Be Careful What You Wish For (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-two

JUST AS I’D
suspected, Pretty Little Lies was so much better with an audience.  They’d been good in Mark’s basement, but having an audience made them step up their game.  Holy shit, were they incredible.

And seeing my man onstage was hot.  Oh, God, he was gorgeous, the way that bass guitar hung low against his body.  His low, gritty voice serenading me didn’t hurt either.  It wasn’t until halfway through the show that I noticed dozens of women around me.  Sure, there were plenty of
guys headbanging, but there were a lot of women looking at the stage with dreamy eyes.  That was when I realized how I was kind of out of place.  Oh, sure, my clothing, hair, and makeup were fine, but I wasn’t pierced or tattooed.  There were a lot of female metalheads who wore their status on the outside, and there was no mistaking how important music was to them.  These women were hot too, and it made me feel like I didn’t stand a chance.

What was wrong with me?  Why was I feeling so insecure?  Was it because I could see
Kage feeding off the energy, making eye contact not just with me but a lot of the people (okay,
women
) in the audience?

Why had I let myself fall for him?  I was becoming a nervous wreck, something I’d never been before
when it came to a man.  I’d never invested myself in a relationship like this before, and it was killing me.  My studies were suffering, as was my sleep schedule.  And my emotions…I’d never felt this strongly until now.

And every time I started feeling that way again, I remembered one thing that made
Kage different from all the other men I’d ever been with or dated—we had connected on a deep level.  It wasn’t just lust; there was so much more.

Well, there was for me anyway.  Maybe it was one-sided, and
that
was where the insecurities came into play.  I’d started doubting his feelings for me.  Sure, he
said
he loved me, but how did I know he meant it?  How could I be sure?

He smiled at a girl on the other side of the stage as he thanked the audience for the applause.  Was that a wink too?  I felt a seething, hot monster inside me.  I’d had no idea it had even existed, but there it was—evil and angry.  Was this how Fay had felt?  Maybe she hadn’t been a bitch when she and
Kage had first gotten together.  Maybe she’d felt the rage grow much like I was starting to.

But then he took a drink from a bottle of water behind him in front of the drum kit.  When he came back to the mike, he said, “Are you ready for some more hardcore shit?”  The crowd went wild, screaming and throwing up devil’s horns and fists in the air.  Then he said, “This is still
brutal, but I’m dedicating this one to my girl.”  He nodded his head at me.  “Yeah, the hot little brunette there, front row, wearing the leather miniskirt.”

I couldn’t help it, especially after feeling so low, so down, so sad.  I started giggling.  It wasn’t that I liked the attention.  No, instead, it was that I felt so much better. 
Kage might have been flirting with his female fans, but he finally let them know he wasn’t available.  That was more than I could have asked for.

Of course, that just meant he’d be more of a challenge for some of these women.  That didn’t matter, though, because I felt better.

I was still riding high that night when I had to sit on his lap heading back to Mark’s house.  Mark hadn’t had any problems picking up one of the metal chicks (none of the guys had had a hard time with that task), and she was coming home with him.  There were only three seats in his truck, though, so I had to ride on Kage’s lap on the way back.

Not that I minded, especially when he used it as an opportunity to get me plenty hot and warmed up for fun later.

His attention alleviated my fears for the meantime, but those doubts were beginning to loom large in the back of my head—and I wasn’t sure how to rid myself of them.

* * *

Spring break was one of my favorite times of the year.  Like Thanksgiving break, it afforded me an opportunity to make great strides in semester-long projects that were due at the end of the year, and it also allowed me to catch up on my sleep.

Unfortunately, this particular year didn’t let me do either as much as it had in the past, because I was spending time with
Kage.  I was glad, though, because I wouldn’t have wanted it to be any other way.  My insecurities were raging out of control, and I needed to spend lots of time with him.

The most important thing I wanted to do was make sure I wasn’t being clingy or needy.  I knew that behavior would push him away, the last thing I wanted.

One evening, he came over to my apartment right after work.  I wasn’t working that night and we’d planned to spend the entire evening together.  He had a change of clothes and wanted to shower first.

God, he was hot, reminding me of one of the reasons why I was so insecure.  He
could catch the eye of any pretty girl from miles away, and I knew it.  I’d never considered myself to be beautiful.  Maybe I was.  I don’t know, but I’d always valued myself for my mind.  It was the only thing I thought I had going for me, and something that age would enhance instead of ruin.

Anyway, he stood in the doorway of my apartment.  He looked like he’d been sweating half the
day, and his hair was pulled back in a rubber band.  Yeah, he looked dirty, but he looked incredibly desirable.  “You want a little help in the shower?”

He grinned.
  “I would love that, but it might slow me down for the evening.”  He kissed me and said, “I’ll take a raincheck. But I’d love your company.”

So I did.  I sat on the toilet seat while he showered and the room grew steamy
, mirroring how I felt inside.  I wondered what he had planned for me.  He was being a little secretive about it.  “So what the hell are we doing tonight, Kage?”

“You don’t have class tomorrow, right?”

“Right.”

“You only have work tomorrow night?”

“Yeah.”

“Then we’re going to do a lot.  First, dinner, and then…”  I heard him sputter under the water and he got quiet.

“Then what?”

“I have a surprise for you.”

“Stop teasing me!”

“We’re going out to the lake.  It’s a warm enough night.  I want to show you something there.”

Whatever it was seemed important to him.  “Okay.”

“I promise it’ll be worth it.”

I repeated myself, sounding in my own ears like a spoiled child.  “Okay.”

He shut off the water, so I grabbed the towel I’d set on the counter for him and stood.  He pulled the shower curtain aside and I took a deep breath, drinking in the beauty of his body.  It wasn’t like he was a body builder or overly muscular, because he wasn’t.  But he was toned and tight and
his tattoos were hot against that canvas.  I smiled and handed him the towel, pulling it away when he reached for it.  “
Who’s
a tease?”

I said,
“Maybe I don’t want you to get dressed.”  He raised his eyebrows, so I unfolded the towel and draped it over the front of him, holding it against his chest.

“I can’t take you to dinner if I’m not dressed.”

I tried to look defiant.  “Maybe I don’t
want
to eat.”

“Oh, you better.  You’re going to need your strength for what I’m going to do to you tonight.”

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face, but I was suddenly eager and ready for him to get dressed.  I bit my lip and stepped aside.

Chapter Twenty-Three

WE ATE DINNER at the Red Lobster that wasn’t too far from my apartment.  Nothing fancy, but it was nice and I felt like a princess.  He did that for me.  I’d never been with a guy who was so attentive.  He held out the chair for me, and that was after opening doors for me getting out of my car and entering the restaurant.  I tried not to look at the lobsters in the tank that we passed as we walked from the lobby to our table.  I wondered if they knew the fate that awaited them.  Soon, they would be here in the dining room on someone’s plate.

So I got shrimp and
Kage had a steak.  I didn’t say anything about the lobsters.

They got me to thinking about my own situation, though.  They probably had no idea their lives were in danger, even when some little kid came up to the glass and started banging on it, trying to communicate with the sea creature that was, frankly, out of its element.  Was I in the same corner?  Was I like that lobster, being held for a while until I’d be boiled alive?  I couldn’t shake the uneasiness I
was beginning to feel deep inside.  I loved Kage and I wanted to believe him, wanted to trust him, but the longer we were together, the harder it was becoming for me, even when he was around and I had no reason to doubt him.  That feeling was there, and I didn’t know how to shake it.

I managed to push those thoughts to the back of my mind, though.  They had no place
in my life tonight, no right in flooding my conscious brain.  Kage took a drink of his iced tea and smiled at me, then dragged his knife through the steak as my mind wandered.  My bare knees helped with that.  Indeed, it was warm outside for late March.  This time of year, you never knew what you would get.  One day, it would be super warm, reminding you of the promise of a scorching summer, and the next moment, the snow would be falling as you pulled your coat tighter around your frame.  It was a beautiful evening, though, and Kage had asked me to wear something pretty specific, although he let me choose the actual outfit.  He asked for me to wear a short skirt and a button-down blouse.  I asked if he had a color preference.  Nope.  Just those items.  Choice of shoes?  Up to me.  And he’d asked in that mysterious way, letting me know he still had a few tricks up his sleeve for the evening.

That was another thing—he’d asked me to drive.  When I asked why, he just shrugged.  At first, I’d thought he wanted to get drunk, but he wasn’t even drinking.  What the hell was up?

I knew he wouldn’t tell me.  He was having too much fun making me squirm.

So I ate another shrimp and asked, “You said we’re going to the lake after this?”

He nodded and asked, “How’s your food?”

I almost shook my head.  I was feeling frustrated, especially since he was finding
that frustration so amusing.  “It’s fine.”  I set my fork on the table.  “Actually, I can barely taste it.”

He looked up from his plate and I could see the smile in his eyes, even though his lips didn’t show it.  “Should we send it back to the kitchen?”

He
was
.  He was playing with me.  He was like a cat and I was the dumb little mouse wandering around, not even aware I was being watched.  Well, I was now, and he was finding my reactions to be funny.  I couldn’t play along anymore or else he would prolong the torture.  “No, it’s fine.”

He raised his eyebrows and I could see a glimmer of a smile twitching at the corner of his lips.  Still, he said nothing.  So I too raised my right eyebrow and smiled back, but it wasn’t a
toothy smile.  It was knowing.  I wasn’t going to say another word unless it was in response to him, and, even then, I planned to say only what I needed to.  Two could play at this game.

“I just want to make sure you’re satisfied.”

“I’m fine.  Are
you
?”

A slight shrug of his shoulders told me he was enjoying himself immensely.  He took another drink of his tea and said, “I hope you know I plan to make you
very
satisfied later on.”

Oh…the look in his eyes, one of smoky danger, a look I knew so well, and one that got me hot quickly.  I felt short of breath then, and I was once again at risk of displaying my emotions on my face again.  I didn’t want him to once more have the upper hand.  He had to know what he did to me, though.  I didn’t see how he couldn’t.
  Still, the part of me that was feeling miffed and a little irritated said, “I dare you.”

His lips spread wide in a huge grin.  His voice was barely more than a whisper when he said, “I’m up for the challenge.”

I licked my lips and sat back.  “You better be.”

* * *

It was dark by the time we got to Lake Pueblo, and I didn’t say it, but I was thinking that it was too late for whatever it was he wanted to show me.  We didn’t take any of the usual, well-traveled routes.  Kage directed me farther west and I turned onto a road I’d never been down before.

We were out past the traffic and the houses, out where it was quiet and dark.  There were more trees and vegetation as we got closer to the water.  When he directed me to pull over and we got out, I realized we were even farther west than I’d realized.  The lake wasn’t much of a lake anymore.  Instead, it was hard to tell where the Arkansas River ended and where Lake Pueblo began.  I could hear the motor of a boat off in the distance, but the shoreline was deserted.  It was just me,
Kage, and the great outdoors.

There was a slight breeze in the air, and I could sense the chill off the water nearby, but it was warm.  Once we were out of the car,
Kage grabbed my hand and we walked toward the water.  “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“I love water.  It’s not the most beautiful lake in Colorado, not by a long shot, but it’s close…and it’s ours.”

I tilted my head.  “What do you think is the most beautiful lake in Colorado?”

“Hmm.”  He was quiet for a few moments.  “The first set of foster parents I had as a kid, they used to go camping a lot.  I got to see a lot of lakes as a kid.”  He pondered for a moment.  “I like the lake at San Isabel and Comanche Lake, too…but Blue Mesa’s probably my favorite.”

“I’ve been to Blue Mesa, but I’ve never seen those other two.”

He took a deep breath and then cupped my cheeks in his hands.  “I’ll have to take you to both of them someday.  They really are incredible.”  He kissed me.  “What about you?  Do you have a favorite?”

I thought back to my youth.  I too had had camping experiences with my grandparents…and one lake
—or, more accurately,
set
of lakes—was emblazoned in my memory.  I remembered it as the bluest water I’d ever seen.  “Twin Lakes.”

He shook his head.  “I’ve never been there.  I’ve seen pictures.  Where is it exactly?”

“It’s at the base of Independence Pass, past Buena Vista.  I think I remember my grandpa saying it’s close to Mount Elbert.”

“Then I know I’ve never been there before.  We’ll have to go there together someday.”

I smiled.  I’d enjoyed camping as a kid, but I doubted I would like camping as an adult.  With Kage, though, everything was possible.  I couldn’t imagine hating any experience as long as he was by my side.  “Yeah.”

“I’d love to live by a lake someday.  Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Kage was quiet for a few moments.  “I’d like to live by water—maybe the ocean.  A river or a creek.  Not a lake.”

After his obvious adoration of lakes, I was a little bemused by that statement.   “Why?”

He was quiet again, but when he finally spoke, he said, “I used to have a little sister.  The foster parents who took me camping…they had custody of both my sister and me.  Anyway, we were camping somewhere, Lake De Weese, I think.  But she, uh…she got up early one morning and…I don’t remember it all.  I was maybe seven or eight at the time.  But I guess she went swimming.  She was too little.  I know the lake wasn’t big—no huge undercurrents or anything.  I don’t remember the details.  I just remember she was fascinated by the crawdads in the water.  But somehow she died and I was taken somewhere else.  Away from the only man I ever called
papa
.”  Oh, God.  That felt like a knife in my chest.  Again, it was a glimpse into this man’s life that made me realize maybe mine wasn’t so bad.  I squeezed his hand.

After some time, he kissed me again and
he pressed his forehead against mine.  I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.  “You ready for your surprise?”

I grinned.  I hadn’t forgotten, but I had decided not to say anything else.  I didn’t want to be impatient.  Now, though, I could say so. 
“More than.”  I kissed the bottom of his chin.  “I thought maybe this was it.”

“Only part of it.”
  He led me back to the car.  Then he stopped at the hood and said, “Wait here.”  I smiled again.  He was acting mysterious once more.  I saw him take something out of the car, but I couldn’t tell what it was, and as soon as he closed the door, the dome light turned off again and I couldn’t see anything.  When he returned to stand in front of me, he trailed one finger lightly down the side of my face.  “Do you remember a while back when I promised to fuck you on your car?”

Suddenly, my heart beat picked up.  Oh…this man, he made me so hot, so aroused already, but knowing he was going to have his way with me, right then and there
(
on my car?!
), made me tingle all over.  Why was my voice so tiny?  “Yeah…”  I realized my breath was shallow and my muscles felt weak, anticipating what was to come.

“Sit down,” he said.  It wasn’t an order, more an offer, that if I did as he asked, I would be rewarded.  Of course, there was no hesitation on my part, and all I had to do was fall back on the hood.  I would have expected it to be on the cool side, but it was warm, and I knew it was because we’d been driving not long ago. 
Kage got close, wrapping his arms around my waist, but only one hand touched me, and that was when I remembered he had something in his other hand.  I tried not to think too much about it, but I wondered what it was.

My legs spread
around him so he could get close to me, but before I could do more than cup his face in my hands and run my fingers into his hair at the temples, he asked, “Do you trust me?”

Oh…what the hell kind of question was that?  Especially since I’d felt so many niggling doubts of late.  Did I trust him?  I couldn’t answer that question—not here, not now.  Did I
want
to trust him?  Yeah, completely and with all that I was.  And so, as if want was the basis for my every decision, I answered, “Yes.”  On one level, I meant it.

He started kissing my neck and I felt my muscles turn to jelly again.  Trust aside, I wanted this man to do what he would with me.  In that regard, I suppose, I did trust him.  I had no other choice.

“Why don’t you slide on up there?”

“Up where?”

“So your back’s against the windshield.”

I sucked in a breath.  Sure, that made sense.  The hood of the car would be like a mattress.  As my ass passed over the bulk of the engine where most of the heat was emanating from, I almost laughed.  It would be the weirdest mattress I’d ever been on.  Cool on the edges, hot in the middle, and hard—not unforgiving, but nothing
like my bed.

He crawled up on the hood as well, almost as though in pursuit of me.  The moon wasn’t full, but I could see his outline as my eyes adjusted to the dark. 
When his face got close to mine, I could see enough of his features so that I could kiss him on the lips.  He urged me to lean back against the windshield.  It wasn’t comfortable at all.  The angle felt weird and the glass was cooler.  Add to that, the metal where the car met the windshield jutted up and dug into my ass.  I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t.  “Hold on,” I muttered, part of me not wanting to move.  His lips lingered at my neck, warm and intoxicating.  My nipples were rock hard, desperate for his attention, but they would have to wait as I relieved another part of my body.

I eased my rear off the lip a little bit down the hood and
Kage held his body up off me so I could do whatever I needed to so I could get comfortable.  The problem with that move was I felt a lot less support from the windshield, and that was when I realized that there was no way this would ever be cozy…so, I thought, let’s get on with it.

I hadn’t known at the time that a little bit of discomfort distracting me could make things better.  “You good?” he asked and I breathed an affirmation.  He sat up some and I saw a round object in his hands.  I could hear a ripping sound and that, combined with the motions, told me he had a roll of duct tape.  My heart rate sped up again as I wondered what he was going to do with it.
  Ah…here’s where the trust came into play.  I didn’t know where he was going to put it, but my body was responding.  I could feel adrenaline rushing through my veins and it made me aware in ways I wouldn’t have expected.  Every nerve was on alert, waiting and prepared for whatever was to come.

He balanced on his knees and, with
a gentleness I hadn’t expected, he took my right wrist in his hand.  He wrapped the tape around it as though it were a bracelet.  Then he ripped off another piece of tape and, holding my arm to the glass of the windshield, he taped down my arm at the wrist.  I felt a cool breeze pass over my cheek and then he brought his face close to mine.  “Okay?”