BEAST (21 page)

Kendra sighed. “It’s just…you’re so buried up under him anymore. Why do you have to get so wrapped up in a man, Ashleigh?” Ashleigh opened her mouth to say something but wasn’t sure what there was to say. “I mean I have Jeffery, Lance has Rick and we still make time for our friends.”

“Is this because I skipped our weekly lunch?” She’d skipped it to h
ave sex with Christopher…yeah,
okay
t
hat was probably pretty bad. They had been together a week and it was pretty intense. Last Friday they were even supposed to have gone to the Mad
Crabb
to see him play guitar during karaoke…but they hadn’t made it out of bed. “Gee, sorry. I guess I thought you guys would share in my excitement at meeting someone special.”

Lance raised a brow. “Honey I’m rooting for you guys. But I don’t want you to lose yourself in loving him.” Did they really think that she was so pathetic that she HAD to be with a man? God…is that what she showed people? Ashleigh slowly stood and walked out of the room.

“Ashleigh?!”

“Please don’t be mad, Ash!” Lance said.

She went to the elevator and stabbed the button and once she was in the lobby she headed for the canteen and straight for the vending machines. She fed a dollar bill into the machine and pressed the button for a Hershey bar. She peeled the paper back and ate half of it as she stood there.

God…it was so good. It had been ages since she’d allowed herself to enjoy a candy bar. She ate the other half a lot slower, just staring at nothing. She searched her pocket for another dollar and fed it into the machine and bought a second candy bar. This time, though, she went to the ladies room and ate it in secret.

Christopher’s brow was knit with concern as he watched the monitor. He’d seen her shoveling the first candy bar into her mouth and wondered how much candy she might be allowed to eat.
When she got the second one his back bristled.
No way
that she should
be eating two. Christopher rubbed his chin, his brow still gathered darkly.

~***~

Ashleigh returned to the office a few minutes later. She felt calmer although a bit guilty about the candy. She shouldn’t have done that, but couldn’t deny that it had calmed her. She now knew that Lance and Kendra thought that she used men like a crutch and she supposed that in some ways that had been true. With DeAngelo she just wanted to be made to feel beautiful. But it wasn’t like that anymore. She wanted Christopher because he was her—just flipped inside out.

Kendra quickly came to her feet, her face filled with guilt. “Ashleigh…I didn’t mean…I mean-”

“Kendra, what do you want to say?” Because she could clearly see that her friend had something she wanted to get off her chest.

Kendra gave her a thoughtful look. “Ash…
why
are
you with Christopher?”

Lance got up and walked right out of the room as if shit was going to start flying.

“What do you mean?” Ashleigh wanted her to say what she meant. If they were going to have this conversation then she wouldn’t make it easy by filling in the blanks for her.

Kendra wrung her fingers, her face full of concern. “Don’t you think…you’re jumping into this kind of fast?”

Ashleigh
shrugged,
her gaze on her friend steady. “I’ve been friends with Christopher for
months
even if we
just went on our first date less than two weeks ago. How is that fast?”
Yes, some people dated to find out if they were compatible. But with her and Christopher that first date just signified something they had already figured out; they both wanted to be with each other.

“Ashleigh, where do you see this going?”

“Where…any relationship goes, Kendra.
I want to nurture it and allow it to keep growing. What are you getting at?”

The pretty woman took a deep breath. “Ash…do you think that you and Christopher…fit?” Ashleigh just watched her friend. “I’m saying that…are you sure that you didn’t just jump into this thing with Christopher because of how you and DeAngelo left off? I mean, you’re all hot and heavy with him-”

Ashleigh scowled. “No. He is not ‘rebound guy’. I wasn’t
trying
to fall for Christopher. But I couldn’t help it because he is like no other guy I’ve ever met.”

“And babies? What about babies? Your babies will probably have cleft palates. I looked it up, and it’s congenital, you know? And it’s not just a cleft palate that he has. Christopher has cranial facial deformities. His skull is smashed in! That is not a cleft palate, there’s other things wrong with him!”

Ashleigh stared at Kendra in surprise.

“I’m just saying…nobody is going to look down on you if you back away from this guy. Or if you just want to fool around with him because…he’s got a fucking great body! But Ashleigh, you don’t want to MARRY this guy!”

Kendra rubbed her eyes and felt tears on her fingers. She cursed as Ashleigh watched her silently. Then she reached for tissues and wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked at her best friend.

“Well…cuss me out, hit me but do something!”

“How hard was that for you to say?”

Kendra sighed and more tears gushed from her eyes. “I’ve
been wanting
to say it for days. I just didn’t want you to hate me…”

Kendra started crying. Lance came hurrying back into the room. He looked from one friend to the other. He loved them both, but Ashleigh had a special place in his heart because he knew what it was like to be an outcast of society. Kendra was a sweetheart but she had no clue. She was perfect.

Ashleigh took a deep breath. “I want you both listen to what I have to say. And don’t interrupt me. I’m not angry because you feel that way, Kendra. Because I used to think in those terms too, maybe we all do.  I know that when I go places with Christopher we will always be the center of attention. I already know that I have to come to terms with that.

“I also know that I can’t think that way anymore. I was so concerned about looks that I stayed with a handsome man that had no capacity to love. I discounted your friend Ivan without even trying to get to know him because he wasn’t my ‘image’ of beautiful. And once upon a time, I would have never considered a man that had the facial deformity that Christopher has.

“I know now that I felt very ugly. The world makes you feel ugly. Your friends when they say, ‘if only you would lose weight,’ are really saying, ‘you are not as good as the rest of us.’” Kendra gave her a hurt look. “Oh, they don’t mean to hurt you or pass judgment or call you ugly. But in my case, I put two and two together and what I came up with is that I wasn’t good enough. But, as long as I could have beautiful men loving me I could pretend.

“I wish I knew then what I know now; it doesn’t matter what people look like on the outside, because if you love them they are beautiful.” She smiled. “Christopher is beautiful. I’d rather have him with a facial deformity then have DeAngelo with a perfect one.” She nodded at Kendra.

“You don’t need to define my beauty for me anymore. Your definition doesn’t meet mine anymore because I think Christopher is beautiful and that’s why I love him, not because of how he looks.”

Kendra used her wet tissue to dab at the tears in her eyes. “I really come off as shallow. But it’s certainly not what I meant.” Kendra met Ashleigh’s eyes. “But I guess I am. I didn’t realize how judgmental I was being. I’d…like to get to know Christopher better. Can we get together and do that?”

Ashleigh nodded. “I’ll talk to him about it.”

Lance came forward and placed his hands on both of their shoulders.
“Group hug?”

Corny or not, the three friends hugged and Kendra gripped her extra tight. “I’m sorry, Ashleigh, if I ever made you feel ugly. I love you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know and that’s why I let you.”

Lance sighed. “Sometimes I feel awfully left out because I’m not a black woman.”

Kendra pinched his cheek. “But you are in your heart.”

“True.” He nodded.

~***~

Ashleigh preferred spending time at Christopher’s house in the evenings because his home was just so much more comfortable. They had gotten into the habit of
her
sleeping over and even though they couldn’t drive in to work together since they had different quitting times, they could satisfy their morning ‘desires’ for each other and therefore create a more productive workout session in the gym, without overwhelming sexual tension...and without running the risk of becoming exhibitionists.

Because she got off work earlier, she had time to go home and pack her bag for the next day. She had learned to leave a supply of insulin in Christopher’s refrigerator so that they didn’t have to end their lovemaking just for her to go home to medicate.

As usual, he was at the door before she got a chance to ring the bell. He pulled her into his arms for a brief hug and kiss on the forehead.
“Hi, sweetheart.
Hope you’re hungry because dinner’s cooking.”

“Mmm. Good, I’m starving.” He pulled her inside and kissed her intimately.  Ashleigh ran her hands up his back. After a few minutes of that Christopher went into the kitchen to check the chili. Maggie the cat moved cautiously towards Ashleigh who crooned a soft greeting. She didn’t dare try to touch the feline for fear that she would dash away like she always did. Maggie blinked green eyes at her and then scurried away. The cat did not like her.

Ashleigh went into the kitchen and watched her man as he cooked. “Hey, is it cool if my friends get together with us sometime?”

He looked up from where he was stirring the simmering chili. “Yeah, that’ll be fine. As a matter of fact I was going to ask you to come watch me play at the
Madd
Crab Friday.” He had already missed one week, though it had been worth it. He suppressed a smile at the memory of what they had been doing instead of listening to karaoke. “If you think they’d want to come along then their welcomed to join us.”

“That’s a fantastic idea.” She watched him cook, her body beginning to tingle at what lay beneath his clothes. She was already anticipating what was going to happen later tonight.

“Sweetheart,” he glanced at her, “have you checked your blood sugar levels yet?”

“Not yet.” She looked at him curiously.

“Maybe you should check it now.”

She shrugged.
“Yeah, alright.”
She grabbed the items that she needed and pricked her finger. Christopher turned off the chili and pulled bowls down from the cabinet.

“How is it, Sweetheart?” he asked as he ladled chili into bowls.

“It’s a little high.”

“Oh? What did you eat today?”

She walked into the kitchen. “Oh…you know; your shake, chicken salad on lettuce for lunch…”

Christopher stared at her. “Is that all?”

Ashleigh’s eyes darted away and her cheeks turned red, even despite her brown skin. “Yes…and some unsweetened tea.”

His baby was such a bad liar. But she was lying and he didn’t like that.  “Come and eat, honey. There are beans in the chili so that should help with your
carbs
. Did you already take your insulin?”

She met his eyes again and nodded.
“Yep.”
She pulled up her chair and stirred the hot chili. He watched her for a moment and then began to eat. Ashleigh did the dishes while Christopher took care of some quick chores and then they went to bed.

Their lovemaking was another intense session filled with plenty of grunting and loud passionate moans. Afterwards he kissed the back of her neck where she was spooned up against him.  “I have to
workout
, baby.”