Bastard (20 page)

She goes to say something else, but I lean forward and cover her mouth with mine. I love that she feels so passionate about this subject, and I love that she doesn’t think I’m a bastard. Everything she said is true, but sadly it still doesn’t make me feel any better about myself.

I’m still a bastard.

Maybe in time her words will help, but right now all the blood has left my brain and rushed straight to my cock, so I can’t think of anything else but
her
. I know we said we wouldn’t go there again, but I need this.
I fucking need her.

When I tilt her head back and deepen the kiss, she moans into my mouth. Sliding my hands under her arms, I lift her up and onto my lap so she’s straddling me. Wrapping her legs around my waist, her hands snake around my neck. Mine slide around her tiny waist and I draw her body flush with mine. I love the way she kisses. The way her lips feel against mine. The way her soft body moulds against my hardness. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of it. Actually I know I won’t. I’m hooked—
on her
.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Indiana

My heart is still hurting for him. Thinking of how he must’ve felt as a small boy, and the fact that he’s been carrying that stigma around for all these years. It breaks my heart. Although unfounded, his attitude since the day we met suddenly makes sense. I hate that he feels so lowly of himself, especially since they were circumstances beyond his control. How could his grandfather, his own flesh and blood, label him like that? He was just a fucking kid. He didn’t ask to be born.

As I kiss him, I try my hardest to show him without words, how special he is, how much I care for him. How he’s nothing like the perception he has of himself. We’ve both tried so hard to keep our friendship completely platonic the past few weeks, but tonight I need him. I think he needs this, too.

I need to lose myself in him so I don’t have to think about my dad falling to pieces back at the house. So much for my damn ‘Distraction’ playlist. In between songs I could still hear his muffled cries. That’s why I came down here. Every year I dread this date. I’ve always hoped as the years passed, things will get easier for my dad, but not this year. Hopefully next.

Carter’s hands slide from my waist down to my arse. He draws me in, my centre pressing hard against his erection. I moan into his mouth. I don’t even recognise myself when I am with him like this. He makes me so wild. One of his hands move under my top as his fingers lightly skim up and over my stomach, making me shiver, until he’s palming my breast and pinching my nipple through the lace fabric of my bra. My hands tangle in his hair as I rock my hips forward.

I’ve only been kissing him for a few minutes and I’m already on the verge of coming undone. I could get addicted to the way he makes my body feel. Our kiss soon turns primal. It’s like we can’t get enough of each other.

His hand moves down between us as he rubs my clit through the thin material of my shorts.

“Come for me, beautiful,” he whispers as his lips make a trail across my jaw and down my neck. I lean my head back and moan. It only takes me a few seconds before I call out his name when my orgasm hits. When I open my eyes I find him looking at me, smiling. “I love watching you come.” I feel my face heat. “Don’t go all shy on me now,” he adds as he leans forward and plants a soft kiss on my nose.

I can still feel his erection pressing into my inner thigh. Sliding my hand down his body, I stoke him through his jeans. “Don’t,” he says pulling my hand away.

“What? Why? I want to give you relief.”

“No. I’ve been trying my hardest to behave around you for weeks. I let this go as far as it did tonight because you needed it. If we don’t stop this now, I may not be able to control myself. You make me crazy,” he admits.

“Well don’t stop.”

“I told you, we can’t go there, Indi. Your first time should be with someone special. That’s not me.” I move my hand up to cup his face.

“You are special, Carter. I want you to be my first.” I mean every word, too. I may regret it, but I doubt it. Even if we can’t be together after tonight, I’ll still treasure the fact that he was my first.

“You don’t mean that,” he says placing his hand on the back of my head, pulling my face into his chest. I can hear his heart beating wildly. I love being held like this, by him. When I’m with Carter, he makes me feel like nobody else but us exists in the world. He obviously has no idea how much I want this.

“I do. Please, Carter. Don’t make me beg.”

“I don’t do commitments, Indi. I’m not boyfriend material.”

“I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend,” I say pulling my head back so I can see his face.

“Well what then?” Even in this light, I can see his vulnerability. I wish he didn’t have such a low opinion of himself. I wish he could see himself through my eyes then he’d know just how special he is.

“I’m asking you to be my first. Nothing more. Just one night. I want you to do all the things you’ve done to the others.” Did I just say that? Yep, I did. It’s true though. Since the moment I saw Jennifer climb in his window, I wished it was me. Then there was the pink-haired bimbo.

“What others?” he asks.

“The girls that climbed through your window. Jennifer and the girl with the pink hair.”

“I didn’t do anything with the girl with the pink hair,” he chuckles.

“You didn’t? But I …”

“When I saw you watching us, I couldn’t go through with it,” he confesses.

“You couldn’t? Why?”

“Because you cock-blocked me.”

“I did not,” I say playfully slapping his arm. “Tell me the real reason.”

“Fuck. Enough with all the questions. I just couldn’t okay. I felt bad.” My lips turn up into a smile.

“Why did you feel bad?” I ask, my smile widening. I probably shouldn’t be probing him like this, but I want to know the reason.

“Just drop it,” he snaps.

“No. I want to know why.” He lifts me off his lap and places me back beside him in annoyance.

“I’m not going to answer that,” he says as his handsome face scrunches up into a frown. When he turns his head away from me, I get the impression he’s feeling uncomfortable, so I let it lie. Although, secretly I’m dying to know why.

“So are we going to do it?” I ask changing the subject.

“Do what?” he replies turning his head to look at me.

“You know … sex.” I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation with him. He chuckles at my comment making me blush. He probably thinks I’m so lame.

“Trust me, kid. As much as I’d like to deflower you, you’ll regret giving me your virginity.” Even though his words are telling me ‘no’, I can tell by the look in his eyes he wants this as much as I do.

“I won’t,” I say reaching for his hand. “I want this, Carter. I really do. Please don’t make me beg, because I will. No strings. I promise. Just one night, that’s all I’m asking.”
God I’m so pathetic.
He holds my stare, but doesn’t speak.
Please say yes
I silently chant in my head.

“You really want this?” he eventually asks.

“Yes. I want you.” He breaks into a full smile, showing his perfect white teeth.

“You’re not going to expect me to marry you or anything, are you?”

“What? No way. I don’t even want you as a boyfriend,” I screech.

“That’s just lovely, that is. Way to dirty talk it up,” he replies placing his hand on his chest, mocking fake hurt.

“I’m serious,” I say trying to hold a straight face. “I’m just using you for your body.” Seeing him like this makes my insides all warm and gooey. Even when he’s scowling he’s breathtaking, but when he smiles …
no words
.

“So I was right all along then?” he says when he stops laughing.

“About what?”

“You do want me.” He is so fucking smug sometimes, but he’s right. I do. I’m not even going to justify that with an answer. There’s no way I’m going to give him the satisfaction of being right.

“You’re so full of yourself,” I say nudging him with my shoulder.

“You’ll be full of me in a minute,” he chuckles, reaching for my hand as he goes to stand. I pull him back down.

“Can we stay down here? I’m not ready to go back up there yet.”

“You want me to fuck you down here? In the open?” he asks with surprise in his voice.

“It’s dark. No one will see us.”

“If you’re sure,” he says with a smile. “I never would’ve picked you to be so adventurous.”

“Well there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” That’s such a crock of shit. He’s right. I’m not the adventurous type at all, but he brings something out in me: A desire to let loose. To live a little.

“I’m gonna have to run back to the house and get a condom.” Leaning forward he brushes his lips against mine. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay,” I reply as he stands. You’d think I’d be nervous that I’m about to have sex for the first time, and in the open of all places, but I’m not. Not with Carter. I’m actually looking forward to it.

He returns a few minutes later with a huge grin on his face and a blanket and pillow in his hand. “Can’t have you getting splinters in your back, ruining that beautiful skin of yours,” he says as he spreads it out on the dock. When he’s not being an arse and giving me a hard time, he says the sweetest things. “You sure you want to do this?”

“Positive,” I answer as I reach for his outstretched hand. He pulls me to my feet and straight into his hard chest. He wraps his big strong arms around my waist, looking down at me.

“No regrets?” he asks.

I shake my head gently. “No regrets.” His lips meet mine. His kiss is soft and sweet, making my toes curl. I slide my arms around his neck when he scoops me up. Falling down to his knees, he gently lays me on the blanket, placing my head on the pillow. He lays down beside me, pulling me into his arms.

“You sure you don’t want to go back to my room?” he asks. God. Enough with all the questions.

“Just fuck me already,” I blurt out. I’m not even shocked by my words. I want this to happen.
Like yesterday.
I appreciate that he’s trying to do the right thing, but I’m not changing my mind no matter how hard he tries to talk me out of it.

“Jesus, those words coming out of your sweet mouth are hot,” he says. He sits me up and removes my top. I reach for the hem of his T-shirt, lifting it to reveal his heavenly abs and mouth-watering chest. He grabs hold of his shirt behind the neck and pulls it over his head. His hands then reach behind me, unclasping my bra. After I slide it down my arms and discard it, he gently lays me back down.

Moving his face forward, he draws one of my nipples into his mouth while his hands work feverishly on the button of my shorts. Leaning back on his haunches, he slides my shorts and panties down my legs. I watch his smile grow in the moonlight as he looks down at me.

I hear a growl come from deep in his throat as his lips trail a path down my abdomen. I push my head back into the pillow and moan when his face settles between my thighs. He grips the back of my legs and pushes my knees towards my chest, spreading my legs wide.

“I need to taste you again,” he whispers against my sensitive flesh. “I haven’t been able to get your pussy out of my mind.” I find myself smiling knowing he’s been thinking about that night, about me. I’ve thought about it as well—a lot.

He groans as his tongue swirls around my aching clit. I thread my fingers into his hair holding his head in place. His mouth is magnificent. I don’t want him to ever stop.

Within minutes he has me coming undone. He slides two fingers inside me as my orgasm pulses through my body. He doesn’t stop until my trembling body stills. “You’re so wet for me,” he says as he withdraws his fingers and pops them in his mouth, licking them clean. God, I love when he does that.

He stands and pulls the condom out of his pocket and removes his jeans. As much as I love being outside under the stars with him, I wish we had some light so I could see more of him in his naked glory. His body is breathtaking.

He rips open the condom wrapper with his teeth and slides it onto his impressive length. All I can think as I watch on is,
I hope that monstrosity fits inside me.
I’m definitely not having second thoughts, but I’ll admit the nerves are starting to settle in.

He crouches down, placing his hands on either side of my body before hovering over me. Leaning his face forward, his lips briefly meet mine again. I can taste myself on him. “This is going to hurt,” he says as he settles between my legs, lining himself up with my opening. “Are you sure you want to go through with this? It’s not too late to pull out.”

“I’m sure. I want this, Carter,” I tell him honestly as my hands come up to cup his face. He smiles before brushing his lips against mine.

“I’ll be as gentle as I can, okay. Try to relax.”

“Okay,” I reply. He glides the tip of his dick through my wetness before slowly pushing the head inside me.

“Sweet Jesus,” he groans before stilling, giving me time to adjust. Pulling back slightly, he pushes in a little further. His head falls back as a primal growl escapes him. I can already feel the sting as he stretches me. I’m not gonna lie though, knowing it’s me making him feel like this is an incredible turn on. “You feel amazing,” he breathes looking down at me. “Are you ready?”

I nod as his lips meet mine. He kisses me for a minute or so without moving. I’m sure he’s trying to distract me. It’s working. Without warning he withdraws before pushing all the way in. It stings like a bitch, but doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. He stills again, giving me time to adjust.

“Are you okay?” he asks, gently brushing back the hair off my face.

“Perfect,” I answer. I can’t believe I’m actually having sex. And with Carter Reynolds of all people. The guy I love and hate all in the same breath. I’m no longer a virgin and I have no regrets. None whatsoever. I’m glad my first time is with him.

“I’ve gotta start moving,” he says a few seconds later. He groans again when he slowly withdraws before pushing all the way back into me. After a few more thrusts the burning sensation dissipates and I’m now moving with him. It feels amazing.
He feels amazing.
“I think I’m in love with your pussy,” he moans as he picks up the pace. I think I’m falling in love with him, but I’d never say that out loud. I shouldn’t even be feeling like this, but I have no control over my heart. “I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna last. You feel too good. I need you to come again.”