Be My December (17 page)

I stumbled out of bed and headed to the tiny bathroom. If I had learned anything about Ky since I arrived, it was that he never joked about plans. If he said he would be here at eight then I should expect him before eight. Turning on the shower as hot as I could, I stood under the stream of water and thought about the next month. I knew the rumblings through my body were the beginnings of messed-up excitement. This was reckless; this was completely different of me. This was me losing control. Usually I would have regretted the decision, I would have hated myself for saying yes, but for once it was kind of refreshing, it was intriguing, it was confusing as hell but it was only for one month.

Wrapping a towel around my clean and moisturized body, I walked into my room and gathered my clothing. Where would we be going? What should I wear? Why did the feeling of a hidden agenda suddenly slap me in the face? Shaking my head to diminish the absurd thoughts, I headed back into the bathroom and dressed for the day: skinny jeans, knee-high boots, and a cream sweater with my favorite red jacket.

After drying my hair, allowing the natural waves to fall over my shoulders, and adding a touch of mascara to my lashes and gloss on my lips, I finished my morning routine with a mist of my favorite Vera Wang perfume and I was ready to go. I headed toward the bed to find my cell and bag while my mind went into overdrive at thoughts of what the day could bring. A sharp knock at the door stopped me.

I rung my hands together to try and cease the shaking before I took a deep breath; with a silent prayer for confidence I pulled the door open and there he stood. Dressed in dark denim jeans, a black hoodie, thick woolen scarf, and a beanie that covered his chocolate brown hair, it was the perfect stubble grazing his jaw that grabbed my attention.

“It’s lonely out here Eden.” Ky’s spoke in a deep voice laced with amusement.

“Sorry, come in.”

I stepped away from the door, opening it wider for Ky to step through. He strode past me, and I didn’t miss the wink he shot me as he unwound the scarf and threw it down on my bed. 

“How are you feeling about today?” he asked softly.

How was I feeling? Nervous, anxious, fearful, excited, intrigued—mix them together and that was me. He watched me closely as he waited for my response. How could I respond without letting my true thoughts show? Being under his watchful gaze was something unique; it was like the pulse my body had needed for so many years; it was a yearning that I never imagined; it was a breath in my lungs that I had been waiting for; it was pure and utter confusion.

“You’re wearing the red jacket,” he continued, dismissing his initial question. He took two steps until he was standing in front of me. “The girl in the red jacket.”

“That was you,” I whispered, completely taken aback that it was he that Ashlyn had told me about. “Ashlyn told me someone__”

“Yep that was me so I am very happy to see you wearing it today.” Slowly he wrapped the scarf back around his neck, his eyes never leaving my face. “You ready to go?”

I nodded and grabbed my purse off my bed. “Where are we going?”

He didn’t hesitate with his response. “Someplace I’ve wanted to take you since I met you.”

••••

We sat in silence as we left the island and headed across the river. I had no clue where he was taking me, but I couldn’t ignore my excitement.

The moment the cab pulled up near Central Park, I turned in my seat and looked at him in wonderment. What were we doing here? A smirk played on his lips as he pulled open the door and exited the cab, only to walk around the back and pull open my door. I climbed out eagerly and my eyes roamed around the space, taking in the crowds and reminiscing in one of my favorite places. The moment Ky put his hand on the small of my back to lead me away, I jumped. 

“You like photography right?” The sensation of his warm breath just below my ear caused a shudder to cascade down my back.

“Please do not tell me that’s a serious question!” I shrieked and whipped around to face him.

His laughter swirled through me, and I realized it was the first time I had really heard him laugh. It was warm, throaty, and dominant.  I couldn’t help but like it. My eyes fell to his arm that was suspiciously behind his back. His brow rose and a smirk engulfed his lips. Like it was in slow motion, he brought his arm into sight and I gasped at what he revealed. He held my camera bag in his hand and a grin the size of Everest took over his face.

What? How? When? 

“How? When? I don’t__” I stuttered in disbelief.

“You shouldn’t ask,” he suggested with a stern tone. “Let’s go for a walk. You lead the way.”

I stood staring at him in complete fascination. He continually surprised me; it was like opening a Christmas present when it came to Ky Crawford. You never knew what you were going to get.

I shot back to reality, and we took off along the winding path that led toward the glistening lake. I might have been gone for the last four years, but it all came flooding back to me. The smell of freshly baked pretzels teasing and tantalizing my body, the chattering and laughter of thousands of people inundating my ears, and the evidence of a New York winter lingering in the air around me were burned in my memories forever. I had spent so much time here while I was in college; the hustle and bustle calmed me and when I made the decision to flee to the other side of the country, this was the place I ran to; the place I needed to say goodbye to.

But now here I was, reconnecting, all because of Ky Crawford. 

“Thank you for this.” I swallowed hard finally meeting his intense stare. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

“Yes I did.” He said softly, his eyes briefly losing their intensity as they flickered with honesty. 

He walked beside me quietly as I took in everything around me. Ten minutes after we left the warmth of the cab, we stood by the ice skating rink that was overrun by excited children.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been here,” I admitted softly as emotions overcame me. “This right here is what I miss.”

He didn’t say a word, but he didn’t need to say anything. I placed my camera bag on a vacant table and wrapped my arms around myself. Winter chill was rolling in at an aggressive rate, but I didn’t care. I would stay here until he forced me to leave—rain, snow, hail, or shine. I heard the crunch of the ground below as Ky walked toward a vacant table, yet I remained statue like. I just needed to enjoy this moment. I needed to bask in the innocence and beauty before me. 

During college this was the place I would escape to when I needed to study or when I needed solitude from the dorm. It was a bit of a hike, but when I found it I felt immediately connected. I didn’t know how long I stood there, it was only when I heard the familiar click of a photo being taken that I was drawn from my trance. I turned toward Ky just as he clicked another photo. He dropped my camera from covering his face, and his face was completely unreadable. My insecurities plagued me as we stood staring at each other like there was nothing going on around us.

“You are spectacular to look at Eden Rivers.”

My cheeks engulfed into a flame of red under his words. I dropped my gaze to the ground to avoid my emotions spilling out of me.

“You are going to hear me say that a lot over the next month so I’d suggest you get used to it.”

Ky packed up my camera, placing it back in the bag, and then slung the bag over his shoulder. He moved around the table toward me, but his eyes were memorized by the lake. As if he knew I was watching him, he shifted his gaze and looked directly at me. His lips tweaked and a sexy smirk shot back at me and the damn butterflies reappeared. I didn’t want butterflies. He held out his hand and I froze and it wasn’t because of the chill in the air. Like the noise was taken from the air and jammed inside an airtight box, everything fell silent around me. I wanted to grab his hand; I wanted his large hand to swallow mine but why? He didn’t move his hand; he took a step toward me breaking the distance. I didn’t think I could handle this. His confidence was encouraging mine to soar.

“You should hold my hand.” His eyes dropped to the hand he was holding out to me in silent indication and then back up to meet my eyes. “One month Eden. It’s time to get you out of your comfort zone, and I am the guy to do it.”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend? I don’t understand why someone like you is single?” I blurted out.
What the fuck was wrong with me?

“Someone like me?” His voice dripped with amusement.

May as well just put it out there Eden!
“Well you are successful, confident, have that damn dimple, and you are easy on the eyes. I don’t understand why you are choosing to spend time with me when there would be a billion women out there who would want you.”

“I don’t want a billion women Eden.”

I chose to ignore the insinuation in his tone. “So why?” I pushed.

He drew in a deep breath while he considered his answer.

“Because the woman I wanted left a long time ago and there isn’t anyone else who’s got my attention like her.”

“Oh,” I breathed out, dropping my eyes to the dirt ground below. Suddenly the urge to comfort this man who spoke with such heartbreak for this woman took over any hesitation I had, and without a second thought, I raised my hand slowly, entwining my fingers with his.

I didn’t want to talk about my past with Eden. She didn’t need to know a thing about it. The second I opened my damn mouth and spoke, I regretted it. I didn’t need questions asked, I didn’t want assumptions to be made, and I sure as hell didn’t want her looking at me like she was now.

Pity was one thing I hated. Why pity someone for something you had no clue about? It was one of those things that people thought you wanted, but it was something I never needed. I didn’t want it, I didn’t warrant it, and I sure as shit didn’t deserve it from Eden Rivers. 

I reeled in my thoughts and concentrated only on the way Eden’s hand fit in mine. My eyes dropped to take in the sight of ours fingers entwined together, fitting like a perfect glove, like the promise of comfort.

What the hell was I doing?

“Are we going to stand here and be all awkward?” Her voice sang with a smile, it intrigued me that she was going out of her way to put on miss confident just for me.

“Who said anything about it being awkward?”

The laughter that floated from her body distracted me momentarily and for a flash I forgot everything that was actually happening. I knew I needed to pull it in but the comfort  of being next to her was so unknown to me; it was like walking on a tightrope and just waiting to fall, it was like losing your sight in the blackest hours of the night and feeling for your footing with anxious steps. It was nervousness, it was unpredictable, and it was exhilarating and definitely not what I planned.

One month was all I had. A month to make it worth her while, to show her a life she refused to live. I was a stubborn asshole at the best of times and my intentions were clear but I also knew the risks. If I pushed too far there was the potential to shatter and if I got lost in the attraction of Eden Rivers I’d lose my fucking mind, and I couldn’t allow that to happen. This month wasn’t about me, and I had to focus on that. Josh’s words continued to echo through my head as well as Ashlyn’s warning, like a record on repeat making sure I was well aware of what I was doing. But that was the thing, was I doing this for my own sick needs? Did I even have Eden as a consideration?

For the next two hours, an ecstatic Eden pulled me through the park. Her face never dropped and the smile plastered on her face was infectious. I was smiling; a genuine make-my-face-ache kind of smile, one that I had locked away for so many years; one that was brought out by someone who seemed to constantly fight her own private demons. Her smile was fucking incredible, it took over her face and made the blue of her eyes pop and twinkle in delight and unadulterated happiness. 

Our hands remained linked together as we made our way all over the park. Occasionally she would halt and take a photo of something that she believed was artistic, but all I saw as I watched her do her thing was a bench, a tree, or a child playing. It was only as she focused on the photo and hid her face behind the camera did we lose the connection of our hands. I felt the loss immediately, and the moment she was done, I was back by her side, and she didn’t flinch once when I grabbed for her hand.

It was almost becoming a test to see how far I could push before she got completely freaked out. My mind still jumped to the fear on her face when I first attempted to kiss her; I never wanted to see that look again yet I was still willing to test the bounds. I craved to have my mouth and body on hers; I was a man for Christ’s sake, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But there was a huge difference between craving and acting on and I knew I wouldn’t touch her. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. I promised. But fuck if I didn’t keep thinking about that kiss we shared.

A loud ding sounded around us and she dropped her hand from mine to grab her phone from deep within her bag. I tucked my hands in my pockets, deciding that it was time to stop touching her while I still had an ounce of control. I watched her close. Her eyes narrowed and then an amused smile took over her face. Her eyes lifted from the screen to look at me.