage shit. But as Robin shook his head, disappointment tightened Dan’s chest. Bugger; he actually wanted to know about Robin’s big dark secret. Stupid, really. He should steer well clear of those kinds of confidences. It would make it so much harder to leave if he knew this man deep down and inside out.

Robin heaved a huge breath and visibly composed himself. “How about this movie, then?
The Legend of Fong Sai Yuk
, complete with cheesy American voice acting and half-naked Chinese men?”

Dan snuggled closer, curling his legs up beneath him, wrapping an arm around Robin and resting his head on his shoulder. “Sounds good to me. I like a big dollop of cheese with my half-naked men.”

Robin snorted. “You’ll get that all right.”

“Ooh, is that a promise?” Dan nipped playfully at Robin’s shoulder. “I might have to take you up on that later.”

“Piss off, you randy bugger.” Dan grinned as he felt Robin’s shoulders drop farther, the tension leaching out of his body.