Bastard (21 page)

“I’m close,” I say as I wrap my legs around his waist and dig the heels of my feet into his backside, pushing him further inside me. He lifts his body up slightly and moves his hand down between us to rub my clit as he continues to push into me, in short, fast thrusts. It’s all I need to send me over the edge. “Ohhh … I’m … I’m.” That’s all I manage to get out as the sensations take over, and I have the most intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced.

“Fuuuck,” he grunts as his body starts to jerk above me. I know he’s coming too. His body did the same thing when I gave him a blow job in his bedroom a few weeks ago. After a few more thrusts he stills inside me. “I think you’ve ruined me,” he says breathlessly as his lips find mine again. I fist my hands in his hair as I hold his face against mine. I don’t want this night to ever end. 

Our kiss goes from soft to wild within minutes. He’s still inside me and I feel him harden again. We’re now on round two. This time he rolls over, pulling me with him so I’m on top.

His hands glide up my body before cupping my boobs and rolling my hard nipples between his finger and thumb. I tilt my head back and moan as pleasure floods my body. My palms smooth over his chest, gripping his shoulders to give me some leverage so I can ride him. I love the friction that this position provides. Carter lifts his head and sucks one of my nipples in his mouth. I love his mouth on me. I wrap one of my hands around his neck while my other one runs through his hair, holding him against my breast.

Now I know why Meg fucks like a rabbit. I could easily get addicted to this feeling—only with Carter of course. I’m not the type of person that would just sleep around with anyone.

Carter’s hands move back down to my waist. Gripping my hips, he lifts my body slightly before guiding it back down. He does this over and over. I have no words for the sensations I’m experiencing right now.

“You have a magnificent pussy,” he groans. “I could fuck you all day.” All day sounds wonderful. I don’t want this feeling to ever stop.

“Don’t stop what you’re doing …
please
,” I beg as my hips start to swirl in a circular motion, making my clit grind against him.

“I have no intentions of stopping,” he says breathlessly. “I need to kiss you.” He pulls my face down to his. Sliding my hands up his neck, I thread my fingers through his hair. He’s now pounding into me as our kiss heats up. The noises coming from both of us are feral. I think he’s just as lost in me as I am in him.

I’m right on the edge. I’ve been trying to hold off because I don’t want this feeling, or my time with him to end, but I can no longer stop the orgasm that’s looming. “Carter,” I moan into his mouth as my body convulses with the intensity of it.

“Fuck,” he grates out as my inner muscles clench around his dick. His hands grip my hips so hard I swear they are going to leave marks. He pumps into me as his own release comes, setting off another orgasm for me.

“Oh. Shit … I’m coming again,” I moan tugging on his hair as I throw back my head, crying out his name. When our bodies finally still, I collapse onto his chest. My skin prickles with the cool breeze.

“Christ, you’re so beautiful when you’re coming. You have no idea what seeing you like that does to me,” he sighs, kissing my forehead and wrapping his arms tightly around my torso. If I wasn’t so worn out I’d offer to show him again.

I get the strongest vibes from him, whenever we’ve been intimate. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Even though I have no experience, nothing to compare it to, I’m pretty sure what we have is special. It’s like he’s feeling everything I am. It’s so intense. But then he’ll say or do something that tells me he wants distance. It’s confusing. Maybe it’s just part of his charm. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Or maybe he does feel everything I do. I doubt it.
He’s probably like this with all the girls.

We stay motionless, wrapped in each other’s arms for what seems like ages, before he eventually slides out of me and places me beside him. I’m surprised by the loss I feel from no longer being connected to him.

Standing, he passes me my clothes before removing his condom and getting dressed. Tears sting my eyes when I realise my time with him is over. I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want this to be our last time together. When I told him one night, I honestly thought I’d be okay with that. Now I know that’s not the case.

Once I slip back into my clothes, I go to stand. “Don’t get up,” he says squatting down beside me and stroking his hand gently down the side of my face. “I don’t want you to go yet.” I feel my lips curl into a smile when he leans forward and kisses me. He lays down beside me and pulls me into his arms. Reaching behind him, he pulls the other half of the blanket over us. “Just let me hold you for a while.”

Carter

‘No regrets’ we said, but that’s exactly what I’m having. Not because of what we did.
No way.
I’ll never forget what she gave me last night. I’m not just talking about her virginity either.

My regret is now I’ve taken it this far with her, crossed the line I swore I’d never cross, I have to leave. It’s for her own good. I don’t have a choice.

It was sometime in the early hours of this morning that I made my final decision. I only hope I have the strength to go through with it. I haven’t slept a wink all night. It was around 3:00am when we finally left the lake and made our way home.

In my heart I knew it would be our last time together, so I didn’t want it to end. I even offered to let her spend the night at my house, in my bed, but she declined. I’ve never invited anyone to spend the night with me before. It’s funny; when it comes to her, my previous rules, the ones I’ve never broken cease to exist.

I’m in the midst of both heaven and hell. Last night she took me to a place I never thought possible. Bliss. That’s what I experienced with her.
Fucking bliss
. Never in my life did I think sex could be like that. Sure, it’s always good, but with her …

Sweet Jesus.

The things she made me feel blew my fucking mind. What we shared was fleeting in the grand scheme of things, but I know it’s something I’m not going to forget in a hurry—if ever. I only wish things could be different between us, but they can’t.

Rising from the bed, I head to the bathroom to shower. If I’m going to go through with my plan I need to get my shit together. Standing under the spray of hot water, I contemplate what my actions today are going to do to the two people I care about the most in this world.

My mum has given up the last eighteen years of her life for me. It’s time I gave it back. She has her
fuckwit
of a husband to help pick up the pieces. Then there’s Indi. She has so much promise for a bright and happy future. She has her whole life ahead of her. A life I’m pretty sure will be a lot richer without me in it.

I have no idea where I’m heading, or what I’m gonna do. I was hoping for a few more weeks to get a plan in place, but after what happened last night, this needs to be done today. The sooner, the better. Things are only going to get complicated if I stay. The consequences are just too high. My feelings for her are far too strong. I’ve tried to fight them, but I’ve lost the battle. This thing between us can’t last. It will eventually lead to heartbreak. I know it. That’s a chance I’m not willing to take, for her, or for me.

I’ve had enough of that shit to last me a lifetime.

Sadness washes over me as I pick up the body wash and remove her scent from my skin. Never again will I be able to smell her sweetness, feel her silky soft skin beneath my fingertips, or taste her lips. It brings a motherfucking lump the size of a goddamn basketball to my throat.

Once I’m dressed I throw my things into my suitcase, stowing it under the bed before going in search of my mum. I find her in the kitchen cooking. As devastated as I’m feeling right now, just seeing her brings a smile to my face. I’m going to miss her cooking, but more than anything I’m going to miss her.

“Hey, sweetie,” she says smiling at me. “Breakfast won’t be long. As soon as John gets home we’ll eat.”

Walking to her, I wrap her in my arms. “I love you, Mum.”

“I love you too, Carter.”

“Thank you for always loving me. For keeping and wanting me when nobody else did.” I hear my voice crack when I speak.

“Baby? What’s brought this on?” she asks looking up at me. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I just needed you to know how much I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me over the years. It’s meant everything to me. You mean everything to me.” I see her eyes well with tears from my words.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I see concern etched on her beautiful face. I nod, tightening my embrace. “You’re part of me, sweetheart. You’ll always be a part of me. Not having you in my life was never an option. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful that you’re my son,” she says, gently running her hand down the side of my face. I can’t speak. The lump in my throat is growing bigger by the second.

I’m surprised I’m not choking on that fucker.

This is my goodbye. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever get to see her again. That thought makes my heart ache. If it wasn’t for her, my life growing up would’ve been nothing. Meaningless. She gave up her future, her family, everything for me. Words will never be able to express what that means to me.

She loved the bastard that nobody else could.

Leaning down I place a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I’ll be in my room,” I say as I turn and walk away. I don’t bother looking back. I can’t. If I do, she’ll see the tears that now glisten my eyes.

“Okay, sweetie. I love you, Carter,” she calls out behind me.

“I love you too, Mum,” I whisper.

Reaching under the bed, I grab the bag I just packed. Emptying out the contents of my school backpack onto the bed, I head back into my bathroom. I throw my deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste and brush into the bag. Walking back into my room I grab my sketchpad and a photo I have of my mum and I from when I was a boy, and stuff them inside. Looking around my room, I check to see if there’s anything else I need. 

Heading towards the window, my gaze moves towards Indi’s house. I’m shocked to find her standing in her bedroom watching me. She’s smiling.
Fuck.
I was hoping I didn’t have to see her before I left. I can’t say goodbye to her, I just can’t. It will gut me.

Tearing my eyes away from her I drop my suitcase out of the window. It lands with a thud. When my eyes meet hers again, I watch as her gaze moves down to the bag on the ground, and then back up to meet mine. The smile drops from her beautiful face.
A face I know I’m never going to forget.

She steps forward and presses her palms flat against the glass. Fuck, she knows. The devastation I see cross her features rips my fucking heart in two. I watch as a lone tear cascades down her cheek. What I wouldn’t give to hold her right now. Kiss her. Tell her I don’t know how I’m going to survive without her in my life.

Jumping out the window, I pick up my bag and start walking towards my car. I take one last look over my shoulder at the only other person on this earth, apart from my mum that I love. Yes, I love her. I love her so much it fucking hurts. Last night just confirmed it.

She’s the only person that has made me feel like I’m somebody. The only person that has accepted me for who I am—the real Carter Reynolds. The person I am on the inside. Not the illegitimate child.
The bastard
. The real me. She knows my story and still cares. Still wants me around.

I’m not used to people wanting me, so the fact that she does is something I’ll never forget. I’ll treasure the time I’ve spent with her. She’ll always have my heart. I know that for a fact.

As much as it kills me, I need to let her go. Although she may not think so, she deserves so much more than I can ever give.
So much more.
I was born a bastard and I’ll die a bastard. That’s never going to change. In time I know my doom and gloom will dull her sunshine. I couldn’t do that to her. She’s perfect just the way she is.

I open the trunk of my car and place my suitcase and backpack inside. My heart is so heavy as I move around to the driver’s door.

“Carter, please don’t go. Don’t leave me,” I hear her cry from behind me.
Christ.
She’s come outside. I don’t turn around. I can’t. I wish I could stay. Better still, I wish I could take her with me, but that’s not an option.

Ignoring her, I open the door and climb in. Tears cloud my eyes. I didn’t think this would be so hard. I turn the key in the ignition and back out of the driveway. My eyes betray me as I take one last look at the
kid
. The
kid
that stole my heart. The
kid
that managed to penetrate my darkness, and for the briefest of moments showed me what it was like to have light in my heart again. Fuck I’m going to miss her and her smart mouth.

She needs to forget me. I swear I literally feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as I watch her standing there. Her arms wrapped around her tiny body. Tears are streaming down her beautiful face. It takes every bit of strength I have not to go to her.

There’s so much I want to say to her.
So much
. So much I want to thank her for. But, instead I do what I need to do to help her forget me. To help her move on. I flip her off as I put my foot down and drive away. Drive away from the only two people who’ll ever hold a place in my heart …

PART

TWO

CHAPTER ONE

Five years later …

Carter

I’m jolted out of my sleep by
our
song; Let her go, by Passenger. Well technically it’s not our song, but it’s the one that reminds me of her. Of us. I heard it a few days after I left. For the first time in years I cried.
Cried like a fucking baby.
It’s been the ringtone on my phone ever since. I don’t know why I torture myself by keeping it. All it does is remind me of what I’ve lost. Of the one and only girl I’ve ever loved.