Bearing My Soul: A Paranormal Werebear Shifter Romance (7 page)

I was terrified of going back into town. In fact, I was mortified over what people would say. At night, I sat in front of the fire, alone in the darkness. Alone is what I was always meant to be.

I pulled myself from bed that morning and forced myself to dress and eat breakfast. The fridge was running low on food. I cringed, as I realized I needed to go shopping soon.  I was busy scooping the ashes from the fireplace when there was a knock on the door.

I stared in disbelief for a long moment. The sound seemed so out of place in the old house. I stood slowly to my feet. A stirring thought welled up from within me. “Jonathan,” I breathed, unable to contain the excitement that rushed through me.

I tried to hold myself back and squelch the sudden hope. Instead, I sprinted to the front door and swung it open.

A man stood there, dressed sharply in a suit and tie. His shirt was an army green. His face bearded with thick black hair. My face fell, but the stranger at the door didn’t seem to notice.

“Yes?” The word came out dry and hoarse.

“Hello, Miss Sheppard,” the man barked, not offering me a hand. “I’m the mayor of this normally quiet little community. Recently, I have received reports of monsters attacking hunters in the woods just behind your house. Do you know anything about that?”

My legs went weak as I recalled the events of that day. I shook my head fervently, but his eyes narrowed as he watched my expression. At last, he nodded. “You do know about that, don’t you?” he accused me.

I stood in stone silence, unable to answer. My heart pounded furiously. I just wanted him leave.

“You were involved in that, weren’t you?” he demanded.

I looked sharply away, as I shaded my eyes with one hand. God, could I have possibly been more obvious?

“And your neighbor, Jonathan?”

I looked back at him and he caught the shock in my eyes. He nodded. “I thought so. He was the monster, wasn’t he?”

I clutched at my chest. It was getting very hard to breathe.

He stared at me long and hard. He towered several inches over me. His stance was intimidating and angry.

“Please,” I begged, “he didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You bitch!” Mayor Taylor spat.

I reeled back in horror. He jabbed a finger at me. The fury flamed in his eyes.

“Do you have any idea how badly you’ve just fucked this whole damned town? By the end of the week this place is going to be overrun with idiots and their guns. They’ll come with dogs, hunting monsters in the woods! Just get your stuff and get the hell out!”

He stomped off the porch and headed directly over to Jonathan’s. I covered my mouth with both hands. The intense horror ate at my insides like an acid. I wanted to stop him and protect Jonathan, but I couldn’t even protect myself. Every muscle in my body shook violently.

I grabbed a duffle bag and ran to the bedroom. I yanked the drawers out and dumped the contents haplessly into the bag. It was over. I was heading home or at least out of town. All I wanted was to leave before I saw the fallout from Jonathan. I couldn’t stand the idea that he may become even angrier with me.

“I didn’t tell, I didn’t tell,” I wailed, as I stuffed the bag into the trunk.

“Didn’t tell what? Andrea, what’s the matter?”

Startled, I swung around to see Roanne straddling her bike. She had pulled in behind my car. Her face was drenched in concern as she watched me. “What are you doing?”

“I have to leave,” I sobbed, while I fumbled through my purse for my keys.

“Because of the reports of monsters?” Roanne probed.

I nodded, then shook my head. The terror and words jumbled together.

Roanne grabbed at my arm and I pulled away. “Is this about you and Jonathan?” she asked. “Andrea, you have to talk to me!”

“No,” I snapped. “You wouldn’t understand!”

“You two fucked!” she breathed. “It happened, didn’t it?”

I stared at her in shock. “Okay,” I conceded, “you seem to understand more than I expected. But it’s worse than that.”

“What?” she demanded.

My purse slid from my clumsy grip. It toppled to the ground and my things spilled onto the gravel. I stopped and stared longingly over to his house. The windows were cold and empty. So was I. “He hated it,” I muttered. “He hated me.”

She stumbled back, shaking her head. “No,” she insisted. “There has to be more than that to it. What else happened?”

I clenched my jaw and held back the tears. I knelt down. The world was misty through my eyes, as I scooped things back into my purse.

As I sifted through the grave, I felt a soft touch on my shoulder. I looked up to see Roanne staring at my bandage. Her eyes were wide in astonishment. “He bit you!” she gasped.

“It’s nothing!” I yelped, as I sprang to my feet. “He didn’t intend to, either. He’s not a monster!”

I clambered into the front seat of the car and jammed the keys into the ignition.

“You’ve seen him!” Roanne yelled. “Oh my god, Andrea, you know what he is, don’t you?”

I stopped, my hand on the key. I looked back at her. Slowly, she rested a calming hand on my shoulder.

“You know about him?” I gulped. “How the hell do you know?”

She slowly shook her head. “There’s so much more you don’t know.” Her voice was low and strained. “How did you find out that Jonathan was a bear?”

I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “I saw him change into one,” I cringed in pain. I looked back into her face. Her eyes were filled with empathy and I longed to hug her for it. I could hear the mayor still demanding entrance at Jonathan’s house. Things were only getting worse.

I stopped and recalled the day once more. “Actually,” I corrected myself absently, “I saw a bear turn into Jonathan. But, either way, I understood.”

“We have to talk,” Roanne insisted. “Andrea, there’s more you need to know. You can’t just leave!”

I swung the door closed and she moved back from the car. “I have to leave!” I yelled. “I have to!”

CHAPTER EIGHT

The car roared to life and I jammed it into reverse. The tires spun on the gravel, as I made my way out to the road. I could see Roanne, as she raced to Jonathan’s house, screaming for him.

The dim fuel light on the dash flickered on. The tank was low. It was oddly comforting to see it. Once in town, I pulled into the service station. The attendant scowled as he stomped over.

“We’re not open,” he bit.

I looked over at the car fueling up next to mine. The attendant just glowered back at me.

I jumped, as something hit the back window. I spun around to see kids tossing eggs at my car. They began yelling at me.

I pulled back onto the street and rushed onto the narrow two-lane highway that wound back toward civilization. As the little town fell into the distance behind me, I wondered how far I was going to get without fuel. Thoughts of Jonathan crowded my brain. Then, I thought about being back in the city again. There would be no trees, no streams, and no woodland animals. I was suddenly nauseous.

I pulled into a little picnic area a short ways out of town and sat in the car. After a few minutes, I pulled myself out, put my coat on against the chill, and wandered to an empty table. I breathed in the cool mountain air. The day was warm, the sun bright. It felt odd to me amid the pain. My eyes hurt from crying. I was too numb to go on. I just sat and stared out at the trees.

I listened to the people as they milled around, oblivious to me. I was there, amid people, and still very much alone. There just wasn’t anywhere left for me to go.

I smiled in spite of myself as children played, screamed, and scrambled around the wood tables. The adults joined in suddenly. They squealed and squawked, as they scrambled around. An instant later, everyone bolted for their cars, the tires spinning as they left. I watched them leave, bewildered.

The snort behind me was familiar, but startling. I turned to see a light-colored bear cub lumber up to my table. The short legs and large head made the creature seem adorable. The bared teeth seemed less appealing. It sauntered slowly, deliberately, to where I sat. With a deep growl, it stood up on its hind legs and plopped both front paws down directly in front of me. It stared intently at me with brilliant blue eyes and bewildered dismay. It was an expression I recognized.

“Roanne!” I blurted out. Then, I covered my mouth with my hand. I looked around to be certain no one  heard me.

As she began to change to human, I pulled my coat off and wrapped her up in it. She grunted and groaned as she changed, but in a few minutes I was sitting with Roanne.

“You’re a berserker, too,” I observed. My mind was still reeling. “That’s how you knew about Jonathan. You’re both the same.”

She huffed with heavy impatience. “Damn Andrea, you took off out of town fast.” Her eyes narrowed and glared at me. “Thank god you decided to stop.”

I shrugged. “I figured I was about out of gas anyway. How did you know I would stop here?”

She sighed. “It’s the closest place to pull over outside of town. I suspected that by now it would be very difficult for you to leave the woods.”

She bit at her lower lip and pulled the coat tighter around herself. “Yes, I’m a berserker,” she finally confessed. “Andrea, everyone in town is a berserker. We’re an entire community.”

I stared at her in disbelief. “Everyone?” I gasped.

She nodded and put a quieting hand on my arm.

“Margaret? Your father?”

“Are we struggling with the word ‘everyone’?” she taunted. “The entire town, Andrea. That’s why it’s such a bad thing that news is getting out. If hunters start hunting for us, they’re going to start finding us. It’s only going to get worse. We’re all going to have to move now.”

The words sank in slowly for me. I dropped my head into my hands. “I’m so sorry, it wasn’t really my fault you know.”

“I know,” she admitted. “But you need to come back. You need to stay and help fix this.”

My laugh was low and a bit hysterical. “They egged my car, Roanne. The entire town hates me, especially Jonathan. Oh god, I really blew it.”

Roanne grunted. “That sissy needs to grow a pair and tell you everything. I tried to tell him to stop you from leaving today, but the mayor was still yelling at him. Andrea, you need to talk it out with him.”

“I can’t!” I whined. “He hates me, Roanne. I can’t face him again.”

“You’re not listening,” she insisted. “Andrea, you have to go back.”

Her eyes were stern. “You know something, don’t you?” I realized. “Roanne, what is it I don’t know?” I shook my head. “Oh god, after all I’ve found out, what the hell else is there?”

She didn’t answer. She only pushed herself up from the table and went to sit and wait for me in the car.

The drive back was uneasy and silent. Roanne insisted I needed to hear it all from Jonathan. She wouldn’t say anything more. We stopped off briefly at her house, so she could eat and dress. At last, I pulled up in front of the Hall house. Much of the town had gathered on Jonathan’s front lawn. They moved to my house as I pulled in.

“Why the hell are you back?” the mayor spat at me. “I told you to leave!”

I stepped away from him and moved back to the car. Roanne grabbed my sleeve and stopped me. She motioned into the crowd.

I watched as Jonathan stepped around the others. His eyes focused on me. “I’m sorry I hadn’t told you before,” he spoke, the words catching in his throat.

I yearned to throw myself into his arms, but he stood a distance from me, not drawing any closer. The crowd stared at us. I stood awkward and humiliated.

“Why did you have to attack those hunters?” Jim yelled at Jonathan. “Now we’re all going to be hunted!”

A rage roared to life in Jonathan, as he turned on the butcher. “They were going to kill her!” he snarled.

“You should have let them!” the mayor snapped. “You let your desires override your common sense. She doesn’t belong here. She is not one of the community!”

“That’s not exactly true,” Roanne yelled over the crowd. “She is one of us.”

The crowd fell silent. All eyes stared at me in dismay and shock. I stepped back, but Roanne grabbed my arm again. She reached up and tugged the shoulder of my shirt down. Then, she spun me around so everyone could see the bandage on my back.

People gasped and groaned. I turned back to see their cold, drawn faces. They scowled at Jonathan.

“He didn’t mean to,” I objected. “It’s okay, really!”

A quiet hush fell over the town. Some people sat down on the lawn, shaking their heads.

The mayor took Jonathan by the arm. “Are you going to talk with her or am I?” he asked.

Jonathan stared at me for a long moment. His eyes were sad and tired. Finally, he nodded and stepped up to me.

“We should talk,” he said casually. “Do you have a minute?”

I gave him a puzzled glare. He reached out and lovingly took my hand in his. He turned and led me across the street and down along a trail that wound deeper into the woods. My heart was racing now. My hand was cradled in his and he was close to me once again. He didn’t speak for the longest time. We only walked in silence.

“I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore,” I said. My voice cracked, as I said the words. It wasn’t really true, though.

“Andrea,” he finally began, “I was never upset or angry with you. The town wasn’t either.” He looked back behind us along the trail. “Well, they’re a bit mad now, I suppose, but it’s mostly at me.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t see them, Jonathan. They treated me horribly.”

He nodded. He took a long, deep breath. “I need to tell you about us, about you and me” he submitted. “Yes, I wanted you to leave and so did the town; but, it’s not because of anything you said or did.”

“Then what?” I cried. “Why the hell did everyone want me to just go away?”

He shrugged. “It’s so I wouldn’t eat you,” he finally said.

I stopped and stared at him in horror. “You said you were safe as a bear.”

“I said I was no more dangerous as a bear than as a man,” he corrected me.

I reflected back. Yes, those were the words he had used.

“If a berserker loses control, it can be dangerous for people, whether he’s a bear or not. We’re stronger than people. Sometimes, we get rough. Normally, it’s not a problem. Usually, we stay in control.”

I leaned into him. His warmth swelled out to meet me. I looked deep into his eyes and saw the pain and fears that loomed in the darkness inside. “What are you saying?” I pried. My heart was beginning to race. I clenched at his hand. “When do you lose control?”

He gave a deep sigh of surrender. “Usually when we have wild, passionate sex. Now, a berserker doesn’t normally crave...” he paused, as his mouth twitched, “we don’t usually crave human flesh, for lack of a more distasteful way of saying it. When I saw you for the very first time, standing on that back porch and watching me with that sensual look on your pretty face, I knew there might be trouble. Then, when you came over to meet me, it was all I could do to keep myself calm. I figured you had to leave town. I knew I couldn’t trust myself to keep in control around you. I let the rest of the town know what I was feeling for you. They understood the danger you were in. They knew they had to run you out of town for your own protection.”

“When I realized that I had bitten you during sex, I knew I had gone too far. That’s what I meant when I said that it could have been worse. I meant I was sorry for biting you, but also that I could have killed you. I was horrified by how close we’d come to that.”

I couldn’t hide the grin. “So the problem was that you found me too irresistible?” I gloated. I felt like bouncing.

Then, it struck me. “So... so we can never do that again?” I stammered. “We can never .  . .”

He pulled me close and I fell into him. He wrapped his arms tight around me.

“Maybe we could chain you to the wall or something,” I suggested. My heart skipped a beat, as I imagined him helpless, at my mercy, and naked. I searched his face quickly to see if he would go for it. “Just for sex, of course. Could we do that?”

He chuckled. “You can bring whips and whatever you like,” he conceded. “But none of that is necessary – not anymore. We can safely have sex, now.”

I gave him a puzzled gaze. “You’re not a werebear anymore?”

He smiled. “Yes, I’m still a werebear.”

I crinkled my face, as I waited for him to explain. He only reached up and tenderly touched my face. Then, he ran his hand along my shoulder, as he touched the place on my back where he had...

“Oh shit!” I suddenly understood. My eyes grew big. “When? I mean, what happens now?”

“I’ll help you adjust,” he promised. “It’s a bit painful to change, but it’s worth it. It’s scary the first few times, though. You’ll want to stay in town with the rest of us. It’s better as a clan.”

I could hear the townspeople still making noise back at the house. “So, it’s like I have a family now?”

He nodded. “Yes, Andrea. Now you’re family. Well, unless we all get hunted into oblivion, anyway. With those hunters reporting monsters, we’re all going to get shot.”

I grimaced thoughtfully. “Actually,” I said, “There may be an easy way out of this.” I reached down and unzipped his pants. I explained my idea, as I pushed him back into a thicket of trees. I yanked down his shorts, shoved him to the ground, and played with him. I watched his part grow as I tickled it. We were in no hurry to get back.